Name: Wondering About Aliens & UFOs w/ Duncan Trussell
Uploaded: 2023-06-25T12:36:40.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Wondering About Aliens & UFOs w/ Duncan Trussell' from Theo Von Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-06-25. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Wondering About Aliens & UFOs w/ Duncan Trussell' from Theo Von Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-06-25. Transcript available.

Wondering About Aliens & UFOs w/ Duncan Trussell

just enjoy the fact that you get to live in a time period in american history
where the federal
government seems to no longer be denying the thing that people have been saying
forever but here's my
question then would be what's in it for the federal government that they would
now not deny it well i
think that's one of the most important questions regarding this situation is
why why suddenly are
they kind of slow leaking this information like i don't i don't know the answer
to that like i have
no idea like well some things could be i mean just off the top of my head is if
they want us to believe
in some sort of universal protector then that will come along right like some
thing some organization
some like insurance against aliens in a way not an actual like you pay 40 bucks
a month but like
right like as in creating some new world or you know if there's that part of
that regime that like
you know this this one world order type of thing if they yeah you know i'm just
trying to think of the
upside what does somebody gain um do we need a new enemy are they realizing
that like religion isn't
working enough on people anymore or the fear of there's not enough fear imposed
on people at them
you know i don't know or it could just be that that's blue beam you're talking
about blue beam
that's the big conspiracy theory that's like essentially like there's two
possibilities the one you just said
which i guess if you're gonna do like occam's razor that is the most likely one
right what is occam's razor the
mo the simplest solution is generally the solution so uh in this case it's more
likely this is a human
operation than aliens based on our understanding of physics and the distance of
habitable galaxies where
they have planets in the goldilocks region the amount of time it would take to
get here
based on what we understand about how fast you can go probably if if you're
gonna if you're gonna bet
bet it's not an alien right in vegas if you're betting you're probably you
should always bet that's
not an alien that's a human thing you're gonna win most of the time right so uh
that that is one
of the possibilities it's very sinister the idea being there's some social
control benefit related to
tricking the population of the planet into thinking there's aliens that's
probably not
the yakom's razor of it then i mean the other side of it is well we live on a
planet it's been
being visited by a variety of alien species that more than likely genetically
engineered us a long time
ago and like shifted us from proto-hominids into what we are now probably for a
reason that we're not gonna
like like like they like were roombas or something i mean that's one of the
theories is they just wanted
gold so they genetically engineered us to like gold so we naturally mine gold
for them
because we like shiny we like gold and that they use it as some kind of fuel oh
yeah have you seen
basketball wives dude no that the whole show's about oh gold right they love
gold it's crazy it's like
yeah what are we even doing here right it doesn't make sense like why do you
like this shiny stupid
heavy metal why are you into that so much there's so many other cooler metals
out there but gold
obsession is a real thing so the theory is these anunnaki programmed us to
light gold because they
need it for their spaceships they didn't give a shit about us they're just like
uh let's farm some gold here that's it brilliant from that perspective so that
that to me is a far
more complex and and weird explanation than just the military industrial
complex has like networked
with other governments and they're like i think they're at the point they're so
dumb
they're gonna believe there's aliens and like we can manipulate them that's
what it seems like that's
what it would seem like to me because i don't know unless it they're they're
like we're getting to the
point where so many people are being like there's so much evidence the more you
make me think this is
not real the more i'm just thinking you are not honest right like at a certain
point the the the residual
effect of the of the magic trick isn't of it doesn't cause the beautiful
deception anymore it causes you
to hate the magician exactly exactly so that's the thing that's weird bros like
you know why why
and look i would love to see it would i like to meet an alien i don't know dude
you would give me a
break you know just from our few podcasts together and conversations we had i
don't i wouldn't you
like it of course you'd like to meet an alien it'd be the coolest thing ever
don't you want to know
what they smell like no one ever talks about that what do they smell like what
is the what does a gray
alien's head smell like yeah is it bitter is it a stinky smell is it fishy oh
if they're fishy dude i'm
i'm out bro how much would this smell of aliens depend on how much we give a
about it anymore a lot
huge bro if they smell anything like a korean pet store dude i'm gone dude
close encounters
of the third kind spoiler if you haven't seen it i'm going to spoil it very in
the guy who's been building the mud mountains
happily walks into the spaceship the beautiful musical spaceship imagine the
thing closes and you
catch that first waft of deep like fish laying out in the beach smell as you're
like light speed heading
away from the planet and that's gonna be what you smell forever as you look out
at the vastness of space
black holes all the beauty of space all you can think about is there's just
this stink rotting eggs and
fucking fish
bro we would hate about aliens immediately we would hate them like these stinky
motherfuckers smells so bad and they refuse to like take showers and baths they're
like no we don't do that
