Name: Matt McCusker Fills Theo in on the Married Life
Uploaded: 2024-12-26T15:15:01.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Matt McCusker Fills Theo in on the Married Life' from Theo Von Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-12-26. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Matt McCusker Fills Theo in on the Married Life' from Theo Von Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-12-26. Transcript available.

happy anniversary dude thank you man you just had a five-year anniversary yeah
yeah
thank you did you guys do something special for it or how does that kind of
work do you
feel like you have to uh no i i don't but you know um i i'm not really like the
i'm not big on
milestones and stuff you know obviously we like we did something i don't know
what we did i think
we went to dinner um but no we didn't really do anything that crazy 10 10 maybe
we'll do something
cool but especially with little kids it's like you can't really do we can't go
on like a trip
i mean we could but it's like it's just a pain in the ass you're going for a
few days they're
freaking out so yeah we just chilled man you know we're just five years trying
to do five more you
know yeah that's all it is does it feel did it feel kind of exciting did you
have a moment for yourself
you were like wow it's pretty cool or well to be fair i originally i thought we
had been together
for 10 years total so i originally was like together 10 years married for five
and she's like dude we've
been together for nine years i was like right on right on yeah so i was kind of
stoked i was like
damn but it's like the longest relationship i've ever been in yeah i was like
that's kind of sick
remember you telling me that yeah it's cool yeah five years of marriage is very
um that's a big deal
now yeah oh yeah there's the five they they claim that the the true power
struggle lasts for five the
first five years are a giant power struggle where you both try to like you know
who's who gets to say
this who gets like there's a million little things you have to like hammer out
agreements on
like how full like it might be silly but it's like how full should the trash
get should you put this stuff
away you know there's just a bunch of stuff i can only imagine that and you
have a power struggle
who gets to say what and you know so it's like i think it's i think it's kind
of real because it
has subsided a lot in terms of like just bickering over stupid do you look
forward to seeing your wife
when you get home and stuff i do i look forward to seeing her the kids
especially if they go away
yeah dude there's there's a post that's we were that's you yeah bro that's what
i was i was a bad boy
back then oh my god that's that was us now there you go look at that dude that's
cool but yeah the
kids the kids are the big ones man they run and give you a big hug but it's
like it's just nice to
have like the central unit every day to go back to dude is there ever moments
where the kids favor
one or the other and that hurts your feelings all the time oh bro all the time
see it all the time
that would break my heart they when they're really little they don't want
anything to do with the
dad for the most part which is like all right i could deal with that and now
they're like they're
rolling with me but they'll go back and forth between like who they want to put
them to bed and
honestly though when they're like we want mommy to put us to bed i'm like right
you know i'm like
whatever right but i could they would do that they would like they're all about
me for a while and
i could see it would like hurt my wife's feelings a lot yeah but then they
always switch back
eventually they'll be like you we want mom and it's like if one of us are away
they want the other one
yeah it's like the portal in the football or whatever the what they're like i'm
hitting the portal i'm
going to mom yeah yeah for real but she's got nil lunchables over here as long
as you're together i
think it's you know it's cool but like the separating man that's such a
nightmare to navigate it seems
like because then it's like you have two different houses you know and i i know
myself i'd make my
house more fun than hers so you can start doing that and it's just like yeah i'm
getting big speakers
and it'd be so nasty dude but it's also like yeah it's it's just hard like yeah
i think what is it
like 40 i think divorce is actually going down but it's still like 45 of
marriages get divorced
that's crazy what is it yeah i want do you have a key you feel like oh let me
see in the united
states the percentage of marriages that end in divorce varies by the number of
times a couple
has been married interesting i'm this is my second too so i'm i'm not the odds
are not in my favor
wow so first marriage is 41 percent of first marriages end in divorce second
marriage is 60
third marriage is 73 percent yeah fourth marriage is just a man yeah
fourth marriage is 100 of the time ending divorce
yeah the uh yeah man it's you know what were you asking if there's any either
