Name: Matt McCusker Has Experienced "The Black Wife" Effect Firsthand
Uploaded: 2024-05-21T16:31:40.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Matt McCusker Has Experienced "The Black Wife" Effect Firsthand' from Theo Von Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-05-21. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Matt McCusker Has Experienced "The Black Wife" Effect Firsthand' from Theo Von Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-05-21. Transcript available.

And you have, I've met you a while, you have a darker wife.
Yeah.
Pretty much.
Yeah.
Safe to say that.
Safe to say, yeah.
Yeah.
Beautiful lady, very charming.
Bridget, is that her name?
Brittany.
Brittany.
Yeah.
Brittany, is that her name?
Yeah.
Yeah, was that, did that, and did, like, just growing up in Philly lead you to
that, you think?
Dude, I don't know.
I don't know, since I was a little kid, it's almost, there's, my only theory is,
because
in grade school, I, like, dated a Mexican lady, and I've dated everybody, I've
dated, you know,
like, white ladies, everything, but that was definitely, you know, that was
something I
was drawn to, or black women, forever, but my only theory is, my mom was, like,
super Christian,
she still is, super Catholic, so she blocked, like, MTV, VH1, all the music
channels.
Except for BET, because she didn't know it existed.
So, that was the only music channel I had growing up.
So, in my formative years, I just watched rap video after rap video, and I
think it might
have had some sort of effect.
Yeah.
So, that's my only thing.
Bitch better have my money!
That's, yeah, wow, that's so interesting, dude.
Yeah, dude, I remember I made love to a woman who was pretty much black.
Right.
And, yeah, it was definitely, there was, like, more in the muscle or something,
I don't know.
Yeah, you felt you were impressed by the experience.
What do you say, pretty much?
She was, like, what do you...
She said she was black, I believed her.
True.
True.
You know, I'm not, yeah, I'm not fucking looking at paperwork or whatever.
I'm not fucking...
Prove it.
You know?
Yeah, no, it's...
My boot bracelet was, like, bleak, you know?
It pops up on there.
Yeah, I just, you know what, for me, I, they definitely won out for me as well.
They won my heart.
Collectively, they won my heart.
Really?
Yeah.
I just, I don't know what it was, man.
It was just, like, you like what you like, you know?
Oh, yeah.
I think I was afraid, probably, of black girls growing up.
They had, a lot of the black girls in our town and stuff would get knocked up
by the black
guys at a young age.
Yeah, yeah.
So, all of our black girls disappeared at around 13 years old and got pregnant.
Yeah, and they come back and they're, yeah, they're different now.
And then they come back and they're just different or they just, like, yeah,
they have a child
now or they have, like, baby milk on their shoulder or whatever.
And also, I think they had to defend themselves against, like, like, black,
like, dudes in
their town or whatever that were, like, trying to, you know, get with them when
they were
young.
Yeah.
So, I think they were more into the whole, like, communicating with guys nature.
So, I think, like, a lot of times they would, like, they were just more
advanced.
Like, the black kids in our school were more sexually advanced.
They just had sex earlier and stuff.
So, I think that was intimidating.
The black girls were intimidating because they had more experience.
Yeah, it's funny.
Sometimes you talk to a black guy.
He's like, I got hit when I was 10.
And you're like, what?
Like, for real?
Yeah, sorry, dude.
Sorry, it's okay.
This place just went out of business.
We're good.
It's true.
You do hear that a lot.
You're not wrong.
Sorry.
Yeah.
You're fine.
It is crazy.
I'm thinking, yeah, when you're, bro, if somebody put my wiener, okay, that God
made
for me that I kept in my pants for him, if somebody put that in their mouth
when I was 10
years old, dude, oh, my God.
It's over.
I would have lit a fire in our yard and made smoke signals.
It's over, dude.
For God to come help us.
There's no way.
It's over.
It's over.
I don't know how.
It's crazy.
I would have hit him with a wrench or something.
I just, that would have scared me so much.
So that's what's so, but yeah, so that was kind of crazy.
Sorry.
I don't know if I spit on you or not, but it's good.
No, it's fine.
That was good.
That was hilarious.
Yeah.
Yeah.
That, that, that, that, that kind of stuff's pretty crazy.
And then, um, I know I get the intimidation factor I do get, but I, I always,
uh, whenever
I have, I like will see people and I always just assume I always see like
softer sides
of it.
It's something that I've had my whole life where I'll, I can see like, kind of
like, I don't
know.
I always can see people softer nature because people present one way.
Then you're like with them.
I mean, it's like, it's totally different thing.
I would date a black woman, dude.
I would probably maybe marry a black woman, you know, like I don't, I think
when I was a
kid, I thought that that wasn't a real possibility or anything.
That makes sense.
But as an adult, I see that, oh, that's a possibility.
Like, I think also just from where I was from, they didn't have like a lot of
interracial
dating at the time, you know, it was, it was even like, you know, I lived in
like the, I
lived in the Philadelphia suburbs.
So it was like very, very, very white where I was growing up.
But like, even in college, uh, some of my friends would come up to me and be
like, that's
crazy, dude.
They like couldn't wrap their head around it.
And it wasn't like a hateful thing.
They're just like, it was just a mind blower.
They'd be like, bro, it gets, it's crazy.
The funny thing to me though, is like black dudes were always like, Hey man,
you
scared to date a black chick?
And I'm like, you're aren't dating a black chick.
Every fucking black dude isn't dating a black chick.
But the first thing they say is, Oh, you scared of some of that black chick?
They get hyped on you.
When they see you with a black chick, they'll get hyped.
And then sometimes there'll be like, you're an easy target.
