Name: Tommy Lee: a Lifelong Ladies Man
Uploaded: 2024-08-07T15:00:47.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Tommy Lee: a Lifelong Ladies Man' from Theo Von Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-08-07. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Tommy Lee: a Lifelong Ladies Man' from Theo Von Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-08-07. Transcript available.

you remember you know that classic farrah fawcett poster with the red big nipples
ripping through her bathing suit yeah it was it's a classic farrah fawcett
poster yeah
that's the one dude god boy yeah that was on this on my wall by the side of my
bed and i just i just
remember looking over at at that and just just just i couldn't figure out like
those how how are those
nipples that hot they're like yeah they're like sausages and i would just i
just stared at them i
don't know why yeah obsessed those nasa hats yeah look i mean those are those
things
they're taking the hey the turkey's done brother yeah wow yeah but that's crazy
like was there a
point where you started because you once you become like as famous as you guys
have have become in your
lives you get to meet all the hottest chicks dude yeah you kind of do and was
that weird like if you
get to meet the hottest chicks you're like holy these are the hottest chicks
yeah you know it's weird
because it's it's definitely i can easily tell you what it's like not getting
to meet those chicks
right like i can meet some chicks right i mean like but if you're like dang
that's the hottest chick
you know and then you're just there talking to them you know that had to be
crazy are you good with
chicks even early on in your life um not really not really it's kind of a kind
of like
like like like more like lonery like i'm just like you know go i couldn't wait
to get out of
school and go home and play my drums in the garage okay even if it was by
yourself yeah like i i wasn't
like really chasing skirt you know yeah yeah until later dude what about your
first kiss do you even
remember it or no i do dude yeah and the i don't know what it is about this but
it was the most
romantic most at least in my eyes yeah yeah fuck i don't even know it was it
was this little girl down
the street um we used to play all the time we were friends um i think it was
probably
five oh damn you're gonna say 15. no i was like god i'm a fucking late bloomer
dude yeah dude
whoa loner boy um yeah like five and and we were playing we were playing like
hide and seek or
something in the front yard and we ran i was looking for her and she was around
behind these bushes
and they're these bushes they had this like they had a bunch of these little
red berries on there
and i don't know what the came over me i was like i picked a berry and i and i
put it i said let's kiss
and i put the berry in between our lips and i don't know what that was supposed
to
signify or what that meant but you know i don't know i grabbed a berry and i
just thought it would be
the coolest thing ever to yeah put a berry between our lips and she did it and
we did it and i'll never
forget that for the rest of my life kind of romantic really it's it's it's
weird yeah definitely
weird dude in my eyes it was like i was like i'd grown up i was like whoa i
just did it yeah i did
the thing on to the next thing yeah like i don't know what the berries was
supposed to i think it's
also as well it's kind of a bait thing it could be like the apple from like the
bible or something you
know who knows yeah you don't know what little fables get in your head it could
have been like um
from um uh that thing where they got the two animals eating the spaghetti or
something i'm talking
about yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah or it could have been like you know for all i
know maybe there was some
danger in there like this is poisonous oh yeah a little bit of romeo and juliet
but we're gonna
pull this off like yeah you know we we're above the poison i don't know like
let's take a risk here
together yeah i like that you in there's a five milligram let's go yeah yeah
yeah yeah maybe like
maybe that's where my my mind was because they're having a romantic you think
growing up a little bit
full on yeah full on dude just a sucker a sucker for a woman that showed you
attention kind of thing
well just like just a sucker for like surprise for you know just romance the
chase the oh yeah
you know yeah sure yeah dude oh yeah dude i remember seeing a girl one time for
the first time i mean
i'd seen my sisters but they were kind of whatever you know um but i remember i
remember just like
we're on i was on like what was a vacation or something but somebody had driven
us somewhere
and i remember you were with your sisters no i i well i'd seen my sisters or
whatever but it never you
know i'd never had any like you know that i'd never looked at them obviously
like as girls i guess
really oh yeah but they're more like your your bros yeah they're just like my
brothers with like
tits that i'll never see you know which is fine which is fine because that's
how god wants it you
know i mean if god wanted you to see your sister's tits he'd have made them
your cousin that's what my
uncle used to say all the time but he was a weirdo and he's he's gonna be i
mean i don't know if he's
doing fine or whatever whatever did you i heard somewhere and you can deny this
but um or it doesn't
matter either but i did you used to you you would go on dates with women you
would get paid to go on
dates with women yes was that a real thing that happened in your life yes yes
and do you have to
have like a overseer for that like a pimp or something for it there was just
there was this lady
that was in our apartment complex she was like a madame yeah and she was she's
running you know
uh her her thing and uh yeah get paid to go out with these older women and just
