Name: Riley Finally Busts
Uploaded: 2024-08-28T00:00:19.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Riley Finally Busts' from Theo Von Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-08-28. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Riley Finally Busts' from Theo Von Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-08-28. Transcript available.

uh what's been keeping you busy riley mal uh you know just just working oh yeah
anything new in the
dating world uh kinda yeah what you got you little squirrel buddy what happened
um well back in march
i uh had a little little incident with a with a girl you had an incident and
was the you mean like
was uh cops involved or it was no it was more um i met her at a bar and then
went home with her that
night whoa whoa bro and where was the lord brother that's what i want to know
uh he was up there wow
okay bet man um so you said you met a girl and where'd you meet her you said i
met her at a bar oh
okay and did you just meet her point blank or you had arranged to see her um no
i just met her there
hmm and did you make eye contact or what was was she wearing anything was she
eating anything
uh yeah she was wearing a dress and eating wings oh damn boy and you said damn
baby i know where to go
with them wings baby this little banana pepper huh and so what happened then
did you approach
her did you bring her some of those little wet napkins what happened um yeah
there's an open chair
next to her so i uh sat right next to her wow wow and did you have a wing did
you uh i did okay
okay so now you know now you guys have something common you both are enjoying a
wing and then i guess
what occurred from there because it sounds like things um escalated yeah we
just kept talking for
for about an hour um and then she wanted to hold on a second if you had to use
four words to describe
this one because we want to get a visual picture four words right uh and all of
them don't have to be the most
positive they can just be general words some of them obviously should be
positive because she's a
she seems like a special or she seems like a neat uh girl yeah uh blonde okay
cute
female
and uh
what else happened man so jesus uh yeah so i uh i was talking to her for about
an hour and she wanted
to get in my car and leave now did she say it or you said it uh she said it and
what did she say
uh she said something like hey uh did you drive and i said yeah good and she
was like
cool you wanna you wanna leave and where'd y'all go back to my house no
and now riley at this point you've never you still in in your
ejaculatory uh promissory note with the lord is still intact right correct okay
so
you're uh you've never ejaculated you have a woman now at your house right when
you bring her inside
what do you do are you playing any music or anything no no it was all quiet no
you're a
you're one of those silent guys bro put a song on dude uh but that's okay that's
okay man and so what
happens and you you guys come in the house where do you sit down at well we
didn't we didn't sit down
yet you didn't sit down yet so you walk in yep and what happens you guys just
started kissing no
and was she how was she taller than you a little a little bit so you have to go
up on the feet up on
the toes a little to kiss her a little that's okay man that's fine that's a lot
of that's gravity people
you know in space everybody's the same height that's what something that's you
know so who even
knows what's happening but um okay so you got you guys are smooching in the
living room and where are
the roommates um they were both gone wow and and so then uh after that we just
went upstairs to my
bedroom no wow and now were you starting to get nervous or how were you feeling
man it's got to be
crazy for you right um yeah no i was i was pretty nervous and were you wearing
what were you wearing
shorts or pants pants yeah a a a move dude okay so you get upstairs every yeah
and then what happened
do you go in your room yeah go in my room pervert and then what happened and
you did you guys lay
down or you listening to any music or it's still silent still silent oh my god
bro what if why is
it so silent dude are y'all sneaking up on someone is it hot are you guys
playing hide and go see because
why is it so quiet i i don't know i just didn't think of putting any music on
do you have any pets
or was there anything moving around in the distance or anything nope okay what
happened riley take us
there buddy yeah and then we uh we just started you know doing a lot of things
no you guys laid down
on the bed or just standing up oh lay down okay so you lay down on the bed were
you closer to the wall
or on the outside uh i was on the outside wow that's kind of a yeah i think
sometimes you you're
supposed to be closer to the wall so that the woman doesn't feel like you're
trying to like
like capture her or something i read that somewhere but um okay so and what now
were you guys nude or
whatever um kind of so she had everything off um and i still had my pants on
god is she from freaking
new jersey or something i don't know where she's from and you still your pants
on yeah no shirt huh
yeah wow like a 70s actor dude okay and then what starts to happen uh we just
kept kissing
and then uh i don't know i just started doing things to her oh my god little
buddy were you touching
her body and everything yeah okay and that was your first time ever touching a
woman's body like that
yeah wow you're going to hell buddy um i'm joking man that's a joke dude uh and
did she touch your body
as well yeah no so what happened did you end up i mean like how did it end dude
you know what i'm
saying like did you end up you know cream in that little nugget or what
