Name: Mike Rowe Remembers His QVC Days
Uploaded: 2025-04-23T13:01:32.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Mike Rowe Remembers His QVC Days' from Theo Von Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-04-23. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Mike Rowe Remembers His QVC Days' from Theo Von Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-04-23. Transcript available.

I don't know if this happens to you, like you see yourself maybe on YouTube and
it's clearly you, right?
This is a thing.
You're like, you don't dispute it.
It's you.
You did whatever it is, whatever conversation you're having.
Yeah.
But you don't have any real recollection of the conversation.
Yeah.
You're just seeing yourself, right?
Like this happened to me a lot years ago when people started uploading these
incidents on QVC.
Like in the middle of the night where I'd been fired for various inappropriate
interactions with the product.
Oh, you were on QVC?
Oh, yeah.
Yeah.
But when I look at those old clips and I can't deny that it's me, but I have
absolutely no idea what's going to happen or what I'm going to say next.
It's very unusual.
It's like biting your lip.
Yeah.
Because there's nothing you do about it.
You just sit there and you watch yourself doing things you don't remember doing.
And you just hope to God you don't blow it.
I didn't know you got involved in this.
I'm seriously involved.
This is the dark arts.
Selling jewelry to people that are high on sleeping pills.
Yeah.
I mean, they're lonely hearts.
They're, you know, look at my nails, so nicely manicured and all that.
That was 1989.
That's you selling those?
Or 90.
Were you going to a poison concert?
What were you even wearing those for?
You know, I mean, as long as you're going to do it, find the cat sack.
That's when I knew my life had taken a weird turn.
This was 1990.
It was my first job in TV.
Was it really?
That's crazy.
Like, I didn't even know that.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah.
Oh, my gosh.
Look at you.
Look at that.
Right.
Where were you from?
Transylvania?
So, this is a lava lamp, right?
And I'm, I have no idea how to behave.
I just want to know if it's really hot.
Well, guess what, dude?
It's hot, man.
Put two creamers in it.
It's like, that lava.
I mean, obviously, it's not really lava.
It's magma.
Nuh-uh.
No.
That's not lava?
I open this thing up on the air just because it's three in the morning, right?
And you're just trying to make sense out of whatever they bring you next.
It could be the Amcor negative ion generator.
It could be the health team infrared pain reliever.
It could be a lava lamp.
Oh, yeah.
It could be a child's diaper that sorts coins.
They brought me a cat sack.
K-A-T-S-A-K.
It's a cat sack.
I thought it was a joke.
It's not.
It's like a grocery bag lined with mylar, right?
And your cat crawls in it.
It makes a crinkling sound, and cats love it.
Oh, that's nice.
So, this is the kind of thing, man.
You just – I would sit there for three hours in the middle of the night
trying to – there was no training program or anything.
You know, they would just bring you these things that looked like you'd get
them out of that machine on the carnival midway with the claw.
Oh, yeah.
You know, it was really just stuff that had failed to sell in prime time.
And so, if you're new, there's no training program.
They just put you on in the middle of the night, and they just bring you the
stuff, man.
One thing after the next, and you talk for eight minutes.
I love that.
We should bring that back.
What if we brought something like that back?
Well, I mean, QVC is still on.
It's just that back in those days, no one really knew about it.
They didn't have any big vendors or anything.
Today, you know, they do $6, $7 billion a year.
Do they really?
Giant.
It's huge.
Home shopping is huge.
I wonder if we should – what if we did a fun one on, like, YouTube, and we
sold American – products that were American-made, Mike?
I'm in.
I'm in.
Look, there are no new ideas.
Like, I joked the last time I was at your pad in Nashville.
It was like, I really felt like you had tapped into, like, a Wayne's World
meets Charlie Rose, right?
And so, all those old ideas will come back.
Telethons will come back.
Oh, I love that.
Home shopping never really went away.
Telethons were great, though.
You'd call up, and you'd be like, who's crippled?
Sometimes my stepdad would get drunk or whatever.
Right.
And he'd, like, want to impress on mom, so he'd ring up one of those telethons
that we're on just to – he'd be like, all right, hey, it's Randy.
Who's crippled over there?
And they'd, like, tell you who's crippled or whatever, and he'd be like, put $30
on that one.
Well, do you remember Jerry Lewis doing the telethons?
Yep.
Jerry's kids.
Jerry's kids.
He was real.
I mean, he raised, like, a lot of money.
He did a lot of good in that world.
But you got in 36 hours into a telethon, right?
You've been up 36 hours.
Yeah, you're on QVC, man.
