Name: Dax Shepard and Theo Get Real About Their Struggles in Relationships
Uploaded: 2024-03-13T13:00:39.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Dax Shepard and Theo Get Real About Their Struggles in Relationships' from Theo Von Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-03-13. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Dax Shepard and Theo Get Real About Their Struggles in Relationships' from Theo Von Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-03-13. Transcript available.

wow man so did you how much times have you been married before no no it was
your first marriage
yeah i was with i've had three really long term relationships i had like a five
year
in that started in high school and then lasted till me living in la and then i
was with um an
incredible woman brie for nine years but that one i thought i had kind of outsmarted
which was
i had already felt so fucking terrible about cheating on girls i always got
caught inevitably
i got caught and those were the i can remember those phone calls trying to
explain why it didn't
you didn't care is there anything worse than that oh my god well it's tied with
driving to someone's
apartment to tell them that you're breaking up i mean those those two for me
are like i've had a lot
physical injuries i'd take them a million times before i'd ever drive to
someone's apartment and
just say like i think we're in different places yeah and they're like no shit
oh dude the craziest
is when you go over there and you knock on the door and they open it but they
kind of walk away from the
door after they go right so it's just fully up for you to walk in and talk to
you know it's like
when the gig is up dude oh fuck i hate it so much and then you know you've been
feeling that way for
months in my case before you have the balls to drive over and and fucking be
honest yeah and then so that
drive isn't is is insufferable and then sitting in there is so terrible but
there is that feeling when
you walk out the door and you've made it and you're walking to your car where
you're just going
oh oh thank god okay oh you do get that blast of like relief yeah and then a
day later you're like
i think i'm in love with her i think i love her so much and i fucked up yeah i
think i really fucked up
then you're insanely in love with her for a few days and then you gotta like
white knuckle that
just like it's booze or coke to not re-engage anywho what were we oh so when brian
i met we met
um cheating on two people oh okay right and i knew immediately i'm like i
fucking love this girl like
oh my god do i love this girl like i want to have kids with this girl at some
point wow and you had
you ever felt like that before or no i guess i did uh the girl i was cheating
on with that i've been
with for five years certainly but that had run its course in that like i had
moved to la to pursue this
she was she hadn't joined me it was kind of obvious we also got kind of we got
realistic about the fact
that we only see each other four times a year and like that got a little it
approached an open
relationship or maybe even became one it kind of was just like look you're a
human i'm a human i'm 21
you know children so we were kind of grown up about that so then when i met brie
and we met cheating
i just had this moment of honesty with her or i said like i would like to have
kids with you
and make it to 30 and have kids and i don't think you and i will make it if if
one of the requirements
is monogamy i just think we're fooling ourselves like if that be if that's one
of the deal breakers
we're not going to make it to the part i want to make it to where we have a kid
and she was like i
don't so what are you suggesting i'm like basically like i don't want to lose
you over that um i'm
liable to do it and i feel like you're probably liable to do it we just met
cheating on each other
you know two people and um there was this kind of weird intermarry uh inter
intermarrying
whatever period where she like ended up chatting with her mom about it and all
this stuff and then
at some point she just came to me and said like yeah i guess if i don't know
anything i don't really
care and i was like yeah and i don't i have no desire to know about anything
but um i'm not going
to require that from you we both were just like i'm not going to require that
from you so i was in
an open relationship for nine years wow and we slept in the same bed every
single night we lived
together there was no like craziness well mind you i was also a fucking full-blown
addict during this
period um but if she was at home i don't know what happened when i was at home
she didn't know what
happened and that to some degree worked i mean definitely worked we stayed
together for nine
years in our 20s which is almost impossible and i love her like crazy still do
we're still really
good friends and both of our lives have worked out great and i wouldn't say
that that was the reason
ultimately we broke up but all that to say
going back to like getting older being sober longer i you know i would have
liked to have been someone
that could have just been monogamous with her i think she deserved that i also
think oh yeah i think
even within the the with even within those rules i was scumbaggy like i
definitely hit on her friends
sometimes like i did terrible shit under the guise of like well i'm not lying
about this i'm i'm i'm
honest in that can be true and also you can recognize that people are hurt that
you're leaving a wake of
people that are bummed and hurt by you and so it's like great i didn't lie and
i'm above board but
people around me are kind of hurt by their experience with me i don't like how
that feels yeah
yeah or like bring it like around your friends and they know what you're just
like all they all feel
awkward yeah it's like what's going on here yeah that also i think more more
