Name: High School Assembly Speakers Were Ridiculous
Uploaded: 2024-03-01T22:43:17.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'High School Assembly Speakers Were Ridiculous' from Theo Von Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-03-01. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'High School Assembly Speakers Were Ridiculous' from Theo Von Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-03-01. Transcript available.

Bro, you know what was the craziest in high school were those people that came
and did, like, the anti-drug performances, bro?
That or the DUI guy. Do you have, like, a DUI guy?
Maestro Mack was his name, right? He taught something.
He's on Pornhub.
He taught something at our school, right?
And suddenly, he showed up one day, and he was just in, like, wrestling, like,
shorts or a unitard or something.
And he would, oh, he would say, like, karate my body, and then he would just
break a fucking brick or something with his hand, right?
And everybody's like, what?
They're like, is this anti-drug? Because this makes me want to do coke.
This makes me want to do drugs.
Yeah, people were like, I-
It was at, like, 9 a.m., too.
It was like, you'd get to class, and they'd be like, oh, we're not doing class
today.
We're, like, learning about an assembly.
Yeah, we're doing an assembly, and it's about no drugs.
And this guy, his wife would go out and light, like, two smoke bombs or
whatever in the gym.
That's good.
And then he would, like, come running out in between them.
It was so bizarre.
And then, like, the finale one time, he, she was hitting him in the head with a
broomstick, right?
Right?
Like, right, to break it across his head.
And she hit him, like, three times, right?
And it didn't break.
And everybody, you could see the cops start to kind of walk over a little bit,
like, the security guards and shit.
And people started yelling one more time.
This turns into WWE.
Dana White's in there, like, hey, you better fuck him up, man.
So this is to prevent drugs?
Yeah, I guess, bro.
It's like, and then she hit him three more times.
He's just bleeding everywhere.
And then they shut it down.
Dude, the best drug prevention should just be a guy who's really coked out,
trying to pitch you on starting a podcast for, like, an hour.
And he just doesn't stop talking to the whole auditorium.
He's like, you don't get a man, Bluetooth, VPN, plug talk.
And he just keeps going about it.
I would never do it.
Yeah.
We had a DUI one, and they would make us put on these, like, goggles that made
it feel like you were drunk.
And then we get in a drive simulator.
I got pretty good at it.
Yeah, dude.
Because it just made me want to be like, how good is this?
Because they had to test it somewhere.
I'm like, are they just riffing this in a laboratory somewhere?
Or they're sending out Thomas, who's hammered off a couple of steel reserves.
Go drive the Bronco around the block and see what you get into.
And so, wait, it was like an Oculus type of thing?
Yeah, so it was, yeah, it looked like an Oculus, but it was like.
Look it up, Nick.
Yeah, they just looked like that, but they, like.
Yeah.
They just made you see really blurry.
But it was, like, kind of fun to do it at, like, 9 a.m.
A lot of times they would bring, like, a mangled up car that was involved in an
accident.
And they'd be like, this was a car so-and-so was in.
And then the guy's there to talk about it.
I'm like, dude, so you get a DUI and now you get to tour the U.S.
Yeah.
Doing, like, door deals with a high school.
Bro, and they would always, like, have, like, somebody a spray-painted, like,
uh, like,
Trank, like, Trank Lord or something on the car.
And there would be, like, a bloody cheerleader, like, hanging out of it.
Like, they always had that shit.
Yeah, they'd paint the story.
And then you'd just go back to class after that.
And they'd be like, yeah, I never really got the, I don't know, like, it would
make me
just feel really sad for the person that lost their life.
But I don't know if it deterred me from drinking and driving.
Yeah, like, the mom would be there and they'd be like, Alejandro could have
lived to be 20.
And you're like, only 20?
That doesn't even make any sense.
Like, they would have, like, he's still not even old enough to drink, dude.
Yeah, dude, like.
I don't know if he's still not even old enough to drink, dude.
Like, he's still not even old enough to drink, dude.
Like, he's still not even old enough to drink, dude.
Like, he's still not even old enough to drink, dude.
Like, he's still not even old enough to drink, dude.
Like, he's still not even old enough to drink, dude.
Like, he's still not even old enough to drink, dude.
Like, he's still not even old enough to drink.
Like, he's still not even old enough to drink, dude.
Like, he's still not even old enough to drink.
Like, he's still not even old enough to drink, dude.
Like, he's still not even old enough to drink, dude.
Thank you.