That's – and I did – there were times on QVC where it snowed and, like, the
next ghost couldn't come in.
So when you're – when you've been up for that long and you're on live TV and
they bring you, like, a collectible doll.
Yeah.
And you're hallucinating.
And you don't even understand that people collect dolls, but they do, right?
They do.
Yeah.
And so you're just sitting there, like, this doll would be next to me and her
name would be Rachel and she'd be dressed up like a tramp from Little Women or
something.
Oh, yeah.
And you just give them stories, you know?
Pride and prejudice.
Exactly.
I loved him as he loved me.
So Emily Bronte.
Or was it Charlotte?
Oh, I'm not sure.
I think they've dated for a while.
I'm not sure who was – they may have – one of them took the other one's
name.
Well, this is – like, what you just did is exactly what I would do every
night.
It was free associating over whatever they brought.
I wasn't a very good salesman, but I was good at, like, starting sentences with
no clear end and just keep going.
Yeah.
So the next thing you know, you're giving these dolls, like, very elaborate
backstories, you know?
Like, you know, she's a doll that gives you just a hint of possibility.
She says no, but there's yes, yes in those eyes.
And then the camera guy pushes in close, really close.
And I'm sitting here like this looking at a monitor, looking at myself, looking
at the doll, and a million people are watching.
Yeah, like she's new in town.
She's new in town, and she's keen to make some friends, and there's really no
telling how far she'll go or how far you'll let her.
Because it's really up to you, caller.
For three easy payments at $29.95, young Rachel here will be on her way to you.
And whatever you do with her and the privacy of your own curio is between you
and your Lord.
And I'm just here to tell you that she's on sale, and she looks like a sport.
All righty.
What's next?
Next up, Mike, we actually have the Princess Diana Beanie Babies that are in
town.
Hey, that's fantastic, Theo.
They're just passing through, actually.
Mike, there's not many of them.
Well, you know, aren't we all just passing through, Theo?
When you really think about it, this whole notion of permanence as it relates
to porcelain dolls.
I think that's something we can dive into to kill three, four, maybe five
minutes.
Oh, I believe that.
And I'll tell you this, that these Beanie Babies are stuffed with, what's the,
it's not cotton.
What is it?
It's styrofoam, Theo.
Oh, yeah, styrofoam.
They're stuffed with styrofoam.
And I'll tell you, it was a bold move on a manufacturer.
A Russian cotton, as they call it.
That's right, because when you get it wet, it swells up a little bit, like
those nesting dolls in reverse.
When you see that little Princess Diana Beanie Baby swell up like a tick, your
heart's going to beat with anticipation and wonder about what could possibly
happen next.
Yep, and we also, she comes, if you buy her now, she comes with these two CIA
dolls.
We're not saying anything.
You say potato, I say Mossad.
I say cavity search, because with the Beanie Baby, it's really your property.
That's the beauty, especially the Princess Diana Beanie Babies, because with a
touch of royalty, well, they're dressed in purple, too.
The color of kings, Theo.
Oh, say it, Mike.
And if you order right now, within the next 44 seconds, both of these CIA Beanie
Babies will be stuffed with pure polyester, or gay cotton, as they call it in
some circles.
That's right.
And for this week, just to mix things up a little bit, each one of these Beanie
Babies, every one out of 100, will be stuffed with cocaine.
Oh, wow.
So it's really going to shake things up, because who knows who's going to get
it, and who knows what's going to happen next.
Oh, I wouldn't put it in a baby's crib unless you want him to walk this week.
That's what I'd say.
I just bit my lip.
I'm going to put two creamers inside of myself.
I don't know if I'm going to put two creamers inside of myself.
I don't know if I'm going to put two creamers inside of myself.
I don't know if I'm going to put two creamers inside of myself.
I don't know if I'm going to put two creamers inside of myself.
I don't know if I'm going to put two creamers inside of myself.
I don't know if I'm going to put two creamers inside of myself.
I don't know if I'm going to put two creamers inside of myself.
I don't know if I'm going to put two creamers inside of myself.
I don't know if I'm going to put two creamers inside of myself.
I don't know if I'm going to put two creamers inside of myself.
I don't know if I'm going to put two creamers inside of myself.
I don't know if I'm going to put two creamers inside of myself.
I don't know if I'm going to put two creamers inside of myself.
I don't know if I'm going to put two creamers inside of myself.
I don't know if I'm going to put two creamers inside of myself.
I don't know if I'm going to put two creamers inside of myself.
I don't know if I'm going to put two creamers inside of myself.
I don't know if I'm going to put two creamers inside of myself.
I don't know if I'm going to put two creamers inside of myself.