Name: A Carny Explains If The Rides Are Actually Safe
Uploaded: 2024-05-08T19:00:04.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'A Carny Explains If The Rides Are Actually Safe' from Theo Von Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-05-08. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'A Carny Explains If The Rides Are Actually Safe' from Theo Von Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-05-08. Transcript available.

and now what about the rides because yeah i want to go through some of the
different stuff because
by us they would have the rides would come right oh yeah the fair would come we
were excited we
lived right down the street from the fairground so we walk over there and um
the day before
the fair you could go and for 50 cents you could get on a ride but they were
just plugging them
in yeah man and you're the test subjects oh dude you would somebody's going
flying off oh the zipper
we go in that dude i you ever you remember the zip zip is my favorite ride oh
bro i i'd get all my
money i'd have saved up my allowance i would go down there because the day
before because if you
went regular the day it was eight dollars to get in and we're like that dude
you know i got two dollars
i'm going in i got my quarters in my pockets but the zipper would shake all
your money out of your
pocket they did that on purpose oh dude it was horrible i get out i had no more
money i had to
vomit it was shake i remember it shook a couple of my teeth like my baby teeth
out or whatever like
i believe it yeah you get out you had no enamel you had no money yeah because
they could really
get it going when they want they know how to run it so they could like really
get you whipping around
and drop it it was whole it it it was unbelievable it literally felt like you've
been put in the
garbage disposal yep that was a tough ride i loved it did you yeah it was my
favorite one really yeah what
was cool though when i was a kid in school and you know you would go on field
trips to the fair i don't
know if you guys did that at your school but we would take field trips to the
topsfield fair when
we were in grade school but i would skip that day of school and i would just go
to the carnival of
the fair with my father and uh the rides weren't open yet they kind of were
only there they're supposed
to be going to the 4h stuff and all the agricultural stuff and so i would go
over and grab sneak over
some of my grab my friends from the uh from their chaperones and bring them
over to the rides and the ride
guys would let us all ride the rides while they were the rest of the school was
at the 4h section
oh that's nice so it was pretty cool oh yeah because you were kind of dialed in
huh yeah yeah
yeah i knew everybody you know they all looked out for me i was like oh it's
little mitch like i
knew it because i was running around as a little kid so everybody you know knew
and it would copy a
little bit of drugs or something sometimes oh yeah yeah it was it was wild dude
we used to go we
would get on the gravitron right it was great we would throw so many parties in
that at night
bro it's this one guy we get in there right and i remember like that you would
get against the
thing and it would like slowly move you up the wall for spinning and there was
a guy in the middle
who's like are you ready to rock i'm like who the is he talking to right this
guy was always just
in his own world oh yeah and the thing was spinning and i swear one time this
dude got his wing
like was just showing his wiener to people and he was playing a nice day for a
white wedding and you
were so you couldn't even turn your so even though you felt like you were
visually being molested or
whatever you couldn't turn your head to look and see if anybody else knew what
was going on so you get
off and everybody was afraid to say i think we just seen that guy's wiener you
know um to november rain
you know oh that's pretty sweet and there was some parts of it were nice when
they would play some of
the ballads in there but yeah that was harrowing going in there yeah that ride's
pretty crazy
sometimes the guy would get out if you got a really wild guy he would get out
and he would
come because you know how they had the and hang on the pole yeah dude it walked
and hang and pull
himself around it and go back in while the ride was running you're like what is
this guy doing yeah the
dude would be walking i totally he would walk he could even walk around yeah
yeah you have to hold
on to the railing but he could walk around it yeah oh my god i forgot about
that yeah he kind of was
like the guy at the skating rink that kind of was like with the chat like the
dude who would go through
and do the backwards skating and like skate through your girlfriend's legs or
whatever like who the
