Name: Theo Von Asks Neil deGrasse Tyson About Aliens
Uploaded: 2023-03-28T18:17:13.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Theo Von Asks Neil deGrasse Tyson About Aliens' from Theo Von Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-03-28. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Theo Von Asks Neil deGrasse Tyson About Aliens' from Theo Von Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-03-28. Transcript available.

you're a fact guy you're a factual man i've always kind of battled the dark
arts overall so it's like
i've never really looked at a ton of the facts you know it's always been this
more ethereal sort of
what you want to be true rather than what is true i took one class out in arizona
at pretty high
altitude you know what they say that if you learn something under certain psychomotor
conditions
that you recover it better under those same conditions oh wow like if you get
high and you
learn something if you get high again later you remember that better because
you match the mental
states oh say aliens show up right is there a society or culture or ethnicity
that's best
evolved you think to handle it scientists really scientists if an alien came
here go ahead theo if
it's if an alien landed right in front of us and said to you theo take me to
your leader are you
going to take him to the white house no no of course not are you taking to
congress no no that's a great
question that's my point you would take him to well i'm not going to speak for
you but i happen to be
a scientist but if i were not a scientist i would take him to a scientist you
would yes a biologist
a physicist or a physicist somebody who's by the way say science is closed that
day come back out to lunch
come back tomorrow open at nine in the morning so even science has a sandwich
bro who where would you
take him you speak of science like it's the one dude behind the counter behind
the lunch counter
hey i'm just saying no where would you take him then no wait let me let me
finish what happens if you're
trying to talk to him okay my point is mathematics i give him a treat first i
think you'd have to a treat
they're not a pet they're not a pet they just flew here in a ship way more
advanced than anything we've
conceived okay here here's a chew toy i'm just saying you gotta give him a
little you'll be the first
human zapped by an alien laser at that point you hit him with that snicker no
you're good then your
friend forever you're good forever bro he'd be pulling on you this is not et
steven spielberg where
they're eating what do they eat the the reese's pieces no oh yeah dude reese's
bro he'd bring his
friends next week now you give a reese's to an alien it's gonna get diabetes
how do you know it can
handle it this is some pretty that's a good point bro now he's stuck what if he
becomes all lazy and
stuff when you start getting them acclimated it's fat and lazy on earth that
has to be a movie right
what's a movie like that i don't know but okay so he's here what do you do what
i'm saying is
that i have a periodic table of elements that are elements across the universe
i know mathematics
that and laws of physics that apply across the universe they got here from
across the universe
so those those laws would be totally the same when they're planning totally the
same so if you're
going to start with a language like oh this is a cup and this is a fork and
this is it it's like this
is our elements and this is we call this aluminum we call this and they will
know and they start to
develop a common vocabulary so that you can communicate with them because they're
not going
to speak english nor french nor mandarin none of the above that being said if
they send radio signals
here the largest radio telescope is going to pick it up first and you know
where that is hold on let me
think arizona uh it was once in on american soil in puerto rico the the artecibo
telescope but that
collapsed out of disuse and okay the largest radio telescope in the world is in
china wow so the first
humans that will hear hear the signal sent by aliens will be chinese astrophysicists
but we're talking about if they visit so if they visit i'm saying bring them to
a scientist the
scientist will know how to think about and pose questions to them so the
chinese would be the first
people to know that right no no to hear a signal okay that comes do you think
that they would tell the
rest of us or not probably not initially but uh but eventually no no the thing
is why why should they they
they built their own damn telescope that telescope is a mile in circumference
by the way you want to
get a sense of how big it is it's called the fast telescope 500 meter aperture
spherical telescope
acronym fast but if they know and they don't tell us man then they get to they
can
they can have a whole pact and they say we are the chosen ones and everyone
else on earth isn't
send your ray beams to you know i don't know what they're going to do um but
there it is we have
another image wow we're we're looking at the image on the screen i was there
visiting that we filmed
there for cosmos what oh my gosh bro you got to hold on to that footage oh my
gosh we got to make this
why are we why don't we have anything like that because we are not we'd like to
think of ourselves
that we're americans and we're we're we are we over history we've been reactive
to challenges from other
countries not proactive and what are we now as far as when it comes to
challenges from outer space we
have we have nothing that rivals that wow at all is outer space gay or straight
is outer space gay or
straight practically everything we see and measure in space not only objects
but temperature size density
is on a spectrum so for you to say is the universe gay or straight i'm going to
tell you whatever the
universe is it's on a spectrum okay in fact the very word spectrum comes from
what happens when you
take light and break it up into its colors we just happen to assign names to
the seven colors
red orange yellow green blue indigo violet but it's an it's a continuum we're
just being lazy by assigning
seven colors our brain doesn't want to see nuance because it's easier for us to
think in binary
so it's are you with me are you against me well maybe you're somewhere in
between are you a boy are
you a girl maybe they're expressing themselves somewhere in between and your
brain has a difficult time
recognizing a spectrum and so you're requiring it be into a bin so there you
are forcing other people
to match how you see the world the world is not gonna change to fit your
inability to recognize
how it's actually manifesting it's not going to do that so so it's by no it's
on a continuum
so whatever it is you can say is is is the universe sweet or salty is the
universe whatever it is
you're asking me is it this or is it that ah that's the binary brain trying to
force a continuum into
two categories so it's like checks mix except with more objects more kinds of
objects than what you find
in check checks mix has like five things in it yeah that's true okay imagine if
checks mix had
everything damn in a continuum that it kept changing now look at how our brain
works we have hurricane
strengths right oh yeah they measure this wind speed do you realize it's a
continuum but we we divided
it into five categories right but it's a continuum do you realize you can go
from low category three to
high category three and it's and the they'll just talk about uh hurricane irma
is still a category three
one mile an hour faster and it's category four it's breaking news oh yeah
hurricane irma is now
category four yeah excuse me it's one mile an hour faster than it was yesterday
yeah people lied they
said the winds broke in okay so i'm just saw the winds making a bowl of cereal
some guy said like what that's
funny that's funny so my point is even with hurricane speed strengths we force
them into categories when
it's actually a continuum i see so it's a continuum out there so so because it
looks kind of gay i feel
like but then sometimes it does things that seem really straight but those are
also my definitions of
those correct you're forcing the universe into your two categories right
sometimes i look up at the sky
right and i'll look up and i feel like especially if there's stars out there i'll
feel like something's
looking back at me does that make any sense to you at all i once tweeted
something like that i said
sometimes i wonder as i gaze into the night sky whether the stars themselves
are gazing back at me oh
damn i didn't realize i sounded so damn high about it and that's when people
said are you high neil put down
the joint are you there's this there's this there's a reliable influx of people
yeah or certain sometimes
i look up i feel there's a like a thing i don't know what it is bro i don't
think it's gay or anything
i think it just feel like the space is looking back at me well maybe i'm gay
for space bro well so
i we're not likely the only life forms in the universe there's probably very
many some vastly more
intelligent than we are here here we're sitting here looking up into the night
sky countless thousands
of stars with binoculars it rises into the millions of stars with telescopes it
rises into the billions
there is surely civilizations there looking up at their night sky and they see
our star the sun
as part of some constellation that they identify in their night sky and there's
a theo vaughn there
looking up asking is anyone up there looking down at me and we get to say yes
we have your counterpart
we got a theo vaughn in this galaxy too most people that could exist
mathematically will never exist wow so right there you are a special a living
entity as there ever was
amen be ashamed to die until you have scored some victory for humanity hope you
enjoyed that video
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