Name: Theo Doesn’t Think Trevor Wallace Could Survive A Plane Crash
Uploaded: 2022-09-21T14:34:35.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Theo Doesn’t Think Trevor Wallace Could Survive A Plane Crash' from Theo Von Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-09-21. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Theo Doesn’t Think Trevor Wallace Could Survive A Plane Crash' from Theo Von Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-09-21. Transcript available.

you don't strike me and i don't mean this to be offensive to you but you don't
strike me as a
kind of guy that would survive in a plane crash type of scenario you are
correct i don't think
i would do well i was thinking about that yesterday on the fly if i'm going
down what
am i doing am i dapping up the homie next to me what am i doing am i reaching a
couple rows back
just to tell uh an elderly man like thank you for your service i don't know
thank you for your
just being old he's putting up with millennials i just got out of jail he's
probably what if he's
a pedophile jail yeah tear drop tattoo uh yeah i don't think i would do well i
mean i don't think
i would do well in a lot of tough scenarios you know really but say you crash
right you crash yeah
what is some of your first moves when you're on the ground these are these are
the things you got
oh we'll make like you're not on impact i'm not splat you crash okay but i am
alive but like i'm a
little mangled you're alive you're probably you're doing a no how about this
you're pristine okay big
word people are like oh i look good like fine i mean literally like every movie
action hero i have
like one star right here yeah you almost look better than when you went in i
look like that
doing the the insurance commercials what's his name oh yeah yeah um what is
that guy's name
what first thing i'm doing damn all state guy oh uh what's it's like danger or
something cool
yeah danger danger rick or something guy's hot first thing i would do what do
you do because
this it's important the first thing you do is important because you're on an
island you guys
there's no police coming oh wow probably a couple weeks wow first thing i'm
doing um
probably checking my phone no that's not being honest you can check it it's
that's not that's done
the worst is it's going to be some idiot on the beach the whole time like
trying to get their phone
to work like holding up at the sun yeah shaking they're like asking the stewardess
can i get more
coffee the stewardess doesn't have an arm does anybody yeah like anybody got
boost mobile nobody has
nobody boost mobile in general yeah i realistically i think i would probably
try to get the youngest
people out of the plane of the crash first but even that's weird you're just on
an island yelling for
babies well because they have the most potential in life isn't because or you
say seniors and ladies
first i think is it i think so unless it's changed maybe this is where the
difference i think in just
like in this is where things are changing it's like save the baby yeah but you
can't just be
yelling where's the kids at little weird in 2022 where's the kids the first
thing you land you go
where's the kids at they're like all right you should not if you just salute
the guy behind you
that's the first thing you salute you say where's the kids at i don't know what
where do you who you
say them first what's the first thing you're doing the first thing you got to
do is be able to provide
food for everybody where oh like on the island yeah trevor okay the first thing
you have to be able
to do is provide food for everybody because people need to know if you're a
leader or not that's true
because if you're not a leader out of the gate then i think you're you risk you
take on a lot of risk
uh i don't think you need to be like insane alpha no you know you don't want to
fake it i'll take you
take the shirt off i'll probably take your shirt off or i'd rip the shirt off
just to assert dominance
maybe just one sleeve or something no i think if you're gonna here's what you
don't want to happen
you don't want to try to rip your shirt off and you can't get it off can't do
it i've seen that
happen at many frat parties it always gets it always gets caught on the collar
part because
it's different stitching up there we and the collar won't break yeah people are
like and then they
just like pretend like that was their plan the whole time yeah like we know you're
doing thorbin we
know you're doing yeah i mean i don't know i i think um so you got to feed
everybody so the first
thing you have to get is probably you're gonna get have to get some small
ground game so you're
gonna want to do probably squirrel is easy to hunt pheasant is one of the
easiest things to
pheasant is oh pheasant's really easy if you've just cut a crop or something pheasants
wall i know
what a pheasant is but also what is a pheasant i've seen them little bitches
they um they're like
not squirrels but they're not chipmunks a pheasant is a oh it's a bird so you're
not it's a small
bird it's a small chicken i grew up in california my whole life i don't
understand that i know pigeons and
seagulls oh dude oh these little guys oh yeah these bitches are legit baby they're
basically
like a mexican they almost look kind of mexican honestly uh they all have a
nice little like
diamond chain on them they got a little like they look like one of the you know
like the mexican guy
that comes in with the like the uh uh mariachi yes that's what they they seem
like they have that
sort of they look fast circumstance about are they not fast i feel like
catching that would be a little
hard uh pheasants one of the easiest things to catch if you are if you're stuck
somewhere and you need to
cook for people i i already i can tell if you if you're gonna be like more of a
sous chef you're
gonna be like the guys i do coconuts because they can't move yeah birds got
legs and wings coconuts
none of those they're just chilling they don't really have an option yeah so
coconuts is good
man so you could get some coconuts i think another thing you could prepare for
people if you want or
capture for them squirrels um what else is something that's easy rabbits is a
little trickier than you
would think right if you could get turtle that's an easy thing where you're
gonna have to be able
to get it open yeah i mean here's the thing or you just use a turtle shell to
like chop a coconut
bag on you don't hurt the turtle but use its back as like a cutting board yeah
you can't be the guy
who's like let's don't hurt the turtle in a plane crash you gotta because here's
the 2022 man that's
me that's our millennials we're pussies we're like let's get the turtle but let's
not like i'll sacrifice
the coconut shell but i'm using it for shoes after i need to use everything
could you do it though you
think you could survive it no i don't think damn i mean there's only so many no
in your heart i'm
asking you seriously uh i i mean i would give it a solid try but you know i get
mad if my coffee's
too hot at starbucks that's not the type of guy who's going to make it in
wilderness right you know
and you got to be willing to sacrifice somebody immediately the first thing you
need to do is
take somebody else's life in order to show that you are dominant yeah i don't
think so because
i remember one time i was really drunk in college and i tried to fight a guy
and i went to go
smash a glass bottle and the glass bottle didn't break so i don't think that i
would that was my
you're like i'm just recycling yeah right that was my t-shirt tear it didn't
break and and after that
you know i play that back in my head a lot when i think about alpha situations
manly shit and i and i
just don't think you know i would give it a good go but i would piggyback on
other people like i would
become friends with the guy who could catch a boar right and then i'd be like
bro i got the cranberry sauce
hey darren yeah exactly i'm bringing like accents yeah you know oh you need
coconuts i got you bro
let me get a lamb chop for a coconut right right let me trade let me do
something here right i mean
so yeah you would definitely you would have more of a skill set of a um i'll
like shout people out
on instagram probably but i'll shout you out for you know a couple of weeks i
mean you could
chisel it into a tree like that when i was a when i was like real young that
was our instagram was
like writing you know i love you know wrong you know that was an instagram
story you just like
put a lock on a fence with your initials and you're like theo was here hope you
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