is this guy yeah it like kind of reminded me of that guy you know oh here he is
right here this is
somebody on a gravitron there's somebody trying to sit up on it yeah he's
trying to push it up on his
own yeah something we used to like flip ourselves upside down and be upside
down in there on the
against the wall yeah he could move all around oh wow yeah we didn't know we
were too small to do
some of this this is like late teens oh that kid looks about ourselves yeah oh
yeah he's standing
straight out oh yeah this dude vapes do you remember the sky master the sky
master yeah or
they call it the apollo sometimes it was two um yeah and they would go like
boats but they would go
upside down so you were closed in and they swung like this they were opposite
they would swing opposite
of each other and then they'd go upside down and sometimes they would hold you
up there yeah and hold
you while you're upside down and you could shake it and like shake everybody's
money out of their pockets
oh yeah there it is oh yeah yeah this was for the big kids i don't think i went
on this at the time
yeah i used to run that sometimes so it was really easy to tear down and set up
and sometimes i would
run it and you're in the dog house and you know it's just a kind of just a
remote control like a
little joystick you get it going you rock it back and forth until you get
enough energy to get it up and
around and you can hold it up there and you'd hold it and you just shake it a
little bit and wiggle it
so it'd go back and forth a little bit you start shaking the money out of their
pockets so it all falls down
although one time there was a bad bad scene because you're always supposed to
wait till the end of the
ride to go pick up the money well a kid who ran it all the time was trying to
be a daredevil and he
ran through to get the money while it was on while the ride was still in while
he was up top ended up
getting hit oh yeah it was pretty wild he lived he lived he did live wow but it
was a mess i wasn't
there at that at that carnival or fair when it happened but i was at the next
one and you lose
a limb they put you just right over in a freak show now you go right to the
freak show that thing punts
you right well you could be in a game after that too you know because you can
work a game with one
arm yeah or in a wheelchair wow so so a guy got damaged up pretty good yeah he
got hit pretty good
damn that was pretty crazy is that one of the worst accidents you've ever seen
out there
that was probably the worst yeah we were running that skydive at one time and
the you know how you
got the shoulder bars that come down it had let go while the girl was in there
but that you're caged
in still too but she was flopping around while it was going around like while
she was upside down
the shoulder bars came up and she fell into the cart and like just getting just
banged around just
getting banged around while it was spinning around and how and how long if
somebody's not doing well
on a ride can you shut it down for them does it take a few seconds yeah it'll
take sometimes uh
uh some take longer than others to slow down and come to a stop wow yeah i mean
there was one the
freak out i don't know if you've heard of the freak out it's a freak out yeah
it's a pretty dope right
now now that's my favorite ride i'd say at all of them let me see kind of like
uh it's an arm and
it's got these other arms that come down and those spin while it goes back and
forth and you get an
awesome sense of weightlessness almost like a like a roller coaster i'd say
like that first drop there
it is freak out oh that's pretty cool looking yeah they didn't have the freak
out oh so that so that
goes like a pendulum and spins and spins oh yeah and um dude i remember yeah we
would get on that
swing one of them was like a swing set you just faced out yeah the swinger yeah
and it would just
then you would just people would just be you would just people would be
vomiting like people would
be like standing watching you and then literally you come around and just
splash oh yeah just dose
them up with that with that tummy skeet baby that vomit you gotta wash up a lot
of puke on some of
those rides they get a lot of pukers we had one i don't even remember the name
of the official name
of the ride but we called it the puke barrel yeah well that's what i'm saying
dude you guys were making
up yeah that was the name of it the puke barrel i was like okay i don't even
know the official name
and if what what ride caused the most vomit you think the puke barrel really
probably it was uh
it looked like one of those metal 55 gallon drums you know those metal like
garbage can
barrels but it was huge okay yeah you know and so it was massive and say it was
on its side
and you go in it had a sliding door and you go in and then there were two seats
that people could
