Name: Bobby and Theo Talk About Settling Down
Uploaded: 2023-10-20T18:01:35.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bobby and Theo Talk About Settling Down' from Theo Von Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-10-20. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bobby and Theo Talk About Settling Down' from Theo Von Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-10-20. Transcript available.

that's what i'm i'm in that sec i'm in the last dude i'm in the last chapter
right now dude think
about it or whatever yeah it is it's the end do you start to think i mean is
there any do you feel
honestly dude like really do you feel like it's time for you to have a family
like it's time for
you to i think it is i'm ready i'm not only am i ready for it but it's like um
i want it i want it
and also because i'm good with kids dude i mean this girl that i'm seeing now
has a kid really
yeah and um how tall is the kid pretty tall wow you know and um i'm really good
with him i you know
uh we got our kids and um we talk about pokemon and then we also do this stuff
and we play with
the stuffed animals in his room before he goes to bed oh man and i like all
that stuff and i think
that i could be a good dad dude um i'm not good at the disciplinary stuff i'm
not good at like i probably
wouldn't get up in the morning and make lunch but i'll pick him up from school
and i think that
i could have to say some white you know what i mean but um yeah but i had but
you know what the
love would be there yeah i think it feels the same with you i think would
change our lives dude
do you think it would change your life yeah i think it would man i think it i
think it would what do you
think's been the scary thing for you and i mean i'm happy to talk about it for
me too but like
what's the scary thing you think about going there about good like doing it you
know it's stuff i have to give up
right i got to give up starfield and and stardew valley and video games i can't
play it as much
yeah um i think that i would have to change my sleeping schedule like today i
woke up at 1 30.
oh yeah i texted you oh dude you have this sleeping schedule of a wombat i feel
like yeah yeah i do
so i'd have to change that and i think i would change my language really yeah i'm
filthy yeah yeah
yeah i mean um like yesterday i also behavior so yesterday me and uh jesse were
you know how
sometimes you have to take a um from the rental center for the car to the
airport you have to take
a tram you know what i mean yeah so we were one of those shuttles yeah it was
packed completely quiet
and literally i'm standing me and her the only one standing and i go watch this
and i bent over and i
ripped a fart that was so loud yeah and it made it so uncomfortable and me and
jesse were laughing
but everyone was pissed they were pissed yeah yeah i mean there was one dad
that was like dying laughing
because it was so loud but it's like i do that all the time and i have to
change probably that
dude i'd always you always i feel like the thing that that's like the uh you
want to always everybody
wants to really rip one in like a public setting you know let the god speak you
know yeah yeah so it's
like um but do you think you could really do that and could you live in a house
where when you wake up
and your wife is right there with you in bed and then like then if you go in
the kitchen she's also in
the kitchen yeah and also that sounds disturbing to me she's everywhere right
that's the part to me
for some reason that feels overwhelming right and also number two i noticed
because you know the
girl that i'm seeing now she's showing her best side you know what that's what
they do yeah and i'm
showing my best side like i don't do fucking gook rippers yeah you know what i
mean in front of her
what is that blowing it out your nose or something no just fart oh yeah yeah
yeah i don't do like
you know some of my national shit yeah i i say you know i um i i show her the
best sides of me yeah
right and um and then you know what happens is you you commit to the person and
you guys live together
and that's when oh she's in every room oh now it's a problem that i'm playing
video games too much
yeah yeah all those things that come up so i'm not really interested in that i'm
not doing that
but are you going to let them know first this is kind of how i live my life
like that's the scarier
thing as we get older is i hear from my friends who haven't gotten married till
they're older is that
it gets harder to get like like the it gets harder to match with somebody
because you have too many
you know uh but i but when you i've thrown my boundaries out there already i've
never done this
before so i've said that like you know if i ever get married we're sleeping on
two separate beds yeah
in two separate rooms yeah and they're like well that's weird i go i just think
that
it's better if i have to go on the road or you know i mean or i'm playing video
games all night
i don't want to keep you up right and you do your own thing so it's like that's
that yeah and if they
don't like that well then it's not going to work out yeah i mean there's just
