Name: Lunch Lady Breaks Down the Best (and Worst) School Lunches
Uploaded: 2024-06-04T20:56:37.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Lunch Lady Breaks Down the Best (and Worst) School Lunches' from Theo Von Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-06-04. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Lunch Lady Breaks Down the Best (and Worst) School Lunches' from Theo Von Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-06-04. Transcript available.

and because most of the kids they some of the items they pick off the line
themselves they don't
have to actually be handed the fruit the vegetable stuff we do on the others
and they can pick all
that up their their self i do like the main hot food okay for them you know and
and so those are
items like what's better getty what else um we have pasta meatballs we have a a
chicken bowl
where they have the mashed potatoes the chicken corn okay like a chicken pot
pie um yeah we started
we have a like a polish girl now it's like a a turkey sausage kind of thing and
you put the
sweet potato fries and some slaw and some barbecue sauce on this sucker it's
good i like it that day
that sounds great so i'm saying i i mean i've been eating the food all these
years but i think they're
getting better yeah they're getting a lot better because when i first started
we we just heated up
microwave dinners i'll tell you really oh yeah we heated them up in the thing
you couldn't um
cook food that was open so it looked like you cook like five fries i've got
fries they're all stuck in
the bottom and i mean the quality like i said and then you make a hamburger
with a bun already on it
and heat it up in plastic what is it you know yeah so now we're doing like we'll
do the burger and we
cook it and really cook it and the fries go in the oven and they get crispy you
know oh that's nice so
yeah i like i said i've seen a big change really and how long has that change
period been over you
well it's been about i'm going to say about eight years of them slowly changing
it but this year has
been the top because like the kids get uh cantaloupe watermelon whatever that i
cut it up and i'm like
going to hawaii or something oh man the big kids i have to slow them down i'm
like man that's too many portions
because i mean they'll take the whole thing you know but yeah they probably
didn't get all that
good food and now we get tangerines instead of oranges which is really cool
because you can
those little cuties you can peel those in a second suddenly you have to cut up
those
those cuties it's almost like having a little date almost oh man they are but i
have to stop the kids
like them so much they're in their pockets they gotta remember how many cuties
you got
yeah they don't care and is there like a little bit of a game plan before lunch
how do you know what
lunch y'all gonna serve does it come down like from like a i have a superior
like on a yeah does it and it
comes like this is what we're serving i have a menu and then i order from the
menu for the week
okay and so what do you mean like you have a menu well they say on the menu
okay say it's a chicken
bowl so i know i'm going to order that so for five days i order and i'll order
everything for that
and everything for the salads we're going to make for that same day oh so all
the items that go into
those things yes because we have a couple different things you choose from oh
so and just make sure
you have enough lunches because man when you run out boy those kids are ready
to get you and don't
run out on pizza day oh man i was messing around once and i you know i was
talking to kids too much
and i started burning something like that very well but yeah if you run out on
pizza day i remember oh
man well we went through a couple different types of pizza i remember i
remember there was this round
can you bring up the different school pizzas that were served there was a round
pizza that had a great
crust on it i remember it was really great and people would like see each other
and be like hey that crust is
great huh and people would be like yeah and then then we got to this other
square pizza and i was like
this ain't even barely pizza dude and that one people didn't really like it as
much and the cheese
i think tasted different to me but um yeah let's look at a couple of these that's
one right there i've
definitely had that one the one you have the cursor on down right there well we
have like the one you
got the cursor and that that's like our breakfast pizza oh we serve that now
for breakfast breakfast
some breakfast pizza oh yeah breakfast pizza was good um we used to have a box
pizza years and years
ago and i'm talking like 30 years ago the kids used to really like but um now
we're serving a stuffed
crust pizza so the kids are pretty interested yeah like i said pizza day i hear
a lot of compliments i look
good on pizza day really yeah so there'll be a lot of flirting and stuff on
pizza today everybody wants
pizza pizza yeah yeah everybody want a pizza oh yeah baby um so pizza's the big
