Name: Theo Von and Tim Dillon Sound Off on the 2024 Election
Uploaded: 2024-02-05T15:00:37.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Theo Von and Tim Dillon Sound Off on the 2024 Election' from Theo Von Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-02-05. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Theo Von and Tim Dillon Sound Off on the 2024 Election' from Theo Von Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-02-05. Transcript available.

because by the way you know Biden has gotten to a point where it's almost a
little fun now for the
people around him because it is like a weekend at Bernie's yeah it is kind of
fun because he's
like essentially just almost at the death's door and they're all now like we're
all in this together
oh he's like death dash it's death dash yeah they're in it together now so it's
kind of like
we can't get out it's kind of fun like late nights just propping them up like
playing with them like
a puppet and going like we're just going to put them out on the debate stage
like giving them good
drugs injecting them like the injections that Biden gets before the first
debate it will be
nothing you've ever heard like teams of people you ever seen a scene in ET
where they put a tent around
and they won't let anyone near it before Biden walks on that debate stage there's
going to be an ET like
tent and just people in hazmat suits are going to go in and just start injecting
them with things
and then he's just going to walk out like a regular person and then you're
going to go oh there's shit
we have no idea about he's going to have a dip in in his cheek of children's
hair yeah he's going to
start boxing like he's going to come out they're going to be like
he'll start like throwing hands they'll be like there are drugs we've never
heard like there's
technology we've never heard of there are drugs we've never heard oh they're
going to be pumping
they're going to be playing ti they're going to be doing anything they're going
to be good like
they'll have they'll be say have a ouija board channeling corn pop from the
fucking swimming pool
they're going to be do you can you imagine like doing debate prep with him how
nervous they're
going to be they're going to be sitting there and they're going to be like okay
and then they're
going to call like the people and they're like the deep state and stuff they're
going to go
we gotta we gotta really up up the dose here we're not i mean like he's not
responding
to the regular stimuli to really get in here with some like really intense
because he just left the
room we just asked him a question he just walked out of the room he doesn't
know where he is so like
we gotta like play around with a cocktail of things to just get him to a point
where he stands at the
put him on the aids meds they're gonna have him on everything you can be on
dude he is the crazy
thing is imagine the scripts they'll be practicing with him the week before oh
my god probably it'll just
be monologues from famous movies oh my god it's gonna be things tony soprano
said they're like
if if you forget just give this speech that tony soprano gave to anthony about
world war ii
just if that's the closest you can get to this question read this scene from
the sopranos where
tony talked about the importance of italian americans during world war ii it's
gonna be dude he's gonna be
reading monologues from the movie hoosiers whenever gene hackman tried to get jimmy
shitwood to run the picket fence it's gonna be yeah unbelievable by the way
that first debate
i will be watching just like there's nothing more entertaining than that it's
the super bowl
for someone like me to just watch that go down it's old versus orange baby it's
old versus orange and
it's just they're both wild like trump's gonna be just popping off because now
trump's also four
years older he doesn't even care anymore and who's more likely to even say the
n-word now it's different
reasons because one could just bubble out of biden or trump could just fire one
off that he earned
back in the presidential candidates said the n-word in a debate well if they
did at the same time i think
it's what we all want to hear yeah but if they don't good point if they just
both said it at the exact
same time then it would just be a reset then the country like at that point if
they if trump and biden
say the n-word at the same time in that debate the israelis and the palestinians
are just going to look
at each other and start embracing yeah they'll hug because that's what we need
really oh it's exactly
what we need if bobby kennedy jr was out there and got to debate either one of
them i think he would
crush them bobby kennedy jr i think would absolutely wreak havoc in a debate he
should be out there
why can't he debate he's an independent candidate right they just these big
parties try to keep
everybody out because people try to get in there like you know what i mean like
people try to get in
there like people just like i think ben glebe was trying to like run for
president so they just try
to keep people out because it could get real wild yeah you know like the third
party candidates could
kind of get wild oh definitely you know like you'd have a bunch of you'd have
like one of the real
housewives you have an only fans model on there some only fans model would get
out there yeah for the
real housewives she'd get out there you know it's so like you you'd you'd charleston
white probably
would be out there hopefully you're right get this bitch out there jeepers huh
wow it looks like the
fuck it literally reminds me of uh like the muppets went to fucking makeup yeah
but that's the problem
like so that like here's the thing like as much as i don't think it's fair yeah
that they're keeping
bobby kennedy out they do need to keep certain people out right because it
would just be a waste of
time yeah glebe ran in 2020. how did he do i don't know yeah what how did he do
do we do it was there
i don't know it's such a brave thing to do is it that's a good question what
does brave mean i don't
know i think it's brave if you get to a certain level right but if most people
don't know you did it
right it's not that brave well trump could go trump could go get arrested i don't
think it'll happen i
think a lot of the charges are really trumped up they're all bullshit they're
all like he inflated
the price of a toilet he bought in maraca it's the most ridiculous but some of
those charges he also
does have like he said it was marble it's actually granite it's like guys
remember you told us that he
like the russian president and they couldn't prove any of that and now they're
like he said it was
quartzite it's just quartz that's a man-made stone you're like guys you went
left on this yeah this
didn't really just didn't work out i wish he would have started that i i would
believe that he fucking
yeah that he that he uh shakes at a couple of right uh construction company 100
percent countertops
100 100 yeah but he he he could have some complications with that but biden
could pass
away biden has passed away biden there we know what they're going to try to do
to him oh they're
going to have him geppettoed up they're going to have a fucking uh pfizer is
going to get involved
they're going to get involved and so you have this interesting scenario where
you have one candidate
who's maybe in jail and the other candidate is on like an experimental new
cocktail of drugs
no we don't know the side effects we have no idea what's happening they could
be roller skating
it's crazy it could levitate chewing on your tongue we don't know what's going
to happen we don't know
and they're going to scientists by the way make no mistake scientists at pfizer
right now are sitting
down with members of the biden campaign going we here's the bad news we don't
know what happens
yeah after we know it gives him energy we know it makes him clear-headed we
know it gives him uh the
ability to speak what can his valves handle yeah but we what psi yeah what psi
can his aortas
handle right now we don't know what else happened so you know we don't have an
option we're just
shooting them up with this putting them on stage do they have to debate each
other does that have to
happen i imagine that it will and they i mean you know when it turns out you
got up somebody smarter
than me would know it's happened every single election it'd be weird if it didn't
happen be
very weird wow it would be very weird and what and anyone could throw their hat
in at the last minute
oh you like bloomberg try to do remember that little mabu anyone could come in
and just it's yours now
i mean somebody could try bloomberg got shellacked yeah gavin russell might try
even though he's hating
he's like on a vineyard he's fucking he's on a vineyard somewhere just wine
drunk telling people he's the
president just watching home cameras making sure there's no squatters heading
michelle obama could get
involved i don't think she would win though she i think had uh some heat but it's
kind of like died
down well if trump saves if trump went to a jail or something happened they
made it so he couldn't run
and if biden is too old to run kennedy if he could get in could actually win
that's the weirdest dude a thousand percent
Thank you.