Name: Theo and Shane Gillis Are Getting Ready For The Uprising
Uploaded: 2024-03-11T17:05:27.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Theo and Shane Gillis Are Getting Ready For The Uprising' from Theo Von Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-03-11. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Theo and Shane Gillis Are Getting Ready For The Uprising' from Theo Von Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-03-11. Transcript available.

yeah what do you think the next 10 years of life is like in in in uh america do
you think it's bad
i don't know the bums somebody's got to fix this problem i don't know what it
is which problem
the bums dude oh the bums there's a lot of bums yeah i say arm them that's
where i'm at
and send them yeah and send them all towards the big like businesses that's
what i would do oh
is that crazy that's messed up no no no give them guns tell them not guns i
wouldn't say oh
well even worse like machetes and what type of what type of arms something if
they're
well behaved it turns into a weapon so like yeah like a bow staff that has
maybe a blade on the end
but and they have to put both hands on it and it can tell if you're being good
or not test your heart
rate yeah it's too high if you're not getting it yeah yeah no you need low
heart rate yeah
warriors i don't like using the term bumps okay i like using the term
boots on the ground those are boots on the ground heroes of society and stepdads
yes so you're talking
giving ninja turtle weapons to homeless guys let's just see what happens oh i'm
talking give them the
fucking uh the donatello eye uh the eye um what's it called a rag for your eyes
like a thing that holds
your eyes in but it doesn't it's like a oro mask yeah zoro mask that would be
good and lead them
they're gonna need leaders you could do it you think i can lead the bumps yeah
get you a horse horse would
be they would respect a horse they're like the aztecs you know what i mean just
a guy on a horse
they'd be like this guy he's a god somebody rolls up on a horse yeah definitely
yeah i'm just they are
impervious to a lot of fucking damage horses no the uh well horses homeless
homeless people yeah they
get fucking walk through tasers well they've been infected by so much they've
battled so many things
we got tased after a show in uh shreveport and uh and here's the crazy part i i
i i started doing
comedy in louisiana and so we go to something on shreveport and afterwards this
was for 15 years ago
they'd say hey man we'll tase you if you want you know the cops would come up
and tase people in the
bar because there's just not a lot of like uh nightlife yeah so here i am 15
years later
shows over we're sitting around with a couple of officers and one of them goes
um with a couple of
off-duty police people yeah and one of them goes hey man we'll tase you if you
want and i was like no
fucking way you guys are still doing that shit and they lit us all up we got it
together as a group
and locked arms or whatever nice like a harvey milk kind of thing yeah yeah
yeah and then they um lit us
up how'd it feel it hurt you know it's not as bad as you would think at all at
all it's definitely a
little bit of a surprise you know yeah yeah it's gotta feel weird it feels like
somebody in the
fucking like great beyond pressed a fucking doorbell that you didn't know was
connected to you you know
yeah it's actually really yeah but the pain is it's not as painful it's just as
surprising as could be
it's like extremely surprising they can go through the tasers they can go
through a lot well they're
immune to a lot of disease yeah well at a certain point that would be a lot of
society too is you know
we'd all be out there just i don't know we wouldn't be you'd be immune all the
things because you
are still alive on the streets yeah and you'd want to probably strike back
against the rich
where do when we do this okay
where do we meet up that's a question i want to know and that's a big question
i think a good
there's good cities for this austin's a very good city where do you meet up for
the for the revolution
the mothership dude sixth street that's perfect dude oh half of our military
would overdose okay
on fireball all right before we even made it to the first 5g tower okay yeah
there's gonna be some
attrition there's gonna be some guys going awol it's gonna be tough keeping the
troops together
dude i wouldn't call a guy who wants to sing karaoke all night somebody going
to sixth street
we're taking that out the bums rising up on six okay now that if we take sixth
street out that would
be now that i like yeah and you're gonna recruit a lot of um a lot of talented
young people you could
probably get you know some of the texas longhorns maybe oh that'd be good yep
queen ewers he's staying
another year he joined probably um i thought we were just recruiting uh
homeless people but i think
other people are going to get jealous when they start to see you doing well
yeah they're like ah
i'll do it the masks and the swords and shit yeah because sig ep is going to be
nothing against a
homeless battalion okay yeah that might be number one we might go down frat row
and just yeah dude
i don't want the boys getting into a sorority i will say no sorority i'll
command them i'll say
leave leave the queens alone yeah leave the queens alone isn't it now if you
want to get into these
some of these young fellas rock these boys
