Name: 15 Minutes of Will Sasso doing Jesse Ventura
Uploaded: 2023-05-17T18:16:32.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video '15 Minutes of Will Sasso doing Jesse Ventura' from Theo Von Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-05-17. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video '15 Minutes of Will Sasso doing Jesse Ventura' from Theo Von Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-05-17. Transcript available.

since you've been on i had jesse ventura on really yeah oh i missed that oh how
was that
no no i did i i know that you did that i did not check it out though how was
that a night it was a
nightmare he's you gotta like watch every word you say right i mean he talked
for here it is
right there he talked for seven he talked for 1700 years he talked for 1700
years to hours okay
yeah it was unbelievable he's like up you know i drank four look he just kept
going off he's like
i drink four locos i'll drink i'll drink six logos i drink four times six i'll
drink 24 locos
and i love america so i moved to cuba yeah or something it's like he's in the
baja yeah i don't
even live in the continental united states anymore yeah yeah i'm in the baja
yeah that's what he said
yeah i'm down in the baja now i wouldn't vote for either of them yeah that was
his whole thing bro
the two-party system is uh it's there in place to do what it does and we're all
we're all indoctrinated
he's like i bought my american flag in uh china i love this country i went
there myself to have it it's
the largest american flag in uh in north america yeah he kept saying i need i
joined the uh
i joined the hell's angels as well i'm gonna uh you know i'm i'm part-time yeah
you know i just wanted
free tickets to altamont to see the stones and uh you know back then i was just
so i was mostly
following the dead and i said i gotta go see the stones i was this far from the
guy who got stabbed
in the face i asked him i think i said hello it was very it was very just like
barely anything out of
the gate and he just went and he kept saying you know i gotta leave it about i'm
about to get out of
here and then he would stay for 45 more minutes that's awesome and i hate to
bash on him but he
was it was he was i can't tell if he was mentally just kind of getting out
there or if he was just
damn had lost you know or if he was just an egomaniac you know yeah i mean he's
he's lived so many
lives i know i've never had the opportunity to meet the guy but anytime i watch
him you know on anything
i'm just like i don't know that i can it's one of those you don't want to meet
your heroes kind of
thing because he is he is out there he'll go from you know halliburton orchestrated
the bp oil spill
and then the next thing he says is like you know what's really good is uh we're
just tortillas with
scrambled eggs you should come on would you like to sleep over i have a spare
room that you'd really
like it's woodsy i've sort of brought minnesota to the baja i call it baja soda
anyway you'll really
like the aesthetic i don't know if i fucking i don't is he gonna kill me i can't
tell if i can't
stand this man yeah yeah i have some uh are you uh do you ever dine on long pig
that's what the
cannibals call human being because it tastes like pork oh i gotta go i gotta go
in four minutes no no
no stick around i'm just getting started anyway the gulf of tonga i dropped
these these mercenaries in
there and i was with the navy seals and of course i can hold my breath for 19
minutes so that's why
they brought me with them they used to they used to call me uh the snorkel scuba
yeah
the submarine before i was so crazy it's just like being with him really
just fucking topic to topic oh i couldn't get awarded i couldn't and it was the
longest interview
it's a three-hour interview oh my god it was unbelievable man and we did it
like we took we
kind of commandeered this um uh it was like a days in or something and they had
a little meeting room
in there and so it was this indian family that like owned it so we told him you
know like this guy you
know we showed him pictures on the internet of jesse and like this is who's
coming you know and so the
whole family was like waiting by the door when he gave it like i don't think
they understood what was
going on i think they thought it was like a diplomat or something but anyway he
showed up and um the
cleaning lady kept kind of trying to sneak in and see if she could help in any
way you know it's just so
bizarre dude do you have any uh orange crush i'd love a orange crush let's get
a couple of orange crushes
with like a three-hour he's the kind of guy i want to like lock in a room with
alex jones and like just
give them a bottle of of uh you know schnapps or something and see what happens
like just oh they
talked for seven and a half hours this is this is unbelievable just like
sleeping yeah a golfer tanga
bohemian grove jesse was crazy man he was like i was a governor i was a
governor of minnesota i was uh
uh i sold sodas and uh in orange grove he's like i sold sodas and minna
governor he like when everything
started to get convoluted like it was almost like uh there was like a a little
something wrong in the
matrix you know yeah he was getting bad intel yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah he