there any like
secrets do you have a secret like do you have something that you feel like you've
kind of honestly
learned or like you've been like this this helps or this is something that i
had to adjust about
myself or anything like that yeah i for me it's like i can only speak for
myself but it's like
and i think you could say to other people but it's like you as a person you
have massive blind spots as
like the stuff you do that's like not great and it it takes a lot when you get
input on those things
yeah it's so easy to be like you shut up you don't know what you're talking
about but over time it can
almost like give you insight into aspects of yourself that you're like yeah i
could probably
change this a little bit or even in like the heat of arguments i'll hear
something she'll say and in
my head i'll before i even have time i'll be like that that's then there'll be
a part
of my brain we're like that's kind of valid but i'll be like this i'm not
losing this argument
so you start to like get better at like being like you're right that was up
with me and then
also like you have to be like but this is something you know so it's just like
learning how to
communicate and in order to communicate you got to take in a lot of like kind
of bad stuff about
yourself without like completely just getting floored to level 10. which you
don't even realize
is happening right if that makes sense we i guess you have somebody that you i
guess you were like
okay i trust my spouse i care about them so i'm going to listen to some of
their feedback
yeah and like it's one of those especially if you're if you're like
simultaneously bothering
each other you're programmed to be like the thing you're doing is worse than
the thing you think i'm
doing and you have to like take perspective and be like all right that's valid
and it just like it
literally feels like you're moving like an 800 pound stone to just be like all
right maybe that is
something annoying i do maybe that is a personal weakness of my it's just hard
but you learn how to
do i think it helps in the long run yeah but you know it's just like dude there's
just so many facets to
it because then you have kids then it's like well who gets to dictate like the
philosophy of the house
and the flow of thing it's just a lot dude it's just yeah do you have to have
conversations like
about that kind of stuff all the time you have to talk about that kind of stuff
all the time and
it's like like how do we how should we parent yeah wow that's cool but then you
can't do it in front
of the kids but then you're as it's going on right every cell in your body is
like say it now and
you have to hold sit there and wait and then like there's never a good time
because then he's there
it's night time it's like right before bed like something that actually
bothered me today it's like
that's not a good time you can't do it first thing in the morning and you can't
do that thing
where you're just in the room but being loud but being quiet you ever do that
yeah i'll do i'm the
king of that yeah i'll lay down just be like what's the matter nothing just
wait for three days and
make actually what was bothering me the other night you've been just picking
your skin off in the garage
drinking pbr's back there god dude yeah that's so wild being loud but being
quiet is the craziest
behavior oh it's insane if i see someone else do it i'm like what are you crazy
but i'll definitely
be like and sometimes you don't even realize you're doing it i'll get into bed
and just be like
i'll hear like what's the matter i'm like why she's like you just sighed
heavily and i'm like
did i i didn't realize i did that yeah so yeah it's uh it's good you know what
i mean it's it's
one of those things you don't know because it's like it's like you hear like uh
which one call it
like in it it's not a slam on matt reiff he had that special red flags and it's
not like that taps
into a big thing of like online dating all the stuff where it's like if anyone
exhibits any sign of
weakness that's a red flag abandon ship immediately but everybody has them and
eventually you got and
again i'm not slamming the rife man for that was just he's tapping into like no
that's just popular
consciousness of the young online daters totally but it's like this like red
flag philosophy is like
everybody has red flags exactly so what are you gonna do now you're just
everybody's like
everybody yeah not everybody's dope as hell dude everyone's got major issues
going on you think
everybody spuds mckenzie or whatever yeah dude it's like out of your mind so
that's that's the thing
where it's like you have to like you know and i i think couples counseling is a
great thing a lot
of people like it's a waste of time if you got to do that it's already over and
it's like
i think it's great because then it enters a it's the best thing when you're
arguing it's like i'm
the boss i'm the boss and you just clash you give the authority to another
figure and then it's like
when you do couples counseling if your wife's right it gets to like kind of
