Name: Bobby Talks About Khalyla Moving Out and the Single Life
Uploaded: 2023-09-21T18:02:41.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bobby Talks About Khalyla Moving Out and the Single Life' from Theo Von Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-09-21. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bobby Talks About Khalyla Moving Out and the Single Life' from Theo Von Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-09-21. Transcript available.

but believe because you've never been you've never been in the outs with me bro
well oh yeah yeah i forgot i didn't know you're on the outs about no i think
after you and your
girlfriend broke up i think there was a moment where you thought i was going to
try to make a
move i think and i remember you being a little bit strange to me i'll tell you
what i think out
of all the comments that would have made a mood that you had the better chance
the best chance
to get in maybe that's what it was thank you i saw and i did not make a move
you would never make a
move not a chance brother i could name you who did i'm not kidding oh dude
there was let me guess
were they black were they black or white white white white the whites do that
the blacks
don't do that they don't they're loyal bro yeah you know what i mean i don't
know yeah dude i i would
never have uh tried to slide in your ex are you guys are you still living with
your ex-girlfriend
no she moved out no yeah dude oh no she she moved a couple of blocks away was
it sad when she moved
out kind of yeah because the house is so dirty now oh really when you're living
with a girl yeah your
house is clean it's like its own filtered like filtering system yeah like
oysters have that right
right right right right but now it's like there's cat vomit all over the place
and the other day they
found maggots yeah dude no yeah how many of them one maggot no they found a
hundreds oh you know what it
was it was like what i do you know what i've been doing this is so fucking sad
i know it is but that you
know when the girls lived up because i had jules live there too and the girls
of there you know
we would put out the cat food wet food and after the cats were done they would
wash it
me i just leave out more bowls of cat food right and then all of a sudden jules
was cleaning my house
and then she was like she saw one of the and they had been there for a month
and there was just baggots in it oh yeah so um that's the sad part but it's so
you know you know
in the beginning it's lonely it really is because when you're living with
somebody for 10 years
and then all the life is sucked out of the house that she took the dogs too
yeah so like the first
couple of months it was like you'd wake up it was silent you know what i mean
it was just silent in
my house and it was like i don't know how i made it through it man i was really
sad about it but then like
i think i started bringing girls over and then eating the vagines man oh wow
hello down there
huh hello i'll take the specs off for that yeah hey i mean you start hooking up
right because you
know i haven't done that for a long time but that's kind of sad though isn't it
like there's something
it gets kind of sad just some gal comes over and you you know and you hook up
and then she did she
now are these women are these women sleeping overnight or are these women going
home one of them spent the
night it was okay so there's one girl that i was seeing and like this is maybe
seven months ago and
i was like oh this is i like this girl a lot and then out of the blue she goes
i met someone younger
bye no and then i i looked him up dude younger than an asian i know it was a
baby oh yeah she's dating a
baby yeah he's eight months old yeah yeah no um this dude it hurt my feelings
but this dude look like
brandon lee bro who's brandon lee i don't know man dang no he was bruce lee's
son bruce lee's son the crowed he died oh yeah he died the one that got shot i
remember that yeah
he was the first one to do that you know i mean oh wow he was handsome handsome
dude this dude was
he looked this her so she goes i met someone younger i looked him up that's
what he looks like oh man and
then you see photos of them like at pool parties and he's ripped no yeah so i
was like oh you're more
together then you know your body styles no i wouldn't say i wouldn't use the
term ripped probably
yeah i mean but what else about him no but no what i'm saying though dude is
i just just said that i'm fat i don't think you're fat at all i think you but i'm
the opposite of ripped
i wouldn't see i would say you're i wouldn't say ripped i would say you're ripe
conjoined oh conjoined
yeah or joe i would say you're there's two people in one body like assignment
like a simus twin thing
i think we could carve one off of you that's me dude we can carve a little yeah
yeah i guess in
way dude can i be honest with you though dude yeah i haven't seen you in a
while you gained a little bit
too dude yeah you know what i mean and you got a weird tan huh i do a little
bit and healthy you
look healthy thank you anyway so she started she goes i met somebody and it
broke my heart
