Name: How to Heal From Past Trauma, and Find Forgiveness
Uploaded: 2024-05-16T15:52:23.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'How to Heal From Past Trauma, and Find Forgiveness' from Theo Von Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-05-16. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'How to Heal From Past Trauma, and Find Forgiveness' from Theo Von Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-05-16. Transcript available.

So let's go into the, just kind of the very basics of healing.
Yeah, yeah, no, I think that's good.
Yeah, I don't want to be, like, we've had some of the experience, we've had
some of that.
So yeah, I want to get into a part of, yeah, how does one locate their complex
trauma so
they can begin to heal it, if it's possible.
Yeah.
And that's the huge challenge, is that so much of it exists in the subconscious
mind.
And so we're not even aware of all of these mechanisms and kind of subconscious
brain
templates and programs that have been operating our life.
It's almost like we're an autopilot.
And because it's been normal for us all our life, we don't see it as being
abnormal or unhealthy.
And so that's where taking a program or watching videos where you begin to grow
in self-awareness
to understand trauma, to understand the different characteristics of trauma.
So we talk about 60 different characteristics, the patterns in your emotions,
the patterns
in your thinking, the patterns in your behavior, in your relationships.
And once you begin to grow in self-awareness, then you go, oh, wow.
Okay, now I'm starting to see it.
But then that goes, okay, now I know what unhealthy is.
Now I can define it.
What's healthy?
I don't know what healthy.
And that's where we talk about healing from complex trauma requires reparenting.
You need surrogate family that can begin to model healthy for you, teach you
healthy, and begin
to help you learn healthy.
But that requires the third piece, and that is connection.
And that's the thing I fear the most.
If people get to really know me, they're going to reject me.
But what I've been craving on my life is true connection with safe people.
And so trauma requires safe people to heal.
It's got an academic element of self-awareness, but it's got a connection reparenting
element
as well.
Complex trauma isn't a one, there's not one fix, really.
Right.
It's, what is there, how do you view like the repairing process overall?
And I think it's great to emphasize that there's not just one fix because so
much of the focus
in the West has been around, let's just do this one program and then like you're
magically
going to be fixed.
So we're always looking for almost like a magical solution.
Oh, even with treatment centers, it's like here's a 30-day treatment center.
What are you going to do on 34th day?
Exactly.
You know what I'm saying?
That's unbelievable that it's a 30, 30 days doesn't really, it'll help you
detox.
Exactly.
Anyway, sorry.
So what we teach our clients is we are intellectual beings, we're physical
beings, we're emotional
beings, we're relational beings, and we're spiritual beings.
We have to learn to meet all five, the needs of all five of those areas if we're
going
to be healthy.
And that's what parents were supposed to do is meet the needs of all five of
those areas.
But now we got programs that just try to do a spiritual only solution, that
doesn't work.
Others try to do just, let's do this one little emotional gimmick.
No, you got to learn physical, curl your way to frickin complete.
Exactly.
And so it's learning where bio, psycho, social, spiritual, let's, we got to
learn to meet
all those needs and get healthy in all those areas.
That's the bottom line.
It seems like a lot of work sometimes.
It's not a magic solution.
It's hard when people's lives get busy too.
I can't imagine once people have a family and stuff and a father or mother has
to leave
away from their family to go get wellness.
And if somebody is just going to therapy, right, what can they go talk to?
How can they start a conversation with their therapist that could help them
create more
ambiance around maybe some of the stuff that may have happened and how it
affects them now?
Yeah.
So a lot of people go to therapy now because of a crisis in the present.
They need to be able to understand that crisis is probably a symptom of
something from the past.
And so a lot of therapists just try to give you practical tools.
Well, try this, try this, try this.
And they're just putting band-aids on cuts on, on the symptoms.
If you can get your therapist to go like, why am I doing this?
What, what's underneath that's driving that response and begin to look at shame,
begin to look at fears that are there.
Fears of abandonment, fears of intimacy, fears of rejection, fears of failure.
All of those can start getting down to the core root issues that come out of
trauma.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Sometimes I can ask myself, like, what's going on, you know, and try to answer
myself, you know, like try to legitimately answer myself.
Because my first thought would be like, oh, nothing, nothing.
But then it's like, well, sometimes a fee, I get a feeling first and that's a
clue.
Yes.
A feeling is just like a, yeah, it's just like a little bit of a, like you saw
something, but you don't really know.
Sometimes if I feel something, I try to feel it more, like, well, how can I
feel this more?
So there's a new term called compassionate inquiry.
