Name: What Would Happen If America Split Into 50 Countries?
Uploaded: 2023-12-01T18:30:08.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'What Would Happen If America Split Into 50 Countries?' from Theo Von Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-12-01. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'What Would Happen If America Split Into 50 Countries?' from Theo Von Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-12-01. Transcript available.

i wish we would sometimes go to state governments do you think we would that we
could end up like
that over here get go more individual state state wise like you know the
original sort of conception
where everybody has their own little their own little vibe yeah i think it
would just be i mean
it would make sports would be so much more exciting because you would be like
if yeah if georgia is
playing california they are playing california yeah yeah yeah well that that is
what's cool about
like i love soccer obviously and that's the one thing american sports misses is
that like
these are countries that literally fought each other like when you have algeria
playing france
those colonized algeria like algeria wants to them up so it is cool but yes i
think you're right it
would be a real there'd be a real melee situation i think about that sometimes
where it's like yeah
what does happen if we just you know everyone everyone calls each other's bluff
and we're just
like you you we're separate countries and then we see what happens yeah i think
it'd be really exciting
and i think well it would definitely be more exciting and also the states are
getting really
different you're having states that are like going bankrupt you're having
states that are
keeping it together you're having states that are like um you know that can't
take care of their
people you have in states that that can take care of their people yeah yeah you
know totally you have
states that have like legal gun carry and states that you know it's like i
think you're getting
they seem to be getting more separate than together and i think we as a country
seem to be getting like
that at times yeah i mean it's also a huge you do think about it you're like
this really shouldn't be
one country we really should break it up yeah i would love to have a couple
countries yeah give
a couple countries you know still no past still like like the eu i can go
vacation there yeah you
know what i mean i don't want to have to do a bunch more paperwork to get in
right but you know
that's the other thing you know the culture war would get so annoying where it
would be like if
you're from new york and you just want to come hang out in the south you know
they would
fucking they would with you a little more and vice versa yeah you know what i
mean they would be
like yankees yeah yeah yeah absolutely but you don't have to you'd have to wear
like a gay patch
yeah you know if you were gay you mean yeah yeah yeah oh like a star of david
thing or whatever yeah
there'd be certain place where it's like if you're trans we want to know yeah
they put a patch on
we're not the trans patch nobody's got a problem we just want to know what we're
dealing with coming
to florida yeah look it's it's hunting season just started and uh some of these
guys can't see well
so we want this yeah we want this patch on look if you have uh if you're
sexually uncertain we need
you to put this orange vest on yeah yeah exactly yeah yeah because we want to
know if we you if it's
gay or not that's it nothing to do with you it's all about our accounting we
keep track of our own
you're on vacation we're not going to with you but if you get sucked off by our
pal he gets one gay
strike and then he can't yeah three strikes and you're out three strikes they
take a little bit
of your penis away unless you get elected to be a senator you get two more
strikes right yeah
yeah that would be yeah that's interesting it would make yeah making a state
government even
gayer which is hard to do dude i just put i i think i would it would be neat
there would be more
like excitement about your state i think or you would have to take more state
responsibility
yeah i think um what would be some of the the good points of that i wonder well
i think a lot of it
would be you would get to decide how to spend the money i worry that i think it's
a good idea in
theory and again i don't know because that's been so long since i've actually
known like this
but i think a lot of states depend on federal funding way more than we realize
yeah just say
mississippi yeah right right right right i think what would happen is like uh
um and and also it's
like once you stop being different once you stop being like you could in theory
be like well we're
not going to spend money on the military like there could be like you know
liberal states are like
we're putting our money into whatever the and then it's like first of all who
gets all who gets all
the all the planes that's would we play like rock paper scissors for that shit
well the military
would still have to be a general consensus unless you'd have state military as
well right but you would
you what you're talking about essentially is becoming independent countries
basically or coalitions
you know what i mean like if you broke it up into four states maybe divide it
up by population yeah maybe it
would be yeah it would definitely be exciting bro to have that go on in our
lifetime like whoa we
started out as a country we couldn't do it couldn't do it and so we started to
separate why wouldn't
you up the like the liberal country the liberal country though like it just
feels like it would be
a quick like the all the place with guns if i were a gun guy yeah and we and
you gave if you took
you know new york and la these huge economies it's like why don't we just go
kill those guys like it
would be why would you just declare war and be like dibs on you know this yeah
oh i think it
definitely at new year's eve when it was like the time where you shoot guns in
the air i have a
feeling everybody would just turn their guns right over to the state they don't
love yeah yeah absolutely
so the bullets all flew over there yeah absolutely well who knows i know yeah
who knows where it
comes down not not my problem i'm celebrating yeah you're just unloading the
clip or an albanian
wedding maybe let the clip let the clip sing let the chopper sing for an albanian
wedding
oh dude that's fun man i would live where would you i would have to stay i
would have to stay in the
whatever northeast uh country would be i'd be a new york guy i think so you'd
have yeah i think you
would be a baltimore as long as baltimore yeah yeah yeah i would hope baltimore
new york would be
in one kind of mid-atlantic i think that's what would happen you'd have kind of
like a
you know what i mean you'd have clumps it wouldn't be just 50 it wouldn't be 50
countries
what we're talking about here oh you say we'd probably get down to maybe 20
states or something
20 maybe 10. you know what i'm saying yeah maybe five who knows what if it was
some weird state that formed all across the like georgifornia yeah it was like
this
they just took or just yeah took all the coastline they're like we're the beach
state suck my dick
you want to come to a beach you gotta if i could you gotta go through me that
would be
fucking bullshit dude if san francisco like commandeered like all like certain
like
red like all the they owned all the like certain rest areas along the way yeah
yeah yeah yeah well
that's what you do with the homeless put them to work give them a couple guns
give them you know
what i mean like oh you would have you would have the you you could have the
homeless marine corps
you know what i mean where it's like they just got needles you know they got
little wolverine hand
needles coming at you you know what i mean that's oh or they're all they have
like a big needle yeah
one giant needle and they just load it up yeah yeah and then they just run and
inject it into somebody
yeah yeah yeah is it fentanyl is it hormones who knows yeah dude i got narcan
you're splitting each
other with different needles yeah yeah yeah that is interesting because my my
gut reaction would be
well whoever has guns you know southern states whatever would up but every
every time i feel like
you look at fox news it's like a different guy that's so scared to go to new york
city who's like
the toughest guy it's like you have guns and shit but you're scared of the
homeless yeah so it's kind
of a natural it would it would be a natural like stalemate where it's like we
just need a wall of
patrolling and then give them houses give them little sick homeless huts lean-to's
on the outside
absolutely get a shantytown say if they did divide in the states right so louisiana
there was a time
where they were given federal funding and they said we had to change our
drinking law from 18 to 21. can
you pull that up alex what that's bullshit and we said fuck you
but we said fuck you not only are we gonna be drunk yeah but we're gonna let
our roads deteriorate
so we try yeah yeah yeah the following year there was like 7 000 drunk driving
dads
they're like we try us we don't care they're like it's babies with fetal
alcohol syndrome driving
yeah it's albanian babies pull up an article just if you see something like
that that's awesome dude
yeah i respect that so much well we tried i remember uh to do that and for a
few years it stood up and
everybody's excited we can drink you know but then everybody's fam kids were
dying and yeah we're
dying like oh man maybe we shouldn't drink yeah yeah yeah yeah we should get
home safe yeah yeah yeah
it is funny though if you watch like clips of when they passed drunk driving
laws people are just like
are you kidding in my own truck yeah the government is trying to now they're in
my f-150 what's next
you know what i mean it's like people fight good like any regulation tooth and
nail which like it's
like the way a baby's like i'm not going to bed suck my dick and then they you
know they wake up and
this look let's say this this baby does smoke cigarettes and has had a history
of gambling online
to be able to say that kind of stuff yeah yeah very he's got a dirty mouth a
foul mouth this baby
yeah this baby worked offshore for a couple years
Thank you.