Name: The Best and Worst Stores at the Mall
Uploaded: 2024-08-23T13:00:35.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'The Best and Worst Stores at the Mall' from Theo Von Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-08-23. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'The Best and Worst Stores at the Mall' from Theo Von Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-08-23. Transcript available.

who's at the mall anymore and how has that changed over time oh man uh so from
the early 2000s till
now it's definitely a huge change everyone back then went to the mall no matter
what oh yeah i
mean you had the grandma like in the morning in the in the beginning in the
morning if you find
the right mall like i worked in a mall in minnesota and that mall had like
little mile markers through
it and you get the whole old person group coming out and do their power walking
and shit oh yeah
i love that and so those are the days where you would see that transition about
9 10 a.m where all
the old people leave and then you get the adults coming in you know like get
the sales and shit and
then once noon hit if it's a weekend then the kids start piling in it's fucking
you know the mall was
functional back then yeah it was like people watching was fun fucking back then
you know like
it was fun to watch now i feel like nobody cool goes to the mall if you're like
and it's not like
i'm not saying it like that it's just like yeah you go to the mall now for like
direct service you're
like all right i'm going to here to get this and i'm leaving a lot of people
don't hang out at the
mall no more it's not like let's go to fucking cinnabon and grab us some uh wetzel's
pretzels you
know shout out to wetzel's pretzels by the way by the way if you notice wetzel's
pretzels you can
only find in a mall i swear really yeah think about it yeah that's cool wow
mall food yeah mall food is
definitely something yeah dude the mall was such a place i mean we would sleep
overnight outside of
there um hell yeah we would um yeah your friends you go uh i remember during
summer camp one of our
field trips would be to the mall we'd all go to the mall uh people would wish
in the fountains that
were at the mall you know um they'd have um yeah what else would we do there
yeah just going to see
the different stores walking down the mall you stop at that candy store that
had all the different
candies you'd go in the bed bath and beyond or the candle store and do that the
disney store
the disney disney store dog fucking disney store that shit was fucking clutch
mexicans love that store
too hey fuck yeah why bro why though really i liked it bro it's not racist if
it's true and i stick by
this if you can't afford to go to disneyland then the disney store was the next
best thing
they had little fucking things i i love the i love the disney store man like
disney store was so good
bro the good the the original disney store they still have them but the og disney
stores when they
were like hi welcome in and tinkerbell would come flying by and you're like
fuck yeah i'm here dude
it was that you're right bro there was nothing like that disney store we used
to get um they used to
have like the shirts with the characters coming out of the pocket goofy with
hang off yeah yeah yeah
that was a big thing man i remember i get my uh siblings christmas gifts and
stuff from there a lot
of times nightgowns or something you could get your sister like something she
wanted you know dude yeah
start from the beginning of that man oh dude when you walk in yes and it had
that smell it had that
good disney smell well it was very organized things were kind of pricey in
there a little bit so it had
like some esteem you could get something small like a key chain but you could
get something like ice
skates or something you know if yeah a princess dress the whole night all that
if you had a child or a
little daughter or somebody you could take them in there um that was a pretty
high-end store i felt
like for the mall as far as uh children's uh ferrofinale hey that i'll never
forget that bundle of plush
there was always like a big area of like all the stuffed animals and oh man i
just kind of give it
a hug you know yeah you have they had that nice stuff that now disney showed up
with a quality stuffed
animal i think applause was the company that made a lot of their stuff um the
parent company or whatever
that made the stuffed animals um but yeah dude when the disney store came we
got kicked me and my
friend got kicked out of a disney store inside i don't know if you remember the
little theater that
was inside for kids to kind of like crawl in and there was like they would show
old disney movies
inside there yeah oh it's for children i didn't go in there yeah well i slid in
there one time
to roll blunt real quick and hurried up got that done but then i got stuck
watching the cartoons
and the ladies like hey keep it moving guys yeah dude sorry we're just like mickey
mouse man
mall type homie that's what it is dude um yeah what other stores now what about