and then i'm like but now i i met somebody you did yeah man what what's up
where at you met her online
in here dude no you met her in the dms remember when i saw you in that movie
you were just swiping
people were seeing you wieners and uh breasts and everything oh we were doing
that movie yeah no
but i met this girl after that okay yeah i met this girl i don't want because
it's new but it's like
um she's the first person that i kind of want i'm like i kind of like i like
her you know aside from
the girl that betrayed me with the brandon lee you know what i mean but um yeah
i like this new one
you know she's uh yeah she says something holes and you know what dude bro let
me be honest with
you yeah i i fucking i fuck oh man i love wholesome you do yeah i love church
going when they make
sweaters what do you call that um but when they're knitting uh no crochet
crochet crochet knitting whatever
you know what i mean i like it when they they're like i've never seen goodfellas
yeah you're right oh
you can show them that it blows their mind yeah you know what i mean yeah i've
never seen the departed
yeah yeah yeah yeah or it's like they only this girl that i'm saying she only
likes um taylor swift
oh yeah you know what i mean so then you can open her mind up to like good
music too you know yeah
yeah yeah you know what i mean like this is good music right here you know the
clash
or whatever but i like wholesome dude she goes to church wow twice every sunday
really yeah what um
ethnicity like what church ethnicity is she
what do you mean like what uh i've never heard church ethnicity you know uh denomination
sorry
oh i see i don't know the one with the cross oh yeah yeah yeah it has to do
with the cross
it has nothing to do with other things yeah i'm like an alien or whatever
protestant yeah yeah yeah
it's it's one of those mega churches so it's like one of those born again you
know how they do the
harvest crusade yeah in like a huge stadium jesus yeah is a future i don't know
how that is loving
loving it good jesus touch my tits that's the one i'm from oh really they have
that in oklahoma or
whatever yeah yeah yeah lord is in my skirt yeah that's a good shirt yeah i
want to go that's crazy
i have a resentment towards you i just realized yeah yeah yes sir what is it
about you think and this is
not a lie i swear to god i swear to god on my life okay i'm so you you know it's
real right i don't know
but yeah i'm listening what do you mean yeah okay okay whatever yeah i believe
three times okay
on hinge when i was on it and two times on raya i matched with the girl and in
the direct message
they said yo i don't want to hurt your feelings but um i'm not really i didn't
match with you because i
want to hook i i want to hook up with theo can you set me up damn and bro
you didn't set me up
how hard would that have been i made that birthday video for you
you know what i'm saying bro dude oh never looked at it that way yeah how hard
you think so
i heard it a bit when you know your boys out here yeah looking for love oh my
bad okay looking in the
lord's lost and found out here los angeles you know what you just told me like
i was selfish about it
huh yeah yeah so i could have been like yo i know you were you're so hot and i
was excited when you
matched with me yeah because i thought you liked you know i mean the way i
looked yeah and my comedy
but you know you think i'm disgusting but yeah here's my boy's number because i
just talked to him
and he wants to link up you think that should have happened i think it would
have been the move i
think because here's what i'm saying they say if you give it you give it away
you know you give it
away the more people you give it away to the more it comes back you know what
dude maybe you're right
you know i looked at it in a selfish way then but you have to admit dude that's
that hurts your
feeling would that hurt your feelings i think it probably at some point in my
life it would have
now i don't think it would have i've had i've had buddy steal a girl that i
liked and i i think it
yeah made me mad but then i think like well if they're together then i'm not
supposed to be with
that girl oh dude you know you're looking at a spiritual way dude like
everything happens for a
reason i think you are dude i also put nair in a girl's shampoo one time who
broke up with me when
i was in college so you know times change yeah yeah yeah yeah i get it i get it
so yeah i mean
so i guess those ladies because i've been i've been scolding them online you
know on podcasts yeah
hey lady if you whoever you are you you and all that stuff damn really yeah i
get resentful dude you
have a lot of resentment towards women do you think honestly or no
here's what i'm resentful about dude girls are you i hit their girls that back
in the day like
i'm talking about 20 years ago i hit on like no but now they want to link up
yeah you know what
i mean now they want to now they want to link up now now that you're the top
dumpling they want
to get in the sauce huh yeah i'm one of the top i mean in terms of dumplings
dude yeah i'm in the bowl
yeah yeah you know what i mean i mean i made it into the bowl dude there's like
eight dumplings in