thing right that's the
thing everybody loves the most that's what they love well yeah there's a couple
uh different things but
following the menu um yeah so following the menu you guys you have your week of
menu it's already set up in
advance before so before the previous weekend you got the whole week lined up
the next week right because
i order right a week ahead okay so i kind of have it lined up but things can
happen so it's subject to
change really oh yeah especially in 2020 you know when all that shortage i mean
whatever they gave me
was what they were because you know they it was constant nope we don't have
that no more nope those were
shorts of this nope we don't i'm like oh my gosh when we finish i'm about to go
to the grocery store
i need a food stamp card yeah you got to do something you know i was like man
these kids need
to eat yeah yeah um it's crazy sometimes but you're getting the lunches out to
them you got a plan um
does the government tell you what the children have to eat or you could make it
whatever no the
government kind of tells you what the kids need to have like how many servings
of lagoon you know what
i mean there have to be certain things legumes or whatever yeah like you know
you have to have
beans on there certain amount of times you know yeah so yeah they kind of tell
you
but we flip it around on different things you know what i mean if i'm short of
that they're getting
that right hey it is what it is as long as they eat i'm happy yeah that's my
attitude too i can't
believe children have a choice where you're at in some of their meals oh well
this is started this year
um like i said this guy we make a chicken salad chef salad and they love the pb
and j still
you may give them a you know just a cold lunch and then whatever we're making
for hot so they pick
between whichever one they want and are there days where there's a real
specialty item what's one of the
special like is there a time of year where something like um maybe some uh like
uh bison meat or something
or something unique you know something rare will come across that you guys give
to the kids or like um
okay like is there a time of year when y'all get the kids get something really
rare kind of no
um the the thing is like there's the kids are so like picky and there's so many
they can't have this
that they don't really go into anything odd with that you know what i mean
right so no she kind of
stick to the guns kind of yes just right to it yeah there's like not a lot of
pork on the menu because
kids don't there's so much how do you say that um religions and different
things that they don't
they don't eat this they don't eat that so you have to watch okay but i guess
overall children
don't like trying a lot of new stuff now no they're so picky i mean back in the
day i think they ate
more now it's like ever you know where's my hand i'm like i didn't have that
today you know yeah kids
are picky and mostly i remember they we would always sometimes get a mac nugget
which was pretty good
they like the nuggets yeah they still like them oh they love the chicken oh
yeah and what else would
we get that was really good the pizza i enjoyed i really did like the pizza
till they switched it to
that square pizza with no real crust on it and it just made me just so angry at
everybody um
what else that straw in the milk bag they used to have do they still have that
it was like a bag of
milk no they don't they don't do the bags no more no actually we don't even do
straws no more
really yeah he took away the straws and stuff for i guess we're gonna you know
say how do you get the
milk out of it into your body well i mean you know what i thought there'd be
more problems but they
take that carton just open it up and drink it oh and so i haven't had too much
of a problem but
when it first started i kind of did think wow there's gonna be a lot of you to
my amazement no
they just figured like they just figured it out yeah for 31 years they've been
popping in straw in
there you know they clogged my sink you know we were washing the tables put it
down the sink and all
those straws go in there and it's a bunch of straws there we pop it out and all
these straws
it says yellow straws yeah what what uh is the funnest thing to serve to the
kids is there
something you really enjoy like i like to serve the pizza because it's one
piece
because i could throw the pizza but when i got like mashed potatoes corn
chicken and a raw you know
i'm sorry now i'm like you know it's too much and everybody yeah everybody's
picky so
they don't want gravy someone you know it's like yeah and now they're like
allowed to pick what they
want yeah i used to give them all of it so oh they used to yeah that's crazy
you get to pick what you
want we would have to get whatever sometimes they give you a bunch of junk you're
like some of this
it wasn't even i don't think some of it was food or whatever and you just have
to take it back to
