Name: How Theo and Bobby Would Govern Homeless Island
Uploaded: 2022-11-05T18:29:09.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'How Theo and Bobby Would Govern Homeless Island' from Theo Von Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-11-05. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'How Theo and Bobby Would Govern Homeless Island' from Theo Von Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-11-05. Transcript available.

Miami is experimenting with a plan to move all their homeless people onto an
island.
Dude, that's a great idea, man.
I guess it's Virginia Island, which is like off the key somewhere.
It hasn't started yet, but they're putting it in motion.
They're going to put them all there, I guess.
What?
First of all, Miami has become, there's so much wealth down there
that this is the kind of thing you're going to start seeing, man.
Yeah, yeah.
And then tourists are going to, there's going to be tourist boats going out
there to see them.
I would go to that fucking island.
Yeah.
Like, I fuck Miami.
I don't feel good about all the glitz, Gucci, all that shit, man.
Let's go to the fucking homeless island, bro, right?
And get malaria or whatever, you know?
They get probably diseases there.
Oh, yellow fever, everything they have in.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
But then there's going to be probably like a gift shop or something on the
island.
You're going to be able to like, get like a picture taken with a homeless guy.
Right.
Or like an Ewok statue made out of meth scabs.
You know what I mean?
Like they could make art, you know what I mean?
Like folksy art, you know what I mean?
You know what I mean?
Like, you know, a tooth necklace.
Right?
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Dude, that'd be cool, that gift shop.
Dude, if we got to run a gift shop on a homeless island.
Yeah.
But dude, you're going to have, you know, those crap, if there's not drugs, if
they don't
also ship drugs out there, they are going to swim back.
Oh, dude, you would have to.
You're right.
What would you need to do to keep them happy?
I think you'd have to put up barricades and hide drugs in the middle of the
island.
But would you helicopter, I would drop them in.
Yeah.
Right?
Wouldn't you do that?
I think you'd have to.
Yeah.
Just helicopter it.
What?
Like, you know, weed for sure.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I mean, alcohol for sure.
Opiums.
But how much is this going to cost?
It sounds like expensive.
And especially, they're going to stay alive for so long out there in the summer,
which
they should.
They all want them to stay alive.
Yeah.
But yeah, if you don't have proper program stuff out there, they're just out
there on
an island and they're going to be fucking killing each other, dude.
It's going to be like Zelda Breath of the Wild.
Yeah.
Or that movie Escape from New York.
You ever see that movie?
Mm-mm.
What?
You've never seen Escape from New York?
I haven't seen that.
I couldn't watch The Boys.
I tried.
I didn't like it.
Yeah, but Escape, oh God, you have to watch it.
Okay.
Can I tell you the premise real quick?
It's much like this.
It's basically in the future, right?
And Kurt Russell plays Snake Eyes, okay?
And basically in the future, New York City is now one large prison.
So they just built a wall around New York City.
And everyone that's a convict and gang member, they just live there.
And that's it.
So when you're there, you have to survive.
Oh, wow.
But I think it's going to be a lot like that where you build a gigantic wall
around the island.
You have to ship, you know what I mean?
It's fucking food or whatever.
And it's just like, anything goes.
Anything goes, man.
You think it's going to be scary for those people that live there?
I mean, if there's no clinics or fucking police or, you know what I mean?
If they just let them run wild?
They're going to open 50 to 100 tiny homes.
And then they're going to have services there, they say.
But they don't go into a lot of specifics.
But there are going to be like 50 to 100 tiny homes.
They were experimenting with this in Venice, too, if you're familiar.
Tiny homes.
What's a tiny home, man?
Brad Williams live there?
Yeah, they're supposed to be hide and go seek or something.
I would put something like a creation juice place.
Yes.
Right?
Do they get acai bulk?
You've got to do something healthy, like ginger shots, right?
I would have one, right, if they want to get healthy.
Right?
Ginger shots?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
You know what I mean?
Some homeless.
Yeah, wheatgrass.
Wheatgrass.
You know what I mean?
I think you've got to have crops for them to work.
You need to have some sort of farming system, sustainable food.
Yeah.
They're going to have severe sunburn and skin care.
I don't know.
But also, I could see them filming it and putting it on some kind of closed-circuit
television,
and we all pay for it.
It's an extra live feed type of thing.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
You know what I'm saying?
That's where we're headed.
It's getting weird.
I mean, we're literally reading an article.
They're going to put homeless people on an island.
Wow.
That's how Australia got started, man.
They put criminal people on an island.
Yeah, that's what they did, right?
And it's great now.
So maybe it is for the best.
Wow.
You think they'll have children out there and stuff?
Oh, dude.
Yeah.
If you don't see them grow up, but they have them.
You know?
Yeah, yeah.
All right, so we could have...
But maybe this is a good idea.
And in California, what do we do?
Catalina?
Yeah.
Or the desert.
Catalina's a fucking dump.
Let's put them out there.
Yeah, Catalina.
They make it cool with that carousel or whatever.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Let's be realistic.
It doesn't feel like you're even on an island.
I know.
It's so weird.
This is like fucking Irvine, but like surrounded by water.
Like there's no like tropical trees.
No.
It's just like Irvine Hill.
It's terrible.
Yeah.
It's like a shit.
It's a shithole.
It's a shit island.
It's one shitty section of a zoo.
Yeah, yeah.
There's bison there.
There's no real Native Americans.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
They charge you to get out there.
Yeah, yeah.
I hate it.
There's couples breaking up on the way there that are going for their honeymoon.
It's fucking unbelievable.
Fuck Catalina.
Hope you enjoyed that video.
And you can watch another.
And you can watch this one.
You can watch this one.
Different options.
Different choices.
Some guy just brings you one option.
Not this guy.
Two options.
Watch one.
This one or this one.