there you know now that you're the b now that you're the boss by me they want
to yeah they want
to get a bite out of you yeah yeah yeah but it's like now they're like you know
wanting to but it's
like you yeah you know what i mean but it's like well i have yeah you know what
dude and what's great
about being how old are you me i'm 43. you're great dude i'm 52 now dude you
just turned 52. yeah
thanks man i'll tell you about that bug we did a saw bug that's not from your
apartment is it that's
not one of the things that you have in there is it no you don't leave those in
here man you just got
this place i didn't bring that i'm gonna say you just told me your place got
shut down i didn't bring
it okay well i don't bring bugs around bro that's great right you do one of
your stories was that your
place is in i know i know but it's not like they're like you know being like
hey let me hit your ride
well i just one just flew off of you dude that's the only reason i'm asking me
yeah anyway you seem
like a great guy go on yeah i just want to let you know at 52 though like sex
dude
it's just not that important anymore yeah do you understand what i'm saying oh
yeah man i've like
he used to be number one dude but were you ever were you ever honestly were you
ever were you ever any
good at sex honestly like were you ever bro that's so insulting dude no but
honestly i'm great okay
i'm gonna say something dude i have two forms yeah slow form and long form
okay do you understand what i mean by that man let me think slow form and long
form yeah yeah okay
so sometimes i go short oh yeah i go quick oh yeah so that involves rabbit
sewing machine style yeah yeah
yeah yeah right yeah and then i do long strokes oh long like just you know what
i mean
you know oh yeah and that i could do an hour of that yeah it's like a manatee
swimming oh like a
small manatee yeah yeah like a minute yeah whatever dude yeah whatever dude bro
who wants a big huge wiener
that's all cumbersome yeah yeah yeah yeah you know if i have a buddy hold it
while you tie your shoes
yeah i don't want all like i don't like checking in my bags at the airport dude
i bring it on
you know that's what i do but so i had those forms and then it's like um but
that's back in the day
do you enjoy it though do you enjoy sex as much as you used to you think
no but i could take i i can go without it yeah you know like when i was in my
20s i would like
stay up all night hitting on a girl like you know you see a girl at a bar what
do you mean hitting on
a girl you mean masturbating at home or what do you really mean because i was i'd
be at the house
yeah no i mean what you know like if you were out like when in your early days
of stand-up right
oh yeah in the early days you met a girl on the road and you they were like on
the fence i would like
stay hang out with them till four in the morning but now it's like i would
never do that yeah like
if i was like if a girl walked in right now and this is the truth she goes hey
so next door i'm at
a hotel when you come over and i'll let's fuck and i'd be like how far is it
yeah next door i go
i would go let's do it right here wow what do you mean right here like in front
of you like let's
save the money i'm not moving for it right would you move for it uh let me
think to next
door yeah i'd probably pop over there all right maybe that was a extreme
example right but you're
saying like like uh nc now you're not going far out of your yeah i'm not gonna
go to nc now you're
not gonna yeah you're not gonna get out a map or something yeah
Thank you.

Bobby Talks About Khalyla Moving Out and the Single Life

but believe because you've never been you've never been in the outs with me bro
well oh yeah yeah i forgot i didn't know you're on the outs about no i think
after you and your
girlfriend broke up i think there was a moment where you thought i was going to
try to make a
move i think and i remember you being a little bit strange to me i'll tell you
what i think out
of all the comments that would have made a mood that you had the better chance
the best chance
to get in maybe that's what it was thank you i saw and i did not make a move
you would never make a
move not a chance brother i could name you who did i'm not kidding oh dude
there was let me guess
were they black were they black or white white white white the whites do that
the blacks
don't do that they don't they're loyal bro yeah you know what i mean i don't
know yeah dude i i would
never have uh tried to slide in your ex are you guys are you still living with
your ex-girlfriend
no she moved out no yeah dude oh no she she moved a couple of blocks away was
it sad when she moved
out kind of yeah because the house is so dirty now oh really when you're living
with a girl yeah your
house is clean it's like its own filtered like filtering system yeah like
oysters have that right
right right right right but now it's like there's cat vomit all over the place
and the other day they
found maggots yeah dude no yeah how many of them one maggot no they found a
hundreds oh you know what it
was it was like what i do you know what i've been doing this is so fucking sad
i know it is but that you
