Name: Why We’re Hard on Ourselves: The Psychology of Self-Doubt
Uploaded: 2024-04-29T12:30:40.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Why We’re Hard on Ourselves: The Psychology of Self-Doubt' from Theo Von Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-04-29. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Why We’re Hard on Ourselves: The Psychology of Self-Doubt' from Theo Von Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-04-29. Transcript available.

and you give yourself some grace too exactly that's the compassion
that's it it's like dude give yourself some grace man quit beating yourself up
give yours just
yeah give yourself some grace you know you would just it's the least you can do
right now you can
do it's you know exactly just give yourself a little bit of grace that's one
thing i've had a
tough time with and i would say probably for most of the people we work with
self-compassion is the
hardest thing for them to learn why is it hard for us to have self-compassion
because shame says
i deserve to beat myself up because i'm a loser and often complex trauma
parenting is the way to
motivate a child to want to change and be better is to beat them up and put
them down and punish them
and then they're going to want to prove you wrong or but that doesn't work in
the long run
eventually you start to believe you are a loser and you just give up
but you still got all those things in your head that you keep putting yourself
down
and then for many people there's that justice piece that if i commit the crime
i got to do the time
and so i did something bad i'm a bad person i got to punish myself before i can
let myself out of prison
and so that there's that sense of justice that has to be served in their mind
and even and so if they're too hard on themselves and they're going to be
punishing themselves for
crimes that aren't real and you're in prison forever because you never let
yourself out
yeah well for a long time i didn't know what was going on and for me i got into
recovery programs
in the 12-step and that helped me for the first time have a little bit of a
clue i heard people
share stuff that things i could never put into words okay you know i mean that
was one of the
blessings about being in sometimes recovery in 12-step rooms was you had like
20 people thinking at once
yeah and so sometimes someone would say what you have to wanted to and couldn't
um and so that gave me a
first start to look at my at myself i was so like i was so stuck to me i couldn't
see me at all or
well and so some ways that um that like things that were having a tough time in
my life huge problems
trust in people didn't trust huge problems with that um one thing i noticed
really recently still
unrealistic expectations uh of myself and other people and i've always had them
you know it's like um
and i realized that it's i think some of it is like
i want to make it so like if i have unrealistic expectations of myself then i'm
never going to be
able to achieve them the bar's too high right and then i'll always be what i
thought i always was
anyway exactly which was not enough so that's where shame creates a self-fulfilling
prophecy yeah
so that's this that's like and i i now i'm able to see that a little but before
i was just stuck on that
ferris wheel you know um and i still it still happens that that's a tough one
recently for me um
oh self-pity that was a huge one that was my biggest drug in life that i never
realized was
self-pity and i i reframed it for myself i was like oh if i just keep trying i'll
get everything
i have to work harder i have to be better i can't go do something fun with my
friends i need to stay and
write a book or it's just like an unreal these unrealistic expectations but i
was always keeping
myself in a place of self-pity without realizing it because that was a side
effect of having unrealistic
expectations and man that self-pity was but it looked like on the outside i was
trying to better
myself so it was i was always does it make any sense so can i ask you with that
because what you're
describing is very common in the world i work in so a lot would say unrealistic
expectations so you're
always setting the bar too high hard high for yourself which is always leading
to failure which
is self-pity as the aftermath um but what you're thinking is but i'm trying i'm
trying i'm trying
but what's happening often with the self-pity and so here's my question is
there's this growing sense
of helplessness and hopelessness did you go through that or was there always i
can somehow rise above if
i just dig a little deeper that was me okay and that's what i was talking about
with the sympathetic
nervous system i'm getting tired i'm starting to burn out but if i dig a little
deeper i can push i can
push i can keep going until you eventually do burn out