and that's up to you dude if you want to get into some sigma alpha epstein over
here
and see what these fellas are doing that's yeah that's the bomb army is gonna
be tough to control
but i don't think control is in one turn i know but they're gonna get they're
gonna get loose
they're gonna every victory they're gonna rape everybody dude
but they're they're gonna turn on each other right away no they won't change
yes they will dude
no they won't i've seen them support each other i've seen i saw uh a bum high
like living in a
sofa like in the cushion in the bottom part and i saw a guy come and tuck him
into bed one night in
the park near my house you don't see that in america anymore dude they had some
bums by us
and because we live right by a park and they stole a bunch of high school music
equipment i guess
so all night they'd be in the park i guess someone stole the sheet music too
right so
that's so nice 3 a.m and you hear somebody on a flute just playing it's like um
love the way you lie by like m&m and rihanna
and people are like shut the up that's a that's a jam sesh
and marching band dude it's a good night it's sick but so dude so the first
what do you so okay so you
say you meet up at the comedy mothership i'm saying it yeah i think that's a
good location okay that's
one somewhere on sixth street okay that's fair you can get a battalion there
you can't say some it
you have to have a location you can't have you can't have homeless or semi
homeless people storming
a fucking oh you're talking about you know jenny's ice cream or something i
thought we were just
meeting i think it would be a good test to try to get the mothership because
then you got rogan in
there okay you got his team of security yeah you'd have joey diaz probably be
the chef you gotta test
your fucking might against them what do you mean a good first battle against
who the local police
saying send the bums into the mothership and see who wins
hold on dude we're never gonna work there again
this is not a good choice all right all right not the mothership yeah well no i
think you can
i will leave i'm trying to think where would you lead your bum army you can
meet up out front of it
well i think you have to pick like five or six places in the americas to meet
up
so i think you're gonna have for sure k and a in philadelphia that's the street
it is yeah k and a in
philly yeah kensington kensington and and what allegheny and allegheny yeah you
get them you get
them in there bro crossing the allegheny that goes all the way back to the 1912
dude or whenever
sometime around then crossing the yeah the delhi okay this is the army they're
fucking they're
encamped right now oh hell yeah and it says no one deserves what's brewing in kensington
now the
tough part is to keep your army excited you are gonna need um over-the-counter
meds probably
or under the counter i don't know which one it is i think i think they're
getting over okay i think
over-the-counter led them there but it's crazy that the the people who are
because society has
led people to believe you know be in this space you know yeah my bad on saying
we should send the
bombs bombs in to the mothership no i think look that'd be a tough one to get
in that's what i'm
saying there's a lot of security oh that's a good point that's what i'm saying
it's a good
first round you know what i mean week one yeah i support it actually i say we
send it yeah you
dispatch a unit see how they do yeah and then we test to see say that's like
the final boss let's
see how we could do against some crack security and guys with guns oh yeah yeah
yeah you're never gonna
be able to beat fucking little debbie or fucking nextel or any of these
facebook if you can't take
out uh a comedy do you feel like we could really end up in our lifetime as
heading to a revolution
or some sort of a um like a place where the where people where it all topples
over you know because
all it takes is really i've thought about this all it takes is a police like a
couple of people like
at a police like police stations all it takes a couple people to be like hey i'm
not gonna follow
the rules anymore yeah and once they and then other people oh i'm not gonna if
this guy's and then it's
just nobody's because we're kind of getting there it feels like you know i feel
like kind of people
just kind of or like if nobody's gonna follow the rules then why do everybody's
kind of getting
there it feels like sometimes maybe i'm wrong you know maybe i'm just making
exciting for the
conversation i don't know yeah i don't know how wrong you are people are out
there not following
rules yeah yeah i don't know if that's gonna start a revolution but but at a
certain point if enough
people say okay i'm not going to drive within the lines right yeah i'm not
going to follow the speed
limit it's almost just like that like every now and then like that that has
immediate consequences
for whoever's doing it they're gonna crash usually you know but if enough
people are like well it i'm
not waiting because there's a there's an emergency up there i'm not gonna wait
for an hour i'm just
gonna go do what i want but it's just that whole that attitude if i'm just
gonna do it and then other
countries do that yeah yeah yeah yeah you go in there the traffic jams and shit
there like in india
you know you ever watch that oh they just do yeah yeah and they're doing all
right yeah you just
wonder what's gonna happen you know yeah um