Name: Post Malone Delivered His Own Baby??
Uploaded: 2024-09-09T16:23:35.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Post Malone Delivered His Own Baby??' from Theo Von Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-09-09. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Post Malone Delivered His Own Baby??' from Theo Von Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-09-09. Transcript available.

yeah what's your kiddo like i don't know if i she's a stud oh it's a baby it's
a girl
oh sweet she's a stud she was there last night she was you saw her she's about
six four
oh dang um just massive she might have dunked on you that's her thing she loves
dunking really
she's like she's probably two feet tall um oh yeah she's so cool man like it
changes
everything it's so bitchin were you there when she was born i pulled her out of
the coochie
no yeah i did they let me bring my katana in what kind of shoes did you wear
a closed toed obviously i don't know anybody close to i think that's what he
got one yeah you have to
well it's like science class because you're figuring this out it's like
whenever you had
an erlenmeyer flask or whatever you're like i don't know like what the hell's
gonna close
toed shoes no flammable clothing and hair tied back you know anybody that wears
open toe shoes
to their child's birth is obviously first of all a jimmy buffett fan well yeah
well that's the one
exception i think jimmy buffett could wear thongs to the child's birth i think
well what are you
supposed to wear i don't know what you're supposed to wear it makes sense to
wear like a suit right it
makes sense to dress up yeah like yeah exactly yeah living on them they're
looking fluid i like
fucking yeah it makes sense also it'd be cool to prank the shit out of your kid
doesn't know
anything and just wear full camo balaclava everything just full real tree or
multi-cam anything
and she can't see you oh and you just pull out she thinks she's floating yeah
and everyone else does
too and then years later there's a game so it's a big reveal exactly or yeah
you wear camo your whole
life yeah oh yes and then it's like who is my father whoop there it is there he
is my dad or she
picks willy from duck dynasty and you're like cool yeah cool well i wish willy
from no i don't i love
my dad so much but if i had two dads it would be willy and my dad yeah what's
it like i don't have
any children yet i don't want to have some children i think but i just got to
get a wife and stuff and
i just been working so much um was it hard to make the choice to have a child
no i've been horny for a long
time yeah yeah i've always wanted to be a dad and for a long time um i always
told myself like when i
was like younger and going through like you know coming up when i was like you
know 20 21 22 and all
that i was like oh i need a kid but that was to like it's a for a selfish
reason it was to fill
something that i felt like i was missing um but at one point i was like i want
to create a
awesome life and create life and whenever i realized that it wasn't for a
selfish reason um
then i was like let's do it and then i made a baby with my jizz and it's
awesome it's cool is it it's
so cool like oh i was saying i pulled her right out right out no way you did by
the head i did i got
gloved up and they let you do it there's not somebody there's a lifeguard or
something well
i don't know my doctor was such a baller he was i don't know if it's gotta be
would you meet him on
the app or whatever yeah well she was what app i don't know i'm just joking the
app it sounds like
my doctor was such a baller i'm like where do you guys need a locker on wiki
feet actually so
she had a 4.8 and i was like this is good enough oh my bad but you couldn't see
it because the shoe
rule the close toed you have to get where open-toed shoes but um she was like
sorry i'm joking too much
at one time she looked at me and she goes scrub up and i'm like ah what and i
did and then i grabbed her
head and i pulled her out and how and so i'm trying to equate the like how hard
did it feel like it
pulled tough or was it you gotta pull hard scary hard because no babies are
really floppy you know
floppy and malleable yeah pure gold uh one of the most malleable of metals um
you can make gold on
anything i've heard is that true i don't know i heard that on joe rogan is that
what he said no i
remember you and him talking about that actually it's so crazy that hit my head
what did i say i
don't remember what happened i just remember yeah you guys were joking around
about it it makes sense
yeah it's perfect well i did make gold out anything if you call jizz anything
am i right and if you call
your daughter gold exactly that's what i call him that's her name that's
awesome yeah and she's like
scrub up pulled her out pulled hard because you're scared you don't want to
break them and especially
that's the thing and where do you pull do you pull from under the arms do you
right on the head at
first no like one of those crazy uh car car chiropractors you see those guys oh
my god you seen that
it's like a mortal combat fatality i'm like no way you pay to get fatality by
this dude and
encino so when you get around what do you guys do then who gets is your um and
is the mom awake
during this yes sir okay she is she's full awake she's not on her phone or
anything is she she's on uh
clash of clans i can like get this out of me sorry man
one day your daughter's gonna watch it that guy was an
Thank you.