your table you know oh yeah i seen so much waste back in the day we'd have the
like a bean burrito
all these kids would just you know what i mean just throw it away just throw it
away you just
cooked all those just a bit be in the garbage you're like the apple i feel like
would always get thrown
away sometimes yeah yeah you would be like i don't know if i'm eating this yeah
you know that would
always be a tough one i've ordered less apples now yeah yeah because of the
other ones are more popular
that we have now that they're trying different you know watermelon that's gone
i'm watermelon man
i have to i will be cutting 10 water and we'll be cutting those watermelon and
what type of cutter
are you using back there do you guys have a sanctioned knife that you have to
use or some
we have a couple knives yeah like that we got a couple knives we use for those
which we just started
to share sometimes it was hard oh yeah especially with my hands hurting all the
time i was like man
these water rolls it's crazy yeah but then we got this one that you put like
the order the apple
thing and you could go oh really and it comes out i like that one yeah i could
do that all day yeah
yeah that's nothing um yeah i guess you if you get that faint that fancy one's
really nice i'm trying
to think of what we had oh they would do baked potatoes y'all still do those
sometimes no we haven't
did a baked potato for a long time but i remember a long time ago we did have a
baked potato they seemed like
it yeah it was nice because they had like sour cream with it oh yeah and get
you a little bit of bacon
bit or whatever because they didn't let you use bacon bits in our community if
you was a child first
of all oh yeah yeah that was that was an adult thing bacon yeah so then they
get to school when you pull
up and they got a damn you got access to bacon you're like yeah let's ride hey
they're excited now we
give croutons oh is that a big thing for the kids now yeah we never gave croutons
with a salad
we're poor over there we give croutons we're cool what would you change about
like the lunches that
we serve to kids anything or do you feel pretty good about them right now i'm
feeling a little bit
better about them like i said this year because there is bringing out more
different things that i
think the kids would like um we do a general so's and rice um don't do a
general so's chicken yeah
it's good i love it i'd be messing it up on general so's day yeah yeah there's
certain days that i get
excited you know because i'm like oh i'm gonna eat that no so and we all save a
little bit of the
better side of things for yourselves i mean i might have a little bit more
sauce on mine
hey you know i hate it i think that's fair so yeah i think that we i do really
believe that this year i
think is like one of the best with it's coming with lunches and stuff for the
variety of different
things that we have so he's he's moving up like i said i'm interested to see
more of what he does
the new guy that's the new food guy yeah because he's the order he's the boss
he's the boss of like
changing all that and i've worked with i've worked for about four different
ones so far each one brings
something different to the table but right now i'm liking what he's bringing
you know what i mean
what was one of the craziest things you guys ever served over the years um let
me try to think
the hot dog that used to be in the beans and it would turn colors and i had
parents and ants and
people old to this day so they asked me about those green hot dogs with beans
really yeah but i liked it
but it did it it would like turn some color because it was stuck in the beans
yeah well that's nature
i know that's what i said i would like it's probably preservatives or something
in it i don't
know oh some of that's just natural but yeah i mean um we had this egg roll
that was really yeah
there there's there's been a couple items that i would have been like uh no and
i eat everything
i'm like mikey and there's nothing i wouldn't eat so you uh they had an egg
roll too for a while yeah
oh yeah the kids didn't really care for that egg roll so bizarre yeah i
remember the bread they used
to have so the bread was always made in one big pan right it was like a whole
pan full of rolls
and ours always had this dust on them and people would be like that's flour and
i'd be like
it doesn't seem like flour it just seems like dust oh that's so yeah so so we
were wrapping our rolls and
some of them will come like that you know with a whole bunch of and i said
similar what is it like
just flour that's a lot of flour on there and the kids will see it and i'm like
they're not going to believe it's flour i said it looks gross i don't want to
serve that one
it's just flour yeah exactly that's exactly it's just kind of like i'm trying
to think of the ones
oh we had a couple of these different ones that one uh look can you look up um
dusty school lunch rolls
yeah maybe soft red rolls but you know i've had the kids tell me let's look
what's up what's on this