build-a-bear were
you there when that came out oh yeah yeah and what kind of clientele would you
see over there brother
uh mostly the white folk was it really yeah builder bear's a white thing yeah
yeah i would say so a
little bit what stores do different ethnicities frequent at the mall where do
the uh where do
me gente go where the mexicanos go seas candy really yeah for gay free candy
free samples oh wow you
walk in they give you a treat all right welcome to seas butterscotch you're
like yeah
seas candy was the lick man seas candy had everyone there yeah seas candy huh
hey seas
you got to understand though seas candy was just a reason for us to go get free
candy and mexicans
love sugar yeah yeah wow good gifts too i used to live down in mexico i used to
get boxes of candy
all the time i'm like wait are you are you saying something no no no it's good
i'm like yeah let's do
this yeah the peanut brittle there is pretty nice i will say that they had they
made a beautiful
brittle for a while i don't even know if these candy is still open or not oh
they are they are oh yeah
oh yeah giving out them free samples daily um where else do the mexicanos go oh
back then uh let's see i forget the name of the store oh remember kb toy store
yeah yeah they didn't
go to toys r us they went to kb toy store because it was cheaper hmm respect
yeah i mean i went there
i love kb toys yeah i remember seeing it i don't know where we would i think we
did a lot of times to get
our toys over at walmart i think but um what about the brothers and sisters
where do they pull up at
oh uh bed bath and beyond no lotions oh smell good smell goods and lotions for
sessions bro damn
um you could oh yeah there was tons of lotion uh god they had all kinds in
there too all kinds uh dude
remember when um okay so black people went to bed bath and beyond do you
remember at bed bath and
beyond bro when they came there was was it bed bath and beyond i think it was
maybe it was at sephora
they had these lotions that started to smell like cookies and dude oh yeah and
they'd never had it
before and people were going crazy i actually you know what's funny is i
remember that year the summer
girls were walking by smelling like candy and shit like yeah what is this this
is nice you know i think
it was bed bath and beyond yeah there you go christmas cookies man body lotion
god that was nice
shit was nice bro it was like the new cocoa butter yeah yeah that was bath and
body works bath and body
ah yeah bath and body works that's what it was um what about um the
indians bangladeshi muslims all that where they pull up at any high-end stores
really yeah they're the
high-end people the the dad's always walking with their hands behind their
backs mom's with their
purses out kids spending all their money oh yeah 100 that's asian yeah um what
was up at hot topic
dude oh hot topic who hung out there that was a different corner okay so my hot
topic era was the
real emos the real little grungy ass kids that came in there and you know it's
all like sailor moon
now but back then it was kids eating rust and yeah man like they would come in
and make a black makeup
all over their face and but the beautiful people the real maryland manson kids
you know what i mean
those the people that would eat their parents if you gave them a half hour yeah
and they didn't buy
you something from hot topic it was yeah real emfs hot topic was it right yeah
man i loved hot topic i and
what's funny is i grew up very urban very like hip-hop and all that but hot
hot topic was definitely advice of mine yeah it was man it really was like when
you went in there
you're like what's going on am i old enough to be in here is this something
just my older brother
and sister can go to that was crazy and they also had music in there yeah they
had cds this was back
when they had cds and and so that was different because people would be there
if you they're picking
out music and your brain's in like a music space so you might get a shirt that
goes with a bang you
know yeah because you're like there was a bunch of like icp albums there yeah
that was that that's
who used to hang out uh that hot topic like the juggalos of san diego yeah i
used to love it hot
topic was like that man hell yeah um any other store really what about
structure remember that store or no
oh look at you blasting the pad wow miller's outpost even dude miller's outpost
was like about arizona
and shit yeah uh mailer's outpost uh turned into what anchor blue or something
like that really
yeah i didn't know anchor blue was like the first time you could buy like baggy
pants and
shit you know because i was like yeah but miller's outpost was definitely one
of the uh stores that
all the trendy kids went to like everyone popular went to miller's outpost got
jencos and
shit like yeah dude fucking levi's van they had the suede vans there yeah what
store had the hot chicks
where where uh yeah what store had chicks in it usually the victoria secrets uh
amber crombie
uh when amber crombie and fitch came out i did not go into that store for
almost the first year