like how many because
everyone we're very open about it like dude i remember it was new year's eve
and i was out of them like in the mountains with some girl and all of her
friends
and then her friend and i ended up hooking up like in the closet upstairs
and then a couple hours later she's like did you hook up with my friend in the
closet
and i was like that's the dumbest thing i've ever heard of right that's correct
let the
shit up yeah well and we're all just at this so stuff like that i think i feel
like and some
of those things i've had to like make amends for you know and yes i didn't do a
ton of stuff like
that but there were certainly moments where it was like i'd be in an instance
where i had somebody i
really liked and cared about and there was a still a part of me that that
needed to get more
validation or needed to be seen you know and it wasn't always even about sex
but sometimes it was
just like i needed to know if i could flirt or if that girl would give me some
response you know
oh i remember my first like or my second girlfriend and we were like really in
love
and what age i think this was in college and she and i she broke up with me she'd
had it yeah and
i remember saying you can't break up with me you're my mom that's what i
remember it came out
of my face and that which was just a slight improvement over spitting in her
hair that's
where you had matured to by the time you're in college you can't you're my mom
yeah what a freudian
slip it was a freudian water slide dude but it blew it came out it like came
out it just i was like
you can't break up with me you're my mom oh my lord and i was like and i didn't
know for years what
that even meant and then once i got into recovery and started getting a look at
my life i was able to be
like wow dude like i had no understanding of like how to get affection or be
fair with affection or
anything like that yeah i mean i didn't have a template i didn't have a fucking
idea i didn't
know what was her response do you remember she i know she felt probably bad for
me you know oh good
she loved me for sure yeah yeah and she's a super loving girl but um but i i
think she probably years
later probably saw like oh that dude was not he was not ready yeah that guy was
not ready
and he's still just trying to get ready but he's trying to get ready yeah but
that stuff doesn't go
away man that's the crazy thing i thought at certain like like at certain times
in my life i'd be like oh
in a couple years this will be gone but it doesn't go away unless you do
something about it yeah you have
i had the fantasy that to be aware of it would solve it yeah like oh i see what's
happening i'm just
trying to get you know i'm trying to heal oh god i could go super deep which is
like and this is
recent and this is probably too much for your show or the dudes who listen to
this but no we've dude
if i cry on here one more time i'm literally turning into the garth brooks oh
yeah me too i've
been crying all the time yeah every i didn't cry for 30 years and now i can't
make it through a day
without crying bro it's like it's for being sober yeah it's like you got the
menace you don't have
anything to numb it and here it is but i also think like there was a sexual
component which is like okay
so my mom adores me that's obvious um i was the golden child i did not lack for
a mom who believed in
me or supported me or thought i was wonderful she definitely did but something
would take her away
from me and i was smart enough to realize oh we can't fulfill this romantic
desire of hers like that's
something we can't fulfill she's gonna have to go get boyfriends right aka she's
gonna have to have a
sexual relationship with people right so i think in some weird way and i i
think i'm just starting to
understand this aspect which is like i have to give that to any woman if i want
her to stay around in a
way that is world class and you can't go you don't want to go shopping for more
like the priority i put
on that part the sexual part i think was very outsized for what a woman would
even give a shit
about oh just as a little kid i was like oh the only thing i don't have is that
my mom needs is sexual
so i mean that's what i want her to stay at all times and i don't want any of
these guys to come
around so if i now if i'm having this experience that also feels loving and
nurturing and with a
female my thought is like i have to give her that thing in a way that she'll
never go need it and leave
me for it god that sounds like that sounds kind of exhausting in a way i mean kudos
to you dude yeah
i don't that was the route i was like i was always so nervous with sex it would
be like you are oh
you know and it would be like yeah oh dude so like unbelievable and i would
just yell things out like
that's that was great sex you notice hoping that you could rewrite history for
her
i mean my biggest thing was just that one of the things i ran into was just
commitment a lot
of times i would get into a relationship and then i just could not be committed
like i couldn't be
committed i just couldn't do it you know what's your explanation of that was it
because you you wanted
to hook up with other girls or is it because you thought ultimately they would
see that you're a piece
of shit and be out i wanted to have the option to do what i wanted to do yeah i
wanted to be for i
wanted you wanted it all you want to go to sizzler yeah i'm in the mood for
wings and i'm in the mood
for sale i didn't i just didn't i just didn't want i didn't want to have
somebody else like define me
there's a part of me that really doesn't trust having somebody else define me
in a way does it
make any sense or no yeah yeah yeah yeah it was like even i remembered like
when i had a girlfriend
i would a lot of times i wouldn't even say this is my girlfriend i would say
