Name: Albuquerque is On One
Uploaded: 2022-07-02T16:00:30.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Albuquerque is On One' from Theo Von Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-07-02. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Albuquerque is On One' from Theo Von Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-07-02. Transcript available.

I went out to Albuquerque over there.
I haven't talked to you since that.
Albuquerque.
Somebody's like, welcome to Albuquerque.
It's like, how many KKs are in Albuquerque?
I said, man, I'm happy to be here.
He goes, where?
And I said, and they trick you because they want to hear you say it.
Because they know you can't say it well because nobody can.
Because they can't also.
And the man said, I said, I'm happy to be here.
And the guy goes, where?
And I was like, Albuquerque.
Albuquerque.
Hey, kiddy.
And the guy's like, oh, you mean Albuquerque.
The whole thing.
They don't even.
If you look at it on the map, it says A-L-B-E-R-K-K-K-K-K.
And then it has a bunch of just dots.
Like, what is it?
One of the Q's has a line going over the top of it.
You know, like unlimited Q's or whatever.
Damn, you know.
And one of the Q's, if you look real close, you can see him over there carrying
a couple other little Q's on his little, you know, his little hip or whatever
that thing is.
A little goiter.
Whatever Q's have on him.
But damn it.
And Albuquerque, that place is, that place is insane, bro.
I never seen anything like that, bro.
People are like, dude, they got aliens, man.
They got aliens, bro.
They have alvatos out.
They got like area 151s out there.
Hey, dog.
You believe in area 151?
Like, what?
Yeah, dog.
You know what I'm talking about?
Aliens, papa.
Like, what, dog?
Like, que paso, pero?
Oh, dog.
I'm talking about aliens, dog.
You like area 51, dog.
You know what I'm talking about?
Area 151?
And I'm like, bro, I fucking, and dude, the crazy part is everybody there is
talking about aliens.
And the aliens are the people, bro.
We went into the, um, we went to a Love's gas station because everything shuts
down in Albuquerque.
At probably about midnight.
Or probably at 10 p.m.
Bro, we had to walk.
Because one of the Ubers, the man said, I ain't coming over there.
I'm like, all right, fuck, all right.
You know, we'll figure it out.
We'll do old-fashioned.
So we walked.
You know, the original Ubers, baby.
You know what I'm talking about?
Feet and kneecaps, baby.
That freaking ligament.
That, you know, them little ligament, uh, you know, them bangers, baby.
Them lifters, legs.
I'm like, all right, we'll use these bitches.
And, uh, so we start walking.
First guy we see has a sword.
Okay, that's wild.
Guy had a sword on him.
He was a grown man, too.
And we just didn't want to kind of, he was, he was, uh, a lot.
He was walking around, but you could tell he was asleep.
So he's one of those sleep swordsers.
So it was just one of those, he's almost like one of those, like on a game, on
a video game.
If you don't get close to them, they don't know you're there, kind of.
He was like that.
So like, all right, let's just maneuver around, um, this little guardian of the,
uh, Greyhound.
He was basically guarding a Greyhound station.
Um, but anyway, what was I talking about?
Oh, Albuquerque, yeah, but everybody there, they talk about the alien, but the
aliens are there amongst the people.
They're so mixed in.
And we went to a gas station, and this guy in there was just walking like, just
like, he moved, like his head, he kept moving his arms up above his head while
he walked.
Like, oh, dog, I'm looking for some Rolos, I'm looking for a, whatchamacallit,
and everybody there had a parole officer with them, and that blew my mind.
But that's solid police work, and, um, and thank you.
That was, that was great, man.
They're like, dog, you gotta try the chilies, dog.
Have you had the green chilies?
Dude, somebody, bro, that place is crazy, dude.
Uh, I went, uh, I went to like this meeting there, um, you know, I got 51 days
sober right now.
So, that's where I'm at, and, uh, I'm feeling very grateful for that.
Uh, and, so I went to this meeting, and the other, the dude, I know you're not
supposed to talk about what happens in meetings.
That's fine.
I was at a meeting once, then I'll say it like this.
And it was just me and someone else, and the man was hitting on me, bro, in
there.
Like, dude, I'm trying to get sober, dog.
Not gayed out.
You know, so it was just like, dang, bro, you gotta watch that stuff.
So, uh, if you're at a meeting and a guy takes his shoes off, dude, and, um, he
started doing that cat's cradle thing with his shoelaces, he took them out of
his shoes and was doing cat's cradle with them.
I'm like, God, you know?
But, um, but in Abbie, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, they always
want you to try the green chilies.
People are like, dog, we, my cousin got attacked by two guys with, um, lightsabers,
you know?
But, um, but have you had the green chilies?
Like, that's all it is there.
It's like, man, my friend got run over by a Volkswagen, but, um, but have you
had the green chilies?
People are like, dude, man, uh, my, uh, you know, my wife fell off a building
last week, and it was, you know, nobody knows what happened.
I was up there with her, and we got in an argument, and she went off the edge,
and, uh,
and damn, have you had the green chilies, man, because they are good.
So, it's just that kind of place, it's that green chili belt over there, and
look, I will say this, they are good.
Everybody in Albuquerque seem like they, uh, are waiting for a Greyhound bus,
even if they're not at a Greyhound station.
I feel like everybody has luggage, um, yeah, everybody, like, has a ticket,
like, I'm waiting for the train.
And they're just, there's not even near any tracks, it's just, it's just a
unique area.
Hope you enjoyed that video, and you can watch another, and you can watch this
one, you can watch this one.
Different options, different choices.
Some guy just brings you one option, not this guy.
Two options.
Watch one, this one or this one.