like even like as an employee working at the mall and they would tell you to go
do wellness
checks on your stores i would not go in amber crombie and fitch why i didn't
fit in the clothes
i just it just one of those things man oh yeah it was only for attractive
people like models like
yeah it was for models so i did not walk in there and the one time i did walk
in i was like so this
is where all the women are at gotcha gotcha but amber crombie and fitch was
just a little intimidating
you know for myself i was a miller's outpost guy like i said yeah well amber crombie
and fitch too dude
they uh and they'd have like naked children on horseback remember when they
came out with all
those photos and i thought that was j crew that did that i don't know who it
was j crew was one of
those stores too you're just like am i a pedophile or am i a medium you know
like you just couldn't even
nothing made any sense in those places dude that was no that was the weird part
yeah you felt weird
um oh yeah look at it yeah straight and they would have them all and sometimes
they would have live
models standing out there like come on in yeah that was weird i worked at one
for a little i worked in the
back with the sloths back there ringing the bell for whatever you know bringing
the church bell or
whatever it's lunch time y'all let's go get your back in the steam room yeah
they would let me out
sometimes to wash people's six packs in the front i had to oil them sometimes
oh but with the spray i
didn't have to do the towel thing i was just like you know bet dude bet the
food court what's going on
there man food courts you missed it yeah i missed the og food courts uh like
sabaro's sabaro's pizza
was so good love it it was good and horrible but it was a lot of people's first
taste of italian it
was bring it up bring up sabaro's sabaro's was good man they had a lot of uh
bread at it that's what i like i feel like it was hella bready i mean it's
pizza but still yeah but god
yeah it's a bar you're right dude what the am i talking about the bars was so
damn good dude and
also you didn't know at that age there wasn't you didn't know what was good or
was it get the second
no no yeah get that one right there that's the one i went to god it looks good
right i can just smell
saboros saboros dude and i loved it too because you like love saboros i love
mall food because you
don't have to wait long it was just like what do you need what do you want and
then you just go down
this little jail line and you're like bam bam bam bam bam pay and you're out
and would you guys eat at
the uh eat there every day usually pretty much yeah especially because once you
get like once you make
friends with everybody you're getting discounts and getting hooked up and
because you're not telling on
them because they're doing in the parking lot so you know yeah we ate there a
lot it gained a lot of
weight eating did you oh yeah especially when rubio we had a rubio's pop up in
one of my malls and i
thought that was like okay i'm gonna start eating fresh and eating better no
tortillas all day it was
great yeah rubio's rubio's in the mall is good yeah rubio's is pretty good man
they took out
them they they used to have a mcdonald's in my mall and i know it's i know it's
weird to say kind of
frowned on it's like why would you take out the mcdonald's and it's like
because everyone would go
strictly to mcdonald's because if you put a mcdonald's in the mall it's just
like you know like
ma's to a flame but doesn't that help because then at least the malls are
around the freaking
other stores yeah but they just i guess mcdonald's just takes all the business
from all the food court
places oh because it's because kids because it's food court if you're with kids
it's always up to
the kid where you're going you know and they're like mcdonald's you know it's
right kids will
always say mcdonald's yeah especially if they have the playground yeah and miss
fields did they have
that oh mrs fields they had the cookie cakes remember those those are good my
mom would always
get those for us for our birthdays oh man dude bring that cookie yes yes so
speaking of miss fields
in my day we actually used to get these cookies after they were closed because
um a lot of these places
they can't like sell the the next day or it's like goes bad or whatever i've
eaten
probably a hundred of those birthday cookies in my life yeah taking them home
cut them all up
hand out to friends and yeah i've showed up to like friends houses with three
or four of these
cookies like is your birthday i'm like nope mrs fields was closing you know you
have two
cakes that say happy birthday chad on them you're like who the is chad who
gives a
but happy birthday chad um what mall store had the dumbest employees oh or what
mall store was just
like what mall store was whatever it was just like what are we eating um uh
what is it fyi
is that a store fye fye dvd store yeah oh yeah that was a weird thing uh it's
like what was that um
it was it was like the it was like it was like all the fake yeah it was like
