Name: The Top 5 Most Dangerous Jobs In America
Uploaded: 2022-09-24T18:27:41.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'The Top 5 Most Dangerous Jobs In America' from Theo Von Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-09-24. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'The Top 5 Most Dangerous Jobs In America' from Theo Von Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-09-24. Transcript available.

A new story came out about the 25 most dangerous jobs based on data from the
Bureau of Labor Statistics.
So I peeped these up.
And the number five one was garbage collectors.
You don't think about it as being that dangerous, but, you know, that truck
likes to chomp.
That truck will eat anything.
That thing will eat a damn baby stroller.
That bitch will eat an ex-wife if you, you know, if you, you know, did
something wrong to her, you know.
So, you know, that thing doesn't really have much of a conscience on it.
And it also, people throw a lot of, you know, semi-bad food out in the garbage.
So I'm sure you're cruising on the back of that thing.
Somebody threw a batch of bad shrimp in there.
And at first, if you're like me, if you're in a car, you see some food or
something, you're like, I'm not going to have any.
But for some reason, three minutes later, I'm eating it.
Doesn't matter what.
It's like that Gordetto's or whatever.
That shit.
I hate it.
You put a bag behind me.
I look at it.
I say, oh, I hate that.
Three minutes later, I'm eating it.
I'm eating these little midget toasts made for damn elves or whatever.
I'm eating it.
I'm making a little fucking sandwich and putting a little peanut between.
I'm eating it.
So I can imagine it's the same thing.
When you're out back there, you know, you're hiding on the back of that G truck.
They always got two freaking little recycle bunnies hanging off the back of
that bitch.
And you forget somebody, you know, somebody threw in some bad shrimp, you out
there.
A mile later, you fucking have two of them.
Next thing you know, you six feet under the sea, baby.
That's it.
Bad shrimp take anybody out, a king or a pauper.
So I could really see how that is the number five job that is unhealthy for
people.
The number four most toughest, most dangerous job, roofers.
It says right here, roofers.
You know, them little lid monkeys, baby.
If you want to put a top on something, they're trying to shut everything down
and close everything in if you're a roofer.
I remember we used to invite this one kid over to play at the house.
And me and my buddy, we would call him and invite him.
He lived across the street.
But then we'd get up on the roof with a couple pellet guns and just spice him
up, spice his skin up when he walked over.
And he already had this little fella had some, he wasn't little, but he was, he
had some bone density deal going on.
And, uh, so part of him was little and part of him was big, you know, he was
just kind of that little, um, that little wobble rabbit, you know, that little
shake it like a salt shit.
You know, he just had that built into him and, uh, and we're still all friends
and shit.
It was just childhood shit.
But if we didn't have a roof, that kind of shit don't happen.
So I'm not shocked that roofing gets real, real dangerous overall.
Number three, we have, uh, Derek operators in oil and gas mining.
And that doesn't surprise me.
That's dangerous because I mean, natural gas, that's basically mother, that's
mother nature has got a, it's just a fart that's hiding inside of mother nature.
That's all it is, man.
Natural gas, all that is, man.
So you're telling me, say you're laying somewhere, right?
And some dude rolls up with a needle and sticks it in your body and tries to
suck a damn butt puff right out of you, bro.
Dude, I beat the elbows off that dude.
He won't be able to hug anybody.
He won't be able to hug correctly for damn 18 months.
So that's all mother nature.
Look, that's dangerous.
If you're trying to just, you know, suck a big dirt puff right out of mother
nature's abdomen, then you get, you get sideswiped by her or whatever.
I'm not surprised she's beating people's asses and, and, and, and really
causing hell and causing fatal accidents as fatal accidents.
So that don't shock me, man.
Any creep trying to suck something out of mother nature's gut is a real freak.
I think they are real booty freak nature style.
This is, uh, I can't tell if it's getting boring to me or not, but number two,
uh, aircraft pilots.
And it says private helicopter and aircraft pilots.
And I think the, the, the issue with them, why it could be dangerous because
there's not as much with commercial pilots.
There's more checks and balances.
There's other pilots that they are all going to the airport with and, but
private, you just call your guy.
Hey, I'm ready to go.
You know, we're leaving an eight hour, we're leaving in three hours.
We're leaving, you know, and he could be doing anything.
He could be hopped up on a couple of blue shoes, half an eight ball, whatever.
So now, next thing you know, he's up there, he's navigating, you know, the rich.
And then that's the rich, man.
If you get rich, it gets risky.
You know, there's a cost to beat a boss.
And, and so that's what I think they get.
They get these pilots that they're ready to go, but they could have been up to
no good right before.
So you get some dude up there.
He's still all, you know, geeked up on some of that fucking, uh, on some of
that nose broth, baby.
You know what I'm saying?
Liquid cocaine.
And he's, he's on damn hinge up there.
He's swiping on matches.
And the next thing you know, he swipes your fucking Learjet in the side of a
mountain.
So I think that that's the issue with that.
I would imagine.
And the last one here is logging workers.
Logging workers.
I mean, you just get a real, a lot of, a lot of people that are trying to stay
off the grid.
A lot of people.
Um, and it's not really the tree you got to worry about that much.
Cause a tree only has two moves.
It has, it has the fall.
And then the real most dangerous move of a tree, the roll.
People don't think about that bitch.
People yell timber and it falls.
Then it fucking rolls over nine people.
Cause they don't have a, nobody thought of another thing for after timber.
That's really just ignorance.
So you get that timber, but you don't get that double up on the roll.
People getting damn rolled out, you know, all of a sudden, you know, fucking
stepdad's flat
and y'all poor.
So it's just, you know, they don't have a good plan for that.
I think with logging and the secondary issue is this man.
And a lot of creep, a lot of just crawdad humans out there.
I work with this dude, Ronnie, bro.
And they call him big hat Ronnie.
And he was a brother and he had mental retardation.
And me and him got hired and, um, I was supposed to be the boss, but he didn't
understand what
that meant.
So, you know, and he was bigger than me anyway.
And so we were both fucked.
We're about, you know, we're out there doing work for my buddy, Richard, who
actually died.
But we're out there and he, this dude, bro.
Once they lit that saw up, they gave him that bitch.
He fucking cut everything, bro.
This dude cut fucking bird feeders in half, cutting fucking fences open.
Didn't give a shit.
He cut open a damn chain link fence, bro.
This dude, man.
He probably hit four trees in about maybe half an afternoon.
This dude would cut a new fucking bathroom into your fucking kitchen.
This dude didn't give a shit, bro.
So, and he loved the, uh, Lakers.
He loved the Lakers.
I remember that.
And I hope he's doing well, too.
And he'd walk to work.
That dude would leave for work at 4.30 and get to work at fucking seven, bro.
That dude walked to work.
Just greased out natural God's grease, baby.
Sweat.
And he just, like, once that fucking gas fumes hit him and that fucking little
baby,
that little, just that spinning scissor sword, bro.
He fucking cut anything.
He fucking cut the damn earth open, dude.
He didn't give a shit, bro.
So I can see how logging is dangerous because the trees and then the people you're
doing it with,
they're fucked.
Hope you enjoyed that video.
And you can watch another.
And you can watch this one.
You can watch this one.
Different options, different choices.
Some guy just brings you one option.
Not this guy.
Two options.
Watch one.
This one or this one.