just sit there and
have dinner with them or if they wanted to do that too um did that for about a
year or so about a year
or two was there good money in it yeah it's kind of crazy and that was in la i
was a hooker
yeah kind of i guess yeah yeah dude a male escort i don't know hooker's better
yeah hooker sounds
like you don't have insurance but you're still gonna do it you know what i'm
saying
male escort sounds like you're at least applying for some sort of like
government aid with it i feel like
the one may be referred to as a male escort gigolo it says before the male is
going to apply your
female customers rent boy hustler do you remember any of the dates or not um
yeah sure um yeah
was it embarrassing or were you prideful about it kind of well and you know if
the if the lady was uh
you know if the lady was like an older lady where you're like whoa i hope this
is just dinner you know
yeah you're stoked right you're like oh you like start coughing a little or
yeah just i just gonna
have dinner and drinks and just entertain her yeah um say my wiener's broken or
something and that's
it you know yeah you'd get stoked when that would happen but sometimes they
wanted more yeah and
sometimes they wanted more and you're like oh man that's not that part's not
fun because um
i don't know like when you're not into it it's horrible it's a weird it's a
weird thing yeah it's
like kind of like when you have to dance at a wedding but you know they're
gonna get divorced or whatever
oh dude you're like oh all right i'll go out there one song okay fine yeah yeah
that's tough oh my god
dude fuck man sometimes did you get some hot chicks though yeah sometimes yeah
sure yeah
that's cool oh i read somewhere that used to do ballerining when you were young
did you is that true
yeah dude um do you remember it taps tap dancing and ballet um i do remember it
and uh
i mean the was cool you know like tap dance is still pretty cool i think tap
dancing was rad because
you're essentially making beats yeah you're basically drumming with your feet
you know you
it's rhythmic and it was right up my alley i loved it and then my sister was
taking ballet
and i and i went one time and i was like and there's it's loaded with just
beautiful
girls and immediately i'm like oh i want to do this yeah so i go right into
both tap dancing and ballet
and then that day happened when you know it was like time for the big recital
and your pictures in
the paper the local paper and i'm in a in tights dancing with this beautiful
girl but nobody saw that
and the next day at school man it was just like dude you are off what are you a
like what the
and i quit i quit dancing the next day i was i was just like i couldn't
handle the peer pressure yeah but i'm like wait a second these all my friends
at school are calling me
you know but i got a chick fucking gay but i'm like you you all are fucking spanking
each other in the
locker room and whipping each other with towels like i don't know i don't know
where you're getting
the gay from because i'm here with these girls this is what's happening over
here you guys
i can't believe i quit see that's why i let them i let them dictate it oh yeah
so many kids do but i
couldn't handle the peer pressure man dude if you did it on ballet with a dip
in though they would
have came around i bet if you'd have put a big third baseman's chew in your
mouth dude they'd have
been like this is rocking dude that's what i should have done it is so true
yeah it was like so much
was dictated by what the neighborhood kids felt man yeah and the easiest thing
for somebody to do is to
call you a call you a call you a just something to like kind of shut you down
yeah it's kind of crazy
that's how so much of art like gets kind of really stymied what about your
first time having sex you
ever remembered or no first yes oh yeah was it exciting or scary do you think
it was it was both uh
yeah it was all it was everything you know like all kinds of crazy was it a
surprise or was it planned going down for the first time um
i guess it was i guess it was kind of planned yeah um it was with
my next door neighbor yeah damn dude you didn't even bring you couldn't walk
down the street without
somebody trying to fuck you huh oh my god dude i i brenda brenda wow yeah i can
say the first name right
totally dude um and dude and it was my and my we're talking about my sister
earlier my sister's best friend
like best friend i i i bring brenda into my dad uh built a like a room inside
like a bomb shelter of
the garage like a soundproof room where i could play drums really and not like
bum him out yeah totally um
uh so i had this like little like box inside the garage little soundproof room
and it was like my
fort you know and i was like oh man i i really like this chick i i want to like
i want to bang this
girl and the and i so i brought her into my like my like spot yeah and turned
the lights out out
completely was it completely dark yeah wow completely dark um i don't know why
but gosh man but um it's
adventurous yeah and we're going at it you know it's there's all that weird
that's
happening and you're like whoa this feels crazy what's going on she's you know
all the
feelings are going and my sister walks in and i'm i'm her best friend and she
just goes
and she she and she runs and tells uh my mom and my parents and
did they come in the room everybody everybody's in trouble we get put on
restriction we're not allowed
to see each other like it it was a great and terrible experience because romeo
and juliette almost
because you had to you couldn't see each other anymore yeah and and we could
see each other from
our bedrooms no and we just i'd just be like hey hey dreamer yeah dude i swear
out of a movie
i really literally just came into my just seeing the kids just waving yeah dude
gosh yeah kind of it was both it was all of it yeah
Thank you.