and i'm like it's flour because that's what they tell me it's flour i mean it
is flour it doesn't seem
like flour it seems like science dust or something yeah maybe ec dust yeah it
could be some powder
something sometimes i thought it would be like a powdered butter or something
right you're putting on
but i could never figure it out and they were never they never got the rolls
really that good i didn't
feel like yeah um we get different rolls like and bread we order from different
departments at different
times we had swables once we had this so the bread's not too bad but you always
find some that comes in
like you just said with a whole pile of dust i'd be like was it a hamburger but
it's covered and
yeah that's what it was like look all this white it was the hamburger buns a
lot of times when they
make them they must just throw that flour at them after they unpack them it was
but it does look
funny because people don't want to eat that because you know yeah and kids do
make those comments they
notice anything on the food anything if it looks just a little strange or
something they're gonna
make a comment on it you know so but i hate to be like one of those you know it's
just flour
because everybody's like it's not i know but i'm like i don't know is it um do
you guys ever serve
sloppy joes ever we did we haven't this year or whatever but there was years we
did some of the
kids liked it um we had a teacher there years ago and he did a little skit with
me on this sloppy joes
oh yeah about adam taylor but they never serve them anymore huh no they haven't
served sloppy joes
for a long time and i the kids seemed like it yeah it was the only place you
could get it at
with school that's what i'm saying it was such a bizarre thing you're like i
don't even know what
it is it's like it's magic me like you know what it really is it's like it's
not a hamburger are you
sure is that a sauce we name them different things but we just change a little
well you could always
kind of tell is there stuff that if there's leftovers from the first day then
you'll use it in
different recipes throughout the week yeah huh because you don't want to waste
stuff no um all
hot foods got to be thrown oh really yeah that's this is why you're like if you're
the manager you have
to know not to overcook too much because right but um they like pasta and
meatballs yeah oh those meatballs
boy they're hard to deal with yeah for my hands they seem to want to just throw
then i start singing to
the kids and i drop my poor meatball and be rolling oh from that song yeah what
was it that was a book
wasn't it when somebody sneezed and rolled off the table not to the floor then
my more meatball was
out the door i remember that we like to tease them and joke on top of spaghetti
yeah it is spaghetti spaghetti
this coconut cake and they love the mac and cheese mine they love the mac and
cheese yeah
they love the mac and cheese yeah god who doesn't though right i was just gonna
say
who don't like cheese you know anything you gotta put cheese on is good yeah
Thank you.

Lunch Lady Breaks Down the Best (and Worst) School Lunches

and because most of the kids they some of the items they pick off the line
themselves they don't
have to actually be handed the fruit the vegetable stuff we do on the others
and they can pick all
that up their their self i do like the main hot food okay for them you know and
and so those are
items like what's better getty what else um we have pasta meatballs we have a a
chicken bowl
where they have the mashed potatoes the chicken corn okay like a chicken pot
pie um yeah we started
we have a like a polish girl now it's like a a turkey sausage kind of thing and
you put the
sweet potato fries and some slaw and some barbecue sauce on this sucker it's
good i like it that day
that sounds great so i'm saying i i mean i've been eating the food all these
years but i think they're
getting better yeah they're getting a lot better because when i first started
we we just heated up
microwave dinners i'll tell you really oh yeah we heated them up in the thing
you couldn't um
cook food that was open so it looked like you cook like five fries i've got
fries they're all stuck in
the bottom and i mean the quality like i said and then you make a hamburger
with a bun already on it
and heat it up in plastic what is it you know yeah so now we're doing like we'll
do the burger and we
cook it and really cook it and the fries go in the oven and they get crispy you
know oh that's nice so
yeah i like i said i've seen a big change really and how long has that change
period been over you
well it's been about i'm going to say about eight years of them slowly changing
it but this year has
been the top because like the kids get uh cantaloupe watermelon whatever that i
cut it up and i'm like
going to hawaii or something oh man the big kids i have to slow them down i'm
like man that's too many portions
because i mean they'll take the whole thing you know but yeah they probably
didn't get all that
