Name: BEST OF: Theo Von and Caleb Pressley
Uploaded: 2023-10-17T14:00:03.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'BEST OF: Theo Von and Caleb Pressley' from Theo Von Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-10-17. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'BEST OF: Theo Von and Caleb Pressley' from Theo Von Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-10-17. Transcript available.

BEST OF: Theo Von and Caleb Pressley

uh today's guest is my friend caleb presley caleb presley mr caleb presley
upstairs
dude we went hunting man that was that was crazy kind of i feel like that was
interesting i guess
i mean there's the only two things i ever say that things are i say sometimes i
say they're insane
oh yeah that's it it was insane trip the thing about barstool dude is i started
working there
right at college right um i went to north carolina for college i played yeah i'm
familiar yeah i know
you played backup quarterback there you played quarterback sorry i mean no i
was backup i was
definitely back up who were you back up to over there so i was back up a lot of
people so i went
to college with the most famous guy went to college with quarterback wise is mitch
trubisky okay who's
the quarterback for chicago bears i don't know how much you follow oh yeah i
like the bears actually
and i thought trubisky was a reachy pick but i think he has a lot i think he
has some upside i
think in the next two years he's gonna have to definitely show it or he's gonna
be well he had
a good he had a good year last year he did he's one of my best friends i was
roommates with him
in college oh wow we had queen bunk beds wow what is that it's a bunk beds but
queen size so it's
like bunk beds for men oh wow why don't we have that nick i'm down yeah king
fuck him oh yeah you
guys live together uh-uh sure but nick sleeps in here sometimes and i don't
want him to feel alone so
we'll put an extra bar we'll throw an extra book dude it was great for bonding
dude i gotta be honest
like i i never felt closer to somebody yeah just knowing he was always under me
yeah he always had
your back or i was top off depending on how you were sleeping um so when you're
there are you telling
guys like hey you know i'm his backup you know pick me you know for dude i
never i never backed him up
i was always in front of him because i was older oh so he was a freshman when i
was like uh a junior
and so i was actually second string when he was red shirting did he ever have
to come out because
like his shoe was undone and you had to go in there dude i don't know how else
to tell you this but
i was in front of him wow so that never happened oh really yeah you moved out
here to nashville how's
that been for you it's been good so far i haven't been here that much uh falls
like the busiest time
of year for me so i'm traveling but uh i've liked it so far it's a lot of like
they try to i notice if
you go downtown you see a lot of fat stuffed in the boots dude i told you that
i was like this is the
it's way fatter than i thought i was gonna be yeah and i mean it's all love but
it's there's a lot of
there's a lot of fats out here oh it there is and most on the female side and i'm
not even saying
not even looking from a sexual uh perspective yeah they're just a lot of girls
who are they're on
broadway oh yeah and they're fat they're thick baby they're thick now they're
thick yeah they changed
it man but it because it is you know they definitely fat has become more
designer yeah i think the
kardashians did that because they had that kind of desert fat that ass you know
did you see this story
that uh kim apparently like cut her ass off it's off now wow and did they do
anything with the meat
or whatever i think they had to but i don't know what they did with it what
would you have done with
it oh i'm sure she gave it to blacks man if you've seen like a lot of her
history you know yeah she does
a lot of stuff for like the african-american community and you think they would
reappropriate
better just eat it oh i don't know dude look i'll tell you this if i got a half
pound of uh dashian
ass in the mail bro yeah i might sear it but i might not cook the whole thing
you know yeah i mean look
i'm leaving the middle of rare i'll be honest bro i am bro and i think i'm
eating it alone yeah
yeah you might have to dude honestly candlelight dinner and
and you're gonna be hungry afterwards too for dessert and it's gonna be a hard
meal to follow
up oh that's gonna be a hard meal to follow up we went turkey hunting this
weekend and uh
we went with michael waddell and so he's like one of the best turkey callers
ever
so he's got that uh he's got that verbal on him so you're kind of setting up
and then he's
he's like in the distance he's like uh
do it see if you can do it
the funniest thing is he'll be like all right everyone be real calm these guys
eat they eat
ants in dirt for they can see every speck of dirt it's what they eat for a full-time
job yeah they eat
spiders buddy so if they can see that they can see you we're all sitting dead
still
because he's telling us and then meanwhile he's running through the field
he's got the fan going
dude they can see you for sure so he's a fake turkey and he holds a fake turkey
in front of
him i can't see him because he's hiding behind this fake turkey that's about
this big
he's holding in front of him like an invisibility cloak yeah we had like five
guys hiding behind a
little bitty fake turkey like it was crazy because michael waddell does not
like he don't let a turkey
live he don't want to let a turkey live no he is when he locks in on a bird he
locks in on a bird
he's very very very nice and very very charismatic to people but he's that you
can see does have that
switch oh it switches after three hours we're like maybe let's go back and get
some breakfast
because we've been up since 4 40 in the morning and he was maybe we stay here
yeah
okay dude we'll stay around for another minute yeah dude he won't i mean if you
even mention thanksgiving he'll just come on you yeah he kept on saying all
these turkeys
want to do is fight and i was like yeah is it just the turkeys who are we
talking about