all the fake movie buffs
worked there like all like it was just like it was just a weird store like they
had the weirdest
employees there and no disrespect to them but you guys were weird it seems
weird though because it's
like like you wanted to work at hot topic but you weren't cool enough to work
at hot topic you wanted
to work at like the music trader or even the movie theater and you weren't cool
enough to be like
and this was like all right it here we're fye this is like the leftover yeah
but to be fair fye had
a lot of good finds like you could find like the most random ass there you know
he likes that
like a scarface porn you're like hell yeah oh yeah that's respectable um here's
a store for you
sharper image that was the jam right there sharper image was like by far i
think sharper image was the
reason i got a mall job actually no no because oh yeah it was where the future
it's where elon musk
was born yeah bro sharper image wasn't he born in a sharper image that this was
our elon musk yes
right sharper image dude you would find a hair dryer that could sort coins and
um massage your feet
yeah and massage your feet tell your blood type and tell you if your mom was
being a b-i-t-c-h or not
and then they would have like a remote control car that you could never afford
always
yeah and it was like it was like the best one i don't even know what that is
but i wanted it
you know they had ever dude because everything in there none of it was like all
none of it made any
like it was a ridic they had like a wallet that could grate cheese they had
like what you know they had
like those things you'd put your um women right there what is that little foot
spa foot spa at home
foot spa those things that everybody bought and never used they never never
ever but sharper image
was it dude they'd have like weird little like um what is this premium
innovative defrosting tray you
could just set your meat out on a tray and it would defrost that's called a
counter um but they sold that
bitch 100 bucks sharper image premium innovative defrosting tray dude um what
else did they have
sharper image warming foot massage my mom had those right there really did she
use it yeah they smelled
after a while oh yeah definitely dude they rank oh yeah but sharp oh oh that
was it too the the hanger dryer
whatever it was there was a uh hanger for your clothes that would like blow out
air and really
yeah yeah a lot of it was ridiculous this right here is a sharper image closet
ionic air purifier
that's what i need who so between two year shirts you can put an air purifier
that is the dumbest thing
i've ever seen sharper image seems like i have this invention yeah it's not
going to work out but we
have this store for you yeah yeah everything now the chairs were the big thing
though you go in that's
the reason you went and you'd look at the lady and she would give you a look as
to whether or not
it was just it wasn't a yes or no it was just you could tell if you were
allowed to go get in that
chair yeah you could tell it was either they were going to help you out or they
just gave you the look
yeah you know we're your parents yeah they'd say something like that kind of
passive aggressive but
direct um yeah who are you here with myself in this chair

The Best and Worst Stores at the Mall

who's at the mall anymore and how has that changed over time oh man uh so from
the early 2000s till
now it's definitely a huge change everyone back then went to the mall no matter
what oh yeah i
mean you had the grandma like in the morning in the in the beginning in the
morning if you find
the right mall like i worked in a mall in minnesota and that mall had like
little mile markers through
it and you get the whole old person group coming out and do their power walking
and shit oh yeah
i love that and so those are the days where you would see that transition about
9 10 a.m where all
the old people leave and then you get the adults coming in you know like get
the sales and shit and
then once noon hit if it's a weekend then the kids start piling in it's fucking
you know the mall was
functional back then yeah it was like people watching was fun fucking back then
you know like
it was fun to watch now i feel like nobody cool goes to the mall if you're like
and it's not like
i'm not saying it like that it's just like yeah you go to the mall now for like
direct service you're
like all right i'm going to here to get this and i'm leaving a lot of people
don't hang out at the
mall no more it's not like let's go to fucking cinnabon and grab us some uh wetzel's
pretzels you
know shout out to wetzel's pretzels by the way by the way if you notice wetzel's
pretzels you can
only find in a mall i swear really yeah think about it yeah that's cool wow
mall food yeah mall food is
definitely something yeah dude the mall was such a place i mean we would sleep
overnight outside of
there um hell yeah we would um yeah your friends you go uh i remember during
summer camp one of our
field trips would be to the mall we'd all go to the mall uh people would wish
in the fountains that
