Name: Theo and Bert Made a TV Pilot That Was Too Insane to Air
Uploaded: 2025-02-25T23:06:55.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Theo and Bert Made a TV Pilot That Was Too Insane to Air' from Theo Von Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-02-25. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Theo and Bert Made a TV Pilot That Was Too Insane to Air' from Theo Von Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-02-25. Transcript available.

- Hey, wait, were you using drugs
when we did that fraternity pilot?
- Let me think, oh, remember that thing, dude?
- Yeah, I tried to buy it.
- That pilot?
- Yeah.
- 'Cause I think Bunda Murray's collapsed, right?
- Yeah, I think, yeah, I don't know what happened yet,
but 'cause the pilot was what?
It was three guys were going back to college.
It was kind of based on--
- Old school.
- Old school.
- I think it was called old school.
- Three guys were going back to college, was that it?
- No, no, no, no, no.
Me, you, and Brett Ernst were starting a fraternity.
- Starting a fraternity.
- For people out of college.
- Yeah.
- And man, we did not think that through.
- No.
- We just put it in fucking Craigslist, right?
- Yeah, remember that one guy finally kissed that hook
or whatever and his fucking glasses steamed up.
Remember, Ernie?
Remember that guy?
Dude, a couple of those guys--
- Hold on, hold on, you're underselling what we did.
Have we talked about this?
Hold on, so it was, I'm just gonna set the scene,
'cause this was the funniest pilot I've ever been a part of.
- Okay.
- Me, you, and Brett Ernst.
- Yeah.
- We were the hosts and executive producers.
- Oh wow.
- So if you don't remember that?
- I don't think I got that good of a deal,
but let's keep going.
- Well, I think it might've, if I'm not mistaken,
I think I was, I might've been the one that was like,
'cause I had like headsets in, and I was talking to producers,
and it was all our ideas.
So we were like, all right, we're gonna get these out,
put it in Craigslist, we'll get a fucking party bus,
put it in Craigslist, if we get anyone that applies,
we'll take 'em.
- No fucking background checks, none.
Do you remember that?
- Yeah, I remember, remember that one guy showed up, he was a--
- PTSD.
- Oh, well, oh yeah.
- He had PTSD, and he'd wake up in the middle of the night,
and Marine crawled around the fucking house
to check the perimeter.
- Oh, do you remember that guy?
- The little guy that didn't speak English,
threw up in the fucking, in the garbage can,
and we couldn't get him out.
- Well, that guy was a ninja, remember?
He was a full-time ninja, he said.
- Yeah, yeah. - And we're like, where?
- He was a full-time fucking ninja.
- Yeah.
- And then there was the guy you championed,
and you were trying to get a laid,
he made out with a chick, his team, dude,
one dude cheated on his wife,
and he was like, "I think I just ruined my life,"
and we're like, "Ahhh."
And so, hold on, hold on, this is the best,
is we wanted to have a party for them,
but we didn't know how to get chicks,
so we just hired prostitutes.
- Yes, we hired real prostitutes, dude,
and that one guy--
- Everyone was getting laid,
but it was because we paid for them.
Everyone was like, "This is great."
- Do you remember our band?
Do you remember the band?
- Uh-uh.
- Dio.
- Oh, was it that all-female band?
- With tape over their nipples and their pussies.
- Yeah, Harlow, wasn't that their name?
- You remember their name?
- I think that was them.
- Google them, Harlow.
They had Jack Daniels and pillows,
and they created a pillow flight,
feathers went everywhere,
and they'd spit Jack Daniels in our mouths.
That's how the pilot opened.
"My name's Bert Kreischer,
me and my two best friends are starting a fraternity.
It's gonna get wild."
And the girl spit vodka in my mouth,
and I was like, "I'm married with two kids."
- Yeah.
- Dude, that was, is that, no, that's not them.
- I don't know if that was them.
Harlow was a girl band, I thought.
Oh, that's them.
- That's them.
- Yeah, dude, they were cute.
- Oh, they were fucking killer.
- They were hot, too, dude.
- I remember the executive producer came out to the pool.
All the prostitutes are naked.
They're all in the pool.
I'm in the pool in pajamas,
and everyone's, and the producer is one of these guys.
He goes, "I can't use any of this."
I remember the sound guy was like,
"Hey, you wanna hear something?"
I was like, "What's that?"
And he grabs the headsets and he takes them off.
He goes, "Put them on."
I go, "What is that?"
And he goes, "Someone's getting their dick sucked in the bathroom."
- Yeah.
Yeah, dude, I hope it was me, dude.
I'm trying to remember what happened.
- Were you using drugs at the time?
- I don't know, I hope I was.
It sounded like it was a fucking blast, dude.
- Dude, I mean that pilot--
- I don't know if I needed drugs at the time.
That sounds amazing.
- The guy broke the champagne bottle over the goat's head?
- Yeah, yeah, dude, yeah.
- I mean, we fucking beat up those lesbians?
- Yeah.
- It was the fucking wildest show ever.
- One of them fucking asked for it, dude.
- One of the big one asked for it, yes.
- The little one, sure.
- A victim, I'll say that.
- That was the greatest pilot I've ever been a part of.
- I forgot about that.
- That's one, that's one, I mean like--
- Yeah, where we showed up at somebody's, at a place,
we stole that fucking goat, put him on that bus,
and he started shitting in the back of the bus,
and the only person that would go back there and care for him,
he was some like, he was like a third generation veterinarian
or something, that one really white kid.
- Yeah.
- And people kept giving it beer and stuff.
- And we stole the wrong goat.
- We did?
- Yeah, we had, we had an address that we were gonna pull over
and we had already arranged to take their goat
and give it back to them, like production-wise.
So we pulled over to piss, and the fucking Irish kid,
do you remember the Irish kid?
Is his name Killian?
- Oh, yeah.
- I think he was a comic.
- Killian?
No, Killian's just the name of a beer.
- I thought that was his name.
- Sheamus.
- Sheamus?
Sheamus?
- It wasn't him.
It was a fella named Sheamus.
I think he probably passed.
I don't know if he passed.
- A couple of them.
A lot of those guys are dead.
- Sheamus O'Farrell.
Is that him?
- A lot of guys that were in that pilot died.
- Yeah.
- 'Cause I was in a Facebook group with him,
and like the big guy, or like the big guy, he passed.
- Remember him?
- He had two kids.
- Oh, did he?
- Yeah, he was a fucking--
- He had two lunches too, I remember that.
He fucking, he did not make it that long.
I was like, dude, you can't have two lunches.
'Cause he would have lunch and then wait a little while
and pretend like he hadn't had lunch, I remember.
- He's like, wait, are they serving?
- Yeah.
- We're like, yeah.
What are they serving?
Like, you just ate it.
- Yeah, yeah, dude.
It was just that reverse,
he would use reverse psychology with his own stomach or whatever.
- I mean, that was the funnest.
Like, I always say like--
- I forgot about that.
- Yeah, yeah.