no we'll evaporate you before we'll take a shower no we're the advanced
intelligence you're supposed
to stink they're like no this is one of the many things we figured out yeah if
you don't stink you
haven't evolved like we go we used to not stink and then we learned we learned
this is our purpose here
to emit foul odors realizing there's more to you than just being this reactive
substance described as like a human reactive substance is that what the aliens
call us that's
probably what they thought it was at first they're just like there's these
react there's a bunch of
reactive substance on that planet yeah we don't know what it is sometimes it
like gets into vehicles we
think it's vehicles yeah yeah once sometimes a doctor tells one of one of them
tells them when
they have black guys in their head as a child yeah i know well you know i did
like i did read that
maybe that is the reason even though these days i guess you can't say we're not
getting visited but
one of the theories on why aliens aren't coming here is because they don't
consider us intelligent life
yeah so they just see us as some just like what you're saying some kind of like
vaguely sentient reactive meat yeah not worth visiting i think that makes sense
i mean i've long
thought the reason why i think aliens used to come a lot probably back in the
day right they came a
lot that's why you saw a lot of egyptians drawing them yeah you know and um and
even the fact that
they would stay stable long enough for an egyptian to draw them because in a
you know like they had
to get a candle they had to light it they had to get the guy who could draw
like it was a little bit
more of than just yeah sometimes chiseling yeah it was more than just us
grabbing a phone right yeah
but i think yeah they used to come by a lot and then they realized it's kind of
boring we've become
like one of the boring theme parks in the galaxy so if your parents if your
alien parents take you to
the uh earth yeah for your graduation i bet the other aliens are like what a
loser to your parents
to get a nobody's been there in forever dude how poor are you guys it's like a
six flags knockoff
yes like one of those shitty like shitty theme parks where they don't even try
to clean up the puke
yeah there's just puke splattered everywhere you'll probably get like pickpocketed
you look at the
kids controlling the roller coaster and they're like clearly on pcp they're not
paying attention
you're people die you know people die there but yeah yeah yeah one of the guys
running the rides is in a
coma but they have to hire like the governments you have to hire more comatose
people yeah they're just
like yeah the guy's like just like has his morphine button and his start the
ride button confused crazy
earth is it's that old theme park where it's like dude we're not driving all
the way out there there's
nothing out there all the information is these people are just yeah trying to
butt and just
looking at you know and growing yard drugs like we're not going over there
again i'm picturing
the alien display like the star trek display as that pops up is what the
analysis of planet earth is
that's amazing they're just like yeah that's not worth our time yeah we're not
going to burn
vesping crystals to go to that piece of now it will at some point though become
hip with alien youth
to come back here and do something because that's how everything is right there
will come a time and
maybe it's coming now because alien seems to be the you know gaining popularity
i don't know if it's
gaining popularity or if it's gaining um like more sightings or whatever what
is this yeah this is
actually pretty topical nasa just held like a four-hour press conference about
ufos for the first
time and they're basically admitting that it's a daily occurrence at this point
ufos they're actually
there's one thing that's happened since this weirdly boring nasa press
conference where they did say this
did you see the thing there there's now a whistleblower who has come forward
and said that the united
states has alien spaceship wreckage and a congressman i can't remember his name
gave a statement to the
press saying they were debriefed that in fact we have alien wreckage that they're
about to have
hearings on it so all the ufo people are yeah that's it that we're definitely
not alone thing
people are really freaking out right now because you know this is what all the
ufo people have been
saying is coming disclosure so yeah it's that guy a whistleblower says he
handed over classified evidence
proving that a secret government program has been recovering spaceships and
aliens for decades
uh we're definitely not alone david grush says uh he's a former intelligence
and military official
um hmm uh representative rep republican dean phillips uh a representative dean
phillips from minnesota
uh democrat added my first reaction is probably like everybody watching this
which is wow and secondly
i'll believe it when i see it i mean that's fair you're not supposed to
immediately believe ufo oh no you but
but what's interesting about this is that the denial that usually happens when
things like someone says
it's not really happening in the same way and again there was a congressman who
said we were debriefed
like did you ever see that creed so like they did hearings on uaps a while ago
and then after the hearing
they debriefed the feds the congress the congress they debriefed them and they
did an interview with
one of these representatives in the hallway after he just got told whatever the
they told him
and he's he said you can find on youtube he said something along the lines of
lock your doors and
windows tonight folks that was his response like whatever they told him
inspired him to say we should
like lock our doors like it's gonna keep an alien out yeah lock your doors
after classified hearing
on ufos a louisiana senator now we're talking yeah man this is the same state
that couldn't keep
brothers outside of my head when i was a kid dude i'm telling you you could
like this is nuts
you can watch can are you allowed to show youtube videos on here there's a clip
of him doing it
it's hilarious is this him right here doing it oh yeah that's it flying objects
that a couple of
weeks ago our skies were