Name: Theo Goes Off on Almond Milk
Uploaded: 2023-12-04T14:30:18.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Theo Goes Off on Almond Milk' from Theo Von Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-12-04. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Theo Goes Off on Almond Milk' from Theo Von Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-12-04. Transcript available.

i put that almond milk in mine
dude almond milk that's crazy man almond milk when you think about it i can't
believe that
they're milking almonds okay what you know i think about you know they got vegans
and
veganarians and all of that you know or uh whatever these people are whoever's
you know
from veget nam or whatever but i don't you know and i want to be support but
dude they're
we all are milking almonds they have almond milk dude but not first of all when
i was young
that i remember they had almond joy remember almond joy almonds was having fun
almonds were just laying on coconut just pouring they had chocolate all over
their bodies
they had two of them on the coconut they had a little amigo up there a little
almondigo
and then a couple years ago they started having almond butter and i'm like whoa
oh dang what did
they do what did they do to deserve this they've beaten them up and buttering
them up and you can
picture it if you want in your head and i don't like to picture that kind of
stuff but you could
picture it bunch of almonds getting just smashed into each other and buttered
come on and then now they got almond milk now they have almond milk can you
even can you even
imagine that how are you gonna milk an almond and call yourself a decent person
who's doing this
yeah i didn't even know almonds had glands where they get what are they doing
can you imagine getting up early and getting a couple almonds out and putting a
little bucket between
them and just being nasty this is guys you know this has got to stop i don't
like a lot of the you know
i don't know man i don't know i mean i've done i've done a bunch of shady shit
okay i'll admit that
you know i've lied to people and i've definitely i buried a bunch of people's
fucking furniture one time
and i lied to them about it but i've never i've never done anything
pervert like that to a damn nut so if you out there milking almonds why don't
you ask yourself who you
are i mean hell i'd rather eat i'd rather have i'd rather eat meat and be a
regular human and then be
some just creepy crawler out there just you know with his fingers out just
fucking warming his fingers
up searching an almond for a damn gland yeah man very sad very sad
Thank you.