Name: Are Humans Abusing Ozempic?
Uploaded: 2023-12-21T22:38:49.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Are Humans Abusing Ozempic?' from Theo Von Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-12-21. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Are Humans Abusing Ozempic?' from Theo Von Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-12-21. Transcript available.

underneath the christmas tree yeah that was vince vance and the valiance i like
them
what else though silver bells ringing up these lights
sorry guys i'm all over the place um i'm happy i'm happy that i'm that we're
hitting the end of
the year uh the only but the only guy that's got a lot left to do this year
usually is you know who
i'm talking about your boy santa claus son everybody this year getting uh ozempic
that's
what santa's just santa's been compromised bro i heard it's just a dude just
with a sleigh full
of ozempic now that's what i heard it's just some white dude with a sleigh full
of ozempic bro
and they got see i heard they paid up you know uh big pharma paid the north
pole enough they off work
this year so you just got you know it's just gonna be a zempic dealer and
people's on ozempic that's
bro that's that fat crack that's what people calling it that fat cane baby
people on ozempic
you people you'll meet a dude he lost 1100 pounds bro in 45 minutes the times
have changed man it's a lean
christmas man it's just gonna be a couple big pharma reps uh just just humming
uh injectables out of a
damn cessna all around the world man yeah and that just uh i don't know if uh ozempic
seems safe man
you'll see somebody they're like yeah i'm 38 years old and uh i'm down to 55
pounds yeah thank god i
can fit into a lot of my same clothes i wore in fourth grade yeah my skin makes
a weird noise when
i smile but other than that man i'm doing
great they start glitching they just start you know they're like i'm doing
great oh i weigh seven
pounds uh ah ah i can't remember who i am my resting heart rate is
too but i'm doing well i'm doing well i'm i'm doing well i'm i'm doing well i'm
i'm on
then they start burping you ever talk to that ozempic user
you start talking to them and then just
they just start blowing bubbles it's like something you know
somebody you do you'll be talking to one of those npqs are those eat a bug that
flew by you're like what
what the and then just the side effects bro some ozempic or ozempians or
whatever they call them
these they got some side effects bro they're like i can't close my eyes or i
will
myself they're like i can't breathe anymore but i'm doing good i lost 46 pounds
i'm going to heaven you're like what the chill out melissa you need a little
you need a smoothie
melissa you're losing your people are shooting up in their cars at lunch
and no shade there man i'm i'm um i'm just clowning i'm not trying to hurt
nobody's feelings there but
i can't bend my knees anymore every dream i have has katy perry in it but i'm
doing better than ever
i need somebody close my eyes for me so i can get some rest i ain't losing my
mind
i try to jump out a window to take my own life but i only weigh 17 ounces so i
just
floated back down to earth
thank you has anyone seen my children
oh but then you have the alternate guy you have the guys like man doesn't even
work
you know i've you know i've been on the for two years i gained a hundred pounds
man i gained a hundred a hundred a hundred a hundred hot hot not not pounds man
you know and then the guy i'll blame his wife my wife keeps fucking shooting
the head into me
and i'm you know and then the guy will lick his lips for like 70 minutes
you know and then pull a beautiful little gum drop out from under his tongue or
something
or he'll keep a damn uh but a scotch up in his mouth and that he'd been sucking
on that you know
but yeah i think santa's just that's i don't know if santa's gonna make it this
year
i think he might have been taken over by uh
by big pharma i wouldn't be shocked but yeah i wouldn't be surprised if santa's
on the peptides
everybody is we all do things and try stuff to want to be different feel
different um i'm just
fascinated by the uh you know i i've known women who are driving down to mexico
to get
ozempic or austin peak or whatever they got down there you know oh homie you're
gonna be skinny
homie dog if you go to prison you can just right between the bars homie you're
out of there dog
they got nothing on you dog yeah that people didn't realize like ozempic is
just you're
free homie they busted a lady with 60 grams of fake ozempic over there outside
of a vineyard vines
you know and all we can do is pray for her but still it's this is real
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