happened i did no what
riley mall wow it's still coming out of your nose sounds stuffed up actually
wow brother i can't believe it dude you've been yurping that little freaking
pants pencil huh
god baby you've been barking that little choy huh yeah wow dude you've been burping
that little yellow
muppet homie gang gang gang dog good god boy and what was it like did you let
her know it was the first time
yeah she knew she knew
how did she know um i think she has watched the podcast before oh wow oh man
damn so you really got compromised then yeah do you feel a little bit taken
advantage of no
respect wow buddy damn boy that 11th toe baby that'll get you dude
that 11th toe baby that asian wiener baby praise god wow and it was like
what part of her body was she did you have sex or no yes you what
oh my god bro i thought you said you were waiting till you were married
uh things changed not in the eyes of the lord they don't brother wow
you had freaking scx dude with a woman yep
way to go man f bro that's crazy dude and how many times did you guys engage or
what did you do after
did you hug after no we both fell asleep oh god that's romantic dude
and then what happened y'all engage in the morning again uh no that was it with
her and has she ever
come back around nope no
my god brother i can't believe she snuck in and stole that freaking batch baby
stole that
first picture of kool-aid out of mom's christmas closet dude i can't believe
that
and did you try to engage with her again uh not with her but you've been
talking to other women
yes and you've engaged you haven't engaged in sex with other women
yeah what
bro i feel like i don't even know you anymore
sorry man that's kind of guilt tripping you dude um i don't mean to be like
that bro it's just crazy
dude i just can't believe that you've been out there just nutting all over and
everything or just
meeting people or whatever gosh oh yeah because i noticed you look a little
different man you got
more like i know she had some necklaces and stuff on do you is it like do you
feel different yeah what do
you feel like i don't know i just feel more uh alive
do you feel now when you're talking to a woman like they know that you are
about that you know
what i'm saying you about that that hot pocket homie you know what i'm saying
you about that
that third sm you know that you're about that low smile you know yeah you do
yeah so you feel more
of a sense of uh bravado yeah dang baby praise god wow and did you have to pray
about it or talk
with your pastor about it because i know you were intent on waiting for
marriage man
uh no yeah no i haven't uh talked to them about it have you even emailed your
pastor or whatever
nope yeah what bro you said you were waiting for marriage and now you're out
here just nutting
around you know the town or whatever large town and you know now you're out
here getting people to
pet that baby and you didn't even email the church yeah no damn boy and you've
been squirreling around
that young gravy homie and dude you if you'd never ejaculated you the the
clarity the post nut clarity
must have been insane huh yeah a little bit i mean you must have just been like
what the dude i'm
i'm a little asian guy you know like it wasn't just like you must have been
just mind blown brother wow
man congratulations man thank you congratulations dude i don't see a lot of
that come over here and
shake my hand real quick i just want to shake the hand of a man that's
come recently this year congratulations man thank you good to see you brother
all right go back um wow dude did you feel uh did you feel like it was romantic
at all
uh what the first one no okay but there was a the second one was romantic yeah
that happened to be
last week wow and where'd you meet that girl at um i've been friends with her
for for a while
and finally you guys just took it to another level yeah and is it you guys
still talking to each other
yeah okay so there's something there yeah we're still uh we're still seeing
each other
damn yeah dude i can hear your nose is even stopped up with all of that i think
when there's so much in
your system yeah i can't believe you didn't just lose weight in your legs bro
because if you'd never
ejaculated that's just god is with us here oh gosh i feel like it's the day
after christmas now man
are you relieved that the journey's over somewhat yeah do you miss it a little
a little bit yeah
yeah i'm happy for you man they welcome to you know being like a biological
male or whatever they
call it and i can't believe you didn't play any music bro you bro if you're the
first bro if you're
putting on some sex or something dude you got to play something romantic bro
play some zz top play some
usher well i didn't know about the music but um after i found out what she does
as a job i figured she
would have does she have a specialized job yeah she's a stripper oh so you so
she's a um
uh dancer or evening dancer they call them somewhere yep or yeah or sometimes
they call them like uh
you know pole babies or whatever whatever it's called candy cane or whatever i
don't know what
they even call it um okay wow and do you think she just came down slurped you
out because
she knew about it and wanted to just get that gumption out of you i think so
god damn dude was
she vietnamese or something no definitely white wow and did she keep the um i'm
not sure what it's
called sebum or whatever or like uh did she keep the the frosting i don't even
call it yeah
yeah yeah yeah wow the unjackable the titanic has sunk they freaking came in
and freaking they freaking uh
somebody came in and just permed that little baby corn on riley male
Thank you.