this is my friend and then
their name and some of that a lot of that stuff i feel bad about man it was you
know because it's not
fair to them you know like um but so it was that sort of thing it was like i
just i just there's
something i just had the toughest time with letting somebody else define me but
do you think and i don't
want to speak poorly of your mother but do you think it's okay to suggest that
since mom didn't have your
best interest in mind that it was going to be pretty hard for you to imagine
that anyone was going to
have your best interest in mind i think there could be some truth to that i
just don't know
i i it's hard for me to get there in my head yeah like um or like
intellectually you could maybe see
the thread but it doesn't feel like anything real right yeah and for a lot of
times for me i got to
get to that feeling space you know for it to activate inside of you know so i
just think my mom was just
super bit you know there just wasn't a connection there and i really wanted it
how old were you when
your dad died i was 16. so and he was very old you know but he was cool i mean
he was old but my mom
would come to the baseball games dude my mom was kind of a gangster in a lot of
ways like she would
come to the baseball games and she would scream hit it or we're leaving from
her astro van
in left field and bro i was already horrible at baseball i was horrible hit it
or we're leaving
she would yell she didn't have any patience for fourth inning every time we
were gone really she
would pull you bro yeah she would all right he had five chances let's go she
would pull me from
the game yeah yeah it sounds like she had your best interest in mind totally
she was just surviving
you know yes well again you can be sympathetic and not judgmental to it but
also acknowledge
what happened right and i think that's still where i'm at like it's still like
there's still a part of
me that has like a lot of resentment i think you'll have kids one day and it'll
change it all it will
because you'll start just you'll you know um subconsciously or you'll just be
evaluating like
wait where was i when i was three like where like i remember my daughter came
in our oldest daughter
this was probably a year and a half ago she came in and she was like she had
had a nightmare that me
and kristen got divorced that mom and dad got divorced and i said uh okay well
you know what
happened um someone cheated i think mom cheated on dad and i said okay well a
couple things i would never
divorce your mom if she cheated on me we would work through that like we're
that's not gonna happen but
let's say it happened what would then what would go on what would happen next
he's like well we wouldn't
live together and i'm like yeah but i'd buy the house next door and i will be
with you non-stop like
i'm not going anywhere no matter what happens that's not gonna happen but if if
that happened i'm living
next door to you and you come and see me whenever you want and maybe your mom
will date someone that's
really cool maybe there'll be another cool person in your life like that's we
don't know what it would
be um but while i was saying all this to her i was looking at her and all of a
sudden i was just like oh
she's nine by nine i'm on my third stepdad and i've already been molested yeah
like
and i'm looking at her i'm like no no she's way too little to be on her third
dad and to have been
molested right like jeepers you have like a compassion for yourself because i
think in my mind
i'm always older than i really was or i felt with it or i knew the score he
felt responsible yes and
in many ways i was right and again i'm paling around my brother's five years
older than me so
i was always a little bit five years ahead but i look at this little girl and i
think oh yeah that's
way that's way too many things to have happened to a nine-year-old wow right
yeah that's kind of
interesting i think i probably need to get to that place in my life i would
like to yeah i'm time
definitely like yeah i'm tired of kind of living in the same place sometimes
you know so i'm just
working on some of that stuff with my sponsor what's the longest you've been
with a girl a girl probably
three years maybe uh-huh so pretty long i feel like yeah and so and yeah i was
saying when i think back
now i've cleared up like dude i quit drinking in 2004 in september of 2004. i
had an opiate relapse
but in general i haven't had like wreckage in 19 years oh that's great and so
the stuff that really plagues me now is like just really going back and being
like god yeah those
girls didn't deserve like they deserved me to be faithful to be like yeah shivers
and to not use them
to prop up my own self-esteem and then need someone on again to because it
doesn't last yeah oh yeah
feeling great yes like if i'm dead honest and i'm in therapy yeah my therapist
will be like
you know it's not kristen's job like she's not your mom she's not going to dote
on you in right
infatuated with your existence and i'm like wait that's not but i'm giving up
so much i'm not banging
anyone shouldn't i be doted on and celebrated every time i walk through the
door should there be a parade
shouldn't my daughters like every day i have not left yeah shouldn't they be
like god damn it dad
we got one of the good ones i know your dad was out at three but no one's no no
one's proud of me no one
one of the good ones i know your dad was out at three but no one cares

Dax Shepard and Theo Get Real About Their Struggles in Relationships

wow man so did you how much times have you been married before no no it was
your first marriage
yeah i was with i've had three really long term relationships i had like a five
year
in that started in high school and then lasted till me living in la and then i
was with um an