know when the girls lived up because i had jules live there too and the girls
of there you know
we would put out the cat food wet food and after the cats were done they would
wash it
me i just leave out more bowls of cat food right and then all of a sudden jules
was cleaning my house
and then she was like she saw one of the and they had been there for a month
and there was just baggots in it oh yeah so um that's the sad part but it's so
you know you know
in the beginning it's lonely it really is because when you're living with
somebody for 10 years
and then all the life is sucked out of the house that she took the dogs too
yeah so like the first
couple of months it was like you'd wake up it was silent you know what i mean
it was just silent in
my house and it was like i don't know how i made it through it man i was really
sad about it but then like
i think i started bringing girls over and then eating the vagines man oh wow
hello down there
huh hello i'll take the specs off for that yeah hey i mean you start hooking up
right because you
know i haven't done that for a long time but that's kind of sad though isn't it
like there's something
it gets kind of sad just some gal comes over and you you know and you hook up
and then she did she
now are these women are these women sleeping overnight or are these women going
home one of them spent the
night it was okay so there's one girl that i was seeing and like this is maybe
seven months ago and
i was like oh this is i like this girl a lot and then out of the blue she goes
i met someone younger
bye no and then i i looked him up dude younger than an asian i know it was a
baby oh yeah she's dating a
baby yeah he's eight months old yeah yeah no um this dude it hurt my feelings
but this dude look like
brandon lee bro who's brandon lee i don't know man dang no he was bruce lee's
son bruce lee's son the crowed he died oh yeah he died the one that got shot i
remember that yeah
he was the first one to do that you know i mean oh wow he was handsome handsome
dude this dude was
he looked this her so she goes i met someone younger i looked him up that's
what he looks like oh man and
then you see photos of them like at pool parties and he's ripped no yeah so i
was like oh you're more
together then you know your body styles no i wouldn't say i wouldn't use the
term ripped probably
yeah i mean but what else about him no but no what i'm saying though dude is
i just just said that i'm fat i don't think you're fat at all i think you but i'm
the opposite of ripped
i wouldn't see i would say you're i wouldn't say ripped i would say you're ripe
conjoined oh conjoined
yeah or joe i would say you're there's two people in one body like assignment
like a simus twin thing
i think we could carve one off of you that's me dude we can carve a little yeah
yeah i guess in
way dude can i be honest with you though dude yeah i haven't seen you in a
while you gained a little bit
too dude yeah you know what i mean and you got a weird tan huh i do a little
bit and healthy you
look healthy thank you anyway so she started she goes i met somebody and it
broke my heart
and then i'm like but now i i met somebody you did yeah man what what's up
where at you met her online
in here dude no you met her in the dms remember when i saw you in that movie
you were just swiping
people were seeing you wieners and uh breasts and everything oh we were doing
that movie yeah no
but i met this girl after that okay yeah i met this girl i don't want because
it's new but it's like
um she's the first person that i kind of want i'm like i kind of like i like
her you know aside from
the girl that betrayed me with the brandon lee you know what i mean but um yeah
i like this new one
you know she's uh yeah she says something holes and you know what dude bro let
me be honest with
you yeah i i fucking i fuck oh man i love wholesome you do yeah i love church
going when they make
sweaters what do you call that um but when they're knitting uh no crochet
crochet crochet knitting whatever
you know what i mean i like it when they they're like i've never seen goodfellas
yeah you're right oh
you can show them that it blows their mind yeah you know what i mean yeah i've
never seen the departed
yeah yeah yeah yeah or it's like they only this girl that i'm saying she only
likes um taylor swift
oh yeah you know what i mean so then you can open her mind up to like good
music too you know yeah
yeah yeah you know what i mean like this is good music right here you know the
clash
or whatever but i like wholesome dude she goes to church wow twice every sunday
really yeah what um
ethnicity like what church ethnicity is she
what do you mean like what uh i've never heard church ethnicity you know uh denomination
sorry
oh i see i don't know the one with the cross oh yeah yeah yeah it has to do
with the cross
it has nothing to do with other things yeah i'm like an alien or whatever
protestant yeah yeah yeah
it's it's one of those mega churches so it's like one of those born again you
know how they do the
harvest crusade yeah in like a huge stadium jesus yeah is a future i don't know
how that is loving
loving it good jesus touch my tits that's the one i'm from oh really they have