starts he just completely
starts glitching yeah yeah i was wrestling bob backland at the philadelphia
spec spectrum and uh
i got a call from hugo chavez really at ringside yeah and vince mcmahon said it's
hugo and so you know
i uh so i hit backland uh in the face with a chair so he could sell it and he
was outside the ring and
then i went and took the call he said we need you out here we need i need you
to help negotiate
with castro are these does this even line up time what year was it it was 1982
when do you think it
was i don't know yeah he does that when do you think it yeah when do you why
don't you tell me
that's what i why well why don't you tell me if you're such a patriot i don't
know i don't know i
wasn't i was a navy see i understand well why don't you tell me were you there
and you were there in
the jungles of laos no you're not laotian i thought i read that about you on wikipedia
no i don't what do you like do you like orange soda or would you like a mr pib
excuse me miss yeah mr pimp
yeah it was unbelievable dude yeah yeah it was the longest day though and he
just and finally at
the end he's like so i heard somewhere you're a comedian oh geez like at at the
beginning hour three
and it starts out he's like how much how much time do you have he's like i only
have about 35 minutes
or just letting you know that after that i'm out of here yeah like one more
thing before i go and
then he just rattled off to another echelon of complete this egomaniacal and
then
he said he joined the hells ain't he joined the uh he was a one percenter right
which is i guess is a
motorcycling gang will you look it up and kudos to them dude because i think we
need more gangs in
america on gang gang we need gangs yeah people are like what gang is left even
there's no more gangs to
create yeah social security is almost dead that's almost that's a good gang but
it's i feel like they're
losing steam social security i mean i feel like any day now people are going to
start getting just blank
checks sent to them yeah senior citizens well that's true we are very close to
collapse
in every single way yeah this guy's a one percenter that's what he said i'm a
one i'm a one percenter
yeah that's a hell yeah he's like i've driven past dead bison in uh south dakota
i love that he
didn't know so you're a comedian yeah tell me a joke yeah tell me oh uh i
thought i thought you were
anderson cooper yeah i'm sorry i'm just my meds kind of they start balancing
out around 4 35.
yeah i can see you're not anderson cooper he's like i do sundowners early just
to get it over with
you know i i do my sundowning from three to four thirty it was unreal sundowning
and we had to get it was
like and he it was a it was un it was unbelievable and he almost has he walks
like a sasquatch kind
of he has that like he has that he has that former bodybuilder like if you ever
met like someone who
was like oh this guy was a in 1960 70 or whatever meet like you know former nflers
and
stuff and it's like they still have that gate yeah where it's like you're you're
67 years old but you
could kick my ass like yeah you see that guy at like the grocery store where it's
like
and he's like you know just big gnarled muscle hands and shit like lou ferrigno
if you see him wow
look at the look at the abs on he's got five abs there that was lou ferrigno's
that was his that's
why he could never beat arnold yeah because in mr olympia because arnold had
anywhere from six to eight
abs and uh lou ferrigno no matter what he did he always had that crown ab at
the top it's sort of
looking over the other abs yeah yeah he was drinking abs sam that's why yeah
that's why back then they
didn't have protein shakes you just chew on the steak yeah you chew on your
youngest son yeah just chew on
his feet and get your nutrients as jesse the body in the wwe he always had
feathered things and you
know but that was also the 80s you could mr t with all those chains and yeah he
looked like a meth
christmas tree i feel like jesse venturo yeah that's what he reminds me yeah he
just looked like
here's like it was like billy idol boy george and a giant built guy and he's
got like you know a
bandana and yeah beads hanging from his head yeah like where stephen tyler kept
extra
kind of like you know hey stephen do you would you mind if i had some of these
scarves
are you using these scarves nah man go ahead
yeah bro that is awesome that is unbelievable yeah the boa
god there he is with vince mcmahon were you in the one percenters is that who
did
they were one percent yeah they just hated hey man we're out of beer what are
we going to do with
theo how are we going to jump him in i got an idea we're going to see how much
water he can drink
yeah i like it good idea let's see if he's one of us i'll be down there in the
swamps just taking a
sip every once in a while while i'm underwater for 19 minutes wrestling alligators
and drinking swamp
water you little pansy you see how much water you can drink yeah so jesse made
me go drink all this
water and then i laid down on my friend's room fell asleep and i peed and it
went corner to corner
in the uh in the room nice jesse wanders in in his hoodie i've had six four locos
i've had four six
local i've had 24 locos i just moved to aruba yeah you know in uh costa rica
they only have two
laws i don't even know what they are that's it's basically just a free-for-all
it's lord of the flies
out there i love it i built a deck that doesn't even have y-beams it could fall
down at any moment i
invite as many people from the town as i can over for tortillas with scrambled
eggs just can't wait for
it to fall and i'm like ghost of evil revolution evil revolution that's how i
say it
you know i was there when uh the big bopper died i was right out there yeah i
saw the plane go down
yeah i got out there just a minute too late because i had to swim and i just
got preoccupied because i
love being underwater and pretty soon i'm just doing the backstroke and then i
rolled up and richie valens
is like help help yeah yeah hey it's you la bomba lou diamond phillips and he
said no that movie hasn't
happened yet i understand i'm eternal i i cross dimensions i've been a governor
a vampire a piss
truther a wrestler i've been here for thousands of years i'm an angel i know
you i'm an aids activist
you know what that's what the you know that's me and harvey milk we wore this
this is how we you know
knew each other we were we were uh in politics for change pushing pushing
policy for everybody
inclusivity i was way ahead of it that's why i'm in baja trying to start a new
society altogether the
two-party system here has led us astray yeah both of those uh geriatric freaks
i wouldn't trust either of
them and i know them both very well a lot of people don't know this but i go
duck hunting with joe biden
and donald trump every spring we go they come down to the baja they don't want
to tell you this they're
all working for the same master that's right and uh we go down there and uh uh
occasionally uh rupert
murdoch will fly up and everybody gets along tucker uh cooper anderson cooper
and tucker charleston
together on a tandem bicycle and they take turns sitting in the baby seat
and tucker's like oh he's you know getting tickled as he's rocking back and
forth with anderson
and everyone gets along i did mad tv for years and you make fun of everybody
doing silly
impersonations i've never heard from jesse ventura saying don't do that yeah
they had the tupac
hologram it's a parlor trick yeah nobody cares and it got gunned down like two
minutes and being on stage
yeah that's the other thing is right away the one percenters show up and biggie
and uh you know outside
soon you're outside the automotive museum and it's uh suge and and uh and into
oh no that was biggie
that was outside at any rate you're somewhere on fairfax now we got this ai
thing to contend with
there's already scams happening online old people are being targeted older
people or boomers as the
kids say they got to kind of get out of the way or go the way of jesse ventura
and just you know hit
the baja yeah hit the hit the baja and watch friends on vhs or the hope you
enjoyed that video and you can
watch another and you can watch this one you can watch this one different
options different choices
some guy just brings you one option not this guy two options watch one this one
or this one

15 Minutes of Will Sasso doing Jesse Ventura

since you've been on i had jesse ventura on really yeah oh i missed that oh how
was that
no no i did i i know that you did that i did not check it out though how was
that a night it was a
nightmare he's you gotta like watch every word you say right i mean he talked
for here it is
right there he talked for seven he talked for 1700 years he talked for 1700
years to hours okay
yeah it was unbelievable he's like up you know i drank four look he just kept
going off he's like
i drink four locos i'll drink i'll drink six logos i drink four times six i'll
drink 24 locos
and i love america so i moved to cuba yeah or something it's like he's in the
baja yeah i don't
even live in the continental united states anymore yeah yeah i'm in the baja
yeah that's what he said
yeah i'm down in the baja now i wouldn't vote for either of them yeah that was
his whole thing bro
the two-party system is uh it's there in place to do what it does and we're all
we're all indoctrinated
he's like i bought my american flag in uh china i love this country i went
there myself to have it it's
the largest american flag in uh in north america yeah he kept saying i need i
joined the uh
i joined the hell's angels as well i'm gonna uh you know i'm i'm part-time yeah
you know i just wanted
free tickets to altamont to see the stones and uh you know back then i was just
so i was mostly
following the dead and i said i gotta go see the stones i was this far from the
guy who got stabbed
in the face i asked him i think i said hello it was very it was very just like
barely anything out of
the gate and he just went and he kept saying you know i gotta leave it about i'm
about to get out of
here and then he would stay for 45 more minutes that's awesome and i hate to
bash on him but he
was it was he was i can't tell if he was mentally just kind of getting out
there or if he was just
damn had lost you know or if he was just an egomaniac you know yeah i mean he's
he's lived so many
lives i know i've never had the opportunity to meet the guy but anytime i watch
him you know on anything
i'm just like i don't know that i can it's one of those you don't want to meet
your heroes kind of
thing because he is he is out there he'll go from you know halliburton orchestrated
the bp oil spill
and then the next thing he says is like you know what's really good is uh we're
just tortillas with
scrambled eggs you should come on would you like to sleep over i have a spare
room that you'd really
like it's woodsy i've sort of brought minnesota to the baja i call it baja soda
anyway you'll really
like the aesthetic i don't know if i fucking i don't is he gonna kill me i can't
tell if i can't
stand this man yeah yeah i have some uh are you uh do you ever dine on long pig
that's what the
cannibals call human being because it tastes like pork oh i gotta go i gotta go
in four minutes no no
no stick around i'm just getting started anyway the gulf of tonga i dropped
these these mercenaries in
there and i was with the navy seals and of course i can hold my breath for 19
minutes so that's why
they brought me with them they used to they used to call me uh the snorkel scuba
yeah
the submarine before i was so crazy it's just like being with him really
just fucking topic to topic oh i couldn't get awarded i couldn't and it was the
longest interview
it's a three-hour interview oh my god it was unbelievable man and we did it
like we took we
kind of commandeered this um uh it was like a days in or something and they had
a little meeting room
in there and so it was this indian family that like owned it so we told him you
know like this guy you
know we showed him pictures on the internet of jesse and like this is who's
coming you know and so the
whole family was like waiting by the door when he gave it like i don't think
they understood what was
going on i think they thought it was like a diplomat or something but anyway he
showed up and um the
cleaning lady kept kind of trying to sneak in and see if she could help in any
way you know it's just so
bizarre dude do you have any uh orange crush i'd love a orange crush let's get
a couple of orange crushes
with like a three-hour he's the kind of guy i want to like lock in a room with
alex jones and like just
give them a bottle of of uh you know schnapps or something and see what happens
like just oh they
talked for seven and a half hours this is this is unbelievable just like
sleeping yeah a golfer tanga
bohemian grove jesse was crazy man he was like i was a governor i was a
governor of minnesota i was uh
uh i sold sodas and uh in orange grove he's like i sold sodas and minna
governor he like when everything
started to get convoluted like it was almost like uh there was like a a little
something wrong in the
matrix you know yeah he was getting bad intel yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah he
starts he just completely
starts glitching yeah yeah i was wrestling bob backland at the philadelphia
spec spectrum and uh
i got a call from hugo chavez really at ringside yeah and vince mcmahon said it's
hugo and so you know
i uh so i hit backland uh in the face with a chair so he could sell it and he
was outside the ring and
then i went and took the call he said we need you out here we need i need you
to help negotiate
with castro are these does this even line up time what year was it it was 1982
when do you think it
was i don't know yeah he does that when do you think it yeah when do you why
don't you tell me
that's what i why well why don't you tell me if you're such a patriot i don't
know i don't know i
wasn't i was a navy see i understand well why don't you tell me were you there
and you were there in
the jungles of laos no you're not laotian i thought i read that about you on wikipedia
no i don't what do you like do you like orange soda or would you like a mr pib
excuse me miss yeah mr pimp
yeah it was unbelievable dude yeah yeah it was the longest day though and he
just and finally at
the end he's like so i heard somewhere you're a comedian oh geez like at at the
beginning hour three
and it starts out he's like how much how much time do you have he's like i only
have about 35 minutes
or just letting you know that after that i'm out of here yeah like one more
thing before i go and
then he just rattled off to another echelon of complete this egomaniacal and
then
he said he joined the hells ain't he joined the uh he was a one percenter right
which is i guess is a
motorcycling gang will you look it up and kudos to them dude because i think we
need more gangs in
america on gang gang we need gangs yeah people are like what gang is left even
there's no more gangs to
create yeah social security is almost dead that's almost that's a good gang but
it's i feel like they're
losing steam social security i mean i feel like any day now people are going to
start getting just blank
checks sent to them yeah senior citizens well that's true we are very close to
collapse
in every single way yeah this guy's a one percenter that's what he said i'm a
one i'm a one percenter
yeah that's a hell yeah he's like i've driven past dead bison in uh south dakota
i love that he
didn't know so you're a comedian yeah tell me a joke yeah tell me oh uh i
thought i thought you were
anderson cooper yeah i'm sorry i'm just my meds kind of they start balancing
out around 4 35.
yeah i can see you're not anderson cooper he's like i do sundowners early just
to get it over with
you know i i do my sundowning from three to four thirty it was unreal sundowning
and we had to get it was
like and he it was a it was un it was unbelievable and he almost has he walks
like a sasquatch kind
of he has that like he has that he has that former bodybuilder like if you ever
met like someone who
was like oh this guy was a in 1960 70 or whatever meet like you know former nflers
and
stuff and it's like they still have that gate yeah where it's like you're you're
67 years old but you
could kick my ass like yeah you see that guy at like the grocery store where it's
like
and he's like you know just big gnarled muscle hands and shit like lou ferrigno
if you see him wow
look at the look at the abs on he's got five abs there that was lou ferrigno's
that was his that's
why he could never beat arnold yeah because in mr olympia because arnold had
anywhere from six to eight
abs and uh lou ferrigno no matter what he did he always had that crown ab at
the top it's sort of
looking over the other abs yeah yeah he was drinking abs sam that's why yeah
that's why back then they
didn't have protein shakes you just chew on the steak yeah you chew on your
youngest son yeah just chew on
his feet and get your nutrients as jesse the body in the wwe he always had
feathered things and you
know but that was also the 80s you could mr t with all those chains and yeah he
looked like a meth
christmas tree i feel like jesse venturo yeah that's what he reminds me yeah he
just looked like
here's like it was like billy idol boy george and a giant built guy and he's
got like you know a
bandana and yeah beads hanging from his head yeah like where stephen tyler kept
extra
kind of like you know hey stephen do you would you mind if i had some of these
scarves
are you using these scarves nah man go ahead
yeah bro that is awesome that is unbelievable yeah the boa
god there he is with vince mcmahon were you in the one percenters is that who
did
they were one percent yeah they just hated hey man we're out of beer what are
we going to do with
theo how are we going to jump him in i got an idea we're going to see how much
water he can drink
yeah i like it good idea let's see if he's one of us i'll be down there in the
swamps just taking a
sip every once in a while while i'm underwater for 19 minutes wrestling alligators
and drinking swamp
water you little pansy you see how much water you can drink yeah so jesse made
me go drink all this
water and then i laid down on my friend's room fell asleep and i peed and it
went corner to corner
in the uh in the room nice jesse wanders in in his hoodie i've had six four locos
i've had four six
local i've had 24 locos i just moved to aruba yeah you know in uh costa rica
they only have two
laws i don't even know what they are that's it's basically just a free-for-all
it's lord of the flies
out there i love it i built a deck that doesn't even have y-beams it could fall
down at any moment i
invite as many people from the town as i can over for tortillas with scrambled
eggs just can't wait for
it to fall and i'm like ghost of evil revolution evil revolution that's how i
say it
you know i was there when uh the big bopper died i was right out there yeah i
saw the plane go down
yeah i got out there just a minute too late because i had to swim and i just
got preoccupied because i
love being underwater and pretty soon i'm just doing the backstroke and then i
rolled up and richie valens
is like help help yeah yeah hey it's you la bomba lou diamond phillips and he
said no that movie hasn't
happened yet i understand i'm eternal i i cross dimensions i've been a governor
a vampire a piss
truther a wrestler i've been here for thousands of years i'm an angel i know
you i'm an aids activist
you know what that's what the you know that's me and harvey milk we wore this
this is how we you know
knew each other we were we were uh in politics for change pushing pushing
policy for everybody
inclusivity i was way ahead of it that's why i'm in baja trying to start a new
society altogether the
two-party system here has led us astray yeah both of those uh geriatric freaks
i wouldn't trust either of
them and i know them both very well a lot of people don't know this but i go
duck hunting with joe biden
and donald trump every spring we go they come down to the baja they don't want
to tell you this they're
all working for the same master that's right and uh we go down there and uh uh
occasionally uh rupert
murdoch will fly up and everybody gets along tucker uh cooper anderson cooper
and tucker charleston
together on a tandem b