Name: Riley Mau Gets His Second Kiss... and his Date Stolen
Uploaded: 2024-02-15T19:00:54.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Riley Mau Gets His Second Kiss... and his Date Stolen' from Theo Von Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-02-15. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Riley Mau Gets His Second Kiss... and his Date Stolen' from Theo Von Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-02-15. Transcript available.

and we got a love fella in the house today riley mau how are you brother
doing well have you uh blasted that corn stalk yet you popped that corn stalk
or what's going
on with you daddy how's the how's your love life bubba get us the latest man
you uh you linked up
or um well i almost had something happen um yesterday no yep it was during the
super bowl
um a friend of mine invited me and um actually i shouldn't say a friend of mine
um just someone i
knew okay and a stranger go on and we were hanging out and everything was great
and this this other
guy shows up no so you you met up with the girl yep and everything was great
yep and you're what
watching the super bowl yep wow and are you like is it a are you at a busy
place is it just you two
somewhere are you watching it on a phone are you listening to it on a uh stereo
what are you doing
no yeah we're just at a bar okay you're at a bar and um and a dude showed up
yeah no yeah i uh i saw
i saw him and i i knew something was gonna happen and what was he wearing was
he dressed pretty well
um he just had slacks on and nice jacket fuck him i mean that's did he know
that you were there with
her yeah oh so he rode in right and um okay so he shows up now what do you do
are you posturing a
little or what happened are you um i'm just chilling you know i'm sitting next
to her and everything's
going great um and i get up to use the bathroom and once i get back he's normal
dude gonna make
toilet that's normal go on and uh he's in my seat next to her
what the f a white guy uh no wow
wow a mixed guy
yeah more darker okay so he slid in huh yep no and did he and then what do you
do you just kind of like
loiter in the distance kind of angrily a little yeah yeah i've done that god i've
done that
some guy shows up then i'm like oh i don't stand a chance let me just go hide
my head inside of my
honda civic let me just go back let me just slam my head in the car door of my
honda civic
that's how much i'm worth um did your feelings get hurt or you still feel like
you're in the game
um they were hurt a little but i thought i still had some game and what so what
happened then so
then he went up to to buy a shot so i took my seat back no yeah oh my god bro
bro come at me bro with
that fucking karate game boy come at me with that fucking kimchi bro you're
sliding in with that
fucking korean ninja chop and then what happened and then um so he came back
from getting shots for
who him and her yeah and you were in his seat yeah let's go that's what i'm
talking about and then how
and then what happened um and then uh and then he left okay he went to a
different bar it was just me
and her nice and i invited her to a different bar that i was going to go to
okay and hurry it up man
what's what else happened and and she basically just said no i'm going to go to
this bar with
you know with the other guy no yeah oh man
god bro i'm sorry man do you think it's over uh probably
it's okay bro you know it's it happens to everybody um damn so have you have
you has that been the only
like has been the closest thing that's happened to you like for love since we
talked to you last
no i did have my second kiss no way come on okay and this is your second kiss
ever in your life
right brother right and you still never uh you've still never burped that uh
that sweat whistle have you
daddy i have not wow brother my god you are gonna just be able to just damn
open up an aquarium when
you really let them things open up god brother i mean you how much do you weigh
120 well i don't know if i believe that but you saw at least 17 of that has got
to be pure grade a
maple semen baby my god i can't even believe that i could
if i can rent you out to a couple of hollywood executives right now and they
would burp that
little diving board in the back of a limousine somewhere right now outside of
disney or
one of those other places mgm or whatever
miramax or whatever they're doing um okay what else what oh so you went on a
date
yeah tell me about it you got that second kiss huh yeah um basically i i just
went to a bar with her
okay and then and where'd y'all sit it was like across from each other next to
each other at the
bar where did you guys sit no next to each other at a table at a table okay and
was there some good
energy what happened yeah yeah we were laughing a lot um that's good sign yep
and then what happened
did you you guys left there you took her home you guys left some what happened
yeah so we left uh i
took her home okay and as we were saying bye i asked her if i could kiss her
dang and how did you ask
so were you guys standing at the door um no just on her driveway standing in
the driveway
and what did you say i said hey um i've been wanting to ask you this um you
know can i kiss you
yeah yeah brother that's what i'm talking about asians getting that and um and
what did she say
she said sure and then we just went in and was she a little taller than you or
not um a little yeah
so did you have to go up on just a little on the toes actually she kind of came
down to me
fuck yeah son feminism wow and then what happened were you did you like put
your hand like kind of
like or did you just totally freestyle it hands on the side just that weird
penguin vibe would you do
um i think i wrapped my arms around her but that was it oh my god that's
romantic wow and did you play
any music on your phone or were you guys just it was quiet no it was quiet
and how long did the kiss last for probably for a good 12 seconds
and did you um and did you uh was there any
tongue in it or what was it just lips was it like upper lip bot what was there
what was your strategy
um yeah there was a little tongue rightly shitting them with that mouth cock
baby that
way to go brother and was she receptive to it yeah yeah okay cool chill
everything's good nothing
illegal and then what happened you left i left and then she went back to new
jersey oh god
i will say this some of the coolest girls i've ever met are from uh philadelphia
new jersey area
hands down just cool chicks great senses of humor um fun cool sometimes they're
nurses and stuff like
that just great they have a lot of great um i mean i love i'm a big fan of
nurses but uh also i think just
some of the coolest chicks are up there everybody knows that you know i'm a big
fan nurses but um
yeah and my sister's a nurse too so i'm proud of her she just got her
i don't know what it's called like her ged or whatever she's like the final
nurse or whatever
or something but i don't know but uh man well so you got two kisses under your
belt
and you're still saving yourself for marriage riley correct wow god you got a
do you feel like it's
right around the corner you feel like you still have a long way to go uh it
might be uh it might
be a minute i like your attitude though man and we have to have a good attitude
right to find love
for because it's it just it can just show up whenever right yeah you got to
stay ready
Thank you.