that in oklahoma or
whatever yeah yeah yeah lord is in my skirt yeah that's a good shirt yeah i
want to go that's crazy
i have a resentment towards you i just realized yeah yeah yes sir what is it
about you think and this is
not a lie i swear to god i swear to god on my life okay i'm so you you know it's
real right i don't know
but yeah i'm listening what do you mean yeah okay okay whatever yeah i believe
three times okay
on hinge when i was on it and two times on raya i matched with the girl and in
the direct message
they said yo i don't want to hurt your feelings but um i'm not really i didn't
match with you because i
want to hook i i want to hook up with theo can you set me up damn and bro
you didn't set me up
how hard would that have been i made that birthday video for you
you know what i'm saying bro dude oh never looked at it that way yeah how hard
you think so
i heard it a bit when you know your boys out here yeah looking for love oh my
bad okay looking in the
lord's lost and found out here los angeles you know what you just told me like
i was selfish about it
huh yeah yeah so i could have been like yo i know you were you're so hot and i
was excited when you
matched with me yeah because i thought you liked you know i mean the way i
looked yeah and my comedy
but you know you think i'm disgusting but yeah here's my boy's number because i
just talked to him
and he wants to link up you think that should have happened i think it would
have been the move i
think because here's what i'm saying they say if you give it you give it away
you know you give it
away the more people you give it away to the more it comes back you know what
dude maybe you're right
you know i looked at it in a selfish way then but you have to admit dude that's
that hurts your
feeling would that hurt your feelings i think it probably at some point in my
life it would have
now i don't think it would have i've had i've had buddy steal a girl that i
liked and i i think it
yeah made me mad but then i think like well if they're together then i'm not
supposed to be with
that girl oh dude you know you're looking at a spiritual way dude like
everything happens for a
reason i think you are dude i also put nair in a girl's shampoo one time who
broke up with me when
i was in college so you know times change yeah yeah yeah yeah i get it i get it
so yeah i mean
so i guess those ladies because i've been i've been scolding them online you
know on podcasts yeah
hey lady if you whoever you are you you and all that stuff damn really yeah i
get resentful dude you
have a lot of resentment towards women do you think honestly or no
here's what i'm resentful about dude girls are you i hit their girls that back
in the day like
i'm talking about 20 years ago i hit on like no but now they want to link up
yeah you know what
i mean now they want to now they want to link up now now that you're the top
dumpling they want
to get in the sauce huh yeah i'm one of the top i mean in terms of dumplings
dude yeah i'm in the bowl
yeah yeah you know what i mean i mean i made it into the bowl dude there's like
eight dumplings in
there you know now that you're the b now that you're the boss by me they want
to yeah they want
to get a bite out of you yeah yeah yeah but it's like now they're like you know
wanting to but it's
like you yeah you know what i mean but it's like well i have yeah you know what
dude and what's great
about being how old are you me i'm 43. you're great dude i'm 52 now dude you
just turned 52. yeah
thanks man i'll tell you about that bug we did a saw bug that's not from your
apartment is it that's
not one of the things that you have in there is it no you don't leave those in
here man you just got
this place i didn't bring that i'm gonna say you just told me your place got
shut down i didn't bring
it okay well i don't bring bugs around bro that's great right you do one of
your stories was that your
place is in i know i know but it's not like they're like you know being like
hey let me hit your ride
well i just one just flew off of you dude that's the only reason i'm asking me
yeah anyway you seem
like a great guy go on yeah i just want to let you know at 52 though like sex
dude
it's just not that important anymore yeah do you understand what i'm saying oh
yeah man i've like
he used to be number one dude but were you ever were you ever honestly were you
ever were you ever any
good at sex honestly like were you ever bro that's so insulting dude no but
honestly i'm great okay
i'm gonna say something dude i have two forms yeah slow form and long form
okay do you understand what i mean by that man let me think slow form and long
form yeah yeah okay
so sometimes i go short oh yeah i go quick oh yeah so that involves rabbit
sewing machine style yeah yeah
yeah yeah right yeah and then i do long strokes oh long like just you know what
i mean
you know oh yeah and that i could do an hour of that yeah it's like a manatee
swimming oh like a
small manatee yeah yeah like a minute yeah whatever dude yeah whatever dude bro
who wants a big huge wiener
that's all cumbersome yeah yeah yeah yeah you know if i have a buddy hold it
while you tie your shoes
yeah i don't want all like i do