were at the mall you know um they'd have um yeah what else would we do there
yeah just going to see
the different stores walking down the mall you stop at that candy store that
had all the different
candies you'd go in the bed bath and beyond or the candle store and do that the
disney store
the disney disney store dog fucking disney store that shit was fucking clutch
mexicans love that store
too hey fuck yeah why bro why though really i liked it bro it's not racist if
it's true and i stick by
this if you can't afford to go to disneyland then the disney store was the next
best thing
they had little fucking things i i love the i love the disney store man like
disney store was so good
bro the good the the original disney store they still have them but the og disney
stores when they
were like hi welcome in and tinkerbell would come flying by and you're like
fuck yeah i'm here dude
it was that you're right bro there was nothing like that disney store we used
to get um they used to
have like the shirts with the characters coming out of the pocket goofy with
hang off yeah yeah yeah
that was a big thing man i remember i get my uh siblings christmas gifts and
stuff from there a lot
of times nightgowns or something you could get your sister like something she
wanted you know dude yeah
start from the beginning of that man oh dude when you walk in yes and it had
that smell it had that
good disney smell well it was very organized things were kind of pricey in
there a little bit so it had
like some esteem you could get something small like a key chain but you could
get something like ice
skates or something you know if yeah a princess dress the whole night all that
if you had a child or a
little daughter or somebody you could take them in there um that was a pretty
high-end store i felt
like for the mall as far as uh children's uh ferrofinale hey that i'll never
forget that bundle of plush
there was always like a big area of like all the stuffed animals and oh man i
just kind of give it
a hug you know yeah you have they had that nice stuff that now disney showed up
with a quality stuffed
animal i think applause was the company that made a lot of their stuff um the
parent company or whatever
that made the stuffed animals um but yeah dude when the disney store came we
got kicked me and my
friend got kicked out of a disney store inside i don't know if you remember the
little theater that
was inside for kids to kind of like crawl in and there was like they would show
old disney movies
inside there yeah oh it's for children i didn't go in there yeah well i slid in
there one time
to roll blunt real quick and hurried up got that done but then i got stuck
watching the cartoons
and the ladies like hey keep it moving guys yeah dude sorry we're just like mickey
mouse man
mall type homie that's what it is dude um yeah what other stores now what about
build-a-bear were
you there when that came out oh yeah yeah and what kind of clientele would you
see over there brother
uh mostly the white folk was it really yeah builder bear's a white thing yeah
yeah i would say so a
little bit what stores do different ethnicities frequent at the mall where do
the uh where do
me gente go where the mexicanos go seas candy really yeah for gay free candy
free samples oh wow you
walk in they give you a treat all right welcome to seas butterscotch you're
like yeah
seas candy was the lick man seas candy had everyone there yeah seas candy huh
hey seas
you got to understand though seas candy was just a reason for us to go get free
candy and mexicans
love sugar yeah yeah wow good gifts too i used to live down in mexico i used to
get boxes of candy
all the time i'm like wait are you are you saying something no no no it's good
i'm like yeah let's do
this yeah the peanut brittle there is pretty nice i will say that they had they
made a beautiful
brittle for a while i don't even know if these candy is still open or not oh
they are they are oh yeah
oh yeah giving out them free samples daily um where else do the mexicanos go oh
back then uh let's see i forget the name of the store oh remember kb toy store
yeah yeah they didn't
go to toys r us they went to kb toy store because it was cheaper hmm respect
yeah i mean i went there
i love kb toys yeah i remember seeing it i don't know where we would i think we
did a lot of times to get
our toys over at walmart i think but um what about the brothers and sisters
where do they pull up at
oh uh bed bath and beyond no lotions oh smell good smell goods and lotions for
sessions bro damn
um you could oh yeah there was tons of lotion uh god they had all kinds in
there too all kinds uh dude
remember when um okay so black people went to bed bath and beyond do you
remember at bed bath and
beyond bro when they came there was was it bed bath and beyond i think it was
maybe it was at sephora
they had these lotions that started to smell like cookies and dude oh yeah and
they'd never had it
before and people were going crazy i actually you know what's funny is i
remember that year the summer
girls were walking by smelling like candy and shit like yeah what is this this
