Name: Joey Diaz Thinks Back on Choosing Podcasting Over Hollywood
Uploaded: 2024-08-28T19:00:13.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Joey Diaz Thinks Back on Choosing Podcasting Over Hollywood' from Theo Von Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-08-28. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Joey Diaz Thinks Back on Choosing Podcasting Over Hollywood' from Theo Von Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-08-28. Transcript available.

I even enjoyed jiu-jitsu when I was doing comedy full-time
because it got you away from the agents and the managers and
everybody talking about the same shit all the time. Yeah and secret gay dudes
too out there in Hollywood bro. Oh Jesus Christ. I remember the first time
I ever some guy you know I just got into town and what was going on
and some guy tried to kiss me outside of a park or whatever and then I remember
another time a dude an agent or whatever gave me a ride
to some place introduced me to like Cuba Gooding Jr. or whatever
and then tried to feel on my leg or whatever when he was giving me a ride home
dude and I didn't know what the fuck was going on. Dude I was like
if I wasn't a little brave I would have been gay bro.
You know that's uh. You know Rocky got that cock on him. You feel me bro?
That's the fucking scary. Rock, show him the cock. That's good. You should just
fly
Rocky out here. Take him to LA with you. Whenever one of those guys wants to
hit on you
Rock, show him the cock. Boom. There you go. You want that roll? Here.
I got a cock for you. Suck this fucking
suck this stick of love over here. Everything all goes into one circle.
Everything that you've lived.
I remember somebody told me one time
that when you do a movie
okay like you know I did a bunch of movies earlier
and nobody talked to me. Nobody said hey I saw you in that movie.
He goes you got to give a movie
culture. You have to give a movie years and all of a sudden I saw what he meant
because one day when the podcast and everything else started lifting us
people started connecting those movies.
Do you follow me? At first you can't connect them
but after you hit a little bit and people start following you and stuff
your movies will connect. You know like it's the weirdest thing. I don't even
know if I'm explaining it.
I don't know. I'm not understanding you. Yeah. He had a concept that said like
people do a movie. Like you do a movie with like who's the hottest star today?
I don't know.
Probably Gigi Hadid or something. I don't even know these fucking people.
Yeah probably Bradley Cooper. Bradley Cooper. All right. You do a movie with
Bradley Cooper
and the movie comes out. Bradley Cooper wins an academy award for it. It's a
great movie.
You don't think that you're getting as much as you should have. You ever see
somebody do a movie
and fucking they blow up. Yeah. Tiffany Haddish did a movie. She's been working
hard for 30 years.
Did one movie. Blew the fuck up. Yeah. Okay. I did 20 movies. Nobody ever
fucking talked to me at all. They didn't talk to me till I fucking told the
story about mugging
a hooker and lighting a wig on fire. That changed my career. That was it. Now
people,
you know, people start, you do a Disney show. Nobody wants to see it. Yeah. You
know, you do a T,
nothing. But my point is that let's say you did a movie with Bradley Cooper and
you call me a year
from now and go, what the fuck? All these motherfuckers blew up around me. I
got one commercial or
something out of it. Right. You know, but in three years, as you keep growing,
your career keeps growing,
more people will start going, let me watch that movie because Theo's in it now.
I didn't know Theo
was in it. Oh shit. I got to watch that again because now you're somebody to
them. And that's
how that movie gets big and connected to all the other movies. It's the
weirdest fucking thing
because nobody would see my shit. You know, like I'm telling you, I mean, I
remember going to see,
I did The Longest Yard. That's the only movie where people would come out and
shake my hand and at the
end of the show they would hide from me because they thought I was going to go
up there and do
Adam Sandler knock-knock jokes.
Yeah. I'm up there talking about snorting coke and fucking getting my dick
sucked and putting
the coke rock. And people were like, they would just leave. And now you say one
fucking joke about
mugging a hooker and you're selling out fucking comedy clubs. Yeah. You don't
know what it's going to be,
but the culture of it is what I'm talking about, how you might not think nobody
saw you, but years from
now, it's like you could do 18 movies and you, the movie you hate the most is
the one that people
come up to you and go, yeah, we loved you. You're like, God damn it. I did 17
other ones. Yeah. I did 17
other movies and that's the one you like, the one I fucking hated. And then you
tell them the story.
I was coked up to eight in the morning and my call time was at nine and, and
then I go,
no wonder you hated the fucking movie.
Yeah. I think, yeah. Yeah. I guess it's like,
did you think that when podcasting started, it was going to be what it was? Did
you have any real
foresight on it? Did you get into it because you were like, oh, I don't know if
like acting is going
to be enough for me. Like what was kind of your motivation to get into it? I
know it's kind of an
old question. I just don't know the answer to it. 2009, I moved to the Valley.
I moved to Studio City
where we lived, the office, up to the corner from the office. At that time, man,
I had done movies.
I had done TV shows. I recurred on TV shows. I wasn't at the store anymore and
I was just opening
for Joe and I would do spots. You know, I would do my own shit and open for Joe.