instead of like hitting you
like a laser beam it goes to that person they kind of can relate it's like the
i don't know how
to explain it but it's like every now and again another person with you know
with like degrees and
shit like actually your husband's right about this and you're just like it's
like he's a starling kind
of it kind of is yeah you get to it just i think it's great for people yeah and
it's like it just
helps because it's like you don't want to hear it from the other person you
know what i mean like it's
like my wife's telling me something i'm like i don't want to hear this if she
tells him and then he
tells me i'm like that is actually a fantastic point yeah and i'm not trying to
be a dick it just
no bro it's got i mean people have to how do you bridge a topic say there's
something you want to
talk to your wife about how do you kind of do it dude so i've learned before i
would just boil quietly
and then like explode now what i do like violent irish like the irish hello
exactly exactly yeah exactly
and another thing but what i do now freckles are flying across there's bouncing
off each other yeah
the uh well the problem is it's like all right here i have a piece of
information if i relate to this
person they're going to have a big emotional reaction that's going to get me
all upset so i'll
just keep it to myself and so eventually what i learned to do is be like i got
to tell you something
then this is actually going this could potentially get you upset so like that
way they're not caught off
guard they're like that catches them and they're like all right they have time
to prepare themselves
yeah and then you hit them with the information rather than this being like
yeah that really
fucking bothered me the like three days ago and that you know they're just like
what the
fuck is this so i you have to like for me it's like i have to preface the fact
that i'm about to
bring up something that could be potentially upsetting that's kind of a good
way to do it dude it works
so much it works so much because then they're not then they're also not
thinking that you also
wanted to catch me off guard so and that's two things you're doing yeah you're
telling
something that's going to upset them and then you're also surprising them
exactly and with this
you're like i don't know it shows you care to be like hey yeah i don't want to
upset you but i
have no other choice than to relay this information to you so prepare yourself
now here's the
information a thousand percent of the time or it works like a thousand percent
better every time
because it sucks yeah you got to share stuff constantly back and forth that's
just like
not great and that's why i think it is long term it's good to be in long-term
relationships i i think
but it's like everyone's different that's the other thing yeah so could be you
know maybe some people
might not be the thing so yes it's it's tough to figure out i mean
i don't know anything the question then is like how much flack do you take like
how much stress do
you take before you're supposed to call it quits there's no real answer on that
right like yeah
where do they yeah how does that go yeah i'm watching some friends and stuff go
through divorces
and it's really challenging but then i'm also watching friends stay together
who are trying to just
battle it and figure it out because that's what they want the story of their
life to be you know
i think that could be terrible too because i can get to the place where you
just i've been in houses
where it's like the parents hate each other they don't talk to each other that's
could be even
worse honestly yeah dude we had to do it on our street when i was growing up he
tried to burn his
family down like three times and his wife stayed with him every time i was like
what are you guys
doing like that's for real yeah like you are dumb lady yeah he was and
everybody knew you know
everybody knew how much he didn't like her you know i would say i would say
just try to cook the house
dude but animals you know people people are animals you know raccoons will eat
their young
just so another so they'll go into heat so another raccoon will come and have
sex with them again
what that's crazy behavior they'll eat their babies to get piped down
so i'm not saying what city this is happening in but yes dude so they'll for
real that's crazy
because what just munching your baby puts you in heat yep male raccoons also
known as boars can
kill a baby raccoon a practice called infanticide this can happen for a number
of reasons including
sexual dominance oh they'll oh they'll kill okay so the mom will wait the mom
won't eat it the dad
raccoon will kill the baby so the mom can't come up with any bullshit excuses
not to want to make love
yeah you think you're just gobble the babies we're now wow i know you love this
i'm turning this living room into a soup plantation right now that's bonkers
damn they're like romantic
novels must be crazy too just a cover of a jacked raccoon with a baby in his
mouth
Thank you.

