Name: Jay Mohr Got Sexually Assaulted By A Dolphin
Uploaded: 2022-09-06T14:24:17.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Jay Mohr Got Sexually Assaulted By A Dolphin' from Theo Von Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-09-06. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Jay Mohr Got Sexually Assaulted By A Dolphin' from Theo Von Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-09-06. Transcript available.

ever swim with dolphins have I probably I don't know I've been in the water I
don't I mean on purpose like you go oh no I go to a dolphin encounter no I did
it once and I like it didn't go well I brought my mom to the Bahamas do you
don't bring your mom to a dolphin encounter no it's great cuz you don't
say she she had she we knew she had Alzheimer's so I just took her before
she was getting bad oh yeah tell her it's Alaska huh yeah climate change my I
don't know yeah so we go in the water and there's like this 11 minute video
they
show you a safety video but it's fucking dolphin so I just took a nap and then
I'm
in the war and I'm like what could go wrong it's a dolphin I'll tell you so my
mom they go uh Jeannie Jeannie you get Dottie and like this beautiful dolphin
comes out it's like a beaded curtains like prices right like Dottie and my mom
and this dolphin are like oh my god you're so precious look at like they went
to high school together like oh my god and they're like you get chipper like
the
fucking bullpen doors at Yankee Stadium open and they play enter Sandman by
Metallica and there's a wall of water coming at me and he's just like boy
coming
at me I'm like I'm gonna get cut in half by a dolphin's head oh my god he's
just I
was scared he's like coming right at me hits the brakes Wow rolls on his back
and he's
floating on his back across me with a look on his face like
you got it I'm all right man so I'm like okay cool but he's got like a little
patch of white he's gray be a patch of white like chest hair mm-hmm I'm just
kind of like they go you can touch him I'm I'm rubbing his chest what's his
body
like soft or what is it it's real soft I mean it's like like a kind of a real
hard
spongy you know it's it's what you I can't explain it but it's exactly what you
think it would feel like I don't know what that is though I feel like it would
be
hard hard hard like a car it is well yeah but there's some give to it it's like
a soft
car hard foam at a water park in the tubes oh yeah yeah yeah so I'm at his
chest and
he's like scooching by and what it said in the video that I slept through was
never ever
under any circumstances touch any of the dolphins below the belly buttons but
he's going this
way and I'm telling his chest a little lower in his chest look so I don't even
realize that
I'm like jerking off a dolphin oh that's like a massage parlor dude I'm like
right
at it it's like a Westwood Boulevard like yeah like nothing came out but he
just goes
and he like flips out and he starts hitting me in the ribs with his head in my
life vest
like dang dang I'm like what's he doing I don't know what he's doing is it
powerful
hitting or yeah it's like I don't belong with this aquatic mammal like I am a
visitor
and it's like bang bang and I know what he's doing now I know what he was doing
he's trying
to get me in the middle of the lagoon where nobody can help me oh wow then he
goes
underwater disappears my mom and daddy are playing like fucking mahjong yeah
and I'm
like what's with this guy where's chipper like treat me like a tourist and then
I feel
like him in my back and I shouldn't know what a dolphin's dick feels like I
shouldn't no
you shouldn't never seen one I've been down some rabbit holes on Pornhub yeah I've
seen
guys holding their pregnant wives head getting trained by brothers oh man I've
seen fucking
everything you could think of oh man never seen a dolphin's dick never seen a
photo National
Geographic slideshow science oh I couldn't pick one out of a dick lineup right
now but let
me tell you something yeah when it's against your body you know really it's the
aggression
like he was aggressive and there's a space between my life vest and my back oh
yeah because
it was too big and that's where he got his dick oh against my back between the
life vest
how much dick is in a dolphin too much yeah way too much like it's in it's up
my back and his head's
like here and I don't know if it was just it was like how long I could imagine
even being that long
and I don't want to see it Nick really long don't put it up there and I don't
know how to yell like
hey really long dude does it feel like a like a long finger does it feel like a
like a wiener does
it feel like felt like he was like grabbing me from behind but something was
between us like a mini
it was it I uh it still freaks you just I knew what it was why were you wearing
a big dude there's
nothing shadier than somebody wearing a freaking big life jacket that's too big
well vacation they're
either too small you throw them to the side no no life vest on vacation fits
you or their xxxl's and
it's like one of those gay meetup things like if I have one of the life vest
that's too big I'm you
know I'm looking to meet somebody you know good to know hopefully yeah that's
crazy bro so I don't
know how to yell like hey hey your dolphins because the guys are like up on
these rocks like yeah your
dolphin's dick is stuck between my life vest and my back because I jerked him
off and he thinks it's my
pussy so I just floated there and I start yelling dolphin cock dolphin I swear
the guy turns to me and he
goes dolphins rock you know it buddy I'm like no no it's not what I'm saying
dolphin cock dolphin cock
and then so I'm completely alone and they give you an eight by ten photo for
free of your encounter
really so like my mom as bad as her Alzheimer's got she'd be like who are you I'm
like I'm JJ I'm
your son who's the man in the kitchen that's John that's your husband she go
did I ever show you the
picture of my friend Dottie and right next to it you could see me sort of with
all the whitewash
but he's up over my head my life vest over my head like a hockey jersey in a
fight
god man it sounds like that Stanford rape case a little bit it was rapey no it
was it was straight
up a dolphin tried to fuck me hope you enjoyed that video and you can watch
another and you can
watch this one you can watch this one different options different choices some
guy just brings
you one option not this guy two options watch one this one this one