is nice you know i think
it was bed bath and beyond yeah there you go christmas cookies man body lotion
god that was nice
shit was nice bro it was like the new cocoa butter yeah yeah that was bath and
body works bath and body
ah yeah bath and body works that's what it was um what about um the
indians bangladeshi muslims all that where they pull up at any high-end stores
really yeah they're the
high-end people the the dad's always walking with their hands behind their
backs mom's with their
purses out kids spending all their money oh yeah 100 that's asian yeah um what
was up at hot topic
dude oh hot topic who hung out there that was a different corner okay so my hot
topic era was the
real emos the real little grungy ass kids that came in there and you know it's
all like sailor moon
now but back then it was kids eating rust and yeah man like they would come in
and make a black makeup
all over their face and but the beautiful people the real maryland manson kids
you know what i mean
those the people that would eat their parents if you gave them a half hour yeah
and they didn't buy
you something from hot topic it was yeah real emfs hot topic was it right yeah
man i loved hot topic i and
what's funny is i grew up very urban very like hip-hop and all that but hot
hot topic was definitely advice of mine yeah it was man it really was like when
you went in there
you're like what's going on am i old enough to be in here is this something
just my older brother
and sister can go to that was crazy and they also had music in there yeah they
had cds this was back
when they had cds and and so that was different because people would be there
if you they're picking
out music and your brain's in like a music space so you might get a shirt that
goes with a bang you
know yeah because you're like there was a bunch of like icp albums there yeah
that was that that's
who used to hang out uh that hot topic like the juggalos of san diego yeah i
used to love it hot
topic was like that man hell yeah um any other store really what about
structure remember that store or no
oh look at you blasting the pad wow miller's outpost even dude miller's outpost
was like about arizona
and shit yeah uh mailer's outpost uh turned into what anchor blue or something
like that really
yeah i didn't know anchor blue was like the first time you could buy like baggy
pants and
shit you know because i was like yeah but miller's outpost was definitely one
of the uh stores that
all the trendy kids went to like everyone popular went to miller's outpost got
jencos and
shit like yeah dude fucking levi's van they had the suede vans there yeah what
store had the hot chicks
where where uh yeah what store had chicks in it usually the victoria secrets uh
amber crombie
uh when amber crombie and fitch came out i did not go into that store for
almost the first year
like even like as an employee working at the mall and they would tell you to go
do wellness
checks on your stores i would not go in amber crombie and fitch why i didn't
fit in the clothes
i just it just one of those things man oh yeah it was only for attractive
people like models like
yeah it was for models so i did not walk in there and the one time i did walk
in i was like so this
is where all the women are at gotcha gotcha but amber crombie and fitch was
just a little intimidating
you know for myself i was a miller's outpost guy like i said yeah well amber crombie
and fitch too dude
they uh and they'd have like naked children on horseback remember when they
came out with all
those photos and i thought that was j crew that did that i don't know who it
was j crew was one of
those stores too you're just like am i a pedophile or am i a medium you know
like you just couldn't even
nothing made any sense in those places dude that was no that was the weird part
yeah you felt weird
um oh yeah look at it yeah straight and they would have them all and sometimes
they would have live
models standing out there like come on in yeah that was weird i worked at one
for a little i worked in the
back with the sloths back there ringing the bell for whatever you know bringing
the church bell or
whatever it's lunch time y'all let's go get your back in the steam room yeah
they would let me out
sometimes to wash people's six packs in the front i had to oil them sometimes
oh but with the spray i
didn't have to do the towel thing i was just like you know bet dude bet the
food court what's going on
there man food courts you missed it yeah i missed the og food courts uh like
sabaro's sabaro's pizza
was so good love it it was good and horrible but it was a lot of people's first
taste of italian it
was bring it up bring up sabaro's sabaro's was good man they had a lot of uh
bread at it that's what i like i feel like it was hella bready i mean it's
pizza but still yeah but god
yeah it's a bar you're right dude what the am i talking about the bars was so
damn good dude and
also you didn't know at that age there wasn't you didn't know what was good or
was it get the second
no no yeah get that one right there that's the