Matt McCusker Fills Theo in on the Married Life

happy anniversary dude thank you man you just had a five-year anniversary yeah
yeah
thank you did you guys do something special for it or how does that kind of
work do you
feel like you have to uh no i i don't but you know um i i'm not really like the
i'm not big on
milestones and stuff you know obviously we like we did something i don't know
what we did i think
we went to dinner um but no we didn't really do anything that crazy 10 10 maybe
we'll do something
cool but especially with little kids it's like you can't really do we can't go
on like a trip
i mean we could but it's like it's just a pain in the ass you're going for a
few days they're
freaking out so yeah we just chilled man you know we're just five years trying
to do five more you
know yeah that's all it is does it feel did it feel kind of exciting did you
have a moment for yourself
you were like wow it's pretty cool or well to be fair i originally i thought we
had been together
for 10 years total so i originally was like together 10 years married for five
and she's like dude we've
been together for nine years i was like right on right on yeah so i was kind of
stoked i was like
damn but it's like the longest relationship i've ever been in yeah i was like
that's kind of sick
remember you telling me that yeah it's cool yeah five years of marriage is very
um that's a big deal
now yeah oh yeah there's the five they they claim that the the true power
struggle lasts for five the
first five years are a giant power struggle where you both try to like you know
who's who gets to say
this who gets like there's a million little things you have to like hammer out
agreements on
like how full like it might be silly but it's like how full should the trash
get should you put this stuff
away you know there's just a bunch of stuff i can only imagine that and you
have a power struggle
who gets to say what and you know so it's like i think it's i think it's kind
of real because it
has subsided a lot in terms of like just bickering over stupid do you look
forward to seeing your wife
when you get home and stuff i do i look forward to seeing her the kids
especially if they go away
yeah dude there's there's a post that's we were that's you yeah bro that's what
i was i was a bad boy
back then oh my god that's that was us now there you go look at that dude that's
cool but yeah the
kids the kids are the big ones man they run and give you a big hug but it's
like it's just nice to
have like the central unit every day to go back to dude is there ever moments
where the kids favor
one or the other and that hurts your feelings all the time oh bro all the time
see it all the time
that would break my heart they when they're really little they don't want
anything to do with the
dad for the most part which is like all right i could deal with that and now
they're like they're
rolling with me but they'll go back and forth between like who they want to put
them to bed and
honestly though when they're like we want mommy to put us to bed i'm like right
you know i'm like
whatever right but i could they would do that they would like they're all about
me for a while and
i could see it would like hurt my wife's feelings a lot yeah but then they
always switch back
eventually they'll be like you we want mom and it's like if one of us are away
they want the other one
yeah it's like the portal in the football or whatever the what they're like i'm
hitting the portal i'm
going to mom yeah yeah for real but she's got nil lunchables over here as long
as you're together i
think it's you know it's cool but like the separating man that's such a
nightmare to navigate it seems
like because then it's like you have two different houses you know and i i know
myself i'd make my
house more fun than hers so you can start doing that and it's just like yeah i'm
getting big speakers
and it'd be so nasty dude but it's also like yeah it's it's just hard like yeah
i think what is it
like 40 i think divorce is actually going down but it's still like 45 of
marriages get divorced
that's crazy what is it yeah i want do you have a key you feel like oh let me
see in the united
states the percentage of marriages that end in divorce varies by the number of
times a couple
has been married interesting i'm this is my second too so i'm i'm not the odds
are not in my favor
wow so first marriage is 41 percent of first marriages end in divorce second
marriage is 60
third marriage is 73 percent yeah fourth marriage is just a man yeah
fourth marriage is 100 of the time ending divorce
yeah the uh yeah man it's you know what were you asking if there's any either
there any like
secrets do you have a secret like do you have something that you feel like you've
kind of honestly
learned or like you've been like this this helps or this is something that i
had to adjust about
myself or anything like that yeah i for me it's like i can only speak for
myself but it's like
and i think you could say to other people but it's like you as a person you
have massive blind spots as
like the stuff you do that's like not great and it it takes a lot when you get
input on those things
yeah it's so easy to be like you shut up you don't know what you're talking
about but over time it can
almost like give you insight into aspects of yourself that you're like yeah i
could probably
change this a little bit or even in like the heat of arguments i'll hear
something she'll say and in
my head i'll before i even have time i'll be like that that's then there'll be
a part
of my brain we're like that's kind of valid but i'll be like this i'm not
losing this argument
so you start to like get better at like being like you're right that was up
with me and then
also like you have to be like but this is something you know so it's just like
learning how to
communicate and in order to communicate you got to take in a lot of like kind
of bad stuff about
yourself without like completely just getting floored to level 10. which you
don't even realize
is happening right if that makes sense we i guess you have somebody that you i
guess you were like
okay i trust my spouse i care about them so i'm going to listen to some of
their feedback
yeah and like it's one of those especially if you're if you're like
simultaneously bothering
each other you're programmed to be like the thing you're doing is worse than
the thing you think i'm
doing and you have to like take perspective and be like all right that's valid
and it just like it
literally feels like you're moving like an 800 pound stone to just be like all
right maybe that is
something annoying i do maybe that is a personal weakness of my it's just hard
but you learn how to
do i think it helps in the long run yeah but you know it's just like dude there's
just so many facets to
it because then you have kids then it's like well who gets to dictate like the
philosophy of the house
and the flow of thing it's just a lot dude it's just yeah do you have to have
conversations like
about that kind of stuff all the time you have to talk about that kind of stuff
all the time and
it's like like how do we how should we parent yeah wow that's cool but then you
can't do it in front
of the kids but then you're as it's going on right every cell in your body is
like say it now and
you have to hold sit there and wait and then like there's never a good time
because then he's there
it's night time it's like right before bed like something that actually
bothered me today it's like
that's not a good time you can't do it first thing in the morning and you can't
do that thing
where you're just in the room but being loud but being quiet you ever do that
yeah i'll do i'm the
king of that yeah i'll lay down just be like what's the matter nothing just
wait for three days and
make actually what was bothering me the other night you've been just picking
your skin off in the garage
drinking pbr's back there god dude yeah that's so wild being loud but being
quiet is the craziest
behavior oh it's insane if i see someone else do it i'm like what are you crazy
but i'll definitely
be like and sometimes you don't even realize you're doing it i'll get into bed
and just be like
i'll hear like what's the matter i'm like why she's like you just sighed
heavily and i'm like
did i i didn't realize i did that yeah so yeah it's uh it's good you know what
i mean it's it's
one of those things you don't know because it's like it's like you hear like uh
which one call it
like in it it's not a slam on matt reiff he had that special red flags and it's
not like that taps
into a big thing of like online dating all the stuff where it's like if anyone
exhibits any sign of
weakness that's a red flag abandon ship immediately but everybody has them and
eventually you got and
again i'm not slamming the rife man for that was just he's tapping into like no
that's just popular
consciousness of the young online daters totally but it's like this like red
flag philosophy is like
everybody has red flags exactly so what are you gonna do now you're just
everybody's like
everybody yeah not everybody's dope as hell dude everyone's got major issues
going on you think
everybody spuds mckenzie or whatever yeah dude it's like out of your mind so
that's that's the thing
where it's like you have to like you know and i i think couples counseling is a
great thing a lot
of people like it's a waste of time if you got to do that it's already over and
it's like
i think it's great because then it enters a it's the best thing when you're
arguing it's like i'm
the boss i'm the boss and you just clash you give the authority to another
figure and then it's like
when you do couples counseling if your wife's right it gets to like kind of
instead of like hitting you
like a laser beam it goes to that person they kind of can relate it's like the
i don't know how
to explain it but it's like every now and again another person with you know
with like degrees and
shit like actually your husband's right about this and you're just like it's
like he's a starling kind
of it kind of is yeah you get to it just i think it's great for people yeah and
it's like it just
helps because it's like you don't want to hear it from the other person you
know what i mean like it's
like my wife's telling me something i'm like i don't want to hear this if she
tells him and then he
tells me i'm like that is actually a fantastic point yeah and i'm not trying to
be a dick it just
no bro it's got i mean people have to how do you bridge a topic say there's
something you want to
talk to your wife about how do you kind of do it dude so i've learned before i
would just boil quietly
and then like explode now what i do like violent irish like the irish hello
exactly exactly yeah exactly
and another thing but what i do now freckles are flying across there's bouncing
off each other yeah
the uh well the problem is it's like all right here i have a piece of
information if i relate to this
person they're going to have a big emotional reaction that's going to get me
all upset so i'll
just keep it to myself and so eventually what i learned to do is be like i got
to tell you something
then this is actually going this could potentially get you upset so like that
way they're not caught off
guard they're like that catches them and they're like all right they have time
to prepare themselves
yeah and then you hit them with the information rather than this being like
yeah that really
fucking bothered me the like three days ago and that you know they're just like
what the
fuck is this so i you have to like for me it's like i have to preface the fact
that i'm about to
bring up something that could be potentially upsetting that's kind of a good
way to do it dude it works
so much it works so much because then they're not then they're also not
thinking that you also
wanted to catch me off guard so and that's two things you're doing yeah you're
telling
something that's going to upset them and then you're also surprising them
exactly and with this
y