incredible woman brie for nine years but that one i thought i had kind of outsmarted
which was
i had already felt so fucking terrible about cheating on girls i always got
caught inevitably
i got caught and those were the i can remember those phone calls trying to
explain why it didn't
you didn't care is there anything worse than that oh my god well it's tied with
driving to someone's
apartment to tell them that you're breaking up i mean those those two for me
are like i've had a lot
physical injuries i'd take them a million times before i'd ever drive to
someone's apartment and
just say like i think we're in different places yeah and they're like no shit
oh dude the craziest
is when you go over there and you knock on the door and they open it but they
kind of walk away from the
door after they go right so it's just fully up for you to walk in and talk to
you know it's like
when the gig is up dude oh fuck i hate it so much and then you know you've been
feeling that way for
months in my case before you have the balls to drive over and and fucking be
honest yeah and then so that
drive isn't is is insufferable and then sitting in there is so terrible but
there is that feeling when
you walk out the door and you've made it and you're walking to your car where
you're just going
oh oh thank god okay oh you do get that blast of like relief yeah and then a
day later you're like
i think i'm in love with her i think i love her so much and i fucked up yeah i
think i really fucked up
then you're insanely in love with her for a few days and then you gotta like
white knuckle that
just like it's booze or coke to not re-engage anywho what were we oh so when brian
i met we met
um cheating on two people oh okay right and i knew immediately i'm like i
fucking love this girl like
oh my god do i love this girl like i want to have kids with this girl at some
point wow and you had
you ever felt like that before or no i guess i did uh the girl i was cheating
on with that i've been
with for five years certainly but that had run its course in that like i had
moved to la to pursue this
she was she hadn't joined me it was kind of obvious we also got kind of we got
realistic about the fact
that we only see each other four times a year and like that got a little it
approached an open
relationship or maybe even became one it kind of was just like look you're a
human i'm a human i'm 21
you know children so we were kind of grown up about that so then when i met brie
and we met cheating
i just had this moment of honesty with her or i said like i would like to have
kids with you
and make it to 30 and have kids and i don't think you and i will make it if if
one of the requirements
is monogamy i just think we're fooling ourselves like if that be if that's one
of the deal breakers
we're not going to make it to the part i want to make it to where we have a kid
and she was like i
don't so what are you suggesting i'm like basically like i don't want to lose
you over that um i'm
liable to do it and i feel like you're probably liable to do it we just met
cheating on each other
you know two people and um there was this kind of weird intermarry uh inter
intermarrying
whatever period where she like ended up chatting with her mom about it and all
this stuff and then
at some point she just came to me and said like yeah i guess if i don't know
anything i don't really
care and i was like yeah and i don't i have no desire to know about anything
but um i'm not going
to require that from you we both were just like i'm not going to require that
from you so i was in
an open relationship for nine years wow and we slept in the same bed every
single night we lived
together there was no like craziness well mind you i was also a fucking full-blown
addict during this
period um but if she was at home i don't know what happened when i was at home
she didn't know what
happened and that to some degree worked i mean definitely worked we stayed
together for nine
years in our 20s which is almost impossible and i love her like crazy still do
we're still really
good friends and both of our lives have worked out great and i wouldn't say
that that was the reason
ultimately we broke up but all that to say
going back to like getting older being sober longer i you know i would have
liked to have been someone
that could have just been monogamous with her i think she deserved that i also
think oh yeah i think
even within the the with even within those rules i was scumbaggy like i
definitely hit on her friends
sometimes like i did terrible shit under the guise of like well i'm not lying
about this i'm i'm i'm
honest in that can be true and also you can recognize that people are hurt that
you're leaving a wake of
people that are bummed and hurt by you and so it's like great i didn't lie and
i'm above board but
people around me are kind of hurt by their experience with me i don't like how
that feels yeah
yeah or like bring it like around your friends and they know what you're just
like all they all feel
awkward yeah it's like what's going on here yeah that also i think more more
like how many because
everyone we're very open about it like dude i remember it was new year's eve
and i was out of them like in the mountains with some girl and all of her
friends
and then her friend and i ended up hooking up like in the closet upstairs
and then a couple hours later she's like did you hook up with my friend in the
closet
and i was like that's the dumbest thing i've ever heard of right that's correct
let the
shit up yeah well and we're all just at this so stuff like that i think i feel
like and some
of those things i've had to like make amends for you know and yes i didn't do a
ton of stuff like
that but there were certainly moments where it was like i'd be in an instance
where i had somebody i
really liked and cared about and there was a still a part of me that that
needed to get more
validation or needed to be seen you know and it wasn't always even about sex
but sometimes it was
just like i needed to know if i could flirt or if that girl would give me some
response you know
oh i remember my first like or my second girlfriend and we were like really in
love
and what age i think this was in college and she and i she broke up with me she'd
had it yeah and
i remember saying you can't break up with me you're my mom that's what i
remember it came out
of my face and that which was just a slight improvement over spitting in her
hair that's
where you had matured to by the time you're in college you can't you're my mom
yeah what a freudian
slip it was a freudian water slide dude but it blew it came out it like came
out it just i was like
you can't break up with me you're my mom oh my lord and i was like and i didn't
know for years what
that even meant and then once i got into recovery and started getting a look at
my life i was able to be
like wow dude like i had no understanding of like how to get affection or be
fair with affection or
anything like that yeah i mean i didn't have a template i didn't have a fucking
idea i didn't
know what was her response do you remember she i know she felt probably bad for
me you know oh good
she loved me for sure yeah yeah and she's a super loving girl but um but i i
think she probably years
later probably saw like oh that dude was not he was not ready yeah that guy was
not ready
and he's still just trying to get ready but he's trying to get ready yeah but
that stuff doesn't go
away man that's the crazy thing i thought at certain like like at certain times
in my life i'd be like oh
in a couple years this will be gone but it doesn't go away unless you do
something about it yeah you have
i had the fantasy that to be aware of it would solve it yeah like oh i see what's
happening i'm just
trying to get you know i'm trying to heal oh god i could go super deep which is
like and this is
recent and this is probably too much for your show or the dudes who listen to
this but no we've dude
if i cry on here one more time i'm literally turning into the garth brooks oh
yeah me too i've
been crying all the time yeah every i didn't cry for 30 years and now i can't
make it through a day
without crying bro it's like it's for being sober yeah it's like you got the
menace you don't have
anything to numb it and here it is but i also think like there was a sexual
component which is like okay
so my mom adores me that's obvious um i was the golden child i did not lack for
a mom who believed in
me or supported me or thought i was wonderful she definitely did but something
would take her away
from me and i was smart enough to realize oh we can't fulfill this romantic
desire of hers like that's
something we can't fulfill she's gonna have to go get boyfriends right aka she's
gonna have to have a
sexual relationship with people right so i think in some weird way and i i
think i'm just starting to
understand this aspect which is like i have to give that to any woman if i want
her to stay around in a
way that is world class and you can't go you don't want to go shopping for more
like the priority i put
on that part the sexual part i think was very outsized for what a woman would
even give a shit
about oh just as a little kid i was like oh the only thing i don't have is that
my mom needs is sexual
so i mean that's what i want her to stay at all times and i don't want any of
these guys to come
around so if i now if i'm having this experience that also feels loving and
nurturing and with a
female my thought is like i have to give her that thing in a way that she'll
never go need it and leave
me for it god that sounds like that sounds kind of exhausting in a way i mean kudos
to you dude yeah
i don't that was the route i was like i was always so nervous with sex it would
be like you are oh
you know and it would be like yeah oh dude so like unbelievable and i would
just yell things out like
that's that was great sex you notice hoping that you could rewrite history for
her
i mean my biggest thing was just that one of the things i ran into was just
commitment a lot
of times i would get into a relationship and then i just could not be committed
like i couldn't be
committed i just couldn't do it you know what's your explanation of that was it
because you you wanted
to hook up with other girls or is it because you thought ultimately they would
see that you're a piece
of shit and be out i wanted to have the option to do what i wanted to do yeah i
wanted to be for i
wanted you wanted it all you want to go to sizzler yeah i'm in the mood for
wings and i'm in the mood
for sale i didn't i just didn't i just didn't want i didn't want to have
somebody else like define me
there's a part of me that really doesn't trust having somebody else define me
in a way does it
make any sense or no yeah yeah yeah yeah it was like even i remembered like
when i had a girlfriend
i would a lot of times i wouldn't even say this is my girlfriend i would say
this is my friend and then
their name and some of that a lot of that stuff i feel bad about man it was you
know because it's not
fair to them you know like um but so it was that sort of thing it was like i
just i just there's
something i just had the toughest time with letting somebody else define me but
do you think and i don't
want to speak poorly of your mother but do you think it's okay to suggest that
since mom didn't have your
best interest in mind that it was going to be pretty hard for you to imagine
that anyone was going to
have your best interest in mind i think there could be some truth to that i
just don't know
i i it's hard for me to get there in my head yeah like um or like
intellectually you could maybe see
the thread but it doesn't feel like anything real righ