Name: Theo and Dax Shepard Think Back on Their Stepdads
Uploaded: 2024-03-14T16:00:40.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Theo and Dax Shepard Think Back on Their Stepdads' from Theo Von Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-03-14. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Theo and Dax Shepard Think Back on Their Stepdads' from Theo Von Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-03-14. Transcript available.

dude it's so funny sometimes you always feel eight years old don't you oh i'm
always always
i have to actively remind myself i'm not it's like a mantra yeah i have to like
i have to go
through a checklist like okay you're 49 you got money you're not tiny right you've
been in a
trillion fights like what are you afraid of what is did you have step dance
what did we have yeah
we had one guy mr charlie and he was in um that says a lot that his name is mr
charlie he was in
the war and definitely so and i don't know if he was called mr charlie before
the war but i think
he loved the war so much that he changed his name to charlie you know like
which is confusing because
was he in vietnam he might have been in vietnam because they were calling the
enemy charlie yeah
i think he uh he took on the enemies that's he might have because he would take
my mom always to
like the chinese restaurant all the time and he would kind of like do like a
lot of he would like
kind of pay homage in there and he did some kind of bizarre and uh sometimes he
would take us dude
this is one crazy thing he would do he owned a car wash that had like all the
co were coin
operating yeah coin operated dude so he always heard those are cash cows oh bro
he always had some
money on him my whole life the one thing i wanted to own was a coin operated
car yes you grew up hearing
that it's just like it just prints money it just sits there no one works there
yeah you stop in
occasionally and grab a couple thousand dollars and quarters you stop in do cpr
on somebody pull a body
out of the 55 gallon drum trash can yeah my mom would always take us to wash
her car that was like a big
thing that we would do and so anyway so she met mr charlie and then he would
take us to uh holiday and
express sometimes for the continental breakfast but he would say he was taking
us out to eat right but
it was just we would just it was just the free breakfast we would just go in
the door and eat
right but i never knew so i'd always like ask the strangers to like if i could
order like if i can
do something like yeah i'll have another waffle and the people just like what
the are you talking
about i'm here for my son's soccer tournament you thought everyone worked there
yeah um but he was good
and then he got he lost his mind or something and he had alzheimer's and then
he wore gloves a lot and
p and he it was kind of like people always asked him if he played the piano and
he couldn't hear him
and it was just like a lot of just it got it kind of just devolved you know
what ages was he might
have died at 89. okay wow he's much older than i was yeah he's much older but
my mom so your mom has a
flair for older men okay but back up how old were you while mr charlie was
taking you to the holiday
and express uh probably i was probably a good 11 i bet and was he he was too
old to come in and be
like i got a new program and i'm the dad or did he do that no he didn't really
he was pretty chill
he's like wanted you to reach for the remote for him and stuff yeah he wore
like a cool hat and he
would just sometimes he would get his dog in his lap and just he would tell us
how much he loved his
dog and he would make us kind of sit there and listen to him tell us that but
he was a pretty
handsome guy and i had i had a great relationship with my mom but it it kept
getting punctuated by
stepdads oh really so so you had unlimited stepdads yeah i had almost like
unlimited shrimp yeah yeah
it was bottomless stepdads uh the sizzler of stepdads but so it would be like
super
connected and just be the four of us my little sister my brother and my mom and
that was always
perfect but then a new guy would roll in and then it was like his program and
we had to have different
manners at the table and she'd be distracted understandably she was like in her
20s raising
three kids by herself i have no like um resentment towards her about it all but
yeah there just there was
like and i just craved it i wanted to be loved at all times by a woman i still
want to be yeah like
my needs are unrealistic and your dad how much older because 38 years old my
parents were 38 different i
know why were you emancipated at 14 um i just didn't like being at home man i
hated it you know i didn't
like my environment that much you know i just didn't like it i didn't like my
environment i didn't like
not having a say in who where i was or who i was i felt like i kind of just got
in this space in life
that i was like this doesn't make any sense this family there's no connection
my family felt like
a business that you had to work at but you didn't know what the job was but you
had to be there every
day every day you're just standing around there's like a kitchen there's like a
but you have no