certain things that
like also but another thing that i do is you know i'm like but you know what
dude every meal i pay for
whatever you need you'll have wow whatever you need you'll have unlimited dim
sum dim sum and you
can do whatever you want i will support you yeah if you're like you know what
me and my son we want
to go to canada for like and he's never seen vancouver i'll fund it go go go go
i don't give a
fuck right but it's like don't get into my and tell me when to sleep when to
wake up
do any of that dude what do you think i think yeah i think the scary part is
just like
i don't know i never wanted to anybody to be at like i never i don't know i
always like kind of
being by myself i always like being able to do whatever i want to do yeah what
about this then
but at a certain point it's pretty lonely yeah let me ask you this could you do
this could you do
this is your part of the house and this is my part of the house and then you
design your part the way
you want to design it and every once in a while because several times in a week
we'll meet in the
middle of the house yeah have meals smash do whatever hold hands or whatever
but for the most
part i want to stay on your side you stay on your side would that be good for
you like a red rover
red rover kind of yeah like a red rover right over yeah yeah yeah like red
rover red rover i'll see you
at dinner yeah yeah yeah yeah i think i could maybe do something like that yeah
but they would never
go for it you'd have to meet a girl that would want to do that but i also i
have a problem sometimes
of being up like saying what i need in the beginning so it's like then things
get going and it's like
i don't say what i need you know and it's like that's that's what i'm telling
you to do it now
i've been trying to do it now like this is my thing also here's another thing i
say up front
you can never say hey can sunday nights be about us and not do stand up no
stand up will and my
business and my career will always be first be first really like if it's your
birthday yeah our
anniversary yeah yeah if someone dies and we your uncle jimmy dies and we have
to go to his funeral
i'll go yeah if we can smoke there i'll go right yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah and i
also want to dress
the way i want to dress yeah yeah yeah i'm gonna wear my poncho and my cowboy
hat bro but my point
is is that yeah there's certain things like that but it's like no i'm it's
literally what i do and
it's who i am yeah podcasting and stand up and acting like imagine a girl going
yeah you can't do
that movie because it's our anniversary you told me you're gonna we're gonna go
to paradise i don't
know no i'm doing the movie so you gotta say that up front do you think you'd
be willing to spawn your
own child to hatch your own prawn as they say i have proof but i'm not gonna
tell you what it is
my calm is strong my friend really so you can do it still strong as fuck dude
wow boy boy
it's good you got that damn yum on yeah i got them yums dude how about your
calm i don't know it's it
looks a little risky sometimes but i haven't really like gotten in there and
you know i haven't gotten
in there with like a uh like a it's uh magnifying glass or anything yeah you
don't do that you can go
to the doctor and do it i think you don't have to do your own home kit i think
you just put it under
like a um like a microscope yeah can you see if your semen works well just at
home
you don't think you can i'm sure you can but i just i just never heard like a
home kit
but why drive over to somebody's place you don't really know
waving the doctor waste a load at his okay here we go there you go
and what's the rating like how much what's the max you can get
but that's not a chart though is it a normal range yeah um that's something i
think about dude
but you gotta still have that i have it still you gotta have some beef in the
batter huh i still got
some beef in there dude yeah how to test sperm count oh you can do with water
even
oh you come in water show yeah oh they're like sea monkeys oh yeah
welcome to the zoo yeah yeah may i take your order that's what i feel like the
zoo would be like in uh
in in on a different planet um in well a different country i feel like an asian
zoo would be like
welcome to the zoo can i take your water yeah uh and they'd have great food
they'd have the best food
um well the photo down there is that what sperm looks like yeah let's get that
sperm let's see a
real close-up look a real sperm can you google that high res sperm
dude that's high res right there look at that whoa dude whoa dude papa got a
brand new bag huh
whoa dude that's crazy oh they look great huh i think they look pretty good
yeah yeah wow it's very uh
and the ovary looks like the sun it looks like one of those bosses on uh breath
of the wild
yeah maybe yeah you know yeah yeah or when that moon comes up you know what i'm
talking about yeah
those yellow asian sprouts that you at korean restaurants oh yeah
yeah you know yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah
yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah