Name: Theo and Bobby Ponder If They Will Ever Find Love With Women
Uploaded: 2024-09-12T19:00:32.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Theo and Bobby Ponder If They Will Ever Find Love With Women' from Theo Von Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-09-12. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Theo and Bobby Ponder If They Will Ever Find Love With Women' from Theo Von Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-09-12. Transcript available.

have you been dating a lot or not all right let's you want to get into it
yeah because it seems like a lot of stories you tell have had dating in them
i'm trying to okay um i'm trying to find um the love of my life are you really
i think i'm ready okay bob you look like stevie right now uh
how are you doing no i i listen i'm
i like some of the girls that i'm dating now but they're kind of flaky like you
know like i'll
like i won't call in on a thursday because i know because i've said like let's
go to dinner and hang
out right and so then thursday will come around like nah i don't want to do it
now or i'm busy
like i sacrificed stage time you know that you know how valuable stage time is
yeah you know
i mean it's like so it's like that kind of and then it's like um yeah i just
and also
do i fully trust them you know what i mean i think so man no i want to be able
to find somebody
that i fully can confide in and go this is how i feel you know what i mean and
um and i want somebody
to also go give me suggestions or like feedback that i kind of honor and
respect and go oh yeah
that's a good you know angle you know i mean it's just like but then also i
want somebody hot
right so to find that combination you know i mean we want somebody you're
attracted to yeah somebody
i'm gonna try like what what i find attractive isn't necessarily what you think
i think so though
i think you and i like the same maybe i don't know you don't no i never i i the
couple of girls
i've seen you with over the years are people i mean are people that i would be
like i mean
there's this one girl that you used to see that i just thought you should marry
but yeah
i remember i love it dude because i just saw regret there i just saw regret
there dude yeah
yeah yeah but that's the thing i think that you and i have the same kind of
issues i think we have
intimacy issues oh yeah yeah yeah and i think that um it's hard for us to get
really vulnerable i mean
i had that with kalilah for 10 years but she was the first one in many many
years i could do that with
there's just something about her that was i was able to like we were able to do
that right but it's
like um but did the intimacy freeze up after a while like it was hard to like
be like uh sensual or
whatever i i i you know the truth is is i think that oh god i can't fucking i
think it's this you
want me to say or not no no no no okay what i want to say that don't say that
yeah yeah but what i want
to say is um the problem with us because number one we we do we go up on stage
right and what's more
exciting than that the business inherently is super exciting and there's
dopamine hits right i'm gonna
get a lot of feeling from right there right and so then also you and i are also
recovering drug addicts
so we like excitement right and we don't like the same old thing right so there
is something about
meeting somebody new right right it's almost like you get that yeah you get uh
that forgetful syndrome
it's like you right yeah but at the end of the day and i'm gonna i've never
said this out loud before
and um i think i fucked it up with kalilah and i think that i wish i would have
done it over again
because i would have changed some things right at this point it's too late you
know what i mean
we've both moved have moved on but um there's a lot of regret there i um and i
i and i swear to god dude
i will the next girl i meet that you know and there's a couple of girls that
have potential
i'll be honest with you right now but i the next thing i'm going to do it
differently number one
i'm going to get rid of all my machines wow really yep i have a vacuum cleaner
and what is that like a sex thing or something or you mean an actual carpet
cleaner no i dude i showed
up at bad friends one day and somebody had sent me something that i swear to
god is the size of a
vacuum cleaner right it was like this big yeah with all these tubes and stuff
it was a sex toy no
yeah of course i took it home and you used it i plugged in it oh dude i have so
many of them
oh i have so many of them and i stick it in
and what does it play it just beethoven's here or whatever yeah yeah yeah yeah
it's a
and you put it on christmas yeah jingle bell jingle bell jingle bell i i swear
to god these new machines
dude you it sucks you in dude oh they never let go dude i'm 80 days off
pornography right now wow i'm gonna
give you a machine man no please i don't want anything i know but i'm gonna i
know but you gotta
try it what does it do it does three things okay okay not just one thing okay
all right is it gas
power you plug it in no it's not good no the vacuum cleaner i will probably not
use again because i almost
i had to grab parts of my penis inside the little filter there right but it
took stuff out so it was too
powerful okay but i want to say this okay i have one that i bought at the hustler
store yeah right
and it does three things no really just two things so it vibrates and sucks
wow right and so you know i mean does it sort coins i think it might hell yeah
yeah i think it might
yeah yeah how long you have to stay on it for eight seconds no what i do is i
um it's also waterproof
that's a key yeah yeah yeah but so so yeah i know so the next relationship i
met
that's what you do it makes me just no daddy no
don't touch me there daddy daddy sounds like a man dude what daddy sounds like
a man yeah dude yeah
it better be better be a chick named daddy i mean i don't know when's the last
time you hooked up with
a girl oh this is too personal you don't talk about it not talking about let me
think um it's probably
been because what we don't know is i think that you are very picky um i have to
get this off my chest
man i told you about this last night what'd you tell me but i've been dating
this person and every time
we and rarely do we do this make beautiful love oh god yeah the sacred rituals
of love she goes yeah
when i was you know eight years ago yeah i hooked up with theo no yeah but she
says it every time
we're naked and it hurts me that's all and i want to share that with you um
dude that's that's crazy i
think i don't believe her oh so you don't believe that you did hook up with her
no i don't believe
her at all you know what i don't believe her either because i know that you are
very picky
yeah and you take your time yeah yeah el tiempo they call me yeah and you do
long strokes
yeah i do strokes i i say it's long even though it isn't i'd be like oh that's
long
yeah yeah but you know what you know what i mean by long strokes uh-uh i mean i'm
thinking you're
assuming sexual well you know it's some you know here's what i don't like
people that are like you
don't talk about somebody with aorta issues or whatever huh yeah sometimes yeah
yeah yeah like
somebody just like stroking for distance he strokes for a quarter mile yeah
yeah yeah it's sort of like
you know when the in the olympics in the olympics they do the breast stroke but
if you slowed it down
and they oh you know what i mean you do though you don't do those yeah yeah
yeah yeah yeah i do some
of that yeah i do long right and i take a nap oh and then i do short oh yeah
and then i rest
you take breaks you're almost like a um stanza of music kind of with like a
like a half um half note
quarter note oh you know what you're doing here whole rest you know when you do
this that's asian
vagina it is yeah it's lenty is it really that's a lie huh no it's a lie it's
all folklore is it
it's regular like everyone else for years i you know i remember i almost made
love to a korean
woman one time years ago and this was in idaho and her leg her legs kind of
didn't separate it was
almost like you ever get really strong chopsticks or whatever and you can't
open them or whatever
it was just like that bro i swear to god maybe it was no offense to that lady
it was a mermaid huh
right was it a mermaid i don't know yeah i don't know are there korean asian mermaids
there have to be huh bring that up bring up an asian mermaid or something um
beached asians or whatever
Thank you.