Name: Jim Gaffigan Gives Theo Advice on Finding a Wife
Uploaded: 2023-07-24T19:28:02.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Jim Gaffigan Gives Theo Advice on Finding a Wife' from Theo Von Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-07-24. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Jim Gaffigan Gives Theo Advice on Finding a Wife' from Theo Von Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-07-24. Transcript available.

so your ideal woman let's put it out there okay let's put it out there then i
would say she has
nice eyes like kind of caring eyes like eyes oh warm eyes warm eyes yes because
that is true it's
important it's important to the kids too yes definitely you know you don't want
some cold
eyed freaking slithering broad yeah you know making even serving muffins to
your children no
so warm-eyed um i would say hard working hard working sense of humor is really
important yeah
sense of humor or the ability to laugh even being able to laugh though is also
like having an inverse
sense of humor like if somebody's a good laugher i think it's just as it's
almost better than a sense
humor because at least they're they're getting they're having the joy you know
by the way the
hard worker thing i think is really key too yeah yeah my wife is a very hard
worker and that's
that's uh that's great because then you can do less
no but it is i mean i'm we have a similar work ethic we enjoy working you know
what i mean
and i wouldn't say working i i'm not saying like hey let's go uh grab some
construction shifts you
know it's like you know uh it's fulfilling for us you know what i mean yeah and
life's hard work it's
like if you want to stay in a marriage it seems like it's a lot of like if you
really want anything to
work yeah you got to do it you know it's what it seems like yeah um how tall
how tall i would say
anywhere probably five six yeah to six one okay and how tall are you i'm
willing to go on the outlier
side with the height i am six foot but you wouldn't care if she was taller i
don't think i would care as
long as she didn't do little things to me like probably pat on like pat me or
something like
that or call you shorty yeah yeah yeah or say hey give me that little wiener
you know like things
like that and what about uh and what about the do you want her to be younger
than you older than you
i would probably say younger than me you know i want her to be able to bear you
know bear children
if she wants to yeah um but then i got to make sure that i'm in a good space
too you know i don't want
to be some philanderer right right i don't want to be a man who's peeking over
the fence and you know
talking to the neighbor's wife right and i don't want to be you shouldn't be
neighborly you shouldn't be
talking even to a neighbor um no but you're saying so you you want to also be
mature you want to be
to the point yeah yeah i don't want to be doing any more like i don't want to
be more do any more
conniving or any like i want to you know i just want to be locked in yeah did
you have a point where
you were like was it scary for you when you were like okay i'm gonna get
married this is it like
did you have your mom like who dropped you off to go ask your wife would you
drive over there
how did you do it i was uh my mom dropped me off no uh no i uh i was at my
brother's house we'd gone
back we used to go back and we'd go to indiana and then we'd drive through chicago
and go to milwaukee
where my wife's from and i you know my wife and i we had this agreement that
she was going to tell me
when she was ready to be proposed you know because you know the whole you you
don't there's no risk
you don't want them to be like uh no and you don't want you to process no so
and we had talked about
we dated for a while and um and i was at my brother's place and uh we were
smoking a cigar in his garage
and i said you know i i tell you if i had a ring i probably would ask her and
he goes oh i can give
you a ring i'll give you a mom's old ring i used it and you can use it and i
was like oh and so then
you're really on the spot and i was like all right but you know again i had
also kind of
made that decision do you know what i mean so the decision had already been
made yeah you know what
i mean it wasn't like oh my brother told me to do it so i did it you know what
i mean so uh and then
we went up there and i knew that i kind of wanted to surprise her and so i did
it right in front of
her entire family she's one of nine kids and we had done opening presents and
her i had asked her dad
for permission he was like cooking in the kitchen he's kind of a a great guy
but like at that point we
didn't know each other that well so he was like taking something out of the
oven i was like hey i
i'd like to ask your daughter marry me and he's like yeah okay and so then we're
opening presents and
all the presents had been opened and then i i did it and it was did you feel
nervous did you get down on
one knee it's so well i think as a comedian there's so many it's you know there's
so many awkward
situations we go in that's a good you know where you have a show where you eat
you have a show where
you do okay but you can tell half the audience thinks you're a moron i mean so
like it was
it was awkward it was uh it was you know it was nice but it's i'm also you know
all these these watershed
moments for me are uh they're not nearly as important as like you know the the
moment where i feel like i
really connected with my wife you know like my child being born there was you
know it was special but
it's not as special as like you know the time when you take a walk with them
right for me and you have
some yeah there's like a real connection yeah i mean or like right those are
kind of just built-in
tentpole moments that are yes almost i don't want to say old-fashioned they're
very important yeah but
they don't but that it's not like uh it doesn't mean everything i i for me you
know if i'm being
honest that's a good point i think it's a really good point for everybody we
put all these old it's
almost like we put these kind of like tyrannical like emotional attachments to
these moments even
though they're they might not be there because times have kind of changed so
yeah having a pop of a
wedding these days which is really just a huge party that takes so much
planning which is more about the
planning than it is even the vows yes and this the unnecessary stress oh god on
you know sangria all
these yeah you know oh my god the bread was wrong you know it's like who cares
yeah who cares dude right
i barely know this woman who cares she's pregnant that's the only reason i'm
here yeah did anybody
mention that they should have a vote at weddings like should we do it or not
and people have to really vote
that's funny wouldn't be a bad idea i mean a silent and because it's also your
loved one so it's a
really harsh thing and you shouldn't be able to open it until the next day oh
it's like the vote came in
well is and it's like a rotten tomato score like as long as we get 80 percent
yeah that's it but you're
like yeah 43 percent yeah that's not good but what the audience score say
a lot of old tropes and misdirected plot twists but a lot of people don't
believe in me they think
i'm gonna cause your family should have a vote should have a vote i thought
because you're bringing that
genetics into your gene pool well yeah you know it feels like the family
overall should have a vote
well there's also something that happens where
you i think the you know it's probably different in different cultures and
different family cultures but you kind of
get absorbed i think i feel like the men get kind of absorbed into the the
woman's family yes
much more than uh the woman getting absorbed into them i mean obviously there's
a good point
hope you enjoyed that video and you can watch another and you can watch this
one you can watch this one
different options different choices some guy just brings you one option not
this guy two options watch one this one or this one