one time i was in uh that was like a first class first day of class at carolina
and our teacher
handed out a page of full of quotes like albert einstein isaac newton the gauntlet
of quote people
and then one that was just like i can't remember it was like hb scott and she's
like raise your hand
and tell me something about one of these quotes and i raised my hand trying to
get in her good graces i
was like hb scott's quote is straight up stupid like it doesn't make any sense
yeah and she was like
that's that's me
she was hb scott yeah she put herself amongst amongst the greats
that's a crazy move dude i remember when i went in some class and they told us
about uh
stonehenge you know and like what does it mean we're gonna find out and i was
like what if god was just
fucking with everybody and just set some rocks up you know and the lady's like
get out first day and
i thought it was like fun you know like a fun way to talk about stuff and just
as possible as anything
else we had a guy one time on here who beat what's that he has like a disease
or something where you
can't talk uh he had a stutter and he i've always want to fight something hand
to hand
so i think it would to me it seemed like if or if i got a blade on me or a
sword even i would go out
there and fight a turkey but i think you know i think the little bit of like
let me hide behind this
tree yeah and make a sound of another you know yeah young animal and we didn't
say this but the sound
is like so it's basically a horny bird yeah like we're supposed to be a hen we're
pretending to be
a hen right trying to seduce a horny uh turkey right that's like say you're at
a rest area right and
you go in the there's some dude out there smoking against the wall right he's
out there just smoking
a cigarette and you go inside the men's restroom or the women's right and the
window he's smoking
right outside of a window that get where you can inside of the restroom now and
you're like oh come
out come on in here and get this cooter baby you know come on in here and uh
and uh just slide up on
up in this slick wallet you know you say like that right yeah and at first he's
thinking oh that's
some in there that ain't real he keeps puffing his winston out there yeah and
then finally you're
just like you just start yelling like oh come and just snack on these titty nipples
you know
and finally he puts that cigarette it's like all right i'm had enough yeah and
then he right when
he comes in yeah you blow his brains out but this place they have everybody
that works there has down
syndrome so that's like and people are giving them a problem but i think it's
kind of cool
what could you give them a problem about i think people are saying oh this is
wrong you know but i
think it's like at least now you can embrace it like welcome to this place we
have down syndrome
because what i don't like is when people pretend somebody doesn't have down
syndrome
yeah you know how many people are doing that well in our town growing up they
would do that a lot and
it'd be like eric has down syndrome you know and they're like no he doesn't you
know like well all
right well you know like what he's not doing great today you know his service
is just slow
at least they're doing in europe dude so he serves slow anyways then he didn't
get enough rest you know
i mean but uh pretty crazy i wonder what other afflictions you could have and
also have like a cool
place you know and oh establishment be incorporated yeah yeah like if they had
what if there was a where if there was a spot where every every single person
had like herpes
like everyone in here has genital herpes they're serving you the hamburger hamburgers
and herpes yeah
bro what about eggs and eczema yeah you just go the guy's like oh you want some
salt on that
and he just rubs his skin off like that dude what about pepsi no and hep c
he's like hey you want something to drink check your crop
oh what's something that people don't know about that has bulag guy like do
people
what is like i don't think enough people comprehend that he's muslim he's like
super religious oh really
and so now what does that mean does he like when the sun comes out he has to be
in a certain position
what is what all like what is he doing he's not talking to women he's not photographing
with women
he's not in bars like he's not he's in the united states for the first time
right now he has his visa
for the first time wow so he's in vegas i'm sure like i talked to his people a
little bit i'm sure that
he could probably pick up like insane insane bags just go to like the wind
nightclub or whatever and
just kind of get held up a little bit maybe punts stevie aoki in the face or
something and get like
a million bucks oh he can't do it he can't do it why muslim so like he can't be
around alcohol he
can't be oh and he's serious about it he's like a serious dude he's 19. so he's
like fully developed
brain very serious about life serious about being muslim he's funny he's like i
got a good sense of humor he
but he's like uh he's he's a devout religious person i don't think people
realize that and do
they put him on a little rug and stuff every like hour and a half or how does
that work dude it's
hilarious actually what happens is girls will come up to him he's the most
famous person i've ever been
around ever and just like doing this job for for however long interviewing
people who are like
celebrities and stuff you you meet you run into people you hang out with people
who are like famous
and you see people who have crazy followings hasbula is by far the most famous
person i've ever
ever seen when he walks through a place it's like the whole room just like just
come in on him
everyone's trying to take pictures everyone's like wanting to get punched in
the face by him
and i think it's because he looks even if you don't know who he is just by the
look of him
you're like that guy there's something special about that guy because when i
first saw him i
thought he was like a dwarf like a dwarf size you know like this tall yeah but
he's three feet he's
one football yard he's this tall oh he's got all that body and charisma packed
into this size damn it's
like a baby snicker yeah bro think about this think about 