sit in circle seats and those spun like this while the floor rocked back and
forth like this and the
outside barrel spun like this with strobe lights going on inside i mean who's
not gonna puke no but i'll be
honest with you though the carnival rides are a lot safer than probably a music
parks amusement parks
really yeah because they get inspected every week so you're getting state
inspectors every single
week every time you set up they have to come in and like and uh you know give
it a go ahead so what's
the worst accident you've ever seen out there so that was i mean i didn't see
the kid get hit by the
skymaster but that was probably the worst although at one fair that i was at at
topsfield fair
i forget the name of the ride but somebody did come flying out of it but they
didn't die
or i can i wish i could remember the ride but they always say those people didn't
die but you never
see those people anymore yeah that's true you know or like they'll be like yeah
they yeah janet didn't
die and they're like well then why isn't yeah yeah where is she yeah oh she
went to florida she retired
yeah people yeah if you retired she's 11. yeah where did she so that's just the
thing i think
sometimes about that kind of stuff that seems like a little bit tricky man
where you're like i was
saying they um like i did they uh they do inspect them a lot more than like
your your regular music
parks amuse that are just set up year round they only got like one or two
inspections a year oh yeah and
so but the carnival like they have to get state inspected every week every time
you set up in a
new place so okay wow i didn't i did not expect that yeah because it seems like
they're not even you
know where the shady part comes in is where like say something breaks or
something happens during the
week and then it gets fixed not up to par in between inspections in between
inspections ah
and you just got to have the ride you got to have it going you got to make the
money yeah and then so
you have you have your main ride guys so all the ride formers have to do a once
inspection every day
and they have to fill out a form and say they inspected their ride i mean but
yeah and then you have the ride super who's in charge of all those guys and is
he yeah but it's like
how lie how real how if they're locked in cool if they're not then it's
whatever yeah yeah i could be
a ride so yeah if i was a ride super dude you're like yeah okay you just take
the forms you're like
yep everything's fine yeah oh you know yeah people ain't gonna be everybody not
gonna be living
if i'm a ride super to be honest and no offense to anybody and what about um
take me into
so i feel like that's kind of the rides i'm trying to think of any more of the
rides that i
the zipper was just harrowing i know i would get on it and i'll be like i'm not
getting on it this
year because last year i got hurt and i don't have any more money or whatever
and i got electrocuted
and so executed oh dude i got electrocuted because that was one of the big
things is one
time i got off of i think it probably was the zipper i got off and i touched i've
told this story
before i've touched the two like metal bars you're getting off of like the
stair bars whatever and it
completed a circle and i just bro got lit and i couldn't let go right and some
guy working the
ride behind me um it was a black gentleman he called me he's like get moving
and i i was like
and then he just kicked me right in the back dude i think he even called me the
n-word but i think he
kicked me in the back and thank god he did yeah because i was just like part of
this i was just
completing the circuit i was just probably powering a lantern or something down
the street yeah yeah
whatever i was doing dude it was unhealthy for me yeah you know because i was
conducting electricity and
um thank god but yeah i just remember be it was very very it seemed like um
there were some safety
issues i would say yeah yeah it sounds like it yeah we i've definitely run into
a few live rides before
yeah especially during oh has that happened yeah it's happened to me okay yeah
so that's a real thing
yep because i know my whole life i was like i know this happened man well how
does that happen um
because there's so much wiring going on in those things like all the lights and
everywhere and back
then too you know now with leds they don't take as much but back then you had
those really hot lights
and they took a lot more power and so you got bigger currents running through
and something could just
get cut or pinch somewhere along the line and next thing you know you're making
that live damn god
yeah that thing really caught me up to speed boy i aged probably eight months i
went home my mother's
like god you seem different you know hey ma you already grew a mustache yeah
yeah i was like things are
gonna change around here yeah
Thank you.

