Name: Shane Gillis Knows the Amish
Uploaded: 2022-05-08T21:23:44.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Shane Gillis Knows the Amish' from Theo Von Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-05-08. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Shane Gillis Knows the Amish' from Theo Von Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-05-08. Transcript available.

you grew up in the in pennsylvania man you grew up out and were you like an amish
country did you
ever have any interaction with the amish there's a lot of amish around wow yeah
lancaster that's i
was like 30 40 minutes west of amish country but they're around dude did you
ever get approached
by him because i could see you being like i definitely if i'm amish and i'm a
you know i
don't want to say a milk drinker yeah yeah but if i'm somebody that's close to
that udder they
know i was getting milk yeah yeah he saw me yeah that guy's chugging milk
obviously like uh that guy's
eight percent right there yeah they uh no but you'll see him we used to yell at
him when we were kids
what would y'all say like nice fucking horse dumbass oh get a car you fucking
idiot he drive past them
it was fun now i look back on it like that's very inappropriate the crazy part
is people that yell
out like queers yeah these aren't gay people still that's i mean they're gay
for woodwork phobic and i
don't stand for it yeah that's funny yeah driving by an amish dude in a buggy
be like you're fucking
homo he's gotta be like what the fuck oh dude a couple black dudes called me
the n-word a couple
months ago dude and it was like that kind of brightens your day a little i felt
you know i was
like you promised you know i didn't know what to say that's so cool thank you
guys i'll like say it
again man it's cool when you guys yeah we like it i remember when i was young
somebody was throwing
me and my buddy were fishing it was a black friend of mine who's i think in
jail for murder now man my
friend devin but he um he uh we're fishing in some white some racist white dude
or some somebody racist
who looked white from where we were was up on these train tracks starts
throwing rocks at us
really and yelling the n-word right and so i jump out and i'm like not me dude
you know what i'm saying
like at least yeah don't get me you're getting the wrong guy you're gonna hit
me with a rock
but that shit was wild the amish every once in a while get smoked by like
trucks uh-uh dude they're
driving horse horse and buggies truck truck driver will go wide right and just
splatter them
robber horses and shit it's bad really and they hit them and i guess uh oh
would you rather get hit
from the back with a truck or from the front like definitely from behind
pause definitely i don't want to see that thing coming dude you don't i don't
want to have one
i don't want to have one second to be like oh here it comes i just want to just
fade to black just
that'd be nice oh what sound would you make i don't know i think about that i
mean wait am i
in a car or i'm just getting no you're just walking you're out there walking
something's not going
good yeah right yeah yeah something's gone wrong yeah something is wrong you're
walking out there
and i'm walking and uh yeah i definitely want it to be from behind yeah i don't
want it dude because
if you see it coming your last you know you're gonna be trying to get out of
the way for the last
second that's gonna be your last thing you do and the saddest part if one of
your friends saw you
because you probably put your hands up and like yeah he put his hands up to try
to stop it like
you see that idiot a fire truck hit him he put his hands up yeah you would do
you go of course you
would yeah that would be tough man if he'd figure that out so was there a lot
was there amish people
like in your like was it a was there like would y'all go to any amish markets i'm
just trying to
wonder some of the amish markets and shit i didn't really go to those but they
have uh
we have like mennonite kids in our school wow yeah chick that would wear like a
bonnet yeah they
were like because there's there's there's levels to amish and there's mennonites
that i don't think
follow like the no electricity and shit but they'll like drive the only color
their car can be is black
they can drive it like twice a week or some crazy shit oh really yeah oh dang
they're not all like
strict no electricity no this yeah oh dang so they got some like batman mennonite
kind of yeah
there's a lot of those guys damn i didn't realize that they're flying they're
out there yeah we tried
i know we tried for a while to get a real amish or uh somebody semi-amish on
here and we couldn't do
it i was at a i was at a football game in indiana there's a lot of them in indiana
and ohio too
and they uh these dudes were just on rumspringer fucking tailgating with us wow
and they were
getting wrecked dude damn and they were jacked from all the fucking work oh
yeah just getting ham just
idiots they were dumped oh they could build a birdhouse with their tongue
everything the amish
still build a damn they were like and they speak with a crazy accent really i
can't even do it i don't
know they call us the english oh wow yeah i didn't know that so they don't look
at so do they look at
themselves as even like i mean i guess they look at themselves as human yeah
for sure and they look
at themselves as religious but they don't look at themselves as like english or
anything no they
think we're the english and they're the i don't know what the fuck they are
germans damn yeah they're
wrong yeah it's wrong across the board and where some of the women did y'all
see some of them um
nice babe it's rare but if you if you see a hot amish chick it's like damn that's
that's my queen
yeah it's in a beautiful flowery dress yeah no one's touched her oh what a
sweet angel stinks like
hell you think they smell good or bad no they smell bad oh yeah they do smell
bad i hope that well yeah
they're not gonna care oh yeah they don't smell great yeah there's something
kind of room i feel
like there's some sense of romance about it um yeah for sure because you i
think you always
romanticize like a woman with a pail of water and you know and you you can help
her hey i'll be you
know yeah let me help you i'll build us a boat or something you know like i
feel like and you can
almost you could use anything to get some excitement you could be like hey let's
you know have you ever
done this and you just do like the dougie form or something you know you just
do like something like
have you ever done the soldier boy you just do something like that just yeah
you do something
crazy that they've never seen yeah yeah they've never even seen yeah yeah you're
incredible this is
gonna be a hit this is a hit yeah this is a hit yeah like the soldier boy hit
that even if you just
do this smash hit and they're like oh my god i've never even thought of doing
that yeah i just think
some of the ways you could hit on amish women would be insane dude for sure or
if you did this
thing you know like oh they might burn you yeah they might burn you you might
get lit up soldier
boy they might burn you they might be like dude that's witchcraft yeah that's
we're not having that
here imagine how peaceful you think it's peaceful being amish on the inside of
them or you think it's
i don't know that's the thing like you were saying it might be great yeah just
working doing real
work like farm work building shit and then you go to sleep oh yeah i don't know
and you don't know
one around you is fucking doing good yeah so that helps you're not on instagram
no you're not so you're
not but i wonder if there's an intense fear missing out because you're seeing
you see one car go by and
something you know there's a little you know there's someone a woman with a
bathing suit you gotta lose your
mind yeah you're just sitting behind a horse going four miles an hour down that
fucking highway
convertible flies by and something you just smell like last you hear one second
of cool music
yes what the was that yeah yeah what the dude and yeah and dad's like get your
eyes back in your head
samuel you're like jesus why are we doing this this sucks it must feel like you're
on the most insane
halloween ever i feel like it's i mean yeah if you ever get it and they do rump
spring it and that's
as long as you want it's not like one year some of them stay out for like 10
years have a regular
life and then they're like back to amish guys i gotta let y'all know i'm going
back yeah i'm breaking
probably sick you just burn out in real life you just go so hard go as hard as
you can get addicted
to yeah then you're like dude i'm going back back to the farm i bet when you
roll back in there though
i bet people are coming up and smelling your breath yeah wanting to touch oh
like what was it what was
it like yeah i've been doing edward was that rump spring i don't look at him i've
been doing cocaine
yeah it's crazy you know how much we get done around here
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