Name: Caller Finds Out He Secretly Fathered a Child
Uploaded: 2025-06-26T16:45:05.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Caller Finds Out He Secretly Fathered a Child' from Theo Von Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-06-26. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Caller Finds Out He Secretly Fathered a Child' from Theo Von Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-06-26. Transcript available.

Let's get another call in here.
Yo, what up, Theo?
This is your boy.
I'm going to keep this one anonymous for obvious reasons here in a bit.
But I just want to give you a call and see if you had any suggestions for me.
This morning, I received a message from somebody that I had made love to about
two years ago.
Oh, yeah.
Honestly, at one point, this woman, she was my boss.
She's about 10 years older than me, I believe.
Okay.
You climbing the corporate vagina, brother.
All right.
Onward.
Got a message this morning that she says there's about a 75% chance that her
one-year-old daughter is my daughter.
And I asked her, well, what's this other 25% chance?
Is that just a soft and a blow or what?
She's like, yeah, there's a 10% chance that it was my ex.
I don't even know if she had a boyfriend at the time when we did it, but maybe.
But, yeah, it was just to kind of soften the blow.
And so, obviously, I'm going to do a paternity test.
But I'm 25 years old.
She lives in a different state, thousands of miles away from me.
I asked her what she would expect if I am the father.
And she says, I'm not planning on changing anything.
It's up to me.
But she's going to be happy, healthy, and well taken care of, which I truly do
believe.
But I don't know.
I just don't know what to do.
Like, I feel like I myself had both parents growing up, and I'm fucked up as is.
And I can't imagine bringing a baby into this world and just leaving her out
there high and dry without a father.
Yeah, you're saying you can't imagine that, right?
So, it sounds like from hearing you that that's not part of you.
That's not part of the plan that you want.
So, I think starting from there, you'll be able to figure this out, man.
I wish I had more of a suggestion to you.
Actually, I'm going to open this up just to callers.
I know maybe that's impersonal because it's your call.
But I think this is important.
If somebody's in this situation, if you've been in this situation before, what
did you do?
And if you made mistakes and you were in this situation, what were those
mistakes?
You know, I think this is an opportunity to share those.
And we can do a follow-up call on the next solo episode where we'll package
some of those answers up for you.
But just hang in there right now, man.
Hang in there.
Take care of yourself.
And I would just try to also live in, like, you know, get information so you're
gathering.
You know, you have real-time information.
What's going on?
Is this really, you know, if you have a paternity test, is that really your
child?
You know, figure those things out so that you can be at least operating from a
place of real information.
And then you're not just living in your head as much.
But I can't tell you a ton because I don't have experience right there.
But I have had experience thinking that I might have had someone who's pregnant,
and that can be very tough.
It can be scary.
It can be very scary.
Even if that person's a great person, it still can be very scary.
And especially if you're going to be in a place that's far away.
But everything is – if there's a problem, you can usually fix it, right?
If there's a situation, you can usually figure it out.
So, and even by calling, man, I think it shows kind of where you're at.
You're already in a space where you want to start to figure this out, you know,
for yourself and possibly for your future child.
So, yeah, thank you for calling, man.
And, yeah, we'll put some together.
It might be a few weeks before we get that episode out.
Just to let you know, it could be a month to that next solo.
But, yeah.
But love you, bro.
And hang in there.
Thank you.