A Carny Explains If The Rides Are Actually Safe

and now what about the rides because yeah i want to go through some of the
different stuff because
by us they would have the rides would come right oh yeah the fair would come we
were excited we
lived right down the street from the fairground so we walk over there and um
the day before
the fair you could go and for 50 cents you could get on a ride but they were
just plugging them
in yeah man and you're the test subjects oh dude you would somebody's going
flying off oh the zipper
we go in that dude i you ever you remember the zip zip is my favorite ride oh
bro i i'd get all my
money i'd have saved up my allowance i would go down there because the day
before because if you
went regular the day it was eight dollars to get in and we're like that dude
you know i got two dollars
i'm going in i got my quarters in my pockets but the zipper would shake all
your money out of your
pocket they did that on purpose oh dude it was horrible i get out i had no more
money i had to
vomit it was shake i remember it shook a couple of my teeth like my baby teeth
out or whatever like
i believe it yeah you get out you had no enamel you had no money yeah because
they could really
get it going when they want they know how to run it so they could like really
get you whipping around
and drop it it was whole it it it was unbelievable it literally felt like you've
been put in the
garbage disposal yep that was a tough ride i loved it did you yeah it was my
favorite one really yeah what
was cool though when i was a kid in school and you know you would go on field
trips to the fair i don't
know if you guys did that at your school but we would take field trips to the
topsfield fair when
we were in grade school but i would skip that day of school and i would just go
to the carnival of
the fair with my father and uh the rides weren't open yet they kind of were
only there they're supposed
to be going to the 4h stuff and all the agricultural stuff and so i would go
over and grab sneak over
some of my grab my friends from the uh from their chaperones and bring them
over to the rides and the ride
guys would let us all ride the rides while they were the rest of the school was
at the 4h section
oh that's nice so it was pretty cool oh yeah because you were kind of dialed in
huh yeah yeah
yeah i knew everybody you know they all looked out for me i was like oh it's
little mitch like i
knew it because i was running around as a little kid so everybody you know knew
and it would copy a
little bit of drugs or something sometimes oh yeah yeah it was it was wild dude
we used to go we
would get on the gravitron right it was great we would throw so many parties in
that at night
bro it's this one guy we get in there right and i remember like that you would
get against the
thing and it would like slowly move you up the wall for spinning and there was
a guy in the middle
who's like are you ready to rock i'm like who the is he talking to right this
guy was always just
in his own world oh yeah and the thing was spinning and i swear one time this
dude got his wing
like was just showing his wiener to people and he was playing a nice day for a
white wedding and you
were so you couldn't even turn your so even though you felt like you were
visually being molested or
whatever you couldn't turn your head to look and see if anybody else knew what
was going on so you get
off and everybody was afraid to say i think we just seen that guy's wiener you
know um to november rain
you know oh that's pretty sweet and there was some parts of it were nice when
they would play some of
the ballads in there but yeah that was harrowing going in there yeah that ride's
pretty crazy
sometimes the guy would get out if you got a really wild guy he would get out
and he would
come because you know how they had the and hang on the pole yeah dude it walked
and hang and pull
himself around it and go back in while the ride was running you're like what is
this guy doing yeah the
dude would be walking i totally he would walk he could even walk around yeah
yeah you have to hold
on to the railing but he could walk around it yeah oh my god i forgot about
that yeah he kind of was
like the guy at the skating rink that kind of was like with the chat like the
dude who would go through
and do the backwards skating and like skate through your girlfriend's legs or
whatever like who the
is this guy yeah it like kind of reminded me of that guy you know oh here he is
right here this is
somebody on a gravitron there's somebody trying to sit up on it yeah he's
trying to push it up on his
own yeah something we used to like flip ourselves upside down and be upside
down in there on the
against the wall yeah he could move all around oh wow yeah we didn't know we
were too small to do
some of this this is like late teens oh that kid looks about ourselves yeah oh
yeah he's standing
straight out oh yeah this dude vapes do you remember the sky master the sky
master yeah or
they call it the apollo sometimes it was two um yeah and they would go like
boats but they would go
upside down so you were closed in and they swung like this they were opposite
they would swing opposite
of each other and then they'd go upside down and sometimes they would hold you
up there yeah and hold
you while you're upside down and you could shake it and like shake everybody's
money out of their pockets
oh yeah there it is oh yeah yeah this was for the big kids i don't think i went
on this at the time
yeah i used to run that sometimes so it was really easy to tear down and set up
and sometimes i would
run it and you're in the dog house and you know it's just a kind of just a
remote control like a
little joystick you get it going you rock it back and forth until you get
enough energy to get it up and
around and you can hold it up there and you'd hold it and you just shake it a
little bit and wiggle it
so it'd go back and forth a little bit you start shaking the money out of their
pockets so it all falls down