And so it's when you get a feeling in the past, we get that critic, you stupid,
why are you feeling that way?
And we judge ourself and get really hard on ourself.
Oh, yeah.
And so it says, instead of condemning yourself, be curious, compassionate.
So you be kind to yourself and then go, what's going on here?
And inquire.
And you change the whole way you respond to feelings and triggers, which is
huge for a lot of people.
What we found with most people with complex trauma is what they begin to
realize is it's like there's a part of them that got left behind that's still a
child.
So some refer to it as like their inner child.
But the little boy, that's still down there.
And some have a whole bunch of little boys that are different ages and
different.
Well, that person is a politician.
Exactly.
But anyways, what they've realized is there's a part of them that kind of hates
that little boy and wishes you shut up and then quit bugging them and grow up
and all of that.
Kind of treats them like they were treated and they have to learn to love and
nurture that little boy.
Okay.
Because that's part of them.
And just welcome them, make space for them, be curious.
What's going on?
Why are you upset?
Like, I'm not going to judge you.
Just help me understand.
And then help them process through it because nobody helped them process
through it.
And eventually that little boy can heal.
And so that's a useful tool for a lot of people is beginning to go, let's
welcome that little boy and parent that little boy, even though it's me.
But it's part of me and it's a part of me that got wounded.
So if somebody's sitting there right now is listening, right?
And they're like, how would you start to have some of that conversation with
yourself?
And is there a certain setting you would kind of do it in just to even try and
get us some awareness of that inner child, as people say?
A lot of it's different for everybody.
And so you've got to kind of find what works for you.
What some people do is they can go in their imagination to kind of a safe place
in their house that they liked as a kid or a safe place in the backyard or a
tree or something in the woods, whatever.
And they can go there and kind of picture that little child and connect with
that little child.
Others can do it through going through like picture albums, see when they're
four years old, when they're seven years old and go, oh, I remember what I was
feeling then and what I was thinking.
Or the other one is when they get triggered and that voice in their head and
they go, well, okay, how old do I feel right now?
And they go, I feel three.
I feel eight.
And it's like, okay, let's connect with that part of me.
And that's that part of your limbic brain that's been triggered, which doesn't
keep track of time.
That's still stuck at that age.
Wow.
Yeah, that's a great point.
When that's happening, that part of you is showing up.
Exactly.
So that's as crazy as it is, it's a great time to connect.
What I say to people is a trigger.
Don't get down on yourself if you get triggered.
Go, a trigger is my little boy saying, ouch.
And be curious and go, it's trying to get my attention saying, there's a wound
here that never has been healed.
What's going on, buddy?
Exactly.
Yeah.
What about forgiveness?
What do you think about, how do you help people with that, Tim?
I think it's been a, it's such an important concept, but it's been a badly mistaught
concept.
So a lot of people have seen the value of forgiveness.
And so all of a sudden, when a person comes into recovery, you need to forgive
your mom.
You need to, I go, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
You can't forgive until you've actually validated how badly they've hurt you
until you've got honest about it, until you've grieved it, until you've been
able to really make space for all the emotions around that.
Then you're going to get to the point where your limbic brain is sorting out
all of those painful emotions, and it can come to a point where it can let them
go.
So forgiveness isn't something you're forcing.
It's something that's going to naturally happen as you allow yourself to
process through all the pain and anger connected to the wound.
So can I tell you one of my favorite stories to tell people?
There's actually a video now on YouTube where a guy's actually built a bike
that operates backwards.
So when you think of a bike, you learn to ride a bike at four or five, six
years old.
And at first you got to concentrate a lot to get your balance, to turn the
steering wheel.
Oh yeah.
Remember how loose the, remember how crazy the beginning is?
You're falling, but you keep working and concentrating.
Oh yeah, you fall.
Somebody's dad calls you a G-A-Y every time.
You're like, what?
And then pretty soon you could be talking to your buddies and you're not even
thinking about riding, but you're, it's, so it moves from your conscious brain
to a subconscious program that just operates.
Okay.
And now you could go without riding a bike for 30 years and jump back on and
you'd ride it without even thinking.
You'd just pick it right back up.
So this guy built a bike where if you turn the handlebars to the left, you
actually, the wheel goes to the right.
Oh my gosh.
Why did he do it?
Was he angry at somebody?
He wanted to test how quickly could you relearn to ride a bike?
Wow.
You know how long it took?
Six months to a year.
No.
Yeah.
So you're just saying to relearn things, it takes a while.
It takes some time.
Exactly.
Especially when you learn it so young.
Yeah.
Thank you.