Name: Theo and Yung Gravy Talk About First Busts
Uploaded: 2022-12-15T14:00:35.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Theo and Yung Gravy Talk About First Busts' from Theo Von Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-12-15. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Theo and Yung Gravy Talk About First Busts' from Theo Von Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-12-15. Transcript available.

Do you remember the first time you ever ejaculated? Was it surprising to you?
Yeah, it was mind-blowing. I lost my shit. I had like a family computer room
where like it was like this room off to the side right next to my parents' room
so I had to like, you know, I think the first porn I ever watched
it was like the girl from Buffy the Vampire Slayer
and she was just like stripping in the rain. I don't even know if there was
even breasts involved.
So it wasn't actual pornography. It was just like video of someone's sex.
But it was like getting close to it, you know. I think I googled like cool
boobs.
I think that was my first or hot boobs. That was my first ever porn search.
And then I found it. I was like, because I heard people at lunch talking about
jerking off.
And I was like, and you didn't. And now did you hear what it was?
I had no idea. This is like, man, sixth grade.
The good thing about when you hear that jerking off, you can kind of figure out,
even if you're like, you know, even if you can't even read or anything,
you can kind of figure out what you have to do to kind of achieve it.
It's like, you know, you can only test everything so much before you fucking do
it.
Yeah. So I tested that shit out, man.
I was, I remember, I think, I think everyone's first nut might be their best
nut.
Oh, it's just insane.
Well, I just feel like the, I remember the ejaculate or the ejac or whatever
they call it, you know.
EJ.
Yeah. It's so, at that point, it's so clear.
Yep.
I remember being like, it had just, I mean, like it had just come out of like a.
It was just pure, man.
It was like plasma.
It's like a pure child's nut.
Do you know what I'm saying?
Well.
Yeah, man, that was a.
Let's still say it again.
I know what you're saying because I was a child and you were a child so we can
say it.
But I think, I don't want to, it's weird, I don't want to think about it, but I
do.
I don't want to think about it, but yeah, we were, we're talking about
ourselves as children.
Yeah, yeah, it was our own pure child's nut.
So, yeah, if I'm thinking about my own self ejaculating as a kid, that's not
like pedophile stuff, is it?
No, no, it's your own nut, man.
I'll never forget my first like five nuts.
How old were you when you first busted one?
Yeah, thanks, man.
How old were you?
I was, oh, I think I remember I was like 13.
And I didn't really know.
I remember like finding some videos, right?
My brother had some pornography up there hidden in his closet and some Alize
whiskey.
Pull up some Alize, A-L-I-Z-E.
Alize, bro.
I still sip, I'll still sip some Alize every once in a while.
Oh, dude, yeah.
Damn, so you got into the, is it whiskey?
It's not like a weird little like.
It's a mix.
It's like a little bed.
Oh, there it is.
Right there.
Schnapps, there you go.
Right there.
Get that orange one, baby.
Or the, oh, yeah, that one.
That's what I remember, yeah.
Oh, God, dude.
Oh.
The hell is that?
That shit's popping, especially like.
Oh, I can belch and just taste my childhood even just looking at it.
And so we had a, he had a jug of that up there and I found some videos on his
shelf.
And so I hit two swigs of that.
And I fell off the shelf, man.
I got drunk.
It was like I climbed up some shelves in his closet and fell off that bitch and.
Then jerked off.
And then I kind of came to.
I think I even blacked out and.
Damn, that's a crazy first night.
There was a lot going on.
And then I got these videos and I put it in the video player.
And I just remember like laying in my brother's bed because his bed was by the
TV and he was
out of town.
And like I like.
Your brother's bed was your first night.
I didn't think about that.
Damn, bro.
All right.
You know, things happen.
God, bro.
But he wasn't there.
Yeah, no, I respect it.
So it's like.
He probably cleaned up a little bit.
Oh, yeah, dude.
I think.
Yeah.
I mean, I think it just evaporated back into my skin.
It was like, you know, that shit was pure.
That was damn plasma.
That should reform a thumb.
You know what I'm saying?
You could really.
Well, if you were missing something, you could fill in a divot on your body.
That's really good, man.
But I do remember like having my legs out and I remember just kind of rubbing
my.
I was so like erect, like just volatile from watching the pornography that I
remember even
just rubbing my legs together like this.
And that alone was just too much.
Getting you going?
Oh, it was just too much charisma going on.
Too much heat.
Oh, I even just my own legs.
Because I'd never like if you took 30 seconds before if I'd rub my legs, it
would have been
nothing.
But now that I'm all keened in on this pornography and titty on the video.
Um, it just had taken a new level and I just.
Dude, I had no prior knowledge of what was about to go down.
So I'm in that bitch like just, you know, getting to it however I could.
I think I might have had like a silky napkin or something.
Oh, God.
Yeah, of course you would.
What are you?
You're going to.
I mean, I'm surprised you didn't have a cape on.
It was on brand.
No, no, no, bro.
I was like 30.
I was not balling when I was fucking 14, man.
I, uh, yeah, I don't know.
Some napkin.
Um, and I just remember like, it was like, damn, this is cool, man.
I'm really getting into this.
And then I busted and I was like, you know, it's like a, it's like take, it's
like blasting
off on DMT.
I was like, damn, I was like, that's what happens.
And then my dick looked fucked up for like two days.
Oh, wow.
Oh, really?
Because it just had been through so much.
You just saw swollen.
You know what I'm saying?
Yeah.
Yeah, it is.
It's almost like popping a pimple for the first time.
Yeah.
God, I remember, I remember I saw a man, um, cream out on a video and I was
like, there's
no way it must be a special effect or something.
Yeah.
And so I remember, you know, doing myself like that, just genie and my little
lamp dude
and God damn brother.
I mean, just somebody, somebody wished for damn semen.
I would, I would pay money to have my first jerk off again, man.
Swear to God.
Goodness gracious.
And pay money for what?
And like, just to, just to have, just to have never nutted in my life.
Oh, to scratch all the nuts I ever took and just have my first again right now.
Dude, I think you have to, there's, that's like born again, Christian or not.
I don't know if they do it there, but sometimes baptize and have a good,
another first jerk
off, but you can't really do all the reverse.
God, I think it's over, man.
The track has been worn in these days.
I've damaged the goods, man.
God, but there is something about it, man.
If you go all the way back, it almost feels like you'd never die if you had
never jerked
off.
Wow.
It was deep.
I think I agree with that.
You don't have to agree with that statement, man.
Shit.
It's like you'd have this power inside of you.
God.
Hope you enjoyed that video and you can watch another and you can watch this
one.
You can watch this one.
Different options, different choices.
Some guy just brings you one option, not this guy.
Two options.
Watch one.
This one or this one.