Name: Theo Von and Louis C.K. Share Busting Stories
Uploaded: 2023-01-23T22:31:53.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Theo Von and Louis C.K. Share Busting Stories' from Theo Von Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-01-23. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Theo Von and Louis C.K. Share Busting Stories' from Theo Von Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-01-23. Transcript available.

- We had VHS, as I remember it was big, you know?
We had to ride our bike to go get it.
And they had that porn room, remember the room?
- Sure.
I worked at a video store.
- Oh, you did?
- When I was a kid, when I was in high school.
- Wow.
- So I got a little overly, too quickly exposed.
Like, I mean, we had a porn room.
- Oh.
- And I would, the guy that owned the store was just,
he just gave me the keys, like, he made me run the store.
- Oh my God.
- So yeah, after, I would wait,
I would like look at the clock waiting for it.
Like, I just wanted to close.
- So I could open it.
- So I could go in the back room in his office
and just fucking, just jizz everywhere.
- I would've fucking licked the boxes, I think.
- Yeah, it was real, it was a lot.
- Oh, I remember seeing some,
one guy chiseled some tits into a fucking tree
in our neighborhood, right?
Like back in these woods behind our fence.
And so. - He what?
- Had chiseled a fucking set of.
- Oh!
- Bangers, homie.
Some fucking milk muffins, daddy.
- He fucking chiseled a pair.
- With a, you mean like an artist?
Like he, he.
- Yeah, or like a, I don't know what it's called.
What's that thin chisel with the little flat head on it?
Yeah, I don't know what his tools were or whatever,
but this guy was pretty good, I would say probably.
And then, but people would go out there and come,
you know, ejaculate to it. - No shit!
- Oh, you'd see, there was porn magazines back there
and it was on this little hill kind of,
so it almost had this.
- That's incredible.
- Native, or I think people,
I think people said it was Native American or something,
but I don't know if you.
- But you didn't, you knew the guy that did it though?
- Oh yeah, oh yeah.
- Amazing.
- Dude, I'll tell you another story about the same guy.
So he, one time me and my buddy, this kid Summerall,
were walking down the street.
- And it, but it was a tree though.
So it was like a living tree.
- Yeah.
- And there was tits on it that he chiseled.
And not, I mean, folks would come and jack off to it.
- Yeah, I don't know how many folks.
Yeah, I mean, it wasn't like,
people would like buses wouldn't stop.
- Yeah, it wasn't like, what do you call it?
The Graceland or something.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
- But if you knew, you knew, you know what I'm saying?
Like, and this was also woods
and people used to go to the woods to jerk off.
- Huh.
- And that was something you'd find,
I think in any town you hear people,
there's pornography in the woods.
It used to be people would bury a stack.
- Yes, I found a stack of porn, that's in the woods.
That's the first time I ever saw any of that.
- Yeah, and they had an empty broken washing machine
right there and people would put the porn in there.
- Right.
- And so you'd get that, you know, get that deal out.
And then.
- Now the first porn I ever jerked off to
was some girl with her tits in shorts
and she had gravel all over it
'cause it was in the, 'cause I found it in the dirt.
- Oh yeah, that magazine.
- Just like pock marks from the gravel.
- Life is sad, buddy.
- Yeah, but it's real, dude.
- Yeah, it is.
- God, and look, in some cultures you still find that.
- Yeah, so go ahead, I don't mean to interrupt you.
So what?
- No, that was it.
There would be, you know, you would ejaculate to that.
And, but it was a different, yeah,
people would go into the woods.
It's almost like, you know, you'd bring it back to nature.
I mean, my dad, I remember caught us jerking off one time
and made us bury it in the yard,
bury the semen in the yard to make it like.
- Respectful or something?
- Yeah.
- But you would just, wait a minute.
How did he, he caught, wait for us,
you said he caught us jerking off.
- Yeah, yeah, well, I guess it was, there was,
it was just me, but I say us, I don't feel alone, I think.
I do that a lot.
- Sure, that makes sense.
But so he walked in and you would just come on yourself?
- Yeah, well, my mother caught me.
And then.
- So she went to him and said, he's been jerking off.
- She told him, yeah, she would always kind of rat me out
about stuff like that.
- Yeah, but was, the jizz doesn't stay, like, how did he?
- No, but he just said, wherever this is,
you need to take it and put it in the yard.
And that was it.
- So you just kind of went like that?
- No, no, no, no, no, it was on a sheet.
- Oh, it was on a sheet.
Okay, so the thing you came on had to be buried.
- But I would kind of, it made me create a respect for him,
I think, like as a, and it gave me a kind of an affinity
for nature.
- Sure.
- You fucked nature in a sense.
- Oh, dude, I remember my buddy would come over
and we would just fucking mount our pillows
in the, yeah, different corners of the room.
- Yeah, when you, teenage, well, pre-teen boys,
when they start.
- Pre-teen, yeah.
- There is, there is like a camaraderie in that stuff.
- Yeah.
- I had a friend who used to, we used to tell each other stories
about girls, like I, I'd sleep over his house
and he'd sleep on his bed, I'd sleep on the floor.
And we called it, telling each other juicers,
that's what we called it, juicer.
So like, he would tell me, he'd say, you know,
pick a girl and I'd say, you know, Gretchen.
- Yeah.
- And he'd say, okay, so you, you and Gretchen
are in school and you know, you're like,
you decide to walk home together and you go to her house
and he'd just walk me through this story.
- For real.
- It was good.
And then I'd do it for him with whatever girl he wanted.
- Oh, I can't even imagine.
Y'all did that for each other?
- Yeah, we did.
It was, yeah.
And I don't think.
- That's awesome, man.
- I don't know if we were coming yet.
I think it was just about squeezing it
and getting this, like getting this feeling
and just listening to what he's saying.
And just, it didn't occur to us that,
I mean, we were talking about girls.
We didn't feel weird about it.
We were good friends, you know?
I liked him, he was a good kid.
- Sounds like it.
- Yeah, he was, you know,
this is something you do for a buddy.
Dude, if I laid on a bunk bed right now
and another man laid on the floor
and took me through like a good story,
I'd probably appreciate it.
It's so much more real than having to just jerk off
to something you see on a screen.
- Yeah, that's no good.
- I think that's one of the things that I miss.
- It's never been great.
- Yeah, I think.
Dude, I remember when I first got an erection,
I thought it was poop coming out of the-
- Whoa!
- Front.
And I remember being so scared.
And I told this teacher,
and then I think the teacher might've been like a gay man.
And so then I got this totally weird reaction from him.
But I remember thinking that poop was coming out of my,
like it had gotten lost.
- Whoa!
- And that's what the erection was.
- That's a terrifying thought.
- Oh, dude.
'Cause then I was afraid to go pee,
'cause I was like, it's gonna smell bad.
- Oh, my God.
That's terrifying.
- Oh.
- Hope you enjoyed that video.
And you can watch another.
And you can watch this one.
You can watch this one.
Different options, different choices.
Some guy just brings you one option.
Not this guy.
Two options.
Watch one.
This one or this one.