Name: Theo and Tucker Carlson Trade Wild Greyhound Bus Stories
Uploaded: 2024-02-08T20:39:52.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Theo and Tucker Carlson Trade Wild Greyhound Bus Stories' from Theo Von Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-02-08. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Theo and Tucker Carlson Trade Wild Greyhound Bus Stories' from Theo Von Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-02-08. Transcript available.

i'm gonna urinate real fast you're gonna urinate yeah all right like a racehorse
my brother you
ever owned a horse never owned a horse i'm a dog guy really you ever bet on
dogs you ever put one
in at the track honestly yes i have yeah in florida and in fact in florida in
the 80s now
that dog track has now been closed and i love dogs and i've always loved dogs
yeah and it's
the one in miami that's near the airport and it was the most depressing inhumane
like you
just wanted to send money to pita spending 20 minutes there but i did go there
yes i had been
drinking and probably other things and i did bet on the greyhounds and i feel
bad about it yeah i do
you ever ridden on greyhound i've always i've always been a sizable man i could
and they buck
me off every time i try really yeah wheel around and bite me yeah they're they
don't it's hard to
saddle a greyhound no i mean the bus service oh sorry sorry i thought you meant
the dogs oh no i spent a lot
time actually true story yeah i had a girlfriend in high school um but we went
to different colleges
and she went to vanderbilt university in nashville tennessee and i lived in new
england which is a small
colder region will shepherd over there go on and i took the bus i took a greyhound
bus from
washington dc where my parents lived to nashville which is like 12 hours yeah
and then i took one back
and so this bus was going on to new york city and for some reason it was 100 puerto
rican and me
and i was at the back of the bus and it left at like midnight yeah and i was
drinking and smoking on
the best how long ago it was this was 1987 i'll never forget it and i fall
asleep because i'm so
loaded i'm taking a leak in the empty cans you know just doing what you do and
all of a sudden i feel this
wet grainy thing on me on my face and these people right there in the seat
right across the aisle were
just like full coitus just like oh yeah playing couch ball just full-blown a
six sound effects
everything oh yeah the guy was wearing socks and one of the socks hit my face
and it was just moist
and had a lot of gravel from the ground on it and i remember thinking this is
that i can't wait to get off
this bus yeah it was dark it was nothing erotic about it at all oh yeah right i
mean i don't know
it depends on what you're you know how you are at the time i think well i was
drunk and in a dead sleep
and they're rolling around and she's making these animal noises like they were
not at all inhibited
which was kind of impressive in a way but i felt it was very much an intrusion
into my space wow yeah
that's fair like hey is there any zoning over here right what yeah who does
yeah do we have a town
that's a true story yeah oh that's good oh greyhounds unbelievable dude i
remember one time a guy's on
there right sitting by me he goes hey uh and yeah there was a brother on there
and he goes hey you
want to see something and i thought it was going to be um his wiener right
because i've been on the bus
before and but you said yes well it was a two-hour ride i was like i'll see it
now you know i'm not
going to pretend you thought he cut a hole in the bottom yeah i thought i get
it i get it some
wiener trick you know the old greyhound wiener trick yeah yeah yeah and i was
like yeah i'll see
it you know and uh he had a bag of jewelry and a gun and he just robbed a
jewelry store wow he had
a bag and a gun no i didn't buy any but he wanted me to sit there and look at
it and i put on a couple
of the necklaces or whatever and uh did you act impressed oh yeah because i was
scared and they
always give the guy you know once you should get out of jail they give you a
ticket on the
fucking greyhound imagine you rob a jewelry store and your getaway vehicle is a
greyhound
you are retarded if you're doing that you're like we got to get out of here in
seven hours
i bought the ticket it's pretty cool dude it was yeah i mean i loved riding
grand i used to work on a
farm up in uh mississippi and so i would take a greyhound bus up there and um
and i would ride it up there and
there was always people on there there was the bathroom like ghosts on there it
was always closed
they said you know um i was on one with yeah part of it was on fire i was on
one where a guy stopped
to meet his ex or something for like 20 minutes and we all had a chill at a
high hop no way 100 dude go to
greyhound bus twitter feed grand bus help and look at their replies on there
bro welcome to america bro i love
that so it's just like every waffle house they stop at oh it's just like uh the
bus supposed to leave
at 4 30 it's 9 70. somebody like it's 9 70. well you have a bad watch but like
it's 9 72 people are
pregnant it's just the list goes on man chances i'd like the people on those
buses 100 yeah everything
on here it's unbelievable this is but seriously all drivers allowed my bag to
be stolen this trip where's
customer service yeah go back one i got a video let me see that video on there
this is what i do at
night i go to greyhound bus help twitter feed and they'll show stuff yeah
little eight balls between
the seats or different things there's somebody found a gram down there between
the seats did you ever do that
uh i never found any drugs on there oh that might be somebody touched
themselves don't let that video
finish please but i spent a lot of time on this man it's insane greyhound bus
hell it's called
greyhound bus help but yeah they could change it it would still work
Thank you.