good food and now we get tangerines instead of oranges which is really cool
because you can
those little cuties you can peel those in a second suddenly you have to cut up
those
those cuties it's almost like having a little date almost oh man they are but i
have to stop the kids
like them so much they're in their pockets they gotta remember how many cuties
you got
yeah they don't care and is there like a little bit of a game plan before lunch
how do you know what
lunch y'all gonna serve does it come down like from like a i have a superior
like on a yeah does it and it
comes like this is what we're serving i have a menu and then i order from the
menu for the week
okay and so what do you mean like you have a menu well they say on the menu
okay say it's a chicken
bowl so i know i'm going to order that so for five days i order and i'll order
everything for that
and everything for the salads we're going to make for that same day oh so all
the items that go into
those things yes because we have a couple different things you choose from oh
so and just make sure
you have enough lunches because man when you run out boy those kids are ready
to get you and don't
run out on pizza day oh man i was messing around once and i you know i was
talking to kids too much
and i started burning something like that very well but yeah if you run out on
pizza day i remember oh
man well we went through a couple different types of pizza i remember i
remember there was this round
can you bring up the different school pizzas that were served there was a round
pizza that had a great
crust on it i remember it was really great and people would like see each other
and be like hey that crust is
great huh and people would be like yeah and then then we got to this other
square pizza and i was like
this ain't even barely pizza dude and that one people didn't really like it as
much and the cheese
i think tasted different to me but um yeah let's look at a couple of these that's
one right there i've
definitely had that one the one you have the cursor on down right there well we
have like the one you
got the cursor and that that's like our breakfast pizza oh we serve that now
for breakfast breakfast
some breakfast pizza oh yeah breakfast pizza was good um we used to have a box
pizza years and years
ago and i'm talking like 30 years ago the kids used to really like but um now
we're serving a stuffed
crust pizza so the kids are pretty interested yeah like i said pizza day i hear
a lot of compliments i look
good on pizza day really yeah so there'll be a lot of flirting and stuff on
pizza today everybody wants
pizza pizza yeah yeah everybody want a pizza oh yeah baby um so pizza's the big
thing right that's the
thing everybody loves the most that's what they love well yeah there's a couple
uh different things but
following the menu um yeah so following the menu you guys you have your week of
menu it's already set up in
advance before so before the previous weekend you got the whole week lined up
the next week right because
i order right a week ahead okay so i kind of have it lined up but things can
happen so it's subject to
change really oh yeah especially in 2020 you know when all that shortage i mean
whatever they gave me
was what they were because you know they it was constant nope we don't have
that no more nope those were
shorts of this nope we don't i'm like oh my gosh when we finish i'm about to go
to the grocery store
i need a food stamp card yeah you got to do something you know i was like man
these kids need
to eat yeah yeah um it's crazy sometimes but you're getting the lunches out to
them you got a plan um
does the government tell you what the children have to eat or you could make it
whatever no the
government kind of tells you what the kids need to have like how many servings
of lagoon you know what
i mean there have to be certain things legumes or whatever yeah like you know
you have to have
beans on there certain amount of times you know yeah so yeah they kind of tell
you
but we flip it around on different things you know what i mean if i'm short of
that they're getting
that right hey it is what it is as long as they eat i'm happy yeah that's my
attitude too i can't
believe children have a choice where you're at in some of their meals oh well
this is started this year
um like i said this guy we make a chicken salad chef salad and they love the pb
and j still
you may give them a you know just a cold lunch and then whatever we're making
for hot so they pick
between whichever one they want and are there days where there's a real
specialty item what's one of the
special like is there a time of year where something like um maybe some uh like
uh bison meat or something
or something unique you know something rare will come across that you guys give
to the kids or like um
okay like is there a time of year when y'all get the kids get something really
rare kind of no
um the the thing is like there's the kids are so like picky and there's so many
they can't have this
that they don't really go into anything odd with that you know what i mean
