Name: The Return of Riley Mau
Uploaded: 2023-09-07T19:48:24.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'The Return of Riley Mau' from Theo Von Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-09-07. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'The Return of Riley Mau' from Theo Von Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-09-07. Transcript available.

so that's all the traveling i've done you done any traveling recently raleigh
mal
raleigh yes sir have you um done any traveling recently brother
uh no i'm about to okay great and where are you headed bud i'm going to denver
oh okay buddy
wow and how do you do it altitude how do how do um i don't know how to say this
how do are you do a lot
of uh how do asians do at altitude uh i i think we do i think we do good okay
what are some famous
high altitude asians are there any i'm trying to think of one because if i
think of a mountain
brother i don't always think of um and maybe this is racist i mean i don't
think of an asian on a
mountain is that um yeah so i looked it up it says tibetians and sherpa are the
only two present day
high altitude east asian ethnic groups tibetians damn i thought i thought damn
tibetians are you
tibetian wow and those are high altitude asians huh correct gosh bless them red
bull drinkers baby
they're getting up there and what else has been going on in your life brother
um nothing much um a
good friend of mine passed no yeah oh man but i'm sorry man um and was it a uh
was it a male or female
uh female oh god that's wild usually i feel like men die more i don't feel like
i hear a lot about
women dying you know oh i'm sorry man were you able to go to a service or
anything or what do you guys
do for that sort of thing yeah we had a uh good uh celebration of life on saturday
oh
and was there food or not there was yeah
what would they have they had uh tacos oh
that's interesting i feel like you don't see a lot of um
talk you know a lot of
i i feel like you don't see a lot of like kind of tacos when there is uh
deceased or death you know dang that's surprising were you surprised at that
um not really she she really liked tacos oh man we're gonna check back in with
you you know i know
we haven't seen each other in a while and i see you got that facial hair going
maybe you got that
catfish rocking huh daddy i do how do you feel about that what what spurned
that
uh i just wanted to try something new
and do you feel different with it does it feel
how does that feel you know because i rock it you know
yeah no it feels great it feels definitely uh very different
like how like do you feel give me five words it makes you feel
some you know give me some words i feel older okay older
grown grown grown okay so black and older
um
i don't know i look better maybe i that's hold on it's a lot of what you don't
just do
you just have to do a word sorry but i have to have the rules for the little
fit for the game
you want to think about them yeah i'll think about them okay what else riley i'm
sure
people want to know we usually get an update on how your dating life is going
what's going on there bub
uh still still nothing really okay that's okay well damn dude and how's
everything going i know
we talked in the past about the masturbatory efforts and stuff you've been out
there glazing
that glizzy homie what's been going on you've been freaking burping that little
pants yurt or what
um you've been frizz being that little syrup dog or what uh still nothing oh
man you tell riley mal
people are not believing this man that you've never you still have never ejaculated
is that true yeah
it's true gosh brother we gotta get you on a damn pay-per-view i mean you could
open up for logan
paul and dylan danis you could be in an early preliminary i mean there's never
in your life
you telling me the truth riley i am never not even in your sleep god has never
come
and touched you in your sleep never what oh my god we could raffle you off to a
bunch of older gay men
in hollywood they they pay half a million dollars for you in hollywood to be
getting clean sauce out
of a damn vietnamese fella from the mountains yeah um i'm i'm actually not vietnamese
well but yeah but
you know what i'm or what are you i'm uh japanese korean hawaiian and norwegian
well you know that's
pretty much vietnamese dude but that doesn't matter man what matters is we're
both human beings baby boy
and i can't believe boy you got that clean syrup in your son you got that 6000
octane boy gosh that's
god's gleek homie you that thing coming right off the clouds of the lord my god
dude if you you if
you've got you a little if you got you a half ounce of that and you uh painted
the toes of some of these
gay men and perverted men out there in hollywood my god oh but i'm sorry that's
not what we need
to be doing that's not what we need to be involved in man i'm sorry for saying
that stuff oh you're
good you know but do you worry about not being able to get an erection when you
do get a woman riley
when you because are you now you're saving yourself for marriage that's correct
correct but how do you
know you're that your body's gonna work dan i i just believe it will when the
time comes hey boy
wow bro that is a risk though riley look i but you know what man i've seen
miracles happen man
i really have i've seen miracles happen bro and if you look i would stand by y'all's
bed and pray for y'all
pray you know by y'all's marital bed or whatever be in the next room and you
know put my hands on the
wall and pray or whatever you needed buddy and what type of galley have you
changed your stance on what
type of girl you're looking for like say if you had to pick a word or something
that like what would
your gal kind of look like you think or how is she or if you have some thoughts
on her what her heart is
like or whatever um i don't know um blonde okay okay you like a blonde okay and
if i tell you two names
like bambi or um rebecca does one of those names sit better with you what type
of gal you're thinking
uh not really okay either one now bambi they die in the woods you know what i'm
saying so you got to
keep that on tap buddy on your you know you gotta have you ever done any door-to-door
sales riley
i have really wonderful man what did you guys sell um anything from popcorn to
seized candy oh wow and how'd you get involved with that you so you were doing
more um
is that called uh that's not really on trays that's more side items huh right
okay and what uh wait how
do you get involved with that uh popcorn was for scouts and seized candy was
for band oh and what was
easier to pedal let me what do you think was easier to pedal out there what do
you mean like a bite no
no no what what was easier to sell to folks oh um seize candy oh yeah why you
think
i think everyone just liked candy more than popcorn yeah
yeah that's interesting yeah i think if you put candy on the word of on the
back of anything it's
you know people are interested in it you know you throw any you throw candy on
the back of something
people are more excited you know anything else you want to say riley
um you know just that you know i'm glad that my family is safe um my i have
some family out in maui
um some cousins out there that they're both firefighters and you know i'm just
glad everyone's safe
really huh firefighters so were they did were they they must have been involved
huh
yes uh they all lost their homes oh man
oh
man the world the sun is there's just so much going on it feels just it feels
just really it feels like a
lot doesn't it yeah definitely well i'm sorry brother i'm sorry that that
happened for them and
you know that that community over there god there is nothing more special if
you get to witness it in
your life um i'm sorry that that happened but thank you for letting us know
that riley let you know
let us know a little bit more about you you know
and that's important and if we ever get that boner to launch homie we might
have to get a couple firemen
to put that thing out boy whoo boy we're gonna get that branch to burn hope you
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