Name: Mall Cop Explains Why It's So Easy to Shoplift Nowadays
Uploaded: 2024-07-24T00:13:36.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Mall Cop Explains Why It's So Easy to Shoplift Nowadays' from Theo Von Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-07-24. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Mall Cop Explains Why It's So Easy to Shoplift Nowadays' from Theo Von Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-07-24. Transcript available.

what type of overall crime goes down at the mall like what type of crime are we
talking about
um a lot of stealing really a lot a lot of stealing of course and do you see
people
steal sometimes like you'll see them can you tell after a while anybody could
be a thief
anybody can be a thief anybody man i've i've seen i've seen moms you know stick
shit in
like kids backpacks you know on camera i'm like what the fuck is going on here
you know
um anybody can be a thief uh i've seen a group of sweet old mexican ladies you
know like oh
they're and they're like they're inviting you over for dinner and shit and this
and that and the other
and you turn around they're stealing the fucking car you're like whoa you know
like like anybody
can steal from the mall um damn uh like vandalism uh that's not that's not
really like a everyday
crime it's more of a crime when someone like gets thrown out of a store and you
want to like break
their door kick their windows in and shit thinking you did something to a
corporate company who's got
millions of dollars like oh i broke your hundred dollar window it's like all
right cool we're just
going to replace that you know those are the crimes that we get at uh at the
mall sometimes uh fights
fights are good really yeah mall fights are good do people go to the mall to
fight you mean meeting at
the mall to fight or you're saying just things happen at the mall and a fight
happens like gang
versus gang you know two really oh yeah where at where was this at down san diego
in san diego yeah
yeah uh back in the day like malls were always like where everyone just conjured
up you know all the
gangs all the crews everyone like after school or the ditch parties would go
there and some groups just
didn't get along you know and next you know you got this big fun riot brawl in
the middle and back
then you were allowed to get in it and fight with them and throw down and stuff
and those were fun
really yeah yeah here's a mall these are kids um yeah there's a lot of kids off
of school um
these kids nowadays man they're ruthless i had it i was sick i was working a
high-end department store
and uh this kid literally walked right up to me he goes do you work for the
store or the mall and i was
like why and i could already tell he's about to steal all these gucci belts i'm
like why he goes
because if you work for the store you can't touch me and if you work for the
mall you can't chase me
and i was like fuck bro like it's all you then you know
fucker stole belts right in front of me i was like get out of here man like
because you can't do anything does it piss you off
a little bit just it feels disrespectful yeah like right in your face and you're
like
that's trash it's like fuck you little fucker you know just because just
because you can't afford the belt
you know you don't come here steal it's just kind of and also then if you're
stealing something that's just a good
and it's not like an it's it's a want right it's not a need or something or a
snack or something like that
milk bread or something wasters like that then you're not you're
it's your own choice at that point you know pretty much it's not you like
needing to survive you know it's just you don't need a gucci belt to fucking
pay you know yeah you
can't eat a gucci belt man um well now it's so crazy literally a thief can be
like watch this
asshole security guard try to um stop me from getting what i need and you're
like
you just totally rephrase stealing right okay and why are you fucking filming
this like
yes things have definitely gotten really ridiculous out there that's for sure
man
so you can run out and yell loss prevention though yeah does you guys do that i
i've i've done it a
couple times um yeah what do you do what's that like so what's it like now you
see somebody stealing
take me through it nowadays today um someone's stealing you're pretty much just
grabbed a
description of them all that and you call them a pussy or anything like that
you can but you just
like be wary of the cameras around you you know because everyone's got a cell
phone nowadays and
it's like you could you could literally lose your job over saying that's like
fucking bullshit you know
because i do want to yell out that yeah the guy's a thief or the woman is yeah
um
definitely have had my moments of hey please stop don't do this you're gonna
fuck up i literally
have your license plate and they're just turn around like fuck you and it's
like okay man like
you just have to follow them out you know and you're just kind of escorting the
like the thievery
you know nowadays you're just escorting them um now kids are coming in like 20
at a time
filling up trash bags and you can't stop that nowadays man you just have to
really escort them out you
know so now thieves almost get security guards yeah to make sure nobody touches
them on their way out
right and make sure nothing else so i don't want anybody else getting involved
here you're almost
trying to keep other people safe that are there that sort of thing yeah like i'm
trying to steal
professionally here man back everyone up you know like i'm trying to have a
clear path to my car
and it's like you give them that you know even um damn bro we what is y'all's
relationship with
the cops like you know they didn't like us too much just because we're a waste
of their time
you know calling them for stupid shit stealing and all that because if you
catch somebody at like
back then if you caught somebody you had to hold them you know it's different
now you don't even
call the cops nowadays i don't even know what the fuck they're doing now but
they had that
entitlement because we are cops oh they show up like you're big dogs oh yeah do
they look at you
yeah what's you guys this relationship like is it it was simpatico or no no not
it was just like
those movies what does simpatico mean do you know no actually i don't yeah look
it up real quick do
you mind kind of threw me off on that one sorry no you're good uh i thought it
was spanish likable
and easy to get along with okay no we didn't definitely get along it was like
out of those
movies you know when like the detectives are all sitting like so like the the
regular cops are there
so say where the regular cops were we got it going on it's our area and then
the fbi walks in they're
like all right guys we're taking over go handle the perimeter type shit and
that was our relationship
with them there was always like it wasn't too much like oh man thanks a lot
guys for doing your job and
you know defending our country at the mall and shit it was just more like fuck
what man like i was not
doing anything now i'm doing something at the mall yeah you know it's like and
i actually had a cop tell
me one time this motherfucker i forget his name um i had to give him a whole
description of what was
going on and the problem was is we didn't even have the guy we had to just give
a description of the
guy who stole and the things he did to the car because he poured like some uh
bleach on a car or
some some dumb shit so we're giving him all this description and he literally
turns at me goes
yeah if i wanted to be a mall cop i would have been a mall cop and walked away
i was like
fuck man like what and what was he having issues you guys were having issues
with communication
no he just the list of shit that i was giving him and just got too long for him
yeah he was like okay
so yeah i get it i get it so what was he wearing you know and i was like i told
you that in the
beginning you know i was like you could have cut that conversation off when you
found out he was five
two yeah you know it's like but i but some of it has got to be crazy like you
got you you know you
have a chinese guy or whatever pinned up against the wall for like you know
getting a pair of loafers or
whatever and then the cop has to come he's like what the are we doing down here
yeah trust me we
we were not on their radar of crime you know i i feel they wouldn't keep they
wouldn't clue you guys
in like what was going on in the community and stuff no we didn't get no no
updates or nothing
like that like no they were like there's like we would know if there's a in the
area or anything
or anything like that no they didn't care about us you know and you would think
they would tell
you if there was a somewhere because i mean first of all one of the few places
that everybody kind
of goes sometimes is the mall right pretty much if you're a you still go to the
mall you have to
you have to buy clothes right well you got i mean you just everybody goes you
know so it's like that's
the kind of to me it's like you think you give those guys at least just
information because they're
just standing around all day a lot of cops will use our parking lots for the
hangout you ever seen
where like two cop cars like face each other yeah that was our like and you can't
go near them you
can't go hey jim what's going on like away from us really yeah it was weird
like they had this like
whole bubble around them because they would always park in our parking lots
yeah every mall i've ever
worked at there's always a pair of cops that will do the whole facing each
other like you know yeah
two cops touching fronts or whatever tip i love it you know you just yeah guys
you know but they
didn't want us coming near them we're never allowed to talk to them or anything
so we would just let
them be in their little bubble