Name: Theo Von Witnesses Death Over Breakfast
Uploaded: 2022-06-05T02:10:26.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Theo Von Witnesses Death Over Breakfast' from Theo Von Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-06-05. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Theo Von Witnesses Death Over Breakfast' from Theo Von Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-06-05. Transcript available.

a man died bro a man died um so i'm at breakfast right i'm at breakfast one
morning and
and uh and the place i'm staying at man i treated myself the place i'm staying
was pretty nice dude
they had like a concierge breakfast so you go down there you know and it's
fucking
you know i don't know who the concierge was but i'll tell you this his wife can
cook i'll say that
because they had it bro they had um but oh at breakfast a guy died bro a guy oh
i can't even believe that that laugh just came out of me and that was that's
satan bro
um but a guy died at breakfast a guy met his maker and i don't know what he was
having
i didn't get a look at his plate but uh my friend had joined me we're sitting
over there
and we are um you know she's doing a crossword or doing whatever brought her
some joy and
there's a rambunction in the corner and i didn't know what it was i thought
maybe it was one of those
uh charlos and uh you know charlos and charlie's or whatever where they shake
the guy's neck and they
put the liquor in his face and they shake your stepdad's neck or whatever until
he can't even
breathe or something and then they call it you know they're like uh hey there
you go fatty you know
they say stuff like that to him but they put the liquor in his mouth and they
got the whistle and shit
and then they you know put take a picture or whatever and they put sell you
like a magnet or
whatever i thought it was that kind of thing because there's like a big rambunction
but then i look over
and they're yelling somebody's yelling 9-1-1 and i'm like that is that's old-fashioned
that doesn't
make any sense really but um but then other people realize oh call 9-1-1 so
because some guys just
yelling 9-1-1 9-1-1 i'm like oh man i don't know i guess that's i mean it's
definitely how it works
but it's a just an older way of doing it so anyway people started calling 9-1-1
and then
they just asked did anybody be a doctor here and dude when you're sitting there
as a man you're like
damn you realize you have no skills bro that's what i realized anyway i'm like
damn they somebody there
they had the man on the ground and i mean this brave guy came over and uh and
he's suddenly the
bravest dude in the room because he knew skills to do cpr so he's doing it
there's a nurse lady there
she's doing it and they're just helping and then the rest of us are just
sitting there and i just felt
like oh man i don't have any life-saving skills um and there's something about
that it hits you you're
like damn all the things i've learned and i haven't learned this skill i haven't
learned a real
and the worst part oh here's the worst part so they're over there they say they
got they're bringing
him back and he goes back to the other side i mean he's just playing red rover
with the devil over
there you know or with the lord i don't know his backstory but that guy is just
they're like you
know send you know andy or whatever you know red rover you know sin and and
they're just he's going
back he's in and out and in and out and they're like we're losing and we're
gaining and we're losing
and we're gaining them and um and i didn't know what to do dude and then this
is the saddest part i just
started eating again and i'm like oh my god am i the kind of guy that just eats
when somebody's dying
oh man and so that kind of broke my heart i'm like and i remember just like i
cut into this sausage
patty and i'm like there's no way you're gonna eat right now right because
there was like it was
obvious there was like a group of people that had gone over to help and if you
can't help you got to
stay out the way you can't be over there just you know lighting candles or like
you know somebody was
there with his wife so everything you know all the corners were kind of covered
and i said a few prayers
but then i just started eating this sausage patty dude
and it honestly man it broke my heart i'm like do i i don't know it just there
was something about it
it was just a lot man i'm like oh and i had one bite i'm like there's no way i'm
gonna have another
bite because you can hear them doing the cpr and then i had another bite and i'm
like oh my god bro
just stop eating just stop eating if there's any time where god is looking down
at the earth to see
what's happening it's when somebody's transporting through you know the portal
between life and death
is open here and this guy is about to freaking andy dufresne his way up there
and i'm sitting there
eating bro oh it was so bad man oh it just felt weird so
so that was that bro hope you enjoyed that video and you can watch another and
you can watch this one
you can watch this one different options different choices some guy just brings
you one option not
this guy two options watch one this one or this one