I can kind of like, I'll fuck with you or, or they'll do like a hard checkout
on your
baby.
You have to just go nuts.
You got to get, you got to get white boy crazy.
Yeah.
So if they do like a damn, you have to be like, what's your fucking price?
You have to spaz because you can't, you can't tolerate that.
So you gotta, I've gone white boy crazy a couple of times.
Yeah.
You're like, I'm over here doing your job.
Okay.
Well, dude, apparently black women and Asian men are the, uh, like Asian women
tend to
date outside the race a lot.
Black men date outside the race a lot, but black women and Asian men tend to
not date
outside the race a lot.
So like the yin and yang twins or whatever, like, what are you saying?
No, they're, they're just black and Asian do not date.
Well, black men will date outside the race where traditionally black women tend
to not date
outside the race.
So it was just that.
And Asian women date white guys a lot, but a lot of Asian men don't date
outside of the
race.
So it kind of like fucks you up in the dating pool.
Yeah.
So, but yeah, I think black women are coming around though, but yeah, they were,
they were,
uh, fiercely loyal.
It's still, you get a little, people are, uh, you know, it does.
Some people don't like it.
Obviously, you know, you get people who are like big into like black love where
they're
like, it's not the same.
And I'm like, whatever, man, that's your thing.
Yeah.
It's not, yeah.
But yeah, it's not your fault.
No, exactly.
It's, I don't, I don't feel any kind of way about it, but it's just like, you
know,
celebrate that if you want.
That's fine.
Yeah.
You know, but it's like, dude, I remember the first time I like, even like I
was working
out with a buddy of mine, a black guy, right.
And he like touched my hand, he was helping spot me or something.
And I was like, damn, I'd never even touched a black dude's hand or nothing.
They have beautiful nails too.
Dude, there's like a, there's like a level of like black coolness where you
grow one
pinky nail long so you can crack a blunt with your long pinky nail.
It's pretty sick.
Oh, wow.
Yeah.
It was like a, it was like a evolution of the coke nail, but you can kind of
just.
Oh, that's cool.
Yeah.
You can just crack a blunt with a long pinky nail.
Oh, being black, definitely.
There's a lot of parts that seem super fun about it.
And then there's some parts in them kind of like, man, that's that part.
That is not for me.
I couldn't handle that.
It's definitely, I think it's easier than a black dude dating a white chick.
Cause everyone's just kind of like, you know, people just, people just kind of
like way
first when you first meet him will like kind of giggle and be like, Oh, you
like, you
know, you like black girl, you know, shit like that.
And like kind of dap you up and you're like, sweet.
Whereas like, I feel like the black, maybe it's different now, but back in the
day,
like being a black dude at like a white family party, there was definitely some
uncles hitting
you with like icicles in the eyes, just glaring at you.
Like what you doing over there?
I heard my one friend was a black dude and he was, he was dating a white chick
and he said
like her brother would ask him like weird shit being like, what do you think?
He would get drunk and be like, what do you like?
We should, he was a wrestler.
He'd be like, let's wrestle right now.
He'd be like, bro, chill, man.
Like we don't have to do this.
Yeah.
Yeah.
It was so.
That dude's gay probably, but.
I think black dudes aren't threatened by white dudes as much as white dudes
might be threatened
by black guys.
Well, yeah, because they don't have to be, because they can always beat up
white dudes.
Yeah.
Bigger dicks.
Statistically, bigger dicks can beat you up.
Some of that's a rumor.
First of all, I've heard, but it's the, a lot of the ones on the internet.
Yes.
They've done condom sizing studies and like, it's, it's not as much of a
difference as
you think, but there's, there's a difference.
Dude, the last thing I would want to have is some big old long dick bothering
me all day,
dude.
I hear you on that.
Yeah.
I'm high and tight.
I'm ready for action.
I'm ready for action.
I'm ready for action at all times.
Oh, I'm fucking, I got that John Stockton on me, dude.
I'll help you out, bro.
I'll try to assist you in whatever you're headed.
I'm here, dude.
I'm ready to run.
I'm in sport mode.
What was I just going to ask about?
Yeah.
There's, well, there's a lot.
There's definitely some white comics married to black women.
I think TJ Miller, I believe.
Gary Owens.
Gary Owens.
Yeah.
Who else?
There's definitely.
You, Bill Burr.
Bill, yeah, Bill Burr.
Bill Maher.
Bill Maher's ever married to a black lady?
Oh, he loves.
Dating.
It's crazy.
He loves.
That was a head to head.
That was a black wife head to head.
Bill Maher and Bill Burr.
They were both dressed pretty good, too.
They both were black wife affected, and they got, they argued over, like,
Israel and Palestine.
Oh, they did?
Yeah, it was like a fucking viral clip.
Really?
Let's hear it.
They fucking, it's kind of funny.
Let's hear it.
Bill Burr was ruthless.
What is black wife affected?
Let me get that, and then let's watch the clip, okay, Nick?
Just when you start dressing better, because your wife's black, and they really
don't
tolerate, like, if you're not dressed well.
Like, they'll, I fought a long, I'm, I hold it down, you know.
I still wear kind of, like, bummy stuff, but they'll, they'll wear on you.
Yeah, black people like to look nice.
Yeah.
It's important.
It's very important.
And, like, and at weddings, it's the opposite.
Like, you have to dance.
If you don't dance at a wedding, people are like, what the fuck's your problem?
Really?
White wedding, you'd sit in a chair the whole time.
Oh, yeah.
It's a lot of pressure to dance, yeah.
You can gamble on your phone, even.
You can do whatever you want.
Yeah, you're like, I object, you know?
But you're just so gay, sister, whatever, you can't help but yell it.
Yeah.