And then I was like,
you know what, man, I got a call from the Funny Bone one time. And they're like,
we're willing to
give you like six weeks of work. The number they threw at me was so fucking
ridiculous.
It was so ridiculous. And a year before this, I had had this conversation with
somebody else.
That guy's name was Billy Gardell. I saw him in Burbank and we were just
chatting. And he told me
that right before he got Molly and whatever that fucking show was, Mike and
Molly, he was like,
I'm thinking of getting out of this shit. He goes, they just offered me these
deals and it's no money.
They want me to work Wednesday through Sunday in those days. That's hard. 2000,
no airfare, no,
you know. And I'm like, you know, when that happened to me, I was like, you
know what? It's 2009.
I got nothing going on. I'm going to go to the Ford store and pee in a bottle
and get a job selling
cars. Yeah. I'll still audition. I'm in there. I'll still audition and I'll
still go out and work
for Rogan, but I'm not doing this no more. It's, it's, I've been doing it for
20 years or something,
right? At that point. Wow. And it's not, I'm not even happy doing it anymore.
That's the biggest
thing. Okay. It was like, I'm good. I could do movies. I keep my insurance. I
could always book
a movie or a TV show, except lately. I don't know what the fuck's going on, but
we don't even have
any more TV shows really. No, but I'm getting auditions. I got two, I got two,
I got an audition for
me to go, go fuck yourself. And I didn't get it. Wow. When you got one line to
curse at Steve Martin and you don't get
it, you're not doing well. Okay. So, so you still audition a pretty good bit.
Huh? You still
audition a decent amount? If they have something, they'll call me and I'll put
it on tape. And
lately they've been doing zoom ones, which I'm in fucking shock, but I'm not
booking anything. It's,
it's look at me. It's over, but you like it though. It's something that you
like though.
No, I like booking. I don't like working. My dick gets hard when I get that
call. My dick gets hard
when I go in the room and there's other actors and then they look at you like,
what are you doing here?
And you're like, really motherfucker? I'm going to show you what I'm doing here,
bitch. Yeah.
And then they call you, but then when they call you for wardrobe, you're like,
come on guys.
What the? We want you to come in for wardrobe and then wasting people come back
for this and then park.
And then we're going to do a table read on Tuesday. And you're like, guys, quit
jerking
everybody off. That's not what I want to do. Wasting people's time and money.
No.
So that's my secret. I love booking. That is a good moment. If somebody calls
you and says,
you got something. You got something listening. They made you an offer, but why?
And you're like,
fuck yeah. Fuck that punk in the audition. Yeah. Fuck that. I remember going to
audition
one time and the guy told us in the audition, go home. I already did the job. I
already worked with
this guy. He's going to give me the job anyway. And then I booked it. I saw him
at the store like a
week later. Did you ever hear from them? I go, bitch, I booked it. He was pale.
He was fucking pale. But what I was telling you was the truth was, I'm going to
tell you the honest
to God truth. I always had a problem with comedy. I'm not the best comedian,
but I'm a good
storyteller. And I always knew if I had a chance to tell my story, it would
change things. If it
didn't, then I'll go away into the hills quietly. You ever watch HBO boxing
like 15 years ago?
Yeah, yeah. Joe Frazier or whatever? Roy Jones Jr.?
Yeah, like anything 20 years ago with boxing, you know, you look at a guy that's
a boxer or a UFC
fighter. Yeah. All right. And you're like, look at this fucking guy. Tattoos.
He's talking all this
shit, you know, but then they do those things, you know, uh, 20 for 20, like
those HBO would do,
like, let's talk to Theo at his house, you know? So I know Theo, he's got a hat.
He's from Louisiana.
He's got Icy Mike, this, that. But now I get to see you with your mother.
Yeah. I get to see you with your dad. I get to see you with your kids. I get to
see that
fucking Theo has a farm. I didn't know that. And he gets up in the morning
after trading two hours,
and he goes to the farm and works eight hours. And then he picks his kid up
from school, cooks for
them. Then he goes back to fucking train. Then he goes back over there and puts
his kids in showers.
Then he fucking, you know, and you're like, I thought this guy was just a
fucking sack of shit.
Yeah. That was my thing. Right. But I knew if I could tell my story digitally,
like detail by detail,
I could get somewhere. And I was right. Just go up there. And for two months,
we were doing what we're doing and what people do. So what do you think about P
Diddy? You know,
what are you? That's not a podcast, right? You just fucking extension of the
news.
When you get into the nuts and bolt for people and you like, I told you, I had
nothing going on in my
career until I told the story that I mugged the hooker and lit her wig on fire.
And all of a sudden,
I was selling 150 tickets a show. And you're like, I've done fucking all this
stuff and nobody ever
wanted to buy a ticket. But I tell the most awkward stories. So what do guys
like me and you do?
Tell more disgusting stories of your life. Yeah. And they ate them up.
Thank you.