Name: Sal Vulcano and Theo Discuss Gout
Uploaded: 2024-05-29T17:32:22.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Sal Vulcano and Theo Discuss Gout' from Theo Von Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-05-29. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Sal Vulcano and Theo Discuss Gout' from Theo Von Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-05-29. Transcript available.

i think when you're saying it when someone is when i've been at someone's house
that has
um that has i guess rich or whatever and they have uh fancy wine corkers or
whatever like that
bottle the wine like yeah and then they'll have a charcuterie board sometimes
yeah but i got a
charcuterie boy for the super bowl oh you didn't have fig jam on it yeah i had
fig jam on it really
but it also had jalapeno poppers on it no well i did have wings as well i had
wings i had other
things normally we'll make it but then uh my lady found found uh someone who
did it she went to a
party and they had and she was like whoa and she got the number and then we
ordered it and they bring
it it's like on a four foot board oh you know and you know you got to pay a
little extra for it but
for the guests you know it's almost a level of like how rich you're willing to
be when you go
down the charcuterie boards because there's also different sizes there's the um
there's the noah's
arc there's the and you can go all the way down to like the titanic santa maria
yeah yeah yeah there's
like the nina sorry and that's your joke dude i stepped on it but um and yeah
and you can go all
the way down like titanic door like this small little yeah don't ever let go
yeah yeah you never want
like right but i will tell you though i i stood there calculating how much the
woman actually paid
like the actual wholesale cost because i was like there was some there was some
things on there that
there are some things on there that make you go oh okay but they're they're
like you know they're
throughout but then there's also like you know grapes just cheat you know so i'm
like looking at it
i'm like man i guess it's labor intensive i'll give her that okay because i
felt like she probably could
have got away with everything on there for like under 200 and it was probably
like 450 or something
like that oh wow 450 charcuterie it was like four feet well we had like 35
people oh that's fair yeah
oh yeah if it feeds 35 dude i'll get one of those every yeah but then like not
we had so much food
not everyone ate it and then i have like so much excess charcuterie and then i
feel guilty because
i'm like i have to eat this i can't piss away money like this yeah so i'm just
i was eating charcuterie
for like six seven days past the super bowl really yeah just having olives and
pecans and just
what yeah but you know what it is 11 pistachios like they always have like like
seven or eight
like things yeah there's unidentified things all the time i gotta like google
photo it i don't even
know i'm like what is this it's like i don't even know if it's cheese it's a
cream you know there's
nuts i never seen in on there before oh it gets twigs very vague towards the
end like there's like
sometimes there'll be like a hoof meat there will be um like something called a
neighborhood sausage
uh yeah they give you like they give you like a legend like a key you're like
oh oh you gotta try
that's the neighborhood sausage but it's so much more depressing eating it the
week after because
it's bagged in like sandwich bags in the fridge and so now i'm just pulling out
different bags of
unidentified meats and like like tasting it and like the sodium levels that
week were probably through
the roof really i retained a lot of water that week yeah yeah oh that's another
big issue i think is
one of the side effects of charcuterie of charcuterie boards is gout probably
and severe salt retention
uh my buddy's daddy if he had too much salt he couldn't talk and uh and so i
miss you man
oh yeah so he'd get his dad like his dad would be drunk and he'd get him he'd
get a bunch of like
he'd keep giving him potato chips and if he knew he was gonna like steal the
car that night the day
before he'd be like give his dad just a like his family so i got like a costco
bag of ruffles yeah
he wouldn't chew him out when he got home he would just look at him like furrowed
when my jaw unlocked you ever have gout no i never had i'm a stepdad had it i
think it basically salt
builds up like in the bends of your body huh i have i self-diagnosed gout oh
you just said you
had it yeah i just said it i was trying to will it thank you for admitting it a
lot of people will
have like i had like a stepdad probably couldn't even move his arms or anything
he's like i don't
have anything wrong and meanwhile he's like randy in a christmas story in the
snowsuit
no i i i was getting these sharp pains is that gout stuff right there right
there oh wow i never
even googled gout and that's where i had it gout happens when your rate us you
are a t-shirt gout
happens gout happens yeah i didn't mean to cut you off no and that is
definitely a market that as we age we
can get into i think gout happens gout happens right oh my stepdad would wear
that every day
he'd wear the swede wear the helmet he's got it so bad dude he's a yeah he
shows up on the
periodic table of elements that dude has so much salt in him that dude's
probably got iodine in him
that's not good you ever talk to him about it we mentioned you should cut it
cut his sodium down
you know we mentioned anything you do for him he's born free he wears a shirt
that says born free all
the time so that's not the kind of guy you can approach about there so i think
born free essentially
means gout happens you know what i mean yeah those are that's an interchangeable
shirt no i had this
shooting pain like in your foot out of nowhere out of nowhere but i mean like
your foot locks up and
you can't like you would have to like like you have to like tiptoe and put your
weight on the other
foot out of nowhere right and then what happened like um could happen for two
minutes could happen for
like five minutes ten minutes and then it would just magically like a charlie
horse would just go
away oh and i didn't really know what it was i thought i kind of i thought i
broke my toe
or i had some something wrong with the actual like infrastructure in there and
it would reoccur and go
away and reoccur and i was like i gotta talk to my dad so i went and i got x-rays
and they were like
it's fine there's nothing wrong with it you're like you're full of and i
realized god because it's not
just salt i i just heard like well it is meats and stuff so i guess that is
salt we have salt shrimp i
know have it that's the seafood seafood is high in sodium i didn't really
really know that and i eat
seafood thinking like oh it's lean it's uh it's good protein you know and um
yeah it's the lean cuisine
of the ocean kind of it is yeah it is right yeah i uh and then i and then i
realized i i realized i i
have i guess you can have it you can have flare-ups and it goes away because i
haven't now had not go
what this is going to be this is going to suck because i know i'm going to
bring it back now by
saying it but i haven't really had it in like like a year or in a year and a
half but there was times
where i would get it like every few days and it would strike anywhere at the
most inopportune times oh
yeah yeah it's thank you though god you know prayers you know anything you
could do for me
i love how like you really you actually really just got empathy for them for my
oh well i watched my
stepdad he would have so much like flare-up or whatever he couldn't even my
stepmom would go put
a blanket on him he couldn't even like even an afghan or whatever couldn't
touch his skin it would
let's give this information though gout happens when urate a substance in your
body builds up and forms
needle-shaped crystals in your joints i don't even know what that's god yeah i
got i i guess i have
needle-shaped crystals this leads to pain swelling redness and changes in the
movement and use of the
affected joint however not everyone with high urate levels develop gout and
does gout just go away maybe
look that up how it comes and goes away yeah um the pain is is like you can't
use the foot yeah you
literally like it's almost like you need a crutch but you don't have one
because you never know you
need a short friend yeah you need yeah you need anything really any kind of
support at all gout can
go away or return again and again oh my gosh dude this is like one of those um
one of those robert
pattinson movies some people will go months or even years without having
another gout attack or very
rarely they may never have another one yet it's like the mafia like you never
know when it's lurking
over your shoulder like it threatens you once and then you just be like you
gotta fall in line
Thank you.