Name: Caller Tells Theo He Got His 1st Cousin Pregnant
Uploaded: 2025-04-02T01:42:50.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Caller Tells Theo He Got His 1st Cousin Pregnant' from Theo Von Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-04-02. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Caller Tells Theo He Got His 1st Cousin Pregnant' from Theo Von Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-04-02. Transcript available.

Hey, Theo. My name is actually Theo as well.
Oh, hello, Theo. Good to meet the others. Onward.
I got a situation here. I've been talking to this girl for like two years, and
it turns out I got her pregnant.
After that all happened, the word got around, and somehow it turns out that she's
my first cousin.
Any advice would help, and thank you so much.
Wow. Dang, brother. That's, ooh. You're going to be raising a dang lizard, homie.
Wow, brother. Good golly. That's like shooting fish in a family or whatever.
I don't know. I mean, I haven't looked at a chart recently. I don't know the
genetic legalities of that.
But, dude, yeah, I mean, they say, you know, don't pee where, or don't eat
where you, or don't piss where your family is or whatever.
Whatever that old saying is, dude. I feel like you've gone past that at this
point.
God, that thing's going to have, you're going to need, yeah, you're going to
need a farrier to come and put shoes on that thing.
I'm just chirping you. I'm just chirping you, dude.
Look, I feel you. Look, it's having a child with a cousin, I think, at the very
least, it's going to need glasses.
That thing is going to need bifocals, brother, you know?
I mean, you're just playing Russian roulette with your DNA right there.
But at the same time, man, I don't want to scare you, you know?
And I do believe, I'm kind of chirping you there still, but I believe that
everything is going to be fine, you know?
I believe that everything is going to be fine.
I think monitor the child's gestation closely.
Make sure it's tracking.
You know, make sure that it has everything it needs.
Because it is, bring it up.
Can you, who can, can you have a child with your cousin or not?
Let's, now that's just a poll.
That says 40% say yes.
But do you have any information on that?
Oh, I should look it up.
Who the hell am I even talking to?
Dear God, out of my mind today.
Can you have a child with one cousin?
Ooh, yes, it is physically possible for first cousins to have children.
But it is important to understand that such relationships carry a slightly
elevated risk of genetic disorders compared to unrelated parents, brother.
So, I'm just saying not everybody, you know, you know, some people like things
different, you know?
Some people like pickles on their chili.
You feel me?
So, it's, yeah, I think you got to make sure that when that baby, right out the
gate, put that baby on a damn, you know, let some other people look at it and
sign off on that bastard right out the gate, homie.
And definitely, you know, I would make sure, you know, make sure it doesn't
stand straight up when the moon is full and shit like that when it's real young.
Just, I'd keep tabs on it.
I'd hit a couple high notes near it on an instrument and see if it fucking, see
if its eyes turn red or anything.
But you're just going to have to keep tabs on it.
But you're just going to have to keep tabs on it because that's risky.
And look, a lot of people have good-looking cousins, let's say that.
But not a lot of them are as brave as you, brother.
So, yeah, I would just stay conscious of that and recognize you have an at-risk
child.
Hire a night nurse or lifeguard or whatever you got to get.
Sometimes lifeguards will work overnight.
They're cheaper.
They're, you know, they know CPR.
They don't know a lot of the shit that the nannies know, but they're still
there.
Got a whistle.
So, yeah, I think just, yeah, just stay safe, brother.
And I would back off that type of behavior.
You know, if you win this round of DNA roulette, brother, just, I'd leave the
rest of the bullets in the chamber, baby, when it comes to family.
Man, and look, hey, bud, I can't tell you, to be honest with you, if I'd have
had a really good-looking cousin.
TBD, homie.
So, the Lord don't give you what you can't handle, you know.
But I'm just saying, yeah, just get out, you know.
Just meet somebody else.
Meet somebody.
You know, because if you're dating your cousin, you're not even getting out
there.
You're not even getting out there.
But maybe you're getting married to your cousin.
I don't look, brother.
I don't know.
I would ask probably a state official or somebody.
I would ask a pastor about this one.