Name: The Time Bobby Lee Almost Got Kidnapped by an Uber Driver
Uploaded: 2025-01-02T16:00:32.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'The Time Bobby Lee Almost Got Kidnapped by an Uber Driver' from Theo Von Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-01-02. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'The Time Bobby Lee Almost Got Kidnapped by an Uber Driver' from Theo Von Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-01-02. Transcript available.

I was in Butte for a month, Montana.
- For a month, for doing what?
- I did a movie.
And they were like, Butte, there's nothing to do.
And one day I was in my hotel room,
there was nothing to do.
And I called one of the guys that lives there and I go,
can you give me an A schedule?
And I tracked a couple of times all the way this,
like in the boonies.
- Oh yeah.
- And I walk into the school and like,
there's old white people with oxygen tanks and like,
you know what I mean?
And obviously they- - Drug mules.
- Yeah, drug mules.
- And also they've never seen an Asian
walk into an AA meeting there.
I never saw one black person in Butte.
So when I walked in, it was just like, Charlie.
You know what I mean?
They get Vietnam flashbacks, you know what I mean?
Get down, get down, you know what I mean?
No, I'm in AA too, you know what I mean?
And when I'm sitting there,
even though we don't have the same lifestyles
that these people,
at least I can say to myself like, I'm trying.
You know, I'm trying to like-
- Take care of myself.
- On a daily basis.
And, um, dude, one fucking, I went to a meeting and-
You know, cause there's only two Uber drivers in Butte.
- Mm-hmm.
- And, um, this guy came, this guy sitting next to me goes,
"Hey man, my name is Derek."
And I go, "Thank you."
And he goes, "I'm a fan."
And I go, he goes, "You want a ride home?"
- A fan you mean?
- Yeah.
- What do you mean?
- Like, uh, Asian?
- No, not like that fan.
- Oh, okay.
- Like a dad fan.
- It wasn't a dad fan, no.
- It wasn't a dad fan, no.
- I didn't know, I was not a dad fan.
- No, it was just like a fan of, you know what I mean?
- Yeah.
- Of mine and my comedy.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
- Right?
And then he, and then so I get in the car with his wife.
- Hmm.
- Hmm.
- And we go the opposite direction.
- No.
- Of the hotel.
- They want to watch you throw that little Yavolin man.
- Long strokes?
- Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
And so then I go, "Hey, my hotel's that way."
Like, "We know man, where are we going?
You're going to our house."
- Wow.
- Right?
So I go to this house and they want me to meet their kids.
- Nuh-uh.
- Yeah.
- How old were the kids?
- I don't know, but they were little white kids.
- Oh, too young.
- They came up, there's these two dogs
that fucking jump on top of me.
- Oh, yeah, dude, huh?
- And then there's these white kids
that come out of the room, right?
Wiping their, you know what I mean?
- Yeah.
- They're not crying.
They're just out when they wake up.
- Yeah, yeah.
- Like that.
- And they're like, "Yeah, our mommy took us to Missoula
and gave us $300 for school clothes."
- Fuck, I gotta beat their ass.
- You don't even know, you can't beat their ass.
- Yeah, you can, dude.
- Like, fuck you, bitch.
- They have $300, dude?
- To split amongst them.
- My mom gave me $30 from the time I was age five
to the time I was age 18.
- Oh, you're right, you're right, you're right, yeah.
- So $300, those kids are pieces of shit.
- But I was in that house for like 45 minutes.
- Yeah, it sounds like you're,
why would you, it sounds like you waste your time.
- No, but I don't know.
What I'm saying is I'm willing to go to like these lengths.
- Any lengths, I see.
- To like just whatever, you know what I mean?
- And they're, they're super sweet.
- Yeah.
- I didn't think I was gonna get like,
imagine if I was in a well in the basement.
- Yeah.
- Right?
- And you're like, what would you have throw down?
You get two things thrown into the well.
- Oh shit.
Um, oh shit, yeah.
Oh, so I would lube.
- No, no, no, no, that's not good.
- I mean, if you're gonna also use it as a beverage,
I think it's fine.
- You're right, you're right.
Two things out, water.
- Yeah, that's good.
- And then food.
- Oh yeah.
- Like Jersey, Jersey Mike's.
- Or seeds, plant your own.
- Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
- Ooh, but you don't have a,
it depends on how long it takes to grow.
- Or you could also eat the fingernails
that are in the fucking, right?
That's protein, right?
Is that protein?
- Yeah.
- The fingernails, right?
And eat them, you know what I mean?
- A little bit of wall caviar, huh?
- Yeah, I would be so frightened.
Would you be frightened?
- Oh, I would be so scared, dude.
And I would probably, what would I do down there?
Sing a lot.
And you'd have to hold your pee-pee or your-
- There's an echo, so what song would you hear sing?
- I would sing, um.
- I know what?
- Oh, Little Town of Bethlehem.
- That's a good one.
For me, Edelweiss.
- Edelweiss?
- Imagine, I'm in a well and I just go,
Edelweiss, Edelweiss.
Right?
- You get a shrimp and they just throw a shrimp.
- With a shrimp down there?
- Yeah.
- They catch it like a fucking walrus, okay.
Thank you.