idea what the business is right but you got to be there you know so was mom
yeah so my mom was cool
my mom was my mom was just you know she was just a different you know she was
just
what was my mom was just working all the time you know what did she do she sold
things like if
you say if you go to like a cvs or a gas station the things that are like at
the end of the aisles
the impulse buys yes she would kind of go stock those a lot of times okay so
and one time she
worked for this cookie company and she would have these cookies dude just these
huge boxes of
fucking cookies but we were children dude jackpot so we would go at night
sometimes and sneak out in
her car and just lay on top of them and the whole thing it smelled so much like
cookies you could inhale
and your stomach was full oh my god yeah that was that was the kind of work mom
did she was just
always gone a lot and then you want two little sisters yeah well i have two
sisters and a brother
but you the brother's way older right like could have been no my bro my dad had
some children from
her first marriage okay that were like way older like one of them was like 57
when i was like probably
eight right and so you guys didn't probably i think he somebody shot him but um
but how old's your
older brother from your mom my older brother my mom is two years older than me
oh okay yeah he's awesome do
you have a little brother syndrome like i do um like what is it well like a i
thought i was terrible
at everything my brother's five years older than me so i'm like i'm so weak i'm
a terrible skateboarder
um i feel like little brother syndrome oh i wonder if i agree with what the
definition
i google the little brother syndrome can manifest in one of two ways a sense of
entitlement oh i deserve
what he has or two a means for advancement he can do it i can do it too i didn't
even know of this
definition and i guess i agree with some of the items in there but in general
for me i wanted to be
cool and older and i wanted him to let me hang out with him and i was trying
desperately to like
accomplish all these weird tasks i had decided was the entrance into being his
best friend and probably
like an inferiority complex and then i got when i got around kids my age i was
like oh wait i'm kind of
strong i'm not as terrible at that and then i was like high on that but yeah i
just i guess wanting to
be around somebody non-stop who was very ambivalent about me being around your
brother yeah yeah as he
should he was five years older five years is a long enough stretch where it's
like yeah if some kid is
following me around and that kid is he's gonna be weird no matter what because
he's younger and i was
weird on top of it and you're weird yeah yeah yeah um left-handed dyslexic were
you really yeah yeah
still oh god huh are you would you consider yourself hyper vigilant i don't do
you mean like
invading the capital or something like that like what are you talking about
like people that invaded the
cap no no no no um like i'm guessing i don't know enough about you but if you
leave if you leave the
house at 14. my guess is it wasn't like the cleavers yeah right oh yeah i just
didn't feel
any connection at home so then at a certain point i was like well why am i
gonna stay here and let
this define me where did you go at 14. i went and stayed with a friend oh you
did yep one of my buddies
and their parents were fine yeah their parents were pretty cool and we had a
nice time and we're still
i still go over there when i go home yeah so it's like and their kids their
kids left like a year
later and i was still you stayed after they left forever wait so your buddy was
a couple years
older than you he was same age but he yeah something happened he drove into the
neighbor's
house or something he was drinking and then uh he had to leave and so i was
like it's still
you're still there you were being sponsored by him but then he split and they
kept you that's really
funny but it was like did you feel weird as hell like that first dinner would
you eat dinner with
the family yeah we'd eat dinner with them we had fun man and your buddy was
gone and you were there
yeah it was kind of do you remember that first dinner oh yeah dude i was like
well more for us
i was just in there but i remember the first night i closed the door
and to his bedroom this is now yours this is what i had my i had my own bedroom
there and i closed the
door and i was like i was like i hadn't had my own room i was like this is
crazy dude and then
something i must have had drugs on my mind at that point or something because i
remember i opened the
window then and lit up a little joint right and i didn't realize like i guess
how like stinky it is
it's just yeah yeah yeah i was just excited if i could have be a home you
thought you had your own
home yeah yeah yeah you know here we go i'm finally on my own you're not no no
you have a room theo
yeah yeah so you know it's still in someone else's house and his his room his
window was next to mine
and uh i guess his room was open he comes in there he's like dude what the yeah
yeah
we just got you in here yeah right you're gonna get thrown out and then he
me out and then took the rest of the joint and smoked it went in the yard