Name: Chelsea Handler Talks About Her Teenage Years
Uploaded: 2025-03-26T16:10:01.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Chelsea Handler Talks About Her Teenage Years' from Theo Von Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-03-26. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Chelsea Handler Talks About Her Teenage Years' from Theo Von Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-03-26. Transcript available.

was there moments when you were a kid that you actually did feel like a kid
like when you kind
of look back right like because i always felt kind of like wet cement i felt
like i was always
having to manage myself there was so much going on like on the inside and
outside i never felt
like super reliable in my own footing and stuff but when you look back on your
life were there
moments where you actually felt like okay i was just kind of a kid there you
know as opposed to
being like the like um somebody who had to be on top of everything like does
that make any sense
yeah of course no i definitely felt like a kid like i was you know i was a kid
i i had all those
kid experiences but there was always a sense of when you're the youngest of six
children how many
kids do you have in your family yeah we had four and you're the what number
second one okay but it
was bad i mean it was just our family's just weird but but yeah i knew you were
the last one yeah and
when you're the last one you are you absorb first of all you grow up in two
seconds because everyone
else is fucking and smoking weed and you're hearing conversations that little
children aren't supposed
to hear so you're mature right away because you're like oh yeah like you know i
knew about anal sex
when i was like six i was like god i can't wait to try that you know like you
you're you're just
mature in different ways and you know not that anal is a sign of maturity but
you know it's one sign of
just knowing too much too soon it's considered a vacation in some religions
well yeah and for some
people yeah but um i i definitely had childlike experiences for sure and i had
my brothers and
sisters were all pretty tight so they kind of did raise me and they kind of
brought me along with
them it's many like different things but i was always ahead of my age group
yeah i and even when
i dated guys in high school like it was illegal the men that i was dating you
know they were in their
20s and i was a teenager like i could totally put them in jail for statutory
except i seduced all of
them you know there's nothing i would ever do it's like it's my fault when
people like it's not your
fault these men should never have been with a girl that age i'm like you don't
understand what i was
like when i was fucking 16 i was like 45 so they didn't have a chance like
young menopause that's
kind of crazy that's hilarious um do you what was like a first date do you that
you remember do you
remember going on like a first date with somebody i remember going to martha's
vineyard i was my parents
had a summer house in martha's vineyard that makes it sound like we were really
wealthy we were right
i heard you say them on your special yeah my dad just was a used car dealer so
i'm not even sure
you know how he got that house but he got it and and he my sister and i went oh
there was this guy
his name was uh justin chu i believe and japanese guy no no america he looked
like brad pitt that's
what was so interesting about the whole thing so he was at this hotel in martha's
vineyard and i would go
there i was like uh probably 10 but passing is like 15 16 long 10 a tall 10 10
had boobs everything's
coming together great and i would go to this hotel pool and just like cruise
you know for guys like
at 10 years old i was like i gotta find a boyfriend you know and who are these
other people that are on
vacation and this guy looked like brad pitt he was so good looking and i was
you know flirting with him
and oh no i think maybe i was maybe i was maybe i was i don't know i probably
wasn't 10 but i was
young young too young to be on a date probably and i went on a date with him
and a very you know like
uh innocent date where'd y'all go do you remember do you just go for a walk
just went out somewhere in
martha's vineyard like there's a lot of kids hanging around at night so i'm
sure we were just
like walking through main street or something kennedy's or something something
pretty yeah something
pretty innocent and then he kissed me when i came back he kissed me and he put
his tongue in my mouth
and i had never been more repulsed in my life my sister picked me up my older
sister simone picked
me up at the harborview hotel and i got in the car i'm like i'm a lesbian i i
can't believe how
disgusting that was i can't believe some man just put his tongue in my mouth
and she's like
everyone thinks that the first time like you're gonna like that when you're
older you're just too
young and i'm like i'll never like that and i'm a lesbian and she's like you're
not gonna like
what that entails either like if you didn't like a tongue in your mouth you're
certainly not gonna
like a in your mouth so she wasn't wrong um i do like men and i've continued to
like them since that
time but um yeah it was a it wasn't a yeah and then after that i was very fast
you know like i started
having boyfriends when i was 13 14 years old having sex like when i was 14 15
years old and uh then i
just went off the rails pretty much my teenage years were like pregnant stuff
like that like you got
pregnant yeah oh dang and oh wow you did it more than once that's all yeah it
seems like a pretty
you know a lot um for like a younger person but um did they and how did you met
what do you do back
then if you're pregnant or you get an abortion you do no way they were legal
like cider house rule
style or what'd you do no no my parents basically were like come with us you're
getting an abortion
and i was like what do you mean do they do it in i any state it was legal
everywhere like you know
it was massachusetts so i got an abortion there i think i got one in new jersey
too i had a couple
of abortions um with the same boyfriend each time it was the same guy but my
parents were horrified by
my behavior they were like i was excited when the first time i got pregnant i'm
like this is great
i'll have a baby hopefully it will be twins like i can raise a family i had a
black boyfriend i was
like tyshawn meanwhile he ended up going to prison for 10 years for being a
drug dealer so
did he do it uh did he was he a drug dealer yeah yeah and um so i was just that
kind of teenager
really out of control really rebellious my brother died when i was nine and
then like after that period
of time i was just the i was rebellious like mad angry and no outlet you know
and so i just did
anything i could to piss my parents off especially my father i had a like a
specific issue with him
yeah um the feeling i watched some of the feeling i love like what's one of the
lines you had early
in it it was like um even at seven i was looking for a bar i think that's one
of the lines you have
in it yes about just being young it seemed like you were born like i could
relate to it so much like
like immediately even though in the some of the stories you start telling uh in
the new special it's like
you are a adult i was born as a woman yes yeah i was when i was born i was
pissed yeah i was pissed
and i was a woman and i felt like i was trapped in a little baby's body with it
that was chubby
and being tossed around like some sort of party favor and i wanted to be a
businesswoman yeah i realized
right away that my family was not gonna cut it incompetent employees incompetent
too many people
already there were like five other kids i'm like where are these fucking kids
coming from no union
why why yeah unions yeah exactly i wanted to be i wanted to head up a union and
i just couldn't
believe the the the lack of like a savings account or financial plan and my dad
seemed like he was a
bit of a hot mess my mom was sleeping a lot and i just was like this family is
not up to stuff like
i had bigger ideas for myself yes it's i could relate to that so much like i
just felt like i was born
into a place where like it was almost like i was born into like a a job like a
job position that i
didn't apply for and there was no like clear rules of employment on the wall
the hours were super
fucking vague you didn't exactly know who was in charge but you had to be at
work every day that's
kind of like how i felt so when you were talking about that um some of the
early stories you're
talking about i could just relate to that so much yeah my dad was also like i
had such a mouth on me
from such a young age because i really did feel like a woman i wanted to i was
like when am i when
do i get to get out of here like where's my apartment i want to start working
like i wanted
to start a business and my dad couldn't understand he was like what what who is
this little like why
won't she shut the up and i mean and he tried everything to like bring me down
you know so we
would but not bring me down but keep me in my place like put me in my place
like no girl talks like
you're too loud you're too abrasive and all of these things and meanwhile my
dad was all of those
things loud abrasive it's like that's where i got it from yeah but so we didn't
we did not see eye to
eye for a very long time