Name: What Joe Rogan Would Do During The Apocalypse
Uploaded: 2022-08-09T13:52:30.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'What Joe Rogan Would Do During The Apocalypse' from Theo Von Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-08-09. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'What Joe Rogan Would Do During The Apocalypse' from Theo Von Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-08-09. Transcript available.

You're leaving work, okay?
Okay.
And things got compromised out in the world.
You were at work, you were doing a podcast episode or something.
And, like, things just kind of hit that level where it's like maybe a couple
police precincts have been taken over just by vandals and crazies.
Like, the pendulum's starting to—things are getting, like, AWOL, right?
And then everything—
Purge.
The purge, right?
So you're driving home, you're getting fucking—
Cam Haynes is sending you fucking a thousand hammers, you know what I'm saying?
I'm like, you're getting all of you—everybody's just texting you, you know?
Jocko's like, I'm not even waking up tomorrow for work.
I'll be up all—you know?
I'm just going to be up at 4.30, right?
Like, everything's all—what do you do?
Like, how do you—this is the end.
This is when it's like, all right, Joe Rogan, you hear—you know what I'm
saying?
You hear it just comes from God or from something like a strong wind with a
fucking—with a voice box in it.
It's like, this is it.
This is the apocalypse.
You're leaving work.
This is it.
I guess you have to respond to each individual situation on—it's like, each
thing will be unique.
Like, is someone trying to break into your house?
Is someone trying to rob your—you know, is someone trying to break into your
car while you're driving?
Like, what's going to happen?
Okay, so you have an hour.
You have kind of an hour.
Right.
We'll give you 90 minutes.
You have 90 minutes to kind of get before the—you're going to start to feel
some pressure.
What do you do?
I don't know.
I guess load up some magazines.
Oh, I'm fucked.
But I'm wondering, what do you do, you know?
That's what I would do.
I'd probably load up some magazines.
Okay.
Into what?
Into guns.
Okay, okay, okay.
Yeah.
See, I didn't know if you're fucking—
No, I don't mean—
At the periodical section.
I don't mean movies like Sports Illustrated.
I'm like, this guy's crazy.
I mean, like an AR.
This guy's taking information with him into a bunker.
I'm reading Time magazine.
Yeah, dude.
I'm like, I just see Joe with as many copies of Field and Stream as you can
fucking live.
Well, you could use those magazines as, like, protection.
You stack enough of them on top of each other.
Okay, so—
Okay, see, now you're thinking.
They'll slow bullets down.
Okay, but say, like, you pick up your family or something.
Do you guys stay?
Do you have a bunker?
I don't currently, but this conversation is making me want a bunker.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I've wanted a ranch for that very reason.
Like, if shit goes completely sideways, it would be great if there was a place
with water and food.
You got your water, you got your food, like, on the property.
Okay, what about if you're kind of in a city or you're in, like, what's maybe a
business or something you'd hold up in?
You'd think is viable.
A business that I'd hold up in?
It would have to be some sort of fortified establishment.
Like the mall?
No.
No.
You'd have to get something that you could defend.
Dude, the mall?
Yeah, the mall?
I think because you'd have probably, like, think of all you could hide in the
fucking macy's behind all the...
Hiding Cinnabon behind the counter.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Just in there.
Just squeeze a frost into your mouth.
Yeah, like you pumping shells.
It would be a good excuse to eat that food because, like, I gotta eat something.
And that stuff will keep because a lot of that stuff has, like, all the...
Preservatives.
Preservatives in it.
Yeah.
So you'd have that.
You'd have mannequins in there.
Think about that.
You could set up, like, a mirage.
Right, right, right.
Like, a fake sort of situation.
Yeah.
Where people would think that...
But you're behind that.
Yeah.
I...
Yeah.
So the mall, I think, could be good.
Hmm.
Yeah, I've been thinking about that.
I would go to the mall.
Really?
Yeah.
The mall?
Yeah, because nobody's at the mall anymore.
But the dumbest people are at the mall.
They're gonna fuck it up for you.
They gotta go.
They're gonna go, the Russians are here, guys!
Look.
Like, hey, shut the fuck up.
I'm pretending to be a mannequin.
Yeah.
I'm like, hey, shh!
Give me a medium!
Yeah, I think that would be weird, probably.
That's gonna be the problem, is dumb people.
When shit goes south, there's some people that just, like...
They're fucking...
They're ditch diggers.
They're dumb people.
They're fucking...
They're minimum wage thinkers.
But they're gonna have a lot of weapons, though, probably.
Maybe.
I don't know.
I think a lot of people have weapons now.
But I think if things go sideways...
A lot of people are gonna panic in the chaos.
Right.
Oh, immediately.
People will be panicking.
People will be trying to group up.
Some people will be trying to salvage shit.
That person's gonna go.
That person's gonna go.
Yeah.
There's gonna be a lot of people that are gonna fall apart.
Thank you.