right so no she kind of
stick to the guns kind of yes just right to it yeah there's like not a lot of
pork on the menu because
kids don't there's so much how do you say that um religions and different
things that they don't
they don't eat this they don't eat that so you have to watch okay but i guess
overall children
don't like trying a lot of new stuff now no they're so picky i mean back in the
day i think they ate
more now it's like ever you know where's my hand i'm like i didn't have that
today you know yeah kids
are picky and mostly i remember they we would always sometimes get a mac nugget
which was pretty good
they like the nuggets yeah they still like them oh they love the chicken oh
yeah and what else would
we get that was really good the pizza i enjoyed i really did like the pizza
till they switched it to
that square pizza with no real crust on it and it just made me just so angry at
everybody um
what else that straw in the milk bag they used to have do they still have that
it was like a bag of
milk no they don't they don't do the bags no more no actually we don't even do
straws no more
really yeah he took away the straws and stuff for i guess we're gonna you know
say how do you get the
milk out of it into your body well i mean you know what i thought there'd be
more problems but they
take that carton just open it up and drink it oh and so i haven't had too much
of a problem but
when it first started i kind of did think wow there's gonna be a lot of you to
my amazement no
they just figured like they just figured it out yeah for 31 years they've been
popping in straw in
there you know they clogged my sink you know we were washing the tables put it
down the sink and all
those straws go in there and it's a bunch of straws there we pop it out and all
these straws
it says yellow straws yeah what what uh is the funnest thing to serve to the
kids is there
something you really enjoy like i like to serve the pizza because it's one
piece
because i could throw the pizza but when i got like mashed potatoes corn
chicken and a raw you know
i'm sorry now i'm like you know it's too much and everybody yeah everybody's
picky so
they don't want gravy someone you know it's like yeah and now they're like
allowed to pick what they
want yeah i used to give them all of it so oh they used to yeah that's crazy
you get to pick what you
want we would have to get whatever sometimes they give you a bunch of junk you're
like some of this
it wasn't even i don't think some of it was food or whatever and you just have
to take it back to
your table you know oh yeah i seen so much waste back in the day we'd have the
like a bean burrito
all these kids would just you know what i mean just throw it away just throw it
away you just
cooked all those just a bit be in the garbage you're like the apple i feel like
would always get thrown
away sometimes yeah yeah you would be like i don't know if i'm eating this yeah
you know that would
always be a tough one i've ordered less apples now yeah yeah because of the
other ones are more popular
that we have now that they're trying different you know watermelon that's gone
i'm watermelon man
i have to i will be cutting 10 water and we'll be cutting those watermelon and
what type of cutter
are you using back there do you guys have a sanctioned knife that you have to
use or some
we have a couple knives yeah like that we got a couple knives we use for those
which we just started
to share sometimes it was hard oh yeah especially with my hands hurting all the
time i was like man
these water rolls it's crazy yeah but then we got this one that you put like
the order the apple
thing and you could go oh really and it comes out i like that one yeah i could
do that all day yeah
yeah that's nothing um yeah i guess you if you get that faint that fancy one's
really nice i'm trying
to think of what we had oh they would do baked potatoes y'all still do those
sometimes no we haven't
did a baked potato for a long time but i remember a long time ago we did have a
baked potato they seemed like
it yeah it was nice because they had like sour cream with it oh yeah and get
you a little bit of bacon
bit or whatever because they didn't let you use bacon bits in our community if
you was a child first
of all oh yeah yeah that was that was an adult thing bacon yeah so then they
get to school when you pull
up and they got a damn you got access to bacon you're like yeah let's ride hey
they're excited now we
give croutons oh is that a big thing for the kids now yeah we never gave croutons
with a salad
we're poor over there we give croutons we're cool what would you change about
like the lunches that
we serve to kids anything or do you feel pretty good about them right now i'm
feeling a little bit
better about them like i said this year because there is bringing out more
different things that i
think the kids would like um we do a general so's and rice um don't do a
general so's chicken yeah
it's good i love it i'd be messing it up on general