although one time there was a bad bad scene because you're always supposed to
wait till the end of the
ride to go pick up the money well a kid who ran it all the time was trying to
be a daredevil and he
ran through to get the money while it was on while the ride was still in while
he was up top ended up
getting hit oh yeah it was pretty wild he lived he lived he did live wow but it
was a mess i wasn't
there at that at that carnival or fair when it happened but i was at the next
one and you lose
a limb they put you just right over in a freak show now you go right to the
freak show that thing punts
you right well you could be in a game after that too you know because you can
work a game with one
arm yeah or in a wheelchair wow so so a guy got damaged up pretty good yeah he
got hit pretty good
damn that was pretty crazy is that one of the worst accidents you've ever seen
out there
that was probably the worst yeah we were running that skydive at one time and
the you know how you
got the shoulder bars that come down it had let go while the girl was in there
but that you're caged
in still too but she was flopping around while it was going around like while
she was upside down
the shoulder bars came up and she fell into the cart and like just getting just
banged around just
getting banged around while it was spinning around and how and how long if
somebody's not doing well
on a ride can you shut it down for them does it take a few seconds yeah it'll
take sometimes uh
uh some take longer than others to slow down and come to a stop wow yeah i mean
there was one the
freak out i don't know if you've heard of the freak out it's a freak out yeah
it's a pretty dope right
now now that's my favorite ride i'd say at all of them let me see kind of like
uh it's an arm and
it's got these other arms that come down and those spin while it goes back and
forth and you get an
awesome sense of weightlessness almost like a like a roller coaster i'd say
like that first drop there
it is freak out oh that's pretty cool looking yeah they didn't have the freak
out oh so that so that
goes like a pendulum and spins and spins oh yeah and um dude i remember yeah we
would get on that
swing one of them was like a swing set you just faced out yeah the swinger yeah
and it would just
then you would just people would just be you would just people would be
vomiting like people would
be like standing watching you and then literally you come around and just
splash oh yeah just dose
them up with that with that tummy skeet baby that vomit you gotta wash up a lot
of puke on some of
those rides they get a lot of pukers we had one i don't even remember the name
of the official name
of the ride but we called it the puke barrel yeah well that's what i'm saying
dude you guys were making
up yeah that was the name of it the puke barrel i was like okay i don't even
know the official name
and if what what ride caused the most vomit you think the puke barrel really
probably it was uh
it looked like one of those metal 55 gallon drums you know those metal like
garbage can
barrels but it was huge okay yeah you know and so it was massive and say it was
on its side
and you go in it had a sliding door and you go in and then there were two seats
that people could
sit in circle seats and those spun like this while the floor rocked back and
forth like this and the
outside barrel spun like this with strobe lights going on inside i mean who's
not gonna puke no but i'll be
honest with you though the carnival rides are a lot safer than probably a music
parks amusement parks
really yeah because they get inspected every week so you're getting state
inspectors every single
week every time you set up they have to come in and like and uh you know give
it a go ahead so what's
the worst accident you've ever seen out there so that was i mean i didn't see
the kid get hit by the
skymaster but that was probably the worst although at one fair that i was at at
topsfield fair
i forget the name of the ride but somebody did come flying out of it but they
didn't die
or i can i wish i could remember the ride but they always say those people didn't
die but you never
see those people anymore yeah that's true you know or like they'll be like yeah
they yeah janet didn't
die and they're like well then why isn't yeah yeah where is she yeah oh she
went to florida she retired
yeah people yeah if you retired she's 11. yeah where did she so that's just the
thing i think
sometimes about that kind of stuff that seems like a little bit tricky man
where you're like i was
saying they um like i did they uh they do inspect them a lot more than like
your your regular music
parks amuse that are just set up year round they only got like one or two
inspections a year oh yeah and
so but the carnival like they have to get state inspected every week every time
you set up in a
new place so okay wow i didn't i did not expect that yeah because it seems like
they're not even you
know where the shady part comes in is where like say something breaks or
something happens during the
week and then it gets fixed not up to par in between inspections in between
inspections ah
and you just got to have the ride you got to have it going you got to make the
money yeah and then so
you have you have your main ride guys so all the ride formers have to do a once
inspection every day
and they have to fill out a form and say they inspected their ride i mean but
yeah and then you have the ride super who's in charge of all those guys and is
he yeah but it's like
how lie how real how if they're locked in cool if they're not then it's
whatever yeah yeah i could be
a ride so yeah if i was a ride super dude you're like yeah okay you just take
the forms you're like
yep everything's fine yeah oh you know yeah people ain't gonna be everybody not
gonna be living
if i'm a ride super to be honest and no offense to anybody and what about um
take me into
so i feel like that's kind of the rides i'm trying to think of any more of the
rides that i
the zipper 