Name: Police Officer Tells INSANE Tweaker Stories
Uploaded: 2022-12-08T23:35:07.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Police Officer Tells INSANE Tweaker Stories' from Theo Von Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-12-08. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Police Officer Tells INSANE Tweaker Stories' from Theo Von Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-12-08. Transcript available.

we had a call middle of the night of a female bleeding profusely we got to the
house and this
dude answers the door and he is a tweaker i mean this guy is high as a kite
stereotypical
oh yeah radio shack manager totally shirt off tripping out just came back
probably
collecting copper on his bike and how do they answer the door is it always like
is there one
common way that tweakers answered the door like what's no not really they don't
answer the door
usually they just just see the blinds open a little bit bam you know you can
see okay they're
inside but this guy answered the door because he needed us okay the situation
was is that he was
with his girlfriend and they were both high as a kite it's like four in the
morning and when we
walked in she's laying on the floor in the living room and there's blood
everywhere there's blood
all over her legs and she's holding an old nasty t-shirt on her crotch and this
t-shirt is pretty
saturated so when we start talking to this guy in his you know in his tweaker
way he starts to explain
to us that they were being intimate intimate and um during that they had gotten
the dildo
a really large purple dildo um and he had taken a coat hanger those old school
metals coat hangers
and he had unwound it you know how when you like if you're doing oh cooking
marshmallows cooking
marshmallows how you do that well he essentially made like that but he took the
end of that the pokey
end and he stuck it into the end of the the dildo and then he bent that coat
hanger so it was a handle
so he was using that on his girlfriend right so he was really he was going yeah
he was getting in
there and doing what he could yeah he was he was making it happen trying to
jump start that cooch yeah
yeah so what ended up happening was is those pokey ends ended up coming through
the side of the dildo
so when he was doing it he was essentially cheese grating her insides bro i
that my i feel like
right now my pussy hurts oh yeah it does to this day to this day it bothers me
i don't even have a pussy
right to this day it hurts me you know but so when he described and when he
held that we said where
is it where's the item and when he went and got it and held it up there was
literally tissue
there was tissue that was on the thing so this was bad this is a situation that
was bad but
yeah yeah that's as bad as it gets right yeah do you press like a uh is it like
a button you press
when it gets too bad no who do you call when it gets too bad you know what you
end up doing when
it gets too bad what cops end up doing they end up fucking joking about it wow
they end up it's a
coping mechanism man and it and it it just happens and i can remember in that
scenario the hardest part
in that scenario i had been on for quite a while and the guy i was with had
been on for quite a while
as well in that specific scenario the hardest part for us was not to start
laughing wow you know
because it was right it was just so fucking crazy it was just so crazy standing
in the living room
yeah with two tweakers one's bleeding profusely he's holding up it's got tissue
the other problem was is that we have we have a responsibility to render aid
yeah you know civil liability is a
big deal when you're a cop at any given time you can lose everything because
you fail to follow one
part of your job description rendering aid is one of them so i remember looking
at the guy who had
less time on his side going now you know what the fuck you got to do right you
got to apply pressure
man and he's got to do it because he's younger he's younger yeah you got well
he less time on
yeah he so i was in that conversation looking at your buddy and saying look at
you you got to do this
man the the difficulty and not laughing in that situation that both of you like
your face and him
looking at me and going there's no fucking way there's just no fucking way i'm
gonna do this dude
and you're going no you have to do this wow luckily we we were able to we were
having such a hard time
dealing with not laughing that it went on just long enough that we heard sirens
and it was a fire
department you know and at that point it's like yeah this is all you guys found
some people do sex
on meth for a long time right yeah with a dildo with a coat hanger oh my god
methamphetamine man
fucker does methamphetamine dude he cannot stay home he cannot stay home he's
got to get to
he's got to get to work wow and it's always at night you know that's when we
get to work
we would find tweakers they had all these different processes of how they get
their money
copper was a real big one they love copper they would wipe out whole housing
tracks you know of
their copper but you'd get the occasional one which i had one actually i think
i had two where they
would go into industrial complexes and they would go into these massive warehouses
that had those giant
metal cabinets they had the the what like 10 wires that were coming down it
that were like
20 inch in diameter you know i mean just massive fiber optic wires and all that
no there was just
like electricity there was like a box where the main electricity would come in
and it would all branch
off that but inside there'd be massive wiring and these fuckers would go in
there and they try to cut
that wiring out and it'd be live so it would cook them dude i mean it would
just they would instantly
just get electrocuted and either a fire or there'd be different ways that it
would that we become aware
of it that we get there but by the time you got there these guys would be onion
rings i mean onion rings
because it's been flowing through them flowing through them and what do they
start to look like
kind of like a jet like a jerky do they start to look like uh burnt completely
totally burnt
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