Name: Roseanne & Theo Talk About Sex
Uploaded: 2023-06-19T20:41:10.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Roseanne & Theo Talk About Sex' from Theo Von Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-06-19. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Roseanne & Theo Talk About Sex' from Theo Von Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-06-19. Transcript available.

Can you believe that people pee on each other for sexual pleasure and poop on
each other and beat each other's ass and all the crap, all the ridiculous shit
people do for their sex pleasures?
Good God.
Yeah, whatever happened to just fucking just having sex for a few minutes and
just having like a TV dinner or whatever.
I know, the good things in life, right?
Yeah, dude.
Oh God, sometimes I just...
When I was young, you know, we grew up with like a more tradition in America,
you know, with like the Pledge of Allegiance, simple stuff, you know, hand jobs.
I don't even think they do hand jobs anymore.
I think they do.
They might, you know, they might.
But it was like, you know, there was kind of like...
Now they call it tug jobs.
Oh, they do?
Yeah.
I've seen that on the internet.
Oh, damn.
I'm aggressive.
Well, a lot of these women are also...
They're coming in hot, you know.
They're coming in a little, you know.
Yeah, the women are acting like the men did when I was in high school.
Well, that's a thing.
So, yeah, they're tugging now.
It used to be a little more, you know, hand feels a little bit more comfortable,
I think.
Yeah.
Tug feels like, hey, let's fucking get out, you know.
Yeah.
Let's get it done and get out of here.
Yeah, that's kind of how women are now.
And the men are kind of like the...
They seem like the girls were in high school.
Like, well, I don't know what that means.
Yeah.
What the hell?
Shit turned around.
Yeah, what happened?
I'm so glad I'm past the sex urge.
Yeah.
I'll tell you what.
I said, you know, I know I look better now than I ever did.
If I looked this good when I was 20, I don't know.
I would have made something of myself.
But, you know, thank God I don't have that.
I would honestly, I think I would even take you out on a date, I think.
You would?
Yeah.
I think you're really pretty.
Oh, you're so nice.
I believe that, too.
That is so nice.
You know how happy that makes an old woman.
If I was 40 years older, I'd snap you in half like a potato chip.
Yeah.
Oh, damn it.
Do you, yeah, are there anything that you miss about sex as you get older, do
you think?
Well, I had an unfortunate experience that ended all my sex urges and all my
sex thoughts.
Because, you know, when you're old, things happen to you as a woman.
If you're not going to take all the hormones, you know, and you're just going
to try to age gracefully with your vagina and all.
Well, the one thing that was shocking is that I found out the only thing thin
on me is my vaginal walls.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah.
And that's what happens.
The older you get, they get more and more thin.
So, you know, and, you know, your husband, he's getting old, too.
So, of course, he's got to go on the Viagra because, you know, this and that
and the other.
Well, what ends up happening just isn't good.
And so, there I was, every time I, you know, we did it, well, I got a horrible,
I, what are they called?
UTI.
UTI?
I think it's...
Uterine is something.
Uterine tract infection?
Yeah, urinary tract infection.
Oh, wow.
Dang.
And the last time I got it was the last time I had sex.
Well, they had to take me to the hospital.
I started peeing blood in Ralph's.
Oh, at Ralph's?
At Ralph's.
Oh, wow.
I've done some things.
I've never done that at Ralph's.
Yeah, it was so scary.
They had to take me to the hospital, and they had to give me three morphine
shots for my, whatever it was, to let loose the bladder thing.
Oh, and they give it to you right in your vagina?
Oh, no.
No, they give it to me right in the butt.
Oh, no, not in the vagina.
Thank God, because I would have jumped out the window and just killed myself.
Oh, if I see anybody put it down, yeah.
I would, God, I would hate that.
But then I was like, sorry, Charlie, to my boyfriend.
Sorry, Charlie, you're going to have to, whatever, you know, whatever you do,
don't just, whatever, keep it to yourself.
Yeah.
I'm done.
I'm over it.
I'm never going through that again.
God.
People say, well, there's other ways to make love, you know, you can get with
your partner and blah, blah.
So, you know, we do.
We like to watch the ID channel on the mass murders.
We lay there in bed together and watch the mass murders.
And that's just as, what do you call it, satisfying to me, which we try to
solve the cases and this and that, the true crime.
That's exciting.
But, you know, I look back at people, I go, you're so proud of yourself for the
having sex thing.
They're so damn proud of their self, like every goat on earth don't do it.
It's so, yeah.
I mean, look, first of all, a good Dateline episode will make me come, to be
honest.
The good ones, you know?
Yeah, the good ones.
The early ones, I thought, were better.
Some of the good ones, I mean, they've kind of repackaged some of them.
Hope you enjoyed that video.
And you can watch another.
And you can watch this one.
You can watch this one.
Different options, different choices.
Some guy just brings you one option.